Trapped in The Past, I Just Can't Move On

"All I wanna do is find a waaay back into looveeee"

God, this song is STILL stuck in my head until now.

Anyways, school ended the way I wanted it to be yesterday. I mean, I wanted to cry. My class this year was truly unbelievable. 3-6 is probably the coolest class I've been into. I had so many friends, and it's like I can talk about anything to anyone. There maybe groups in the class, but nevertheless, communication is still evident.

I don't know to any of my classmates, but I surely DO love them ALL. I was waiting outside room 10 yesterday because Raia sort of prepared a video for us, when Charisse stopped in front of me and asked me, "Lorainne, ma-mimiss mo ba ko?" I was so touched and said "Oo naman" without any hesitation.

To Bach, Fides, Kate, Anne, Jassie, Frances, Larissa, Jam, and Kim...

Even though we guys aren't close, I want to say a BIG thank you for being a part of my junior year of my high school life. You guys will always have this space in my heart even though we don't really communicate. Love you guys!

To Ysabel..

Thank you for being my seatmate last 1st quarter (as if you have a choice). Even though we aren't close, I would like to say that I enjoyed your company during our seatmate days because you are awfully quiet that you really made me concentrate on my studies more.

To Darlene..

Thank you for being a good seatmate for 2 quarters. Sorry if I sometimes backstab you or something, but that's just because I can't accept the fact you're my seatmate back then. And now, I've learned my lesson. Counting Crows was right. "You don't know what you got, till it's gone." You wanna know why? You made my grades soar up. That is really beneficial to me. So, thanks again.

To Pat, Chesca, Louise, Jerika, Danica, and Ellen..

Thank you guys for being my friends, and understanding who I really am. Thank you for studying with me, and showing me what's right and what's wrong. Because of your guidance towards me, I learned to step up on my own every now and then.

To Rielle, and Mariella...

Wala talagang tatalo sa inyo. You guys always made my day when I'm down or just simply HB-ed by how the life goes. Sana classmates ko kayo ulet next year. And then we'll have our unwinding place again..haha.

To Charlene..

Every now and then, we have to separate ways. We just can't stay as classmates, and enjoy each other's company forever. We have to know other people and share beautiful experiences with them. But one thing's for sure: I hope you'll always stay the same. Even though we'll probably part ways next year, I just want to say that I wouldn't be able to complete this year without you. You helped me in everything, even in the most ups and downs of our school days. Tangrams, Vid Prod, and Noli..you name it. You wanna know why this year went so fast? It's because we had so much fun thinking of our bazillion problems that we weren't able to observe that time flew THAT fast.


I WILL MISS YOU GUYS. :'c

To Monica..

Thank you for always being there for me. I told mom that you are a potential best friend, but you just can't be one because best friends became best enemies. Wanna be my sister instead? You can have my brothers if you want. hahaha.

I WILL NOT MISS YOU MONICA. Haha. Kase naman andyan lang bahay mo eh. hahah.

Goodbye 3rd year life!

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I have a new gadget.

Oh yessir! It's an iPod Video!

1 more week

I shall call this week "mid-hiatus".

Alas! There will be only 3 things I shall accomplish to therefore complete my Junior year in school. And those are:

-my clearance (I need my missing ID to be replaced, and my GIFT teacher's sign still.)
-Chemistry IP (Ok. So this isn't really a problem compared to other rooms, I mean, we're just testing colors, for chrissakes.)
-Final exams (This would rather embark the period that would end the very very very long sentence that I've been going through in my Junior year.)

This quarter isn't going to be good. All of my quiz scores are extremely going down (except for Trigo and CL..haha), and I've been cramming almost everyday. I've been so stressed that dandruffs are now officially back on my scalp, and I now have this big bald spot on the right side of my head. Damn this poknat.

Well, whatever. As of now, I can say that I don't care anymore about my grades, except for my grades in History. SOME people are making me feel bad about my dumb personality, and they're making me have habitual suicidal thoughts. I don't know about YOU PEOPLE, but I am a tough nut to break. Try using your fangs to break me out instead.

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50% of the population of our household consists of animals(including my brothers). And you can now definitely call it a zoo.

We have a new pair of lovebirds, 2 dogs, 2 aquariums of fishes, and 6 evil hamsters. Oh they're evil all right.

And now, I'll tell you the lovebird story. It's pretty connected to real life, actually.

December last year, my mom brought 2 pairs of lovebirds. And then they were seperated into cages because the other pair are african lovebirds, which are known to be super disturbances among lovebirds.

Now the african girl lovebird escaped, and all was left in the cage was the male one. My mom really made the mistake to put the male one in the other cage were the other pair was staying in.

And so, the african bird wanted the girl lovebird in the new cage he was in. But because that girl lovebird already has a relationship with the male one, the african male just can't flirt easily with the female bird.

And everyday, as I go outside to get into the car to go to school, I would always see the 2 male birds fighting and pecking and biting themselves. It is pretty distracting, as I have experienced it.

But one day, as I arrived from school, I saw the two male lovebirds lifeless in the cage, and the female one in the birdhouse. I gaped at the scene, trying to figure out what happened. I called my mom and we all wondered what happened.

What happened? go figure.

And after 2 days, the female bird committed suicide.

Tragic, isn't it?

Talk and Talk.

Ayu and I were talking about our very big GIFT problem last Thursday night. The big surprise was when we actually talked to our GIFT moderator and said sorry for not attending GIFT.

Ayu's excuse:

Her stepmom always uses the car every thursday. And to conclude it, she doesn't have any other car to use as transporation to go back home on Thursday.

My lame-ass excuse:

THIS IS ACTUALLY TRUE.
RIght before GIFT time, I have a swimming class. And by swimming, we mean bad-ass cramps going on my legs. I think that's soo bad.


well, we managed to talk to the moderator. And by golly! She understood every word we said! Hallelujah!



I'm actually happy now.

I am terribly happy. Except for one thing,,,,

This day is probably the only day I was able to figuratively breath amidst the nose-wrenching stench that I can smell right now. But the point is, there are only two things on my mind right now that can hinder me from being free and happy as I want myself to be. And those are: our Filipino Chamber Theatre and and the final examination. God I want this year to end. And then I can choose to either go to the BARCODE party or go to Davao on the 16th.

I have nothing good to tell you right now besides the fact that I'm really happy. So, let's reminisce!

When I was in grade school in which I studied in this particular co-ed school, I was known as a pathetic BUT good kickball player. From 4th grade to 5th grade, I was definitely up for MVP. But I was so pathetic that they decided that to let me enter the team was probably the only good idea you can squeeze out.

But when 6th grade came, something went wrong. Before the intrams, my mom bought me new shoes for my sport. It was good, aside from the fact that it's so NOT for girls, and it was 3 sizes bigger than my humongous foot. I was an 8 back then, so my mom therefore got me a schmighty 11.

And so, the game day came. I was nervous as hell.

And when it was my turn, I walked back to gain force as the server served the damn ball.

3....

2....

1....

Up up and away my shoe went. It flew 12 feet above me, and it even smashed me in the head. As part of the scene, everybody laughed. I was terribly ashamed as ever, most especially to my crush who was our team captain. After that strikeout, I tied my shoe VERY tightly that my foot became numb.

As I was given my 2nd chance, it happened again.

You wanna know the ending? We actually won 3rd place.

nyahaha.

I Wanna Rock The World

This week is the most HECTIC as far as schoolwork history goes. Well, you can blame that dipshit video production in History. And all I learn from this crap is to NEVER EVER CRAM AGAIN. Or you'll suffer as much as Charlene and I do.

It's like I'm alive again, with no bars or anything that would hinder me from having my "me" time. That stupid video production trapped me from my usual doings in life, and all I could do was to make my life problematic because of it. But now it's gooone, HALLELUJAH to the LORD.

Let's make a video production again, shall we? *BLEECH*

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Lately, I've been thinking too much of next school year. I guess I'm overhearing too much of my upperclassmen busmates' conversations. They're all talking about being wait-listed, letter of appeals, recommendations, theses, and much much more college stuffs. Yeah well I guess I'm not up and ready for the next challenge. I'm not as bad-assed as any nerdy high schooler would be, but I know that least I would pass in ONE college.

Here's my course of choice:

If I pass in ADMU
I would take up European Studies in Business and International Relations track, History, Applied Computer Systems, or Electronics and Communication Engineering

If I pass in DLSU
I would take up B.S. Computer Science with specialization in Software Technology (ST), AB major in History, AB International Studies, major in European, American and Japanese Studies, BS Electronic and Communications Engineering, BS Civil Engineering, BS Industrial Management Engineering minor in Information Technology (BS IME-IT), BS Computer Engineering (CPE), or BSE major in Mathematics with specialization in Computer Application.

If I pass in UP-D
I would take up nothing because the chances of me, passing UPCAT, is .00000000000000001%. I'd die if I pass UPCAT.

If I pass in UST
I would only take up AB in Asian Studies.

If I pass in UA&P
I would take up Civilization programs and Asia-Pacific Studies Program


Yeah well that's up for now.

I Guess I'm Dumped After All

The worst thing that you can probably get before Valentine's Day is rejection. I know, I know. cliche. Again.

Whatever.

Love is a big WHATEVER.

