To The Love of My Life

I HAD to take down the song. It was pathetic. I don't really like it now.

How about I find you now so things would get better?
I'll take you to a special place where there's only me and you.

Blg. 2

Ang Nakaraan:

Marami akong ginawa. Naligo, nagbihis, at naglakad. Labis na pag-iisip ang aking ginawa para maayos ang mga gawaing ito.

Ngunit may mali. Masakit mang isipin na ako'y nagkamali, kailangan ko itong tanggapin at itama.

Ano nga ba ang maling iyon?

Blg. 2 - Ang Mali

May dumaan na jeep na papuntang Crossings. Sinundan lamang ng mga mata ko ang rumaragasang jeep na dadalawang tao lamang ang laman. Naglapat ang mata ko at ang mata ng driver, na para bang plit akong kinakausap at pinapasok sa loob. Sumakay ka na, parang awa mo na. Feeling ko sila lang ang pasahero ko forever! Pag sumakay ka na, at least dalawang tao na ang madadagdag! Please naman oh! animo'y kaniyang sinambit. Ngunit matatag ako; hindi ako nagpapilit sa isang hunghang na katulad niya. Niligaw ko ang aking paningin sa daan pabalik sa aming tahanan. Alam kong may mali, kung kaya't ang paraan lang para maayos ang maling ito ay bumalik ako sa bahay upang magpalit ng damit.

Nararamdaman ko ang pagtulo ng pawis sa aking likod at noo; parang gripong ayaw sumara ang pores ko. Binilisan ako ang lakad dahil alam kong parating na siya. Oo, siya nga.

Ang araw.

How could you do this to me, Kuya Kim? Linggo-linggo naman ako kung manood ng Matanglawin, at maliban kay Marc Logan eh ikaw lang din ang inaabangan ko pag TV Patrol. Tapos nagsinungaling ka sa akin ngayon, sabi mo kaya kagabi uulan! Nag hoodie pa tuloy ako, parang tanga lang! Huhu.. Kumakalog sa aking isipan ang ginawa ni Kuya Kim sa akin, para bang ako'y pinagtaksilan ng aking mahal; nanunuot ang sakit na dinulot sa akin ng maling forecast na iyon. At sa kasamaang palad, ang sakit na iyon ay nasa form ng pawis. Oo, nanunuot na talaga ang pawis sa aking likod.

Pagkabukas ng aming kasambahay ng pintuan ng bahay, dali-dali akong umakyat papunta sa aking kwarto para magpalit. O Diyos ko po, iilang metro pa lamang ang aking nalakad mula doon sa kanto, basa na kagad ang likod ng t-shirt ko. Naghanap ako ng panibagong isusuot, at padabog na ibinato ang itim na panlamig sa aking kama. Para bang hinugot ko mula sa aking likod ang itak na kanina pa nakasaksak; sadyang napakasarap sa pakiramdam.

Bago ako lumabas ulit ay nagkatinginan kami ni labidabs. Binusisi ng mga mata ko ang kanyang nag-iisang mata. Hmm, mamasa-masa. Siguro'y nagluksa siya sa desisyon ko kanina na iwan siya. Pero dahil nagkamali ng si Kuya Kim, aba'y pwedeng pwede ko na siya dalhin. Hinablot ko ang aking mahal na camera at ako'y nagmadali ng lumabas ng bahay para makahanap ng masasakyan.

Nang ako'y nakatayo na sa may kanto, heto't di ko na naman alam ang sasakyan ko. Sa dami kasi ng uri ng transportasyon na pwede kong sakyan papunta sa MRT station sa Shaw Boulevard sa Mandaluyong, hindi ko na alam kung ano talaga ang sasakyan ko. Maari akong maghintay ng jeep na diretso na sa Crossing, pero medyo mahirap na gawin ito dahil mag-aalas siyete na. Maari din naman akong mag-tricycle papunta sa palengke at doon maghanap ng jeep papuntang Crossing, ngunit pihikan kasi ako sa tricycle at lahat ng tricycle na gusto kong sakyan ay puno na pagdating sa aming kanto. Maari din naman akong mag-taxi na lang para wala ng proble-problema, pero hindi ako ganun ka-willing magbayad ng isang daang piso para lang dalhin ako ng taxi driver sa aking destinasyon.

Hindi naman ako nagmamadali, dahil alas-nuebe pa ang aking pasok. Pero ayoko na tumayo doon at maghintay dahil mukha akong tanga. Nakikita pa ng mga dumadaang motorista ang aking pagmumukha, baka silay' mapahamak pa. Kung kaya't nung may nakita na akong taxi, aking pinara ito at pumasok na sa loob.

Mabait si Manong Driver. Hindi siya tulad ng ibang driver ng taxi na nasasakyan ko pag umaga na mas masungit pa sa isang dalagang may buwanang dalaw, at maternity pads na ang ginagamit sa sobrang lupit ng daloy ng kanyang dugo. Tapos pag sobrang sungit pa, hihingi pa siya ng dagdag na para bang sobrang layo ng aking destinasyon. Pero dahil mabait si Manong Driver, hindi siya nanghingi ng dagdag. Nagkwentuhan pa nga kami tungkol sa mga boundary ng aming napaka-laking village. Natawa siya noong sinabi kong hindi na sakop ng Pasig ang aming village dahil ito'y masyado ng liblib. Mula sa dulo ng mala-Beverly Hills na runway hanggang sa may tulay, Pasig iyon. Pag tawid ng tulay, Cainta na. At pag napunta ka pa sa may kadulu-duluhan, Taytay na. Tuwang tuwa si Manong Driver sa sinabi kong iyon. Binabalak niya ata mag-joyride sa aming village sa kanyang free time.

Inabutan ko siya ng isang daang piso nang kami'y makarating na sa may MRT Shaw. Nagpasalamat ako, at naglakad papunta sa elevator. Wrong timing na naman ako. Alas-siyete na kasi ng umaga, at alam kong patayan na ang lahat ng commuters ng ganitong oras; mapa-emplayado man o estudyante. Minsan nga pati yung mga baguhan o newbie eh umaangkas na rin sa tren, yung tipong trip-trip lang makipagsiksikan para may maipagmalaki na sila sa kanilang mga pamilya. Di ko alam kung pano naipagmamalaki na nasiksik ang ulo mo sa isang kili-kili ng isang pawisin na manong, o kaya'y natulak palabas ng napakaraming tao sa isang istasyon na hindi mo naman talaga bababaan.