Along with the Siberian wind had my chances of a Valentine gone. Now I know the great feeling of rejection and emptiness. It totally sucks.

Right now I'm hating very much every TWO-TIMERS in this hellhole. They should be executed now. Like, right now.

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This post-prom week was very crucial and tiring. People kept asking.........



I'm not in the mood. I'll just continue this tomorrow.



yadeedadeedaaaaa....I just hope that the RAIN would go away so I could really play..

Prom Escapade.......................not.

Yesterday was the day I've waited since last year to happen and finish off quickly. I haven't been studying because of it. I haven't been thinking anything besides it. It was my arch enemy.

Prom.

I don't really know the stinkin' purpose of this event. I can barely figure out why we have to do this, since this is just like a big gimmick with people in formal wears. We don't even have to practice formality NOT prior to what my T.H.E. teacher said.

Let's see... I bought my dress on the very same day. Everything was just soo hectic because I can't find the perfect dress for my unperfect body. It took me 4 hours to roam around the mall and cry myself out to find a dress. A FUCKING DRESS is all it takes to make me cry.

On a scale of 1-10, I'd rate it 7. 7 for being a little boring and not stag-friendly.

Oh wait. I forgot. I HAD a date. But due to misconnections, he wasn't able to come. And the extra 1000 was really nothing.

I didn't really liked it. But it was okay.
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I'm getting a new haircut later. I spankin' new hairstyle, that is.

Tons of Boring and Excruciating Days

I am extremely sad today. Aside from the fact that Someday by Nina is the song playing on iTunes right now, but also I'm reminded by the fact that we moved to a different room yesterday.

To make the short story shorter, we were apparently forced to move to room 8's room, which is in the main building, because our teacher in Chemistry has a very sensitive pregnancy at the moment and you know.....pregnant women thingy.

Demo rooms are really considered one of those significant rooms in our school, aside from the hell hole e-class, which I was unluckily in last school year. Primarily because these rooms aren't really classrooms in the 1st place. These are used for demonstrating purposes.

At the start of the school year, we were angered by the fact we were in the other half of the demo room. We hated the temporary wall that's separating us from room 7. We hated the very cold climate in our classroom, because it caused our hands to numb until we can't write anymore. We hated the fact that we can hear the other teacher's voice in the other room. We hated every feature of it, except for the sink which came in really handy.

But as we grew inside it, we have learned to love it, and appreciate it. We had learned to love the aircon, because we can open it earlier than other rooms because the biggie is not connected to the school breaker. We had learned to love it because it's totally soundproofed, except when you're in the other half of the demo room. We had learned to love our chairs, which is really good because we have this exceptional space for a pen. We had learned to love our usual tambayan, the jacuzzi, where we usually do our homeworks and a lot of other stuffs.

And now that we've moved, it's totally a different atmosphere. If all of us was driven by our angst like room 7, then we wouldn't move in the 1st place anyway.

But we, 3-6, have to really accept this change we went through. Although it was a great sacrifice, we should keep in mind that we are doing this for the safety of Mrs. Gavino's baby.

but damn! the aircon! please! just give it to us!

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This week has been exceptionally good. No assignments nor projects...no anything!

Yes, I know. It's like a miracle that God sent us after a bunch of prayers or something. Yet I know something is fishy.

Aha. Ok. To go with our traumatic move to another room, our teachers took their revenge and splashed us with a homework tsunami. God, it's awful. It's a wonder I even have time to write here, because I have tons of homeworks to do. Damn I hate revenge!

So there. I gotta go.

Prom dress: check
Prom date: check
Prom payment: remains unchecked FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS
Prom table: remains unsure

Eerie.

Oh goody. I haven't shared anything that would make sense about my life for this year. So let's

Going back to school ain't good. I was very drowsy last Wednesday PROBABLY because I wasn't able to sleep the night or even the early morning before.

But here's the stupid catch. My dad would be arriving on the very same day and all I don't want to do anything but go to the airport to see him. He's my freakin' dad for chrissakes. I haven't seen him for a year.

But then I chose to go to school for fear that Mrs. Gavino would give out something important for Chemistry..or we would at least check those Trigo test papers I'm waiting to see since I've finished it last year. But nooooo. Mrs. Gavino wasn't around, and Mrs. Cruz didn't want us to see our test results for fear that our hearts might break or something. Oh, and instead, we saw the gob smacked results of our Geom exam. Not good.

I badly wanted to go home and fetch my dad. So after the last bell rang, I hurriedly left the classroom, fetched Monica, then rushed down to our bus. And so, I still have to wait for an hour for us to start moving around.

And all went well. When I finally saw my dad, there was this twitchy feeling. Like I'm super anxious and stuff like that. And he was good. I mean I dunno. He's not your typical father. He's not even a father-figure. I mean, how many dads has muscles and dragon tattoos in their body? He's more like a macho dancer or a prosti-dude for me.

When we talk, it's like we're colleagues. We don't talk about school, home or boring stuffs. All we talk about are technical things. Like softwares, hardwares, processors, laptop peripherals, and many more.

And there. Mom says he has lots of money with him, so we have the right to cash him out. But then I thought I didn't have the authority to do so. Why? Duh. MacBook.

Speaking of MacBook, I received the sexy bitch last Thursday and all I can say right now is WOW. I won't go back to using Windows again. Ever. Except for using the internet because I haven't configured the internet setup in my baby. But when it's all finished, it's bye-bye to Bill Gates and hello to Jozniak from now on.

But a very life-threatening problem occured first. My sister and I was gleaming at the laptop when sudddenly she pushed the switch button of the mean machine to ON. I got angry because it says in the booklet that came with it that you weren't supposed to turn it on first, but instead charge it with the MagSafe Power Adapter. Another bad thing led to another, and the next thing I knew, I clicked on the wrong language usage! It was all Japanese shiznits and I panicked like crazy that I cried.

I didn't go to school the next day PARTLY because of it but mainly because of the fever I have(saved!). I googled stuff that would at least make me change the language to English, but it all went to nothing. And so, something pushed me to open it and try to reverse things up. And what do you know? A simple click on that button with an arrow facing on the left had solved it all! Dumbass me.

I'll post the pictures on Multiply tomorrow, and hopefully, you'll see the beauty of it. Seriously.

The Ultimate Year-Ender Post

Well. Here I am, typing my thoughts.

Last thoughts for this year, perhaps.

Anyways, 2006 was a very good year for me. Although it was not for those victims of natural calamities, we have to accept the fact that more or less, this year was a killer for each and every one of us in one way or another.

2006 made me realize that life is shorter than we all thought it was. God probably made it short for us to realize our mistakes, and make up for it in the best way that we could.

But that doesn't really mean that we just have to sit down and unwind for the rest of our lives, and watch Koreanovelas. Yep. Just like what I am doing these past few vacation days. You guessed it right. I made the incumbrate mistake of buying a boxed set of Princess Hours and It Started with A Kiss. And now, I'm hooked like a fish.

Anyways, I liked 2006 a lot. This year made me a lot smarter in much more ways, and made me realize a lot of stuffs that I need to know about. My self-esteem also grew, thanks for this blog that's making me a new and improved person each and everytime I post something here. It's like I removed something from my non-existent brain, and then digitized it for the world to see. That's helluva great.

I am wishing that 2007 would be a much better year. This year would be a total roller coaster. I'm soon gonna be a senior, then off I go to review centers, then to college entrance exams, then finally and hopefully off to college next next year. I'm also wishing that 2007 would finally bring out the competitive person in me, and would finally make me a much more better person because I know that THAt would be nifty in times today.

LORAINNE'S NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION FOR 2007

1. Forget Coke. Forget Sprite. Forget Royal. Forget 7UP. FORGET SODAS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, DAMMIT. I've been making this as a new year's resolution for 5 stinkin' years!

2. Study HARDER. Forget boys, gays, and homos, for that matter. YOU WON'T NEED THEM.

3. Try to meet other friends. (SUPER REDUNDANT.)

4. Lose weight.

5. Lose cellulites.

6. Talk to the long-forgotten swimming coach about swimming again.

7. Talk to those long-forgotten friends I've been checking out on Friendster and laughing out loud to their grammatically wrong sentences. Ex: Busog na me, gutom pa ba you? As if I don't make mistakes.

8. Be a GIRL for a change.

And..that's it. Happy New Year to all of you guys!

And Before Christmas Technically Ends...

I'm gonna post something that would make sense because I'm too happy to not to.


Anyways, I gotta keep this short, because I have to debug all of my browsers because all of them keeps crashing and crashing. It's spyware, I'm afraid. But what can be a solution to it? Even Mr. Norton can't seem to kill the bugs.

This is not really my problem. My dad called lately and told me that my MacBook already arrived and I just have to wait for him to arrive with it on Sunday. SUPER Bummer, I'm tellin 'ya. I won't get to spend much time with it anyway, because 2 days after that and I'm back to hellhole again.

This has got to be the warmest Christmas I've felt in 4 years. I mean, ever since dad scored himself a job in Poland, he wasn't there for us to celebrate the birth of Jesus. He just gets to arrive after Christmas, then off to work again. God, me, and the Grim knows why.

I considered it warm because somehow, I felt the joy of everyone. Like, even though Mom's gifts were a total prank, and the maid refused to open her gift because she seriously thought it was a bomb, all was happy. Everybody smilin', even our dog who was humped really hard by that little chihuahua/dark gremlin. Ahh, the wonders of Christmas.

Thank you for everybody who wished me and my family a Happy Christmas. Sorry if I wasn't able to wish you guys back. I didn't have load, and we went out for Christmas Eve. And my fever was a top hit at 41 degrees. I really thought I was gonna die today.

Well, it's not 26th yet. So if I die later, then what?

The Wonders of Google

After experimenting with Googles' amazing querie-finding ability, I just found out that someone wrote a song for me. Who would even thought that I'm human enough to have this..this song?

Lorainne
Lorainne
Lorainne
Lorainne
Lorainne

Your silhouette through half-closed curtains
Moves like flame, Lorainne I'm certain
No other boy could love you like I do
Lorainne, the pain I feel for you

Lorainne
Lorainne
Lorainne
Lorainne

Destiny has brought me up this tree to see
The beauty of the rest of me
Lorainne, until your pressed to meI'll never come down
I'd stop but I'm so dirty dirty

Lorainne
Lorainne
Lorainne
Lorainne

(source:http://www.thingsthatgopop.com/lyrics.php?lyrics_id=39)

HA! And you thought your name was popular.

Ok, so maybe it wasn't really intended for me. But hello! I'm probably the only Lorainne who spells her name in a weird way by doubling the 'n'. As you all know, the real spelling of my name is Lorraine. But whatever. Who cares anyway.

This is a song from a band called TTGP. I don't know a lot about them, but they create songs with such .... sense. I'll save it for that day when I'll blow up because of anger.

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I'm out.

at last,

Oh men. You don't know how happy I am that every school stuff is over temporarily. And yes, what I'm waiting for since my birthday is finally here. CHRISTMAS.

The exams were kinda ok, but some weren't like the 'friggin Computer exam. But anyways, I'm glad it's all over. And now I'm gonna go spend my Christmas vacation this week wrapping up gifts while watching Spanish telenovelas. HA. Fun fun fun.

Let's see my to-do list.

1. tell dad to not go back here on Christmas day. bummer shit.
2. PE Practical test (swing)
3. PE Practical Periodical test (l.a. walk and swing combined)
4. buy gifts for people
5. attend at least one Christmas party.
6. stop denying and questioning my own religion.
7. try to attend at least one Misa de Gallo.
8. go back to God.
9. clean the house.
10. buy a planner and plan my year ahead.

Huh. I think I can only do one thing from this list, which is to clean the house. But whatever. At least I get to do something.

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I think you get prizes when you're like, questioning your religion. I mean, these past weeks, I've been getting quite a load of things that I want, which I'm not really expecting.

But I really do wanna return to God. I'm missing him these days because of the stupid curiosity in me. I kept denying his presence even during the highest form of prayer, the mass. Since then, I stopped attending Sunday masses, praying to Him, praying the Rosary, praying everything. I thought that I can make it on my own without praying to Him, or even believing in Him.

I know this sounds soooooooo clichè or something, like it's some religious blah blah. But I kinda remembered what Ms. Alon told us last year. As someone who is entirely different from us in terms of stuffs we believe in, she was scared, as in scared of everything, because she has the knowledge that there is no God or someone who could protect her from bad things. I felt sorry for her, and now, I'm being redundant by being just like her. Oh men.

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I forgot how I used to love being in Toy Kingdom. My sister went there last Thursday to buy gifts for people and check out the Holiday hassle. And there never will be such joy compared to the feeling of being in a toy shop. I swear.

I don't remember the last time I went into a toy shop. As a partly grown-up person, I then considered gadgets as my toys. Instead of going into toy shops and stuffs like that, I go to Cyberzone or Digital Exchange. I know I should act like my age, but duh. That's like, too much.

Wow. No wonder everyone thinks I'm too shallow.

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I watched Real Women Have Curves again yesterday on HBO. I thing these are a series of signs that fat people like me should be contented with our bodies. Like what I heard on ETC last night. People were discriminating us fat people, but are they happy with their bodies? Nu-uh they're not. It's just like what this fashion editor person told on ETC. "I've never met a happy and thin woman in my whole life. There is completely no such thing."

I'm happy to be a fatso. Discriminate me all your life and I wouldn't cry to such thing. :)

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Ok. wait. He-Who-Should-Be-Named spotted me. And he told me I'm big. I told him he's also big to not ruin my repertoire. And THEN he asked for THAT. What a sweet Christmas I'm gonna have. REALLY soooo-weet.

there.

Hey, do you know it's 1 AM right now? haha. baliw na.

Eternal Happiness(Will Be Granted)

And now, I can finally write about things that had been happening to me these days.

First off, Immersion.

It was good, you know, like any other immersions. But ours made its way to significance. See, we were supposed to stay in the white house and enjoy the presence of cool air and the non-existence of mosquitoes and those goddamn rats. But the whole promise turned the other way around and we ended up staying in this convent which to me in that time was a convent for mosquitoes and rats. But now, you just can't measure how happy I am that we stayed there.

The first thing we did was to go to the sanitarium and visit these lepers who are already healed, but their families won't visit them or something. That thing we did, which was to make them happy, was probably the most enjoyable thing we did throughout the immersion for me. I was touched by their stories, and cursed silently their families who abandoned them.

Then, we went to the public school to teach the kids. And apparently, I was really amazed because the kids we handled(note: grade 4 kids) were really really smart-asses. I mean, even without the necessary things they have to bring to school, they really do know what the hell we are teaching them. I was shocked to pieces when one kid answered one mathematical question quickly. I mean, I can't even answer that these days because of all the sin's cos's and stupid tan's that's filling up everyone's brains.

Then we went to the pavillion, where there are lots of cool lolos who used to have leprosy, but were living there in the pavillion because their families won't accept them anymore because they think they can still get the disease in them. I know, ok? Dumbasses. I went talking to this lolo whom I've been obeserving since we got there because he kept scrubbing this sort of dirty face towel to his face, and he's just sitting in his bed, unlike those others who are singing their hearts out. As he was telling me his life story, he started to cry as he reminisces his dreams, and family, and how he still loves his family even if they don't visit or even remember him anymore. I cried to the part where he told me how much happiness I gave to him because I talked to him or something, because he's already sensing that he'll die soon. I promised him that I'll pray for him, and try to write to him on Christmas.

The next day was the most bummer for me. I didn't like the purok my partner and I was dumped on. I didn't like the people there because they kept teasing me. I thought before that they were at least nicer than anybody here in Manila, but no. They really did discriminated me and I hate hate hated it to pieces.

We went back to the convent at 3pm to practice for our cultural night, but we were bombarded by the news that a super typhoon is on its way that night and signal no. 2 is raised on Camarines Sur, where were. Actually, all of us already knew it before because our foster families told us that news already. Then one thing led to another, and the grown-ups decided we should leave at 10pm instead of 5 am of the next day to ensure safety to us, because duuh. We, like, can be stranded or something. We might even spend our Christmas there if we're so unlucky.

But as we get more further information about the storm, the more panics we get. As we were all watching the Bicol-ed version of Tv Patrol, it seemed that the storm really is a killer one, and they decided to cut our cultural night short and leave at 8 because the storm might get in our way earlier than we all expected.

As we walk our way to the social hall for our cultural night, I got so nervous that I gave my pack of pili nuts to a kid who was introduced to me by Agatha as her student. Not because I was the emcee or something, but because our trip might go the other way around. I'm not optimistic, you know. So I kept thinking that we could get killed or something because we would be travelling on super-typhoon filled night.

After the wasted cultural night, we hurried off to the washrooms for our own businesses. And, as I was about to climb my way inside the bus, a kid came to me and said: "Ate, isama nyo na po ako sa Maynila. Ayoko pa po mamatay". I was about to cry but then that would not really encourage the kid. He might even cry too if he saw the ugliness in me when I cry. So I just told him that he'll be okay and I'll be praying for him. Probably the last word I said to him was "Pakabait ka ha. Wag mong bibigyan ng problema mga magulang mo.", then I waved him goodbye and brushed the early tears off. I want to hug him, but he might suffocate or his bones might crush or something if I do. You guys know how big I am and how little the kid was. He's like mini me or something.

Even if I was criticizing my own religion for the past few days, I prayed the rosary whole-heartedly for the safety of our trip and those people we met in Sipocot. Thank God we arrived ahead of time and safely.

I woke up the next day to find out the storm was already in Camarines Sur and I was thinking about the kid again.

And I woke up again on Friday that there are already lots of people who got killed in the stupid typhoon. It really made me very sad as I realize that one of those who got killed might be the kid, or the members of the purok we went to. Oh, damn Reming.

And until now, I'm still worrying about them.

Thank you for the lepers and the students and the people there for teaching us that simple things in life are not only for free, but were also the only things that's keeping us happy. We might not now it, but we're forgetting that there is still that sadness amidst the things we have that poor people don't have. So let's all try to be simple, because if we all try to climb that stair of power, we wouldn't really achieve eternal happiness.

I'm soo grateful that I joined that immersion. Now I am appreciating my snatch-unworthy phone and my fake stuffs to pieces.

------------------------------------------------------------

Second thing, Gruesome week.

Oh men. This week was more stressful than September last year. Stupid projects and editorials were to be passed on a same day basis, and they were blaming our immersion for it. Tss.