At dahil patayan hour pa sa tren, ako'y naupo muna sa upuan sa may ilalim ng escalator. Aking nilabas ang aking iPod at nagsoundtrip muna habang pinapalipas ko ang oras at ang mga taong atat na atat na makaalis sa istasyon. Biglang dumating si Carla dela Cruz, isang makulit na kaibigan mula sa aking eskwelahan dati at ngayo'y nag-aaral din sa unibersidad kung saan ako'y nag-aaral. Sa kasamaang palad. si Carla ay isang Chemical Engineering major, kung kaya't ka-kolehiyo ko rin siya. Minsan lang talaga ay gusto ko na siyang hambalusin gamit ang aking mahiwagang grap kit para nang siya'y tumigil na sa kaka-asar sa akin. Makapal kasi ang kanyang mukha at talagang ipinapalangdakan niya ang kanyang pang-asar sa akin kahit na kami'y nasa kalagitnaan ng daan o McDonald's. Ganoon talaga katigas ang kanyang mukha.

Mabuti naman at noong nagkita kami ng umagang iyon sa may MRT station, maayos siyang tao. Siguro ay ganito siya pag umaga; pwede pang kausapin ng masinsinan. Hindi ko na tinanong kung anong oras ang kanyang unang klase dahil alam kong alas-otso iyon dahil alas-siyete y media na at nandoon na siya. Naalala ko na nainggit ako kay Alyssa Flores kahapon, isang kaibigan din na aking ka-eskwela dati at ngayon ay ka-kolehiyo na namin ni Carla, dahil ipinagyayabang niya sa akin na nabenta na niya ang kanyang grap kit sa halagang 3,500 pesos sa tulong ni Carla. Dahil mukha akong pera at napakalaking kalat lamang ang grap kit na iyon sa aming kwarto, gusto ko rin na ibenta yun at makakuha ng pera pambili ng tripod o lente o kung ano man na trip kong bilhin. Tutal, isang tech pen lang naman ang ginagamit ko mula doon sa hinayupak na grap kit na iyon (at ginagamit ko lamang iyon pag wala akong pambili ng bolpen. Nakakahiya nga gamitin minsan sa aming klase dahil lahat ay napapatingin at napapa-reminisce ng wala sa oras. Makapangyarihan talaga ang Rotring 0.35.), kailangan na talaga siya ibenta.

Nagpahanap ako kay Carla ng buyer ng aking grap kit dahil siya lang ang may tamang thickness ng mukha na makaka-kumbinsi sa mga frosh na may kursong Engineering Graphics ngayong term na bumili ng grap kit mula sa amin. Humingi siya ng commission sa kanyang pagbebenta, at ako'y pumayag na lang. Wala akong magagawa, kailangan talaga bayaran ang magagaling na tulad niya. Habang hinihintay ni Carla at ang kanyang kasama ang sunod na tren, napatingin ako sa akin kaliwa at nakita ko naman ang aking kaibigan na si Crissa Tenorio, isang kaibigan mula sa dati kong eskwelahan at ngayon ay Computer Science major na sa unibersidad kung saan ako'y pumapasok. Mukhang kanina pa siya nakatayo doon at ng nakita na niya ako, siya'y lumapit sa akin. Nag-usap kami sandali at siya'y tumayo na rin sa pwesto nila Carla.

Dumaan ang tren, at nakasakay na sina Carla. Sa kasamaang palad, hindi pa rin nakasakay si Crissa. Nais ko sanang malungkot at mag-emphatize, ngunit paano ka malulungkot kung na-LSS ka sa kanta ni Pitbull na I Know You Want Me? Pinanood ko lang siya at ang iba pang mga tao na naghihintay ng tren. Shet, ang dami nila. Mag-eexpire na ang aking tiket at kung di pa ako sumakay, magkakaron na naman ako ng pahiya moment sa paglabas ko sa turnstile sa MRT station sa Taft. Para ito'y maiwasan, hinintay ko muna makasakay ng tren ang mga tao at ng naubos na ang isang parte, ako'y pumuwesto na.

Andiyan na ang aking sundo. Tumingin ako sa likod at nagulat sa dami ng tao sa likod ko. Nako, malupit na tulakan na to. Instant mosh pit na naman ang pintuan ng tren, at sana lang ay wala akong masaktan na masungit na tao. Ayoko talaga ng sinisigawan ako sa umaga dahil ako'y napipikon sa ganun. Mabuti naman at nag-moshing ang mga tao ng maayos. Natulak ako papunta sa gitna, at ako'y humawak na sa handrail.

Boni Ave.

Guadalupe.

Buendia.

Ayala.

Magallanes.

Habang binabaybay ng tren ang mahabang riles papuntang Taft Avenue, naramdaman ko ang pag-vibrate ng aking telepono na nasa loob ng aking bag. Pagkatingin ko sa screen: "Chino Sun mobile.. slide to answer". Akin sinagot ang tawag ng aking kaibigan na dapat ay nasa classroom na ngayon dahil alam kong alas-otso rin ang unang klase niya sa araw na iyon. Sinagot ko gamit ang aking mahinang boses dahil ayoko na may makarinig sa pag-uusap namin.

Chjno: "Oy."

Ako: "Oh baket?"

Chino: "Ano nga ba ulet yung Cosine Law?"

Ako: "HINDI KO ALAM!"

Umagang umaga, cosine law kagad ang tinatanong. Sa totoo lang, alam ko naman talaga ang cosine law. Yun nga ang pinakapaborito kong parte ng Trigonometry eh. Madali lang kasi paglaruan ang mga variables nito kung kaya't madali lang din matandaan. Pero ayoko sabihin kay Chino noong oras na yun dahil alam kong pagtitinginan ako ng mga tao. Baka isipin nila na alien ako (na medyo totoo).

Nang nakarating na ang tren sa huling istasyon, ako'y bumaba na at nagmadali papunta sa exit. Tinanggap ng turnstile ang aking ticket at muli itong niluwa sa taas, at ako'y nagmadali na naman papunta sa LRT Edsa. Oo, alam kong 9:40 pa ang klase ko, at mag-aalas-otso pa lamang sa orasan ng istasyon ng tren. Ngunit hindi ko talaga alam kung bakit ako nagmamadali.

Pagkasakay ko ng tren papuntang Vito Cruz, biglang nag-flashback ang lahat ng nangyari saken ng umagang iyon. Naramdaman ko ang urge na isulat ang lahat ng iyon sa aking blog na nilalangaw na. Kung kaya't pagkalabas na pagkalabas ko ng istasyon, ako'y nagmadali na papunta sa Microsmith sa EGI at sinulat ang lahat ng ito.

May saysay pala ang araw na ito.

Blg. 1

Aking sinet ang alarm clock ng aking telepono sa oras ng alas-singko ng umaga upang ako'y magising. Sa paggawa ko nito, nadagdagan ko ang bilang ng gigising sa akin. Nariyan ang kapatid kong aking kasama sa pagpasok sa unibersidad para sipain ako upang ako'y magising nang kami'y makapasok na sa aming eskwelahan. Nariyan din ang aking mahal para na sa kagustuhang gisingin ako ay gumigising pa ng alas-singko ng umaga para ako'y gisingin lamang. At ngayo'y nandirito na ang alarm clock ng aking telepono na walang tigil na mag-va-vibrate hanggang hindi ko sya binabato.