I never hated Geometry as much as I did yesterday. I never hated ANY SUBJECT for that matter as much as I did this week. And I am very thankful to O.L. of Immaculate Concepcion for celebrating her feast day today. We really do deserve an academic break.

And next week, we would be squeezing our brains again for the quarterly exams. And after that, happiness for me. Total H-A-P-P-I-N-E-S-S.


I gotta run. My fever's killing me.

NOTE: Sorry if the reflex tester on the right side ain't working in IE. Try Netscape or Firefox.

*angry*

I'm gonna go write about our immersion WHEN IE 
STARTS NOT CRASHING AROUND MY PC. It's like everytime 
I'm in the 
mood to write about something, 
it crashes like crazy. 
So sorry for those who are waiting for "cheesemax's" about 
our not-so-normal immersion. Go sue Bill Gates instead.

I can't write now, because I'm using Opera as my current 
browser. 
And with 
Opera, as you can see, alignment ain't good. 
I have to hit Enter everytime I reach 
the peak of the right side because it would overlap 
my whole layout, and it's not nice. 
So there. Sorry. 

Lorainne = Schmuck

I am beginning to morph myself into a dumbass. Or maybe SOMEONE had just been sucking my brain cells for too long. And I think this would probably be the right time to ask Ms. Malvas to change the uhh...******* arrangements. It's getting on my nerves.

But hoop-dee-doo! It's a Saturday. No Ms. Malvas and killer classmate here! No siree!

Oh God. I gotta stop taking Tylenol on a daily basis.

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I'm gonna be lost for a week. I mean school-lost. The first 4 days of next week will be for my immersion, and the Friday would be my breathing day.

I think the sudden splash of vacation and free days is not doing any good to my non-conformist brain. I mean, ever since the day after sembreak, I've been hating school. Remember my last post about me having that academe spirit? Oh no. It like, went somewhere after that. I don't know where. But I'm praying to God that it didn't go to THAT PERSON IN MY CLASSROOM that's been sucking my brain cells since 2nd quarter. Oh fuck that person.

And what I've feared since this year started had come my way. My love for Geometry suddenly died. I've discovered this when I was yawning yesterday at our last period, which was Geometry. It's like I don't want to raise my hand up anymore, because I don't have any clue what the hell the answer is.

And I'm not that confident in going to that class anymore. It's not like 2nd quarter, where I studied everything in advance. But now, I'm lazy. Lazy as a donkey. Or lazy as your usual beer-belly dad around the corner. Tss.

Please pray for me. Haha, akala may sakit.

---------------------------------------------------

Oh Gooooooooooooooooooooooood. I'm soo excited for the immersion. But not THAT excited that I've already packed my bags, but you know, excited excited. Everytime I'm reminded of that 10+-hour trip, my bones start to shake and shiver to pieces. Oh how I just looooooove road tripping.

And the fun part was all throughout the trip, I'm gonna be with my beloved family in school, tri-siks. Although 26 out 37 of us would only come, it wouldn't really make much difference, aside from the fact that some of my peers like Charlene and Crissa won't be around to make it more interesting. Aww, mehn.

And to my partner, Paula, I hope we would make it through. I also hope that the unlucky purok we would be visiting isn't as bad as we've thought. It's gonna be a canned-good fest all throughout the immersion, I betcha it would. Ha.

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I've made a terrible mistake.

Like, soooo terrible I bet my dad would kil me.

I soo don't want that MacBook anymore. I mean, in terms of portability, it sucks. It's not like a digital camera or a snazzy camera phone that I can stuff inside my anus or something.

Q: Then why did I even beg for it in the first place?
A: Because I don't want to use this uber-big and slow PC anymore. And Photoshop works excellent with Macs. And I want to bring that notebook in school so I can use the internet for reasearch while waiting for Monica to finish her GIFT session or something. Or when I'm bored during recess or lunch time, I would just open that sexy notebook with a sexy back and I'm off to information super highway. And I want my own notebook where I can store EVERYTHING I digitally have, like money or HIS picture, perhaps.

Q: Why do I want instead of the MacBook?
A: I now have an official christmas list of portable gadgets I really want. It's very long, so I'll post it in a seperate mode.

So there.

Emotional Dilemmas.

I am so pissed off. I'm having so much problems right now, and none of them ain't academic nor anything to do with my family. But first, let's start with the good news.

1. I am really gonna get that Black/White MacBook this Christmas. Or even earlier or something. My dad told me that he already ordered online, and he asked for our right address and zip code. I am so happy.

2. The hard work my batch had been doing has totally paid off yesterday. Ok, so I was really expecting that we would champion in cheering and overall, but still. We were, again, 1st runner-up in both fields. But there was a tinge of that expectation that we would NOT even land on the 2nd place, because something fishy was going on between the whole high school.

Apparently, 2 other batches started to form an alliance called the "S" team. And their technique of pissing us off is so nasty. One batch would cheer for another and so forth and so on. It was so driving mad all the way that after that volleyball game last Thursday ended unfairly, the whole batch started to show their shattered emotions by crying. I hate it when people cry, and so I consoled some of them.

The sad thing was we were being sandwiched. Those 2 batches are hating us to pieces because we are very good in one way or another. They are scared that we might tip them off as the highest batch if we won, so those 2 batches sandwiched their way into beating us. But the good thing was they didn't suceeded in any of what they did. In my own opinion, the seniors just used the sophomores in an old-fashioned way of winning. You should just see the look on their faces when the sophomores just won 1st in cheering. Mouths were hanging open, and just staring at the whole scene.

I decided that we should just be contented in placing as 2nd in both fields I started to look deeper into the seniors' cheer "One last cheer, One last year" . I thought that we were being selfish in planning to beat them off in the 1st place. Why just can't we let them have it this time? It was, in fact, their last year. So hooray for everyone who showed the spirit of sportmanship during the intramurals. Burn in hell for those who didn't. Seriously.

CONGRATS JUNIORS TEAM! OLA CHICA VIVA JUNIORS!! God, I want to go cheering again.

3. No GIFT classes last week, no siree!

And now, let me turn into a sad and homeless girl. And by homeless, I mean friendless.

Of course I'm happy that we won 2nd in the intramurals, but that doesn't mean that the whole event itself was so pleasing. People are starting to get selfish and bitchy. I don't know what's with the Sportsfest season, but it's making people get selfish in terms of friendship.

I used to be so happy that I belong to a certain group of friends that I would really be proud of that I have. But now that they're gone, all I have is just 3 friends(one is a classmate) in the whole high school to truly be worthy to be called friends. At least they're my true friends. I wouldn't backstab them even if I would die or anything, and I'm sure they would do the same because they all know I'm the true-est friend you'll ever had. I'm never gonna backstab you guys in exchange for liposuction, or a lifetime membership in Fitness First or any other thing. Becaue then I wouldn't call you guys my family.

Okay, one more bad news. Ellen's birthday cake was stolen by.....someone. I'm sorry that your cake was lost, Ellen. Baka sa Monday andun na yun.

Ok. I'm off. I gots to do sooo many things. Damn this post-intrams feeling.

Currently reading: Nothing.
Currently listening to: The Suffering-Coheed and Cambria
Currently feeling: Homeless. Really homeless.

Hit it.

As you can read in my last sembreak post, I was definitely not having the back-to-school spirit. But now, it's back. And I like, like, like it. I'm back on that studying mood again, being a total freak by bringing home as much needed books and notebooks as I can. I know it's sportesfest next week, and I totally need to slow down on this studying thing. But I can't help it. I missed cramming for a quiz, quickly scanning and flipping pages in my notebooks, and having really really sore eyes because of staying up late studying. Oh you gotta love school. *yawns*

Anyways, I succeeded in persuading my mom into buying some new PC peripherals. We obviously needed a new webcam, so my mom bought this new Genius VideoCAM. It's the best. I mean, our last webcam stinks like ass. Logitech is not really all that good, but their wireless keyboards and mouses are pretty darn nasty as hell.

And, because I umm..sort of became jealous at Monica's mic. I also want to try that call service in YM Monica executed days ago. It was so cool for me because I don't have landline telephone here. Ahh, the joy of perception. And now I have this really big headphones with a mic sticking out at the left side. just like the one in school and call centers.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Mom bought me a new Nike school bag. She has been itching to buy me a new one probably because she's one of those people whom I've succesfully irritated due to the lack of cleanliness of my backpack. Well I so totally loved that bag. That one proved that I have this good aura/sense in choosing bags. I bought that as an end-of-the-school-year gift for myself. And the best part was when I learned that I was the only one who has that bag. That made me that non-confomity is kinda cool, when it comes to bag that is.

But the main point here is, I don't even want a new bag! I'm contented with my old non-conformist bag that has scribbles and dirt engraved in it, and I don't need a new one. Because, I want something else.

An iHome.

Oh yakity yes. But it's not for me only, it's for myself and I. And I'm hopefully gonna go bring it to our immersion in Sipocot, Bicol on the last week as a source of entertainment. Along with it, I think I'm gonna bring my PSP, and probably a Final Fantasy X-2 off the rack with it. I would totally survive without my useless phone. I need not to text anyone, not even my mom.