Ngunit sa lahat ng mga ito, ang aking mahal lang talaga ang may mahiwagang kakayahan na ako'y gisingin. Kapag pangalan niya'y aking nakikita sa screen ng aking telepono, ako'y nagigising at gumagalaw na, na para bang siya'y aking kamahalan. Hindi naman sa ako'y takot sa kanya, ngunit dahil sa sobrang pagkatuwa ko na binigyan na naman ako ng Diyos ng isang araw para gawin ang mga gusto ko sa buhay at iparamdam ang aking pagmamahal sa kaniya at sa aking mahal.

Ganoon na nga ang nangyari kaninang umaga. Inumaga na naman kami ng tulog dahil kami'y nag-usap sa telepono kagabi. Kung kaya't sobrang hirap ko gisingin kanina, pati ang kapatid at alarm clock ko'y sumuko na. Ngunit ng siya'y tumawag na, ako'y nagising at tumayo na; nakangisi pa na parang batang kilig na kilig sa isang eksena ng koreanovelang Boys Over Flowers.

Ako'y nag-ayos na ng aking sarili, pero bago ko pa man piliin ang isusuot ko sa araw na iyon, ako'y sumilip sa labas ng aking bintana para tgnan kung tama ang forcast ni Kuya Kim para sa panahon ngayong araw. Tama, tama siya. Makulimlim sa labas, at medyo basa pa ang bintana. Halatang umulan na naman ng malakas kagabi, at baka umaambon na naman ngayon. Kinuha ko ang aking paboritong statement shirt, at ang aking pantalon. Hindi ko na mahanap ang panlamig kong kulay orange na may mga bangka bangka na cute at maganda tignan. Sayang, ang ganda ganda pa naman nun. Kung kaya't aking kinuha na lang ang Quiksilver kong panlamig na aking ginamit kahapon na wala rin namang kwenta dahil noong umulan ay nasa loob ako ng V305, nakikinig sa aking propesor sa pinagdidiinan ang mathematical statement na dv=dv, at v=v. Wala namang kumokontra sa kaniya dahil wala namang ka-kontra kontra sa kaniyang pag-integrate.

Sinuot ko na ang hoodie na iyon, at sinuot ko na rin ang pinakamamahal kong dog tag at wallet na may nangangasim pang lanyard. Kaka-laba ko lang ng lanyard na iyon noong nakaraang linggo at ngayo'y nangangasim na siya kaagad. Siguro ay maasim na nga talaga ang leeg ko, kung kaya't ang pawis ko'y pwede ng ipanglaban sa Knorr Sinigang Mix na ginagamit ng aking nanay pag siya'y naglulutong sinigang na bangus. Pagbalik niya mamaya ay sasabihin kong pigain na lamang niya ang aking lanyard pag siya'y magluluto ulit ng sinigang na bangus para kami'y makatipid.

Matagal kaming nagkatinginan ni labidabs, ang aking camera. Gusto kitang dalhin, alam mo naman yun eh. Pero umuulan, labidabs. Mahal kita, ayaw kitang mabasa at masira, aking sambit sa kanya. Bobo ka ba? Waterproof ang bag mo. Ang sabihin mo, tinatamad ka lang mag fill out ng entry pass para sa akin! Dalhin mo na ako, parang awa mo na. Namimiss ko na ang crush ko.. si I.. , sabi niya. Ngunit kahit ano pang pagpupumilit ni labidabs, siya'y aking iniwan sa ibabaw ng aking study table.

Pagkababa ko, aking hinanap ang paborito kong sapatos, ang dilaw at itim na checkered na Vans ko. Mahal na mahal ko ang sapatos na ito. Kahit pa minsa'y napagkakamalan akong emo ng mga tao pag ito'y suot ko, hindi ko siya hihiwalayan. Hanggang matapos ang term, siya lang ang isusuot ko.

Matapos kumain ng aking kapatid, kami'y pumunta na sa kanto upang mag-abang ng jeep. May Crossing United na dumaan, ngunit hindi muna ako sumakay. Pinauna ko na ang aking kapatid at ako'y nagpaiwan sa kanto.

Parang may mali.

Itutuloy...

I Just Blogged 11

Dear You,

You have no idea how much of a pain in the heart you've been lately. It's not that you're starting to get in my nerves, or your face is irritating the hell out of me. In fact, I don't really know why you're causing me so much pain and yet, I am tolerating all of it.

Stop invading my dreamland. I dreamt last night that you were holding my arm in a weird way. We passed by to that place in school where my friends hang out. After seeing us two, they started to act really weird because they can't believe that a "heartthrob" like you would waste your time holding the arm of a piggidy like me. They started chasing us with pitchforks and those other things the mob in the movie Shrek would use to hurt Shrek. You carried me up to the fourth floor of the Gokongwei building, and you just suddenly vanished. I entered my G404 and there goes my gay professor, advocating gay marriage.

Well, that's when it all ended.

Love,

Me

------------------------------

I don't have the heart to explain every little thing that happened since my last post, so I guess I'll just put it this way:

Birthday was fun.

School is fun.

Being a sophomore is fun.

The subjects are fun.

The classmates are fun.

My schedule is fun.

LBYEC71 is fun.

But I'm not happy.

One Hour

And so, with one hour left in the clock before I turn 18 and get my legal ass up in the adult world, I'm here sitting in front of the computer, wondering why in the world I'm being all sentimental about all of this 18-ness. It's not like I'm gonna die when the hands hit the number 12, or I'm gonna get really cranky and just eat everyone's ass in an instant.

But, I don't know. Maybe the mere fact that I'm gonna leave adolescence is starting to kick in already, and I'm still not ready to welcome it, so it seems. 

When I was a kid, I would always count those big number of years before I reach my 18th year. I was so obsessed by the idea of being able do 'for adults only' things because it tickles my curiosity like hell. I remember this particular scene during my younger years when I caught my aunt and maid watching porn in my dad's room which used to be the room where I literally lived way back then. I was about to get my school stuff from dad's room but unluckily, the door was locked. I knocked lightly at first and abruptly, it shifted into heavy pounds because seemingly, they can't hear my knockings. My aunt opened the door and when she saw me, she quickly motioned to close the door again. But yours truly, being all weirdly athletic and stuff, showed her how much of a reflexive little girl I am by rapidly pushing it back. She was trying to get me out, and God, you don't know how much I wondered why. My face became really hot and I can feel my own tears strolling down on my fat cheeks. When I sensed that my aunt's force is getting weaker and weaker as I get stronger (strong enough to push that hell of a door all the way), the television caught my attention. In the scene, there were a boy, and a girl. And the boy was seemingly inserting something to the girl's organ.

Wait, what? That organ looks like the one that I have..

And well, when my aunt saw my exprssion, she pushed the door and said these words to me: "Pang mga 18 and above lang yan, umalis ka na!" (This is for 18-year olds only, go away!). And since then, my freaking curiosity killed me. Why is it that it's only for 18-year olds? What's so special about reaching that age anyway? 

Years passed by and before I knew it, I'm an hour away from finally being 18.

So, to celebrate my 18-ness, am I gonna watch porn all day? Well, not really. Surely, there is more to life than porn and promiscuity. If I focus too much on those things then it won't even be a wonder if I'll end up like those teenage mothers. I mean, not that somebody would get me pregnant or something. I'll probably get pregnant by myself.

It's not that I've waited for so long for me to become an adult already so that I'll be able to watch porn relentlessly. I guess my inner wanting to get hold of self-maturity and understanding made me wait much further.

And now, I'm finally gonna get them.

The gargantuan amount my mother and father spent for my 18th birthday party cannot hold a candle to self-maturity and understanding. These two are gonna get me to places I've never been to. I may not know what those places are, but I'm sure my parents are still gonna be proud of me.

Thank you all for growing up with me and witnessing the pain and happiness I experienced during my teenage years. 

Oh look. Only a minute to go. I guess it's a Happy 18th Birthday for myself already.

You Are Invited

In celebration of my upcoming 18th birthday, my mom is planning to throw me a birthday party for our friends. And by our, I mean her friends who have like, families of their own already. She even instructed me to clean up the living room and set up my Guitar Hero band set so the kids can play with it and stuff. Did I already mention that I'm gonna turn 18? I did? Oh. I guess mom didn't know that.

So yes, for all of you who knows where I live (because I don't have the heart to sketch a map for those who doesn't. I live in freaking Greenwoods, for Christ's sake. If you don't know where the hell that is, then I'm sorry, but you're a failure; an epic failure. ) please do come to my house for my 18th birthday celebration. It'll be fun, I promise. There will be pesky kids and balloons with "Happy 18th Birthday, Oyen.. Love: Mama and Papa" written on it. If you want to take home a balloon, a minimum fee of fifty pesos will be collected. I'm sorry, but balloon strings cost a lot these days. 

But seriously, it will be fun if you guys would come. Free food and soft drinks and juices by day, free flowing drinks by night (HARD, really hard. You know how much of a drunkard my mom is, hello.). Smoke all you want, my mom and the neighbors won't give a shit about it. Since I don't drink anymore, I guess I'll just watch you all pass out one by one. I'll have our pails ready, and the maids are more than willing to clean your messes up. Barf at me, and I swear to God you won't get to live the same way ever again. Airbeds are ready for those who are gonna be too drunk to find their way home.

STRICTLY no guests (unless he/she is my friend or something). I'm sorry. I'm still an introvert, after all. I am still so fucking constrained to my group of people. I deserve to die.

Come in any attire you want, be it just the usual shirt and shorts and slippers or some weirdass costume that you, for some reason, happen to have. Like that Barney costume my friends and I saw behind the tv cabinet in our classroom back in high school. Weirdest shit I've ever seen. Seriously, who even owns a Barney costume? And what the fuck for?

If you want to play Guitar Hero non-stop, I've got some bad news for you: our Wii, being all primitive and stuff, overheats and shuts down after 45 minutes. I know, it sucks like hell. I can't even finish a game without being pissed off by it all. So yeah, just bear with the poor thing. 

Save the date: May 22, 2009. It's a Friday, and I really reaaally hope you'll all be there. I'm sorry if I wasn't able to come to your respective parties before, but please do let me make it all up to you guys. Come on. Three days after that day, I'm gonna be back in school and I won't get to hang out with you all again. 

It'll be better too if you will all come in the afternoon, when all the kids are gone and we adults can play already. We adults. Man, that sounds so.. adult-y. 

------------------

Kyla Patron Tequila (I'm Drunk On Margarita), Happy Birthday... :)

Save Reality

It's practically normal to stay up till the early hours of the morning during vacations. It's like a freaking norm on its own; to sleep early is just as weird as weirdness can really get. I for one have been witness to my own sleeplessness during term, christmas, and summer breaks and sleeping as early as 10pm made me a top loser for a week. Not that I was affected by it all or anything (I was.).

This summer, sleep time did not usually go beyond 3am, because that's the time when both Alejandro and I are already sleepy. Often times when he would call me, the call would end at 3am. And when we're just exchanging text messages, the last of text messages would usually come around before 3am. So obviously, 3am is the farthest I've been this summer. 

Well, the 3am streak ended this morning.

I did not intend to do a Monica (read: asleep in the morning, awake during the night and the early morning), because I don't want my menstruation to be absent for three months again. You just don't know how suspecting some people can get. Last 2007's christmas vacation, when my mom learned that blood has not been flowing out of me for almost three months, she almost took me to her friend who's a midwife, reckoned that I might be pregnant or something. I explained to her that there is simply no way that THAT's gonna happen because:

1. I am so not for pre-marital sex. Do I look like someone who does?

2. THAT boy broke up with me like, five months ago already. Does it look like that I'm gonna give him another chance and let him fondle a part of my body in celebration?

3. And besides, even if I could've gotten a new boy during that time, I highly doubt that he will even try, let alone dare, to nail me. Do you think that a fatass can get laid that easily? I mean, not that I want to or anything, but you know (I hope you do.).

Speaking of menstruation, I remember telling this friend yesterday that I wish God had given me some extraordinary reproductive organ that doesn't spurt out dirty blood every 28 days instead of this V that I have, being a girl and all. She suggested the male genitalia, but I hesitated because I doubt that I'm gonna have friends with that. I need friends, you know.

Anyways, what was I talking about again? Oh yeah, 3am.

While talking to Alejandro, I was reading Lois Lowry's The Giver that I snatched from my brother's big plastic of school supplies they bought last week. God, I really wish my mom faked my gender and enrolled me in LSGH for my elementary education, at the very least. Think of all the good books I could've been forced to read! I can't believe my brothers are taking their good books for granted. One day, those books are gonna stand up for themselves. I'm gonna help them, I swear. (Like, yeah right.)

So yeah, the flow of the story was marvelous until I reached that chapter when The Giver asks the Speaker for a videotape of that morning's Ceremony of Release Jonas' father kept on talking about the day before. Turns out that the 'release to Elsewhere' meant death. Jonas' father killed that other twin who weighs much lesser than the other twin. I was so shocked with how the plot twisted right there and then, I mean, not that the concept of death is particularly new to me or something. I just found it really weird that a book can this be straightforward and meaningful and all. 