I know that immersing(huh?) is all about being simple, living the unpolluted life, and living the Radio Star's legacy. But then, how am I gonna entertain myself anyway? I can't just play tic tac toe or SOS forever. I get so bored easily, like all of you probably know by now. It's a disorder that's keeping me mad for some reasons, because I can't contain myself in a good way. I need to do something fun and entertaining for me every minute, or else I'll die. Seriously. I tried not doing anything for half an hour, and I just freaked out.

I'm excited for the immersion. Really, really excited.

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WARNING: This is the most hardcore part of the post. DO NOT read if you hate mushy stuffs. Go away. NOW.


I've been crying myself to sleep everytime I remember Railey's phone call a few days ago. Not that I'm jealous or can't get over the fact that he took my advice so seriously that he moved on so easily, but because of the question that bugs me to death; "What about me?"

I've been moving on since he left. But it's hard. People just can't get over a relationship that they enjoyed so much so easily.

I'm officially moving on starting......................................NOW.

Someday you’re gonna realize
One day you’ll see this through my eyes
By then I won’t even be there
I’ll be happy somewhere
Even if I cared

Forgive me. I just seriously need a prom date.

And it all ends tomorrow.

I remember having thoughts of not wanting to go to a short-lived vacation even before the break began. I would definetely get bored, get stubborn, and most of all, get more irresponsible when I'm just sitting my big ass of at home. And to top it all off, I was incredibly right.

I was supposed to submit my GIFT project, but I didn't get to, because I was irresponsible. I was supposed to start my book report and sonnet for english, but I didn't get to, because I was irreponsible. I was supposed to finish Noli Me Tangere, but I didn't get to(like anyone could.), because I was getting bored in reading stuffs about what happened to people such as Crisostomo Ibarra, Kapitang Tiyago, Pari Damaso, Maria Clara, and Tenyente Gueverra all day and night long.

See the effects of irresponsibility on me when you get to see me go back to school tomorrow, and when I would see the deadly results of everything I did last quarter on Monday.

----------------------------------------------------------
Last night was actually the 'real' last night of our vacation. As you guys can see, we're gonna do school stuffs again tomorrow. I don't want to study. I just want to breathe some Christmas air.

Anyways, after watching ANTM last night, I caught 13 Going on 30 on HBO. It was my first time to watch the movie, and I just love love loved it. I think it was really intended for me, really. See, I've always been eager to grow up and be the grown-up I'm supposed to be. I wanna go to work, I wanna move, I wanna drive my F150(like I have one), I wanna do grown-up things. But then I realized that I'm lucky I'm still a kid. I'm lucky that I can go and do good stuffs that grown-up people today were supposed to do when they were my age.

Although it was very predictable, the movie made my hair stand up and have goose-acnes all over me. Jenna and Matt's best-friends-that-ended-up-together story is really cool. I don't want to elaborate it anymore. Reflect it yourself.

---------------------------------------------------

Out of boredom last night, I memorized the names of the characters in The Simpsons. While doing that, I got a call from Railey, saying that he learned something recently.

Me: Ano yun.
R: Moving on is quite good.
Me: May bago ka na no. Wow. Good job!
R: Ikaw rin cguro. Tsk Tsk. Di makapag-hintay. 5 taon na lang, hoy!

And okay I don't wanna talk about it because I'm not a mushy person. I hate sonnets. I hate love stories because they're pointless. I hate public dsplays of affection because it's disgusting. I hate stupid love quotes, because they never do work for me.

I hate love because love itself is turning away from me. In short, I'm the most hopeless romantic you'll ever see. I've loved, and instead of being loved back, I've been hurted. But I'm not angry nor mad at those people. Because they helped me moved on, and made me realize that there is more to life than finding your soul mate. Okay, life really IS too short, but not that short for you to not be able to find someone who would love you completely.

I gotta stop blurting out these 'love' thoughts that's stored in the deepest part of my brain and heart. It's not really helping anybody. It's just there to...bore me.

I gotta stop taking crack. It's really disturbing everybody, including my conscience.

Waking Up Really is The Hardest Part.

We're halfway to the completion of this semestral break. It's like being in the last leg of this freaking individual study thingy. I haven't done my sonnet and my book report. But everything else is polished right off the rack.

Now, every semestral break, I get this goddamn curse everytime. Like for my first 3 sembreaks, I experienced hardcore UTI's. And for the rest of the sembreaks I had and having, I get this very very very very very VE-RY heavy flow of blood during my period. I now literally change into a maternity pad every 2 hours not only because of sanity reasons, but because the maternity pad's already full. Tch. I've never hated being a girl this much.

But then again, I should be thanking for it. I mean, if those curses happen on school days, I'm dead.

-------------------------------------------------------

Things I haven't done:

1. English book report
2. English sonnet
3. English powerpoint
4. GIFT project, which is like due last Friday. (I'm sooo dead.)
5. Workout. Period.
6. Commit Suicide

Things I had done:

1. De-stress my self.
2. Change my layout.
3. Have a humongous writer's block
4. Geometry homework
5. Read the first 10 chapters of Noli Me Tangere
6. Play 50 Cent Bulletproof
7. Mesmerize at the Black MacBook I'm gonna have on Christmas
8. Relax
9. Plan a swimming 'party' for my busmates.
10. Write a list of the things I had and haven't done this sembreak

--------------------------------------------------------

This is probably the shortest and most senseless blog entry I've made since forever.

Schmalloween.

I've been kinda deranged for a while. And for a while means for the days the had past since semestral break started. I WANNA GO BACK TO SCHOOL. Is that such a hard thing to understand?

Although I'm not a writer, I'm having a hardcore writer's block right now. I don't know what I want to write about. I'm clueless about stuffs right now.

We were watching Project Runway last night on ETC. I was flabbergasted at this episode because not only was Andrae Gonzalo gone, but the makeover dress Daniel designed for Chloe sucked so hard I bet my grandma would vomit of she saw it. I think Daniel kinda missed Andrae and he really used his immunity to be dismissed from the competition. But whatever. I still love him anyway. I mean, converting Daniel Vosovic to his original masculinity is still on top of my things-to-do-before-I-die list. I still want to marry him, and have kids with him, and let him design EVERY clothing I would wear, even my undies and socks.


Daniel. Daniel. DANIEL!

And right after watching Project Runway, I watched Queer Eye for The Straight Guy. The episode was a total replay. It featured Chris Lim, a Filipino who apparently migrated in Canada but moved in New Jersey with his new wife, Michelle Bacani. It was really a total laughtrip for me and my sister every time Michelle's dad would speak. His dad has this very Filipino accent, and even spoke Filipino once. But the sad part of it all was every Filipino in the Reception thingy didn't really spoke Filipino. I mean, I expected some 'Salamat' and 'Kamusta', but I heard none of these. Sadly, even the Reception thingy is not very Filipino-oriented. Everything is, as I see it.

-------------------------------------

I hate Halloween. I used to like it, but now I come to hate it as every Halloween passes by.

It is a tradition for me to go to our province(Dagupan City, Pangasinan) every Halloween. And since then, I enjoyed the thrill of road trippin' in the wee hours of the morning. And sooner on, the only reason I go there every Halloween/Family Reunion thing is just because of the road-crashing trip, not the event itself.

I asked my grandpa if I could just stay in the car the whole occasion. I mean, I can survive with just a bag of chips and a soda and something I can fix, like a broken motherboard or a broken PSP. I don't really mind the sweat, nor the heat. And when the call of nature comes, I would sneak in to a washroom in one of the houses there. My mom used to let us do that whenever we go to Quiapo. We would have to wait in the car for her to buy her stuffs there. See? Effective, right?

The sole reason is because all my relatives who are living in the Paragas Compund are soooo discriminating. Ok, I'm fucking big, so what? They are all giving me these sad comments that are making me more depressed on my weight issues. I don't know if they're jealous of me because I don't look like them. They look like milk fishes and prawns. And I do not look like any of those creatures. I look like my mom, which is half a creature.

But just like Jack Black, I won't let those people come my way.

Tomika: "Why won't you go on a diet?"
Mr. Schneebly: "Bee-cause, I like to eat. Is that such a sin?"

Word.

It's all goooood.

I think I gained 100 pounds this morning. All of that sweaty shiznit walk in Divisoria and Quiapo yesterday didn't really make a physical effect on me, besides the fact that I was as dirty as everyone there.

But anyways, I kinda did enjoy the thing we did yesterday. I think my mom's been avoiding malls because of the bomb threats that are freaking every one of us every hour. Like yesterday, for example. We were supposed to go to Cyberzone in Megamall to buy some iPod needs(read: black earphones because somebody sat on my very cheap and plasticky Apple earphones), but the Abu Sayyaf-bombing-Megamall thing kinda made my mom hysterical for a split second. And that split second made us NOT go to the cheapo mall.

So there. We ended up going to places that you won't see in any other countries except here. Manila's best, I'm tellin' ya. My mom was the only who shopped. Really. Me and our 2 maids just waited outside every shop my mom walks into. A vendor of nuts had almost mistaken me for a store representative, if hadn't look her in the eye. Screw her. But not her nuts. Oh God. Her spicy nuts are the most delicious thing you'll ever taste when you're there.