I finished the book at around 5am and right after that, I felt so haunted by my own fears (not necessarily death itself). I mean, what if we're also just a utopian world, a big world of mockery? I am finding this really impossible, since unlike those robotic people in the story, we have feelings and we can determine colors. But with all of these innovations technology is continuing to give us everyday, it seems that this place is slowly becoming like that of the Community. People are striving to make life perfect and needless to say, it's all languidly making us lose sense of things. Soon, love will probably just be an obsolete term, just like what happened in the story. And I sure don't want that to happen.

You may say that hell, it's just a freaking story, get over it. I try to tell that to myself too, but I know that there's gotta be a reason as to why Lois Lowry wrote The Giver. Authors don't just usually write stuffs because they feel like writing. Writing is not the same as eating, or any other daily habit because what you write concerns the society. Maybe she believes that it's time for us to appreciate the smaller things of life, because someday, they could all be just wisps of memories. 

And I don't want my surrounding to be just a memory. I want all of this to become a reality.

So after thinking of all these things over and over again, I forced myself to sleep at around 7 in the morning, in fear that I might die of sleeplessness today.

God. The Giver gave a new meaning to staying up till the morning. 

I think I just Monica'd.

I Just Blogged 10

I failed engineering physics last term. With this, I am one term delayed iff (if and only if) I will enjoy the rest of my college summers without even bothering to take summer classes for those subjects I failed. And it does really look like that I'm gonna be one term delayed because I'm having so much fun slacking off during summer time.

I am gaining a pound every minute. STOP BLAMING ME. It's the foods' fault, not mine.

I am starting to get pimples, right smack at what should be the end of my puberty years. I will not accept theories as to why these distracting red things are starting to pop out of my face, thank you very much.

My feet is experiencing the worst drought in history. I think they're trying to tell me that I should stop wearing slippers and ditch the whole homegirl getup. Fuck thos fake havaianas Chino bought me. Just fuck them, not me.

I am fearing that none of my friends will attend my 18th birthday celebration (let's just call it a celebration, just to be safe. I don't want people complaining about it if I call it a party because surely, I don't know how to throw one. I know how to celebrate, though.)


And you know, with all of these superficial problems I currently have, it's a wonder why I'm still not complaining about how my life is getting suckier and suckier each day. It's probably because I'm not getting any good things from complaining and in fact, it's also somewhat getting tiring already. It's not always fun to be so pessimistic, you know.

So yeah, before the 20th comes, I'm gonna present a list that will show you all that my life is not sucky, after all.

--------------

Baguio was fun.

Well, yeah, if it wasn't for the fact that we stayed in our house for almost half of the vacation time and ate till our tummies ached. The damn engine of our car failed to start twice, and for all we knew the battery couldn't take the friggin temperature drop.

And yeah, I couldn't too. But that's what made me fall in love with Baguio City more.

I can't wait for another round at the slopes.

Newsflash

So, here goes nothing.

As of this writing, I'm in cubicle #14 in an internet cafe in a famous shopping mall here in Baguio City. I don't have any idea why in the world I agreed to pay fifty pesos just to access the internet for an hour when I can just wait for two more days till we finally leave this cold city for Manila. All I know is, Chino texted me yesterday just to ask me if I have a new blog entry. It seems like the previous one is old news already, and my stalkers are probably dying to know my whereabouts. Unfortunately, due to time constraints, this entry won't be as elaborative as my other posts. So yeah. just bear with me, if you must.

1. Course card day went by roughly, as my professor figuratively smacked me in the face with my course card for physics with a faded 0.0 grade written on the final grade box. It was hard accepting my first failure, because as you all probably know, I've been such a physics nerd all my life. But in the long run, I realized that it was really my own fault as to why I failed engineering physics. I slacked off this term, and it's even a wonder that I was able to pass integral calculus.
I'll just do better next term and quit fooling my ass around so I won't get any 0.0's anymore.

Oh this is real bullshit. EPIC FAIL AT ITS BEST.

2. Surprisingly, my mom was able to drive all the way to Baguio from Manila without unleashing her usual hysterics that would commonly pop out when an MMDA officer would ask her to pull up on a curb. I'm proud of you, momma. You're such a good example to all other mothers out there. I swear.

Well, that's it for me. I'm out. See you all when I go back in Manila. :)

My Wonderwall

I used to think that people who are deeply in love are just the shallowest of all human beings. I mean, why the hell do you have to sacrifice things for some other person, when you can just enjoy those things on your own without giving them up? It's not being selfish, it's just living your life to its fullest. You sacrifice for yourself, not for others.

Well, those were the days when I was still heavily sourgraping about this boy who broke the shit out of my heart. I thought it was all real, then POOF! He just wanted my you-know-what all along. And since then, I've become such a skeptic when it comes to love. It was all "who needs love when you have Cadbury?", or to be more blatant, "why love when you can just eat?". God, my mantras suck big time. It's no wonder that I keep on getting fatter and fatter every single day. And as my days as a single fatass went by, the more torpid my heart became. I cussed at every romantic scene my eyes would fall into, and would sometimes think that the couples I would see at the train are about to break up. Damn, what a bitter pig.

And then, I met him.

We did not meet in a conventional way, but amidst that, I felt that he's far more different than any of those guys I've met before. It was also good to know that he's not my schoolmate, because for some weird reason, I just don't like the feeling of going out with someone from the same school as I am. It would be pretty boring, really. As days go by, exchanges of text messages became really incessant. There was this one time during the christmas vacation, when we practically just talked until the sun literally showed up outside of our windows. You would've thought that we've already gotten sick of talking to each other about almost everything, but it's as if we still thirsted for more and more and more chances of blabbing and blabbing. I thanked God for finally letting me meet a person that's as talkative as me.  

We made sense out of things that seemed so nonsensical: peeing in the pool, getting stuck in a cubicle of a washroom with no tissue, getting shit stuck in your nails, Pikachu's potential contribution to the MRT and LRT lines, and so on and so forth. We laughed at the most superficial of ideas the world has to offer. He would call me every Friday night and share dead air moments with me and still end up enjoying every single second of it. He would wake himself up at 5am in the morning just to give me missed calls to wake me up for school, even if his classes are in the late morning. Even if he gets to get home early because of his class schedule, he still waits for me in his school until I get dismissed so we can virtually go home together. And after talking to me for technically every minute of the day, he would still miss me. 

And everytime he would hug me, it's as if my heart's gonna break out of my chest any time. 

Now I understand why people choose to sacrifice for the person they love. It's not being blinded by your feelings or emotions, but it's about giving your everything for that person. He makes me feel that I deserve everything he's doing because I helped him change into a better person. I make him feel that he deserves every bit of sacrifice I'm doing because he brings out the best in me like no other can do. 