The twist of it was when we ate at a carinderia in the Divisoria market. At first I was pissed of, because why do we have to eat here anyway when Jolibee's like..10 steps away? But then hunger made that pissing of moment, and I just digged in to that delicious Pancit Malabon, drank the cold softdrink, and enjoyed the native style Halo-Halo. It was Buwan ng Wika all over again. Ha. And at the end, I was pissed of again to find out that our bill was 259 pesos. I sorta expected 50-100 pesos....but..at least I'm full.

---------------------------------

Hmm. Let's see. What can I talk about? I ran out of stupid....

Oh wait. I remembered something.

Oh yes. Last Sunday. YES.

My sister and I went to mass 20 minutes early for us to have a seat inside the church. When the mass had already started, it had hit me that my sister and I was the only ones in the seat we had chosen. Thinking that there was something wrong with our faces, I just ignored it. And after a couple of minutes, 2 animals walked in. Thinking that they would choose the seat opposite to us, I sighed. And then the giraffe asked us if the empty space in our seat was taken. I said no. Thinking that the giraffe would be the only one giving me a headache, I sighed heavily again.

And THEN he walked in. HE, who should be named, but I'm not really sure what's his name was. HE who have been my church crush for the past year.

And HE, who sat beside me asked if the empty space is not really reserved for someone. What a compliment.

I remained nervous and really conscious throughout the mass. I kept moving away from him, for fear that he might do something discriminating for me. But he did something else.

In fact, HE's...nice. He was supposed to hold my hand during Ama Namin. He was already motioning to grab it, but then my sister did something wrong. Really wrong. Really. Wrong. He thought that his hand was dirty and just wiped it to his pocket or something instead.

And the Peace Be with You part. Oh mehn. He uhm. Smiled. He. Smiled. At. Me. Kinda a sarcastic smile which came with a...wink. A Candy wink. haha.

But at least I'm not invisible anymore. At least HE knows I exist.

I'm gonna go hear mass now.

And the ugly results are in.

And it was sort of good.. except for the Geom and Trigo part. And later on, the T.H.E. part will also be ugly, but let's just save that for Monday when it finally comes.

And all of it was history. I mean, generally, not just World History(corny enough), but all of it improved. I failed the History test last quarter by 2 points, and now..it's more than passing. Oh yeah, even my Chemistry exam. Who would've thought that I would get a high score in that? Even my parents think I stink. At everything, to be exact.

Bleech. These week was like a fat man's ass. It stinks like hell. Test results popping out here and there, just like my pubic hair when doing the math. But hey, unlike my pubes, those results are affecting me all the time.

I didn't get to attend my GIFT class again because my asthma attacked me once more. For once in my life I just couldn't breathe normally, just like normal people do.

I got so nerdy this week. I was reading my ass of every single day in Geom and Chem, and it's not really good, believe me. My busmates are starting to think that I'm possessed, because I'm usually the one freaking out those who are studying. Well, it's not my fault I wasn't able to understand Monoatomic and Polyatomic Ions in the past days. Maybe it was someone else's fault, like dhslahdsajdg perhaps.

I'm getting tired of studying. No, really. I've been staying up late almost everyday of this week, and things just can't stuff themselves into my non-existent brain. Instead of having suicidal thoughts, my thoughts are now put into either Chemistry or Geom, which is in fact, a good thing. But I can't just stop studying and take a break. My parents don't pay my humongous school tution just for me to relax my ass off. But anyways, I'll get over it. When I'm not stressed.

------------------------------------

All of my classmates know by now that I'm really, really afraid of fires. I got over my fear of heights when I went to Enchanted Kingdom and sat my ass off in the Space Shuttle, went to Victoria's Peak 2 times, and rode the tram going there without having to sweat so much.

But the real reason why I super hate fires is that when I was a kid, we used to live in my Granparent's house, which was wood and cement combined. What would you get? A home very much inclined to be set on fire, and a castle to termites everywhere.

So there, my mom told me to put the refrigerator's wire thingy into the socket. And then BAM! It just exploded. And I never ever want to put a wire into any socket ever again. And with that, I don't want to touch or even go near a fire. Yes. I suck.

-----------------------------------

I've been deciphering the codes given to me by God on what course and path I would take in college and to my future. And it seems that from Civil Engineering, I suddenly wanted International Studies instead.

It's kinda weird, to be true. I mean, all I'm interested right now is studying Geom, Chem, or Trigo and all of them has absolutely no relationship with Foreign Service or whatsoever. It's like I've been wasting my time all this time studying my butt of in these subjects and yet I won't be needing them anyway. I do suck after all.

and the exams are finally over.

Yet I want to study again. and again. and again. and again. and again. I miss my Geometry book. I miss ALL my books. Too bad I left them ALL in my locker to be 'normal' for once.

So there.

a. English exam
-This sucks. The test is full of sequencing stuffs. The bad part in sequencing is when you even start to take the correct step, you'll still end up wrong if you go bumpy along the way. And there's this Bananas in Pajamas thing. Who would've known that THAT is the english version of turon? I mean, how many of us dips his/her turon in a chocolatey substance after cooking it, huh? Oooh. Maybe it's not even chocolate. Maybe it's crude oil. Dumbass.

b. Trigo exam
-Ahh. The only one I studied for the day before. Because you cannot always be sure that the angle you are drawing is an angle of elevation...or depression for that matter. I like Geom better. No math stuffs. Just plain proving. But Trigo is easier. I mean...wait till I talk about the Geom exam.

c. CL exam
-It's obvious that Sir Emman made that exam. It's too easy. The question you see in Test 1 will also be seen in Test 3. The question you see in Test 2, will also be seen in Test 4. So if you fail this exam..you're a...*sighs heavily*....

d. Computer exam
-I was kinda nervous for this one. I didn't study anything. Except for those logical operators that Mrs. Dupet warned us about. But the test was okay. Sort of.

e. Chemistry exam
-Now this I wasn't expecting. How many easy Chemistry exams do you see in your whole life? Just one, right? Well, thank Dmitri Mendeleev. The test didn't made me sweat, unlike the first one did. I even had extra time to doze off!

f. T.H.E. exam
-Aww mehn! This exam was full of........ Yes. haha. I invented half of all my answers in this exam. It's just soo...yes. haha

g. History exam
-It was sort of easy. Except for the manor part. I just doodled a castle and some farmlands and all sort of stuffs. I was even planning to draw a Comprachico, but I'll just save that for something else. I can't even add humor to anything because I was too nervous for the Geometry exam.

h. Geometry exam
-Okay. Here are few rituals I did before the day even started.
-prayed the rosary two times.
-sang Taking Back Sunday's MakeDamnSure and RHCP's Tell Me Baby while studying inequalities
-danced a little bit of Jamiroquai's Canned Heat while studying a bunch of theorems.

It's because I want to make up for the GREAT mistake I did in the first exam for Geometry. I don't want to be in that passing line anymore. I want to go beee-yond that line and start proving to people that I can do it. Even if it would take me to dance the whole Canned Heat in front of my parents, I goddamn will.

I was shaking like my grandma when I received the test paper. Oh yeah. How pathetic. And when Mrs. Miraflor told us to check if we have 6 pages, oh meeehn. I saw the last page with the two bold letters, STATEMENTS and REASONS. 2 pairs of 'em for 15 points. I want to bang my head in my desk, but I'm afraid people would really think that I'm a total freak.

So there. I began to answer stuffs. True...False...A...B...C..D...blah. And for the first time ever, I finished my proof with my pubes sticking out of my hair proudly.

And I would just have to wait for Tuesday or Wednesday or whatever day when I get to see the ugly result of it. Ack.

i. Filipino exam
-I just hated the poem part. I hate poems to death.


And God, I was a total loser. Monica and I just went to Ira's house and watched Eurotrip and watched some more TV shows. Nice celebration. But still. Thank you Ira and Monica for bringing my voice back. I can now sing. Like Tomika. Haha.

bleech. throwing up is heaven.

This week has been a VERY big struggle. I've been dizzy like a mad pregnant woman who is about to do labor in the next hour. It seems that God was more like telling me that going to school with your panged head will never be a good idea. Never. Except on times when you really really do need it. Like on the day of your demo or something. Whatever.

Tuesday was the HATE DAY.

It all began when we were all instructed to go down for the Morning Rites..and good Lord! I was sweating like a nympho who just had his casual sex with 67 and a half men. My head was spinning like crazy, and all I want to do is just sleep, sleep, sleep.

I mean, hello?! I was supposed to be happy on that day. I mean, we'll have Geometry as first period, and...there. Ok, so what if Geometry is the only reason I go to school? As a matter of fact, it's not only Geometry. It's Chem..or Trigo..or even History.

And it lasted ALL damn day. I even thought that I would end throwing up those chunks of food I ate yesterday(because I didn't eat anything on that day because of hardcore bullimia).

And the irony of it was Geometry made it all worse by giving me a quiz on something I can't remember, on which I ended up flunking it. 7/10 will never be good. NEVERR!

And here I present to you another pile of dilemmas..

a. I lost my I.D.. And the ID replacement Form and the principal's secretary will never be the same.

b. And exams are next week. And I still don't get that angle of depression and elevation thingy. How about me getting depressed because I can't eat? That's a 360-degree to you.

c. My mild tuberculosis is killing me like crazy. And I'm not happy that I lost my voice. I sound very much like Sir Al. In fact, I can make a good impression of him right now. Like you can hear it.

d. Bullimia. Bullimia. Bullimia.

e. To swim or not to swim? This applies to both going back to the clubhouse and doing it again but this time with Coach Rudy/Philip, or to join the Juniors Swimming Team. Okay, so the Juniors Swimming Team part may not really be all that real..but hey. It still could.

f. To be a lifter or to not be a lifter? So I'll get this really cool jacket with the word "LIFTER" on it, but I won't get to mingle with someone I know there. In fact, I would probably be a hardcore loner if I decide to be a lifter. But the jacket!! Oh no!

g. I'll surely flunk History to pieces. AAARGGH!

h. I'm still on the height of my suicidal thoughts. But the thought of the exams next week is making me throw up instead of wanting to kill myself.


And now. I have an embarassing moment to tell.

I was supposed to wait for Monica lately, but it all ended when I decided to pass by the canteen to buy a bottle of Tropicana so I can swallow up my pills(not pregnancy. like someone would even hook up on me. Nobody won't even touch me, for God's sake.). And oh-my-god. When I turned left and saw that curled up turon that's looking as if it swam in a sea of fat oil, the vomit that I've been storing up all week in my tummy had suddenly risen up to the throat level, and I have to rush to the washroom to empty my mouth up. That's so like..eew.


So there. Sorry Monica. It was a real burden to spend my way home with an artificial dinosaur and a human-ized pubic hair. At least M.S. wasn't there. If she was, 'our' parents would send us out again because we're too noisy. And still haven't got my training schedule. UNTIL NOW. haha..

Damn You Milenyo!

It all went sooo arguably unlucky.

Let's see..

-I had asthma attacks every single day of the previous week.
-'Somebody' picked me as a leader of OUR group in the Englis demo thingy.
-And to make it more disgusting, our topic was DANCE ROUTINE.
-And to really, really, really make it more gross, we would be the first ones to present our stupid demo.
-I got sick
-And to make matters worse, my asthma got worse as Milenyo entered the Metro.
-This would've made others dance to happiness, but the 2-day suspension of classes really made me furious.

And I don't even know if I can make it on Monday, much more on Tuesday, our presentation day.

Seriously, I want to be obilierated.

I WANT TO COMMIT SUICIDE!!!

Learn to live with it.

Okay. It took me a week to get over my grades. And just like a friend told me, be contended with them, because not all 3rd year students get an average as high/low like that. I dunno if I'll kill her, or I'll go shitty again.

------

This week was a total mayhem. Projects are starting to hang under our noses again, and signs of insomnia are here to stay.

And, before we all realize it, exams is there waiting around the corner, plotting to assassinate us all.

I'm not sure about my performance this quarter. I've focused too much in Geometry that I forgot to there are other subjects as well. Oh well, too damn bad that my angst for the Mango was well off gone last Sunday while I was hearing mass.

------

Everytime I hear the song Always by Atlantic Starr, the February prom starts popping my brains out. I don't have a date. No fucking joke. And too bad I'm too fat to find one.

I don't know what my problem is. If I crash diet all the way till next year, I'll just end up getting even fatter. If I exercise whenever I have time, I'll end up missing topics in Geometry and other subjects. If I stop taking steroids, I'll die in a minute.

Which leads me to my another problem. After the smoking thoughts, here comes another addition to the Curiosity and Depression series, Suicidal thoughts.

I've been thinking about this one during English class last Monday, and here are the few question and answers that's been stomping my brain like crazy.

Q: Why commit suicide?

A:
-I'll never get a good future anyway
-I'm dumb as a person can get
-I'm useless
-I'm fat
-I'm boring as the --- teacher can get.
-I'm always reckless
-Nobody loves me.
-Nobody REALLY loves me.
-Even God hates me.
-Even God's God hate me
-I'm pessimistic
-I'm sadistic
-I'm impatient
-I'm not a very open-minded person
-My parents even think I'm useless.
-I'm useless, meaning without any wit nor function
-I hate people, because they suck.
-I'm sinful than you think I am
-I'm a useless friend, because I backstab them when I think everyone hates me, which is everytime.
-I'm uber sensitive
-I don't respect anyone, even the higher persons
-I'm a loser.

Q: Why not?
A:
-it'll make my parents sad

-God won't accept me, even if I say sorry 182,829,672, 902 billion times.

-it'll just make matters worse. Like terrorism will be so common that it would be considered a religion or something. Like that would ever happen. I don't even exist in the naked eye.

-it won't solve any of my problems anyway. Just other's problems concerning me, I guess. I know that they won't really feel guilty that I comitted suicide. They hate me so much that they probably won't even notice it.


So it's obvious that I should commit suicide. I mean, you won't even get sad if I do. You probably would find it a relief or something.

Oh well. I'm gonna go shopping for knives tomorrow.

It sucked.

I got my card yesterday.

Normally I would just shrug it off while my mom lectures me on the way out. But no.

I didn't shrug it off. I cried the hell out of it. Especially the grade I got in my favorite subject ever, Geometry. Imagine me wailing like a kid. It's disgusting, I know.

You guys probably know that feeling you get when you didn't get what you expected. It's like your whole world suddenly crashed, and you sad as hell. And all you want is filthy justice for it.

I expected that my grades in Geometry would at least go beyond that 85 line. But noooooooooo. It seemed that my Periodical Test helped to make it as low as possible. Now I wouldn't get to Mapua or even UP College of Engineering at this state.

I instantly got a change of mind in the career I would choose. From my plans of taking up Civil Engineering in college, I immediately shifted into going for either I.T. or Early Childhood Education. It seemed that I ran out of possible courses when I saw that stupid Geometry grade typed in that filthy paper they call 'card'.

And everytime I think that I would never be a successful engineer , those students who probably got a much much much higher grade than me in Geometry would probably be.

Because they're not pathetic and as paranoid as me.

Reminiscents and...Hi Elen!

It's more than obvious that I can't sleep due to severe excitement for the releasing of cards tmorrow. It's a natural. I can't stop asking people if they would come tomoorow with their parents to get their cards...and..and..all I got was blank stares.

----------

Ookay...let's reminisce.

I loove reminiscing. It's the answer to the world's questions.

Yes. Look back at your past.

Let me tell you one reminiscent I won't regret reminiscing.

1. When I was still in grade school, I had a boy seatmate. It's pretty much not a big deal, since the chances of me having a boy as my seatmate is pretty high, since there are more boys than girls in my elementary school. And on our first week of being seatmates, we became friends..not just friend friends..but close friends. And on the second week, he began telling me that he wants to tell me something. And everytime I ask what the hell it is, he keeps telling me that I might get mad at him.

Then came that day when he gave me this thick folded paper with my name written on it. I opened it, and read what's in it. And, the next thing I knew, I teared up the paper to pieces and throwed the pieces at his face. He was red as an apple. And you wanna know what was written on the paper?

Honestly, you won't believe it.

"Lorraine,(back then the spelling of my name was double 'r', until later on it was changed to single 'r' and double 'n' because that's the spelling of my name that's officially written on my passport. You should get this by now.) crush kita.....*insert a heart drawn by a 4th grader here*"

Hard to take it, eh? But I'm not joking. Ask the boy himself. His name is Jan Dominic Radovan, and he's now a Junior studying at PCC.

I don't even know what made him feel that something towards me.

Or maybe I do.

Or maybe not.

Because when I was still in 4th grade, I was not fat nor skinny nor chubby nor anything else that I am now.

But I was not a girly-girl. Or maybe I was not even a girl. I was athletic and studious at the same time. I don't do things with girls. Instead, I play kickball with boys. Laugh with them. Study with them. Or even play jackstones with them. How threatening.

I think that was my infamous technique to get close and maybe even closer to one of my crushes. But still.

And here's the grand finale.

After tearing the paper out, I replied to him: "Dun mo ibigay sa mga taga-row 1 yan. ma-aapreciate pa nila!"

Because almost all of the girls was seated on the 1st row, and me, as obviously not a girl, was seated on the 4th row, where nerds and dorks volt in.

That's where I learned and immediately proved that BRAIN really does conquer all.

Inseperable means nothing.

All of you guys probably know by now that I'm a math freak, and I believe that cells does not make me up. Instead, numbers and equations and variables and Einstein's hair does.

I know this is has become very tiring, but my Geometry book and I are very inseperable. VERY.

I'm gonna go prove it to you.

Given: a geom book, and a fat turd
Prove: the fat turd and the geom book will be best friends forever

Statements:

1. A geom book, and a fat turd
2. a fat turd=KUMON
3. KUMON=Math stuffs
4. Math stuffs=Geometry
5. Geometry=Geometry book (and let's involve the MANGO for a record)
6. the fat turd and the geom book will be best friends forever

Reasons:

1. Given
2. Definition of Nerdness
3. Definition of Advancement Centers
4. Congruent subjects/topics
5. Common Sense
6. Boredom

so there.

----------

This past week was not really good. Our class ended up having only 3 classes of Geometry, but 3 periods of T.H.E. And let me the first to assure you that it sucked.

I kept figuring out ways on how to stop studying. Yes, I'm a very studyholic person that studies EVERY subject for no reasons. I tried leaving every school-related things to my locker, but instead I almost bought a Geometry book in the bookstore. Tch. I bought a coloring book to stop being such a boring, old nerd.