For you, thank you for coming into my life. You're everythng I've wanted and needed and more. :)

Because maybe

You're gonna be the one that saves me

And after all

You're my wonderwall 

Swimming in Chocolate

Let me tell you a story.

Yesterday was my final examination for LBYCH11/ChemLab. I did minimal studying the night before, yet to my surprise, I was still able able to answer the items. It sure was a good thing that the final examination was held at V415 or hence the drawing room, where the stools and drawing tables are far apart from each other. There was this one part in the test that wants us to identify the names of the illustrated laboratory apparatuses. I found the last item so hilarious (because of two things: I don't know what the hell it was, and damn, it sure does look like a friggin bottle.), that I kept on snickering like a pilyo kid. Good thing my nose holes flare up to a radius of 10cm.

So yeah, after the exam, my friends and I did our own errands and came together for our last regular day as freshman students. We reminisced those funny like HELL moments, which are all still lingering in our minds. Like that time when our algebra professor arrived wet n' wild, with just a few seconds remaining for the class to be adjourned because she's late, and that time when we were still getting to know each other, trying to get accustomed with everybody's personality. Ah, you just gotta love these eng people. They make even the corniest and cheesiest of jokes seem so hilarious. I don't want to spend my college life with anyone else other than you guys.

After trying to defy Chino's pulling arms as he dropped me off at the LRT station, I climbed upstairs to ride the train so I can go home and get myself some sleep already. But as I felt the heat getting stronger and stronger, I texted Monica and invited her for a dip in the pool. Who wants to sleep in this time of the day, when the sun's fucking everybody's brains out anyway? And man, I miss the pool more than anything else. I don't care if people would see my bulging fat, or end up getting a bad tan. I just want to swim and swim; my body's thirsting for some chlorine-infested water.

As I arrived home, I prepared my things and asked Monica to pick me up, since she loves driving anyway. I rummaged my mom's bathroom for a sunblock but sadly, I found nothing. Looks like I'm really in for a bad tan. But I didn't really care. I waited for Monica downstairs, and when she arrived, boy, I just felt this weird excitement all over me. I want to swim! Let's swim now! Please! JP! Rudy! Penguin! Man, I miss those good times. I remember asking my maid to ask my coach's name way way back, and the name 'dipri' was born. My coach's name is JP, actually. I don't know where the hell she got 'dipri'.

But Monica, being the bitch that she truly was, had to eat her super late lunch at their house. I just sat and watched her enjoy her meal, while my body was already begging me to plunge in the pool already. We went upstairs so we can get over the whole 'Ooh-look-I-have-a-rockband' thing already. And well, we played.

We friggin played.

And I swear to God, rockband is AWESOME. The microphone is awesome. The drum set is awesome. But the fender guitar? Nah, I'd rather play with my GH guitar. I had fun singing while Monica played with the drums. The drum set looks pretty complex, but after this term ends, I would spend every day playing that shit. And I want to spend my birthday in Frii Spirit, too. God, please send me some cash.

After completing System of A Down's Chop Suey, we left their house and walked our way to the village clubhouse. My eyes formed big circles as I saw the sparkling pool. We quickly payed the fee and picked a cottage to put our things in. I took off my clothes so rapidly and jumped in the pool as soon as i threw my towel on the bushes. 

And well, the rest of the afternoon was history. We bonded like two kids from different schools, talked about our professors and our subjects, and of course, our respective crushes. After she dropped me off at our house, I hurriedly went to my room to look at my face. My cheeks were burning and my arms are all tan. But I didn't dwell too much on how I really looked like, but it was how much everything has changed since, oh I don't know, forever? 

Yesterday was definitely the day that I realized how many endeavors I was able to get through already. I'll be leaving my teenage years in a month, and all I can say is, I am ready to face another chapter in my life. I was already able to get through my insecurities and be contented to what I already have during these years and I only have myself to thank for. I'm smart. I'm pretty. I'm responsible. I'm mature. And even if others would try to contradict everything I've said, you should know that I know myself better than all of you do. 

Womanhood? Sure. Count me in. 

--------------

I saw you again. 

I tried to divert my attention to something else, but to my misery, I failed.

It's you that I still want, and crave for.

It's you that I want to be with.

Cuz my heart starts beating triple time 
With thoughts of lovin' you on my mind 
I can't figure out just what to do 
When the cause and cure is you, you 

I love you. I really do. Please be with me. I'm ready to give in, I swear.

Damn you, chocolates. You got me again.

Get Out

I'm tired.

I hope that you can just get out. Oh, and not just you. I want everything that is connected to you be wiped out of my life this instant. Your house, your dog, your kind parents, your room, your lover, and your other lover... everything. 

I'm just so tired of this irrational friendship. Wait. Was it a friendship? 

I don't think so.

Just get out.

-----------------------

Resurgence

And so again, we shall all play pretend.

Let's pretend that none of you didn't read the last post, nor even bothered to visit the page after a year. Not much has changed, anyway. I'm now in college, and goddamn it, I'm still fat as hell. And no, I'm not moping. I am fat, and so I'm gonna be until I finally get my ass out of my bed and start doing laps in pool again, which is unlikely because I think I'm gonna spend the rest of my life understanding calculus and shitty vectors. Hmm, maybe after graduation. Or until somebody handsome enough would convince me to lose the fat so he could spend the rest of his life with none other than yours truly. 

Let's pretend that none of you knows me. I mean technically, nobody really does know me aside from those people who knows me personally. For the benefit of those who are now suddenly feeling that urge to know my name and whatnot, I'm Lorainne/Oyen (but I highly prefer the latter). I'm grumpy, conceited, and imbecile. Yet above all things, I'm euphorically peculiar and I don't think nobody (not even a hunk) can ever force me in changing into an ordinary person because obviously, I'm not. I'm exceptional, and you better know it.

Let's pretend that none of you don't have knowledge of my academic standing. As it is stated in my profile, yes, I am indeed an engineering student who is now struggling to pass her last quiz in integral calculus and engineering physics just so she can get a fucking 1.0 and get through those two subjects already. I used to be so grade conscious, but that was when I was still smart and my brain cells kept on increasing each day. Now, I only have about 5 brain cells, two of which is for calculus, and the remaining are for engineering physics. I know, I know...it really does suck to be me, after all. Amidst my enthusing greatness, I'm dumb. I can't even find the hydrostatic pressure of one side of a water tank to save my life. I'll just die in my own mathematical sorrows, I guess.

Now, do you think you've had enough of pretending?

Yeah, me too. I think I'll stop pretending that I really do wanna quit this thing because sincerely, I don't want to leave INTROVERSION. I miss pondering on the most useless of thoughts and still make something stupendous out of it, miraculously. I miss sharing my stupidity to my imaginary readers, because deep in my heart I know that they appreciate it. I miss cussing. Period.