----------

I have much-awaited surprise for myself.

I'm not gonna go anti-social.

But just this once.

Why?

Like duh. I so need a prom date.

R is in the past, and like evrything else, I can't possibly get him as a prom date. So now, I'm on the lookout for one.

Why not go stag?

I'm confident enough to know that I will be able to find myself a date. I'm not that fat, that ugly, and that boring(although I may seem to be sometimes). And Proms are pretty much the much-awaited social event in high school. Why not go with it with someone for a good memory when you grow up? Everything is a sentimental value for me. Ha-ha. Like those strips of paper I got in the 'The Girl Most Likely To Be...' activity in Homeroom.

And yeah. that's probably much all that worth typing for.

Rai Rai Weh.

Today was a very provocative day. But first, let me just tell you what happened this past few days.

----------

Nothing.


----------

Okay. Let's get down to business.

To everyone's relief, classes went *POOF* in an instant. Thanks to the teacher's immersion scheduled today, all of us high school students are expected to relax and unwind oursleves with our long weekend start.

The maid actually didn't know that we don't have classes today, and she ended up shaking our sleeping bodies, shouting"Tanghali na! Huy! gising na!". And I ended up watching Katie Couric on ET again.

After several hours of making myself such a dork in hopelessly trying to wake myself up just to finish All-American Girl on time, my eyes solemnly gave up. Dropped the book, thinked of J, and suddenly squashed myself into Discworld while the sandman is having the time of his life pounding tons of sand in my eyes.

After I woke up in a few hours, I hurriedly bathed and dressed up for my plan later, which is to go out with Rica and Ayu and Bianca and etc. I was very much ready at exactly 12:00 am and was waiting for my mom to prepare herself or something.

And after 732197291 million lightyears, I finally got myself unto the land of turd, Megamall. I hurriedly went to the Cinemas to get myself a Devil Wears Prada ticket to catch myself up on the threesome who have already went inside due to boredom in waiting for me. Or waiting for my mom. Or waiting for God. Or whatever.


If it weren't for the fact that I've read the Devil Wears Prada ages ago, I wouldn't understand a single word in the movie. I came right into the climax part. Oh Yeaaah. Good part. And I seriously didn't enjoy the movie. I would've had more fun if we watched 'Sukob' or in much cheesier circumstances, 'You Are The One'. pffbt.

Here goes the meaty part.

We went to Rai Rai Ken afterwards to have something that made sense into our stomachs rather than the popcorn that's making our stomachs really upset. After ordering..waiting...and stuff...this waiter that looked like as if he was the one who makes the sushis and makis all the way came with our drinks. Funny, I thought. Waiters are just supposed to dump drinks on table, not ask and point THE DRINKS to the person whoever owns the drink. Ayu's Bianca's and Mine were handed out pretty good. But in Rica's case, oh men. The waiter should've knew well than to doubt Rica if she really owns the green drink. Turns out that THAT drink was for the person sitting after our table, and yes, they made Rica wait for her drink. And the pointless point of all, uhh..I dunno. HA.

And, after eating and eating, and the upsetting bills were about to be settled, the stupid waiter came again. But this time, he was the one who's supposed to get our paid bill or something. I dunno about YOUR experiences, but waiters aren't supposed to examine and especially COMMENT on how outstanding your bill was. Like anybody wil ever give you credit if you do that.

Okay, let me tell you what the stupid waiter did. After Bianca handed this thick thingy were our precious bills were clipped unto, he examined it and gave us a VERY surprised expression. And then he said.."Ay! Ang laki naman ng bill nyo! Ang lalakas nyo kumain ahh!". And guess what he did next.



Oh My Freaking Gawd.



He suddenly patted my shoulder, which to my surprise, led for him to repeat his last sentence which is,"ang lalakas nyo kumain ahhh!". My face is all screwed up, and I was all flabbersgated in what HE did. And please, don't like pretend that you don't know the significance of that shoulder-pat incident. And then he held up his hand and said."jok lang! Isang bagsak nga dyan!", which made me AND Rica want to throw up everything we ate at that Freak Restaurant.


I. Will. Never. Ever. Eat. At. Rai. Rai. Ken. Ever. Again.




ooh.. Except when they do this dare in t3 where you have to eat Rai Rai Ken's very big makis 4 at a time, and I'll succesfully win my baby, MacBook Pro.



------------



I went to Podium afterwards with my mom and 2 brothers to buy new books to splurge my time on. I mean, come on. I REALLY know better than to finish that Geometry book that's always hidden benath my wildest dreams.

As I entered the bookstore, it struck me that I will buy a fiction book that's not mushy, nor sexually-aggreviated. It really hit me last week when I finshed Digital Fortress that I should read more of this mystery/thriller things rather than getting VERY twisted in kilig in stupid books like The Princess Diaries. Like Mia Thermopolis and Michael Moscovitz didn't made my pants on fire. Hell yeah.

After an hour of searching and searching....I first ended up with this book called 'Love Handles of Lord Vishnu', but suddenly saw this very related-to-my-life book in the dark corners of the shlef, stomped by senseless romantic books like 'Tight' and 'Porno'[hmm..]. That book was 'Conversations with the Fat Girl' by Liz Palmer. Woah. Can you be more actual than this?

I bought my sister this new book by Sophie Kinsella, called 'The Undomestic Goddess", which is much more like Shopaholic. Duh, like look at the author, dumbass.

I also bought Bob Ong's latest book, which I've been very planning to buy since last year, called 'Stainless Longganisa'. Talk about a bookworm, I'm feeling like I'm one. Well, not the Sir Al bookworm type. That's too worm-ish. Imagine yourself ending up buying 4 books just because you can't find this book you're looking for ages. I'll just walk out of the bookstore instead, or buy myself a Mini Clipper.

Currently reading on: Valence Electrons(You'd probably think I would read on those books I bought, but nooo. I ended up reading on stupid electrons instead. Cruel, cruel world.)
Currently listening on: Chamillionare
Currently feeling: Bloated and Thirsty. God I want a Coke, but I'm in this no-Coke-or-any-other-soda diet ever since my soda-addicted-and-ended-up-diabetic uncle was rushed to the hospital. Geez.

Dante's Inferno quiz

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

And for everyone's information, I'm on the 7th level. HA.

Right. You are Dante's descendant.

I want to smoke.


No, really.


No joking here.

I don't know if it's because of these people around me who uhhh..smokes, or I 'm just bedazzled by these series of dreams.

Monday dream
-I dreamt that I was smoking with the most unimaginale person ever, R. Oh God. You so suck. The scenario was all about R offering me this puff-ready smoke. And, when I inevitably blew it, this green smoke came out of the cancer stick. I woke up laughing after that.

Wednesday dream
-I dreamt that Marian went inside my room and we talked about stuff about the wierdest topic ever, coffee. And then she went out to buy snacks for us to enjoy. And when she came back, she gave me a box of Marlboro, and said, "Sorry, baliktad ung nabili ko. Ayaan mo. masarap din yan". Again, I woke up teary-eyed because of happiness.

Thursday dream
-I dreamt that my dad and I went to this mall in Poland where all people smokes. I swear. It looks as if in order to let out the carbon dioxide in their bodies, those Polish people had to breathe through the stick. God, this sucks.

And, on my way to school, I was listening to Chico and Delle's news at 17 in the Morning Rush. And guess what the news was all about. YES. Celebrities launched this certain quit-smoking program for other celebrities. And, the climax of the news that definitely bounced me off my ass is when Amanda Griffin stated that it's very hard to quit, when you start picking the stick. God, I swear I think it was meant for me.

---------

I am very pissed off today. I have this classmate who is ALWAYS mad at me for very unknown reasons. Honestly, I don't even know her stupid reasons why she keeps bitching me off.

I can be a bitch and a friendly and nice person. I try to be more of a friendly and nice type to my classmates as much as I can because I don't want to cause myself and that person a minor stir.

And yes, my mom was right after all. People just don't appreciate any good and up to what extent it is that you're doing. When you say hi, she'll just roll her eyes at you. When you say sorry, she'll snap the bitch out of you. When you are trying to be nice, and asking why she keeps getting mad at you for no apparent and VERY CONCRETE reasons, she'll kill your inner conscience for being nice at her.

And the wierdest stuff about it is that she only acts this bad when we're out of the classroom. I mean, when you are LITERALLY talking with her inside the classroom, she acts really normally, as if she's sorta my friend or anything.

Well classmate, I'm sorry that I'm acting like myself. I'll try to be more of a fake sometimes.

Like I can.

---------

I watched Napoleon Dynamite earlier. Now I know why it wasn't shown in the Philiipines on time; It was über-cool.

I seriously want the 'Vote For Pedro' shirt Napoleon was wearing in support for his friend, Pedro Sanchez, a new mexican student who wanted to be Class President.

Honestly, I thought Pedro Sanchez was a Filipino in the movie. Yes, if it wasn't for the Mexican flag in his bike, I would've been proud that Pedro Sanchez resembles a modern-day Mr. Suave with his wig.

Just look at the VERY hilarious dance scene in the movie:




I swear I want to dance the exact dance in the much-awaited prom.

yeah right.

--------




Currently crushing on: John Heder
Currenly listening to: my conscience.
Currently reading: my Geometry book. I'm halfway through.