And this comeback is NOT for my persuasive speech in one of my subjects. I just needed to feel that homey feeling, you know? Like I belong somewhere, and in that place, I'm loved. 

So far, INTROVERSION is the only place that can make me feel loved. Hell, I made this thing. It wouldn't be much of a wonder if my own creation would love me.

Yeah. I'm back. :)

Temporary Closure.

Did you ever had that moment when no matter how much you want to do something, you just can't anymore? It's as if something's holding you back, or you just kind of lost the touch of it and it's like everything's all German and alien again.

I wish that's what I'm feeling right now. I wish that writing here is just all German and alien so I can easily revive it with just a whip of a magic wand called knowledge. But sadly, it's not.

I know I'll be disappointing a lot of my non-existent readers with this, but I think that the time has come for me to stop blogging for a couple of months. You see, I've been doing this for quite a while... and by a while, I mean four years. I thought before that I won't get sick of writing and writing and writing, because through writing, I've learned a ton of things. Writing nonsensical things greatly improved my English, thus making me a better person that I am right now. It made my life less stressful, because I had an outlet where I can just shove all my burden in it. And surprisingly enough, people loved my burdens. I don't know how the fuck that happened.

But now, I'm starting to feel that INTROVERSION is starting to grow out of me. 

It's like a mere childhood toy that I do not enjoy playing anymore. It's like a book that I've read a bazillion times and now, I'm sick of it. It's like a clown, of whose antics I do not find funny anymore. 

It's not that I'm quitting; I'm just going to try to slow it down. It seems that writing here is something I wish I can do again, but I obviously can't anymore. College life has been more stressful than I have imagined, and I can't believe that I'm about to eat my words in saying that I just can't do this anymore. 

It's just a phase. Maybe I'll come back one day, ready to spill everything again.

I hope. 

Recessive

Yesterday, I went to school dressed like a girl. I mean, not that I wore a flamboyant dress like the one my friend Ayu would always wear to school, but yesterday, I wore my silver flats. Those silver flats are just so freaking girly, I don't think there's enough drops of hyperbole in this world to explain how girly they really are. And goddamn it, the pair attracts eyes of people like crazy, and consequently, people would look at my feet instead of my face. I can't believe my flats are prettier than me.

But of course, there's a reason why I wore those flats. My mom recently bought me this black skinny jeans that's probably two inches smaller than my waist. Well, for certain reasons that I have yet to find out, it was a perfect fit. It wasn't like my any other jeans; it didn't squeeze my waist and leave ugly marks all over, nor did it need a belt because it wasn't loose or something. Considering the fact that I really have big thighs, it looked good on me. For the first time, I think I found something that is meant for me.

I paired the jeans and the flats with my checkered polo and voila! I looked like a very presentable student for the very first time. For a student from the university's college of engineering, I guess I was overdressed. But it sure is a good thing that I only had AutoCAD for my class yesterday, because as evident as it seemed to be that I enjoyed what I wore, I did not. Dressing in that way made me feel really discrepant like hell. Maybe it's because I don't usually dress in friggin girly tops and bottoms.

And maybe I don't need to, because those type of clothing aren't just...oh I don't know... me?

But then again, I don't really know what got into me yesterday to be all girly and not like it. I guess you can blame our housemaid for all of this peculiarity. Apparently, she grabbed all of my jeans and placed them all inside the washing machine Thursday night. The only pair of of jeans that she left is the black one I'm telling you all about.

Why the hell am I not surprised?

------------------------------------

Last Monday, I was lounging outside of my classroom for SPEECOM, waiting for the INTECAL class to finish already so I can doze off for ten minutes inside. I guess I finished my long exam for my previous class (general chemistry) for that morning too early, and now I have to suffer the sheer boredom extra time gave to me. Amidst the fact that I have quizzes for algebra and physics later that day, I didn't feel like studying. Instead, I just did our assignment on Cramer's Rule just to kill time. By the time I was solving for the value of Dy, my eyes suddenly diverted to my classmate's hands. He's holding a yellow paper, a one-half crosswise yellow paper, to be exact. Oh shit. I forgot an assignment. Not again.

So I hurriedly asked Krissy for a paper and forced my mediocre brain to think of plausible yet ironically downright banal topis for my informative and persuasive speech. I quickly jotted everything that popped into my mind: the wonders of Poland, the different malls in the metro, food, music, and the global economic recession which, of course, seemed to be so far-out for engineering majors. And just by looking at the aforementioned topics, you can pretty much tell that there is no way that our professor could possibly find this interesting for the class. As for the persuasive topics, I wrote topics of my interest(photography, blogging...etc.) and ripped off Krissy's topics just to complete the list of five.

As it sourly turns out, the topics were due two days after that meeting. My face lost all of its color when I heard that the list of topics are to be passed on Wednesday instead. I pounded my fist on Cj's arm as he laughed crazily at my reaction. But well, being the pride-driven bitch that I truly am, I passed the paper hastily anyway, obviously not keeping in mind that I'm about to risk my capabilities.

Wednesday came, and our professor returned the list of topics to see for ourselves what shall we use for our informative and persuasive speeches. Amidst the fact that I scored a 10/10 for this highly-unprepapred homework, the topics my professor have chosen among the list I passed disappointed me to bits. I mean, yeah improving study habits for a topic for my persuasive speech is okay, but global economic recession for informative? I don't think so.

As interesting as it seems to be to me, I cannot, for the love of God, explain how ridiculously technical my topic sounds. People would come up to me and ask what is my topic for my informative speech, and when I would blurt out 'how the global economic recession started', they would have this weird grimace on their faces and would pretend that what I said made sense.

Well, I don't know. Just good luck to me, I guess.

Yaking

And now, I'm wondering why my life is getting more and more boring each day. Well for me, that is. I do the same shit every single week: for weekdays, I get up at 5AM, and go to school and pretend to listen and understand whatever goes into my ears. As for weekends, I do nothing but laze around and catalyze my fat reactions by eating and eating and eating. No wonder I've been getting so beefy these days and people would stare at me like I'm friggin sasquatch or something. Run for your lives, people. Gape at me more and I'll eat you all alive.

I'm also terribly sorry if I haven't been updating this crap of an online journal that often anymore. It seems that my life is just really meaningless now, and I have to do something fun and exciting again if I want this blog to keep its spot in the information superhighway. Let's see now, what do I have in mind..

What's that?

Nothing?

Nothing in Lorainne's mind? 

Well that's something strange. I don't remember being this random ever before. 

------------------

My speech communication subject is, surprisingly, killing me. As obvious that it may seem to be to my classmates that I am weirdly proficient in this subject, I am seriously not. Back in high school, I hated impromptu speeches because they were so damn boring and talking to bored high school girls about recurring topics already defines hell. I don't think any of us enjoyed it except for those who are just plain good at delivering speeches. Man, they're just gifted.

And now that I'm in college and my audience comprises mainly of teenage boys who couldn't care less about whatever somebody blurts out in front, I'm preempting that I'll get a very low grade for this subject. For one, I tend to mix up my own ideas when I'm already standing in front of my audience. I cannot organize them into a single flow right at the moment so when my mouth starts to babble, it babbles about nothing but jargon. I don't even know why people should listen to me when I talk, because I speak gibberish so fluently, you would really think that gibberish is really a language on its own.

Another matter would be my hardcore insecurity. I'll be of legal age by the end of the summer of this year, and for sure, my inferiority complex is still at its peak. It may not be all too obvious when you're with me because I don't tackle about my self-hesitancies (whether it may be of physical, mental, or emotional) right smack in your face, but that place in the back of my mind would always hit me like a freakin' pendulum. I am just too paranoid of what people would think of me as I speak in front of them. Is my stomach fat bulging out? Oh God is my baby hair sticking out again? Where the frigging fuck is my orange clip? Omigod I mispronounced that word! My future is definitely ruined! 

To make things worse, I can't afford to have a low grade in this class. For my two previous English subjects, I got a 4.0. So now you can definitely just imagine my dad's austere surprise when I get a 2.5, or even a 3 for this subject. He'll probably ask me how the hell did I just nail ENGLCOM and ENGLRES effortlessly and forget about the easiest subject ever, SPEECOM. 

Well, I'm sorry. What I know is I'm not oozing with confidence; something that will probably pull my inner public speaker out of my fat thighs and save me from getting a low grade in speech communications. It just so happens that I'm idealistic and talkative when I'm around people, not in front of them.

For those of you who are about to beg to differ, give me a life. 

Not Back.

As of this entry, I don't have friends anymore. I lost them all because I wasn't able to come to their party yesterday because there was this big conflict between me and my mom, and I'm sure as hell that nobody would even understand me. They would think that I slacked off, or just made up a story so I could find my way out of that party. But tell me, do friends even do that?

No. They don't. They don't lie about stuff like that. If I didn't intend to go to that party in the first place, I would tell you beforehand. And you can pretty much tell that I'm not lying because I told you all that I can't make it mere hours before the party. That's how things got so ugly right in the nick of time. You don't know how much your party means to me, how much I anticipated for it, how much excitement I felt for it, and how many preparations I made for it. Don't you guys ever think that I wanted that conflict to occur. That would be so rude and mean to me and my own mother. 

I just hope that you guys forgive me. 

-----------------------

Third term already started a week ago, and get this - I'm still alive. Remember how the first week of my second term gave me the impeccable impression that it was the deadliest thing ever? I even made a letter to God for it, for Christ's sake. That was how grim the first few days of second term was. And the succeeding days also proved to support my first impression, as I sinked down in my own academic turmoil. I never even thought that I could get out alive from that term.

But I did. I really did.

Compared to last term which I took about 8 units of nothing but mathematics, I only have two math subjects (or 6 units) this term, namely: integral calculus, and that latter part of my ENGALG1, engineering algebra 2. But with those 8 units comes another batch of 8 units. 8 friggin units of science courses which are engineering physics and general chemistry, together with their respective laboratory classes. I wasn't supposed to take them both at the same time, because that would be instant hell for me. But since my friends opted to follow the flowchart which is stating that both chemistry and physics must be taken up in third term, I have to go with the college flow if I want to have at least one friend I could talk to in a course. Well yeah I'm an introvert, but I'm an f-ing chatterbox as well. I can't shut my mouth up for ten minutes, and this is beginning to be such a challenge. 

So yeah, the first few days are fine. Contrary to my days in Velasco, I am now confident that I can take back my slot in the dean's list, if I put my every effort into my studies. I have nice professors to go with nice classrooms; that's right, my classes are now back in Andrew building. This means that I don't have to climb my way to my classes, since there are elevators in the said building. I have nice professors, which is a relief because pernicious courses doesn't go well with fatal professors. That would be death right there and then. 

And since third term means that I won't get to spend my classes with the same people all over again, I have nice classmates too. They all come from different engineering blocks, and some were even from other colleges. I'm beginning to love this diversity thing.

So yeah. I'm very much hoping that my first impression will last till this term ends and thus conlcudes my first year in college. I badly want to be a dean's lister again and cut classes like there's no tomorrow.

Kidding. Of course I want the glory of it all.

HIATUS

Give me a month to bring back my old self.

I'm so sorry.

:(

Congrats

I just want to show my sister that I know she's been reading my blog even if she keeps on denying it. Oh you bitch you. I saw my blog's screenshot in your Opera homepage yesterday and well, I'm just being proud here that you finally gave up your stupid pride. Nobody can just resist a trashy blog like this.

So in honor of what you are doing, I am making this out-of-the-blue entry just for you.

Congratulations for passing the DLSU-CET. I know my school is not really one of those places you want to study in, but the hell I care. I've been very open about my idea of not allowing you to enroll in the same school where I am currently taking up my degree, because I'd really hate it if we run into each other or be stuck in an elevator together. We've been in the same school for our primary and secondary education, and for Christ's sake I don't want us to be in the same educational institution for tertiary education. I want you to be in a place where you can be your true self, free from my sisterly captives. It'll be fun if you end up in the blue side, you know. At least Mom can now stop bragging about her Lasallite kids and forgetting about the fact that you are no Lasallite, and you never will be, because you're born to be one of them blue kids at Katipunan.

But still, hats off to you. I'm sorry for crossing my fingers all year long, hoping that you would fail this thing. What the hell was I thinking, anyway? You're smart, and there's no doubt that you can get through all things you want to go to. I may be smarter, but...well, you are good in cooking, though. To be an engineer, a cook, or a mathematician, I don't care what you will choose among these. I just want you to be happy in whatever decision you will make. Look at me now...I mean, I may look like a a panda with these ugly eye bags that the first term and second term of college undoubtedly gave me, but I'm still happy that I chose to be an engineer rather than my other dreams. There's a bright future for both of us, provided that we don't slack off and waste Dad's money. 

Oh and yeah, we have two more days left to clean our room thoroughly. Quit pretending that you're asleep so we can get through this shit already.

Again, congratulations!

MTH-CAP = BS Mathematics with specialization in Computer Applications whatever. As if I can remember the whole thing anyway. 

And to my non-existent readers who are wondering where the hell I am, my drafted posts will be hopefully and finally available here later. I'm sorry for forgetting that I do have a blog and a good one at that. I just had this HUGE block and it took me some time to take it out of my head. Thoughts are finally flowing and yeah, God is good. 

Happy New Year!