It is abominable in its every sense.
Very abominable. No. Terribly, at the most.
Thursday was a semi-hell day. Homeworks are still piled up in our bags, and everyone is being taunted by the urgency of the upcoming UPCAT, which unluckily would be on the fourth of August. But, I don't know. It was just a normal day for me, amidst that truckload of work I have to do at home. Way to go, CL scrapbook and Physics lab paper.
And then..
I texted Bianca, my seatmate, a mistake I was able to come across while analyzing the Bifocals experiment. I told her that the distance of the object should be 37cm, not 30. And so, she texted back, thanking me. But her message contained that ONE thing I never saw coming.
She said I passed Pauliworld. No, wait. She said, 'Congrats nga pala! Pumasa ka sa Pauliworld"
Of course, the first feeling I SHOULD have gotten was mere happiness. Um, hello? This is the biggest break I've gotten since The Holy Grail told me that he will enter me on a swimming competition. But like that swimming emulation, the first feeling I perceived was false pretense.
And GAH. It was really true after all. I really did pass the preliminary screening. And just like any other thing unrelated to math, I didn't take the test seriously. So you can just imagine my surprise when I found out the biggie news. Exaggeratively, I just gaped at a corner with my mouth slightly open. You can tell that I was, therefore, surprised.
The next day, I felt quasi-excited about me passing the school newspaper. But who knew that THAT happiness is just...for a short moment? Maybe I did, but I'm probably just so happy that I didn't let it out.
Yesterday was our college fair. I didn't know that yesterday was ALSO the day of the second screening. And, after my busmate(who's a member of the Pauliworld) had asked.."Ate, bakit di po kayo umattend sa second screening?", I felt that inner sadness somewhere in my flesh had swallowed my smile. I knew that in that very second, I failed to live up that chance of getting a very big break in my high school life.
So yeah, you can say that I'm the most stupid, idiotic, imbecilic, or whatever stupid adjective you can describe me, right now. I mean, how can I let a very big chance pass like that? It's probably understandable if it was all my pride's fault. But noooo. It was because my plain stupidity.
Goodbye Pauliworld. I never did enjoy the fame of passing your test anyway.
-----------------------------
I thought that school days are sucky enough to be called "Modern Day Dementors", but wait till you go through a college fair. It literally and metaphorically sucked the happiness from our bodies.
At first, I was excited about it. I mean, hello freebies! Brochures! Posters! The thought of carrying those things labeled with certain names of colleges/universities is very infatuating.
Going through to almost 30 colleges/universities with only thirty minutes of break(make that a lunch break) in between the morning and afternoon is probably the closest thing to hell. No, really. It was a wonder though, because all I did the whole day was to listen at the speakers of the varying schools, fill out information sheets, and stare at their brochures. Of all those institutions who came, the only one who caught my non-collegiate mind was Mapua. And that's it.
Mapua was very impressive. 98.99% of its graduates pass the board examinations for engineering. I was more than enthused. They may not be good in exercising the English language, but God. Look at that big percentile. I could be one of them in the near future. Or maybe, if I don't screw things up.
So, what? Goodbye to UP? I don't know. But that school is for quasi-smart asses. I think I wouldn't pass it for the world anyway. Or for ANY, for that matter.
-----------------------------
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Pucker up
Grandma and Grandpa did their same old thing again every Sunday. As usual, they ate with us downstairs, and brought with them godsend foods. If I hadn't slipped the time and venue of my UPCAT, then they would have just talked to my mom about Achilles, my baby brother that is still in my mother's womb. Why did I even bother to tell my UPCAT information? Boy, I sure am one chatterbox.
They scolded me after telling them my first choices for courses for those schools that I've entered into.
"Bakit ka mag-eengineering, anak? Bakit di ka na lang mag-accounting, o psychology? O mass communications man lang? Magaling ka naman makipag-usap sa mga tao eh! Anak naman!"
Imagine your grandmother shouting that to your face for a hefty 10 minutes. Worst case scenario: repeat that line from the moment you wake up, and try to stop it from repeating. Trust me, it wouldn't work. It's much worse than a broken record, as I see it.
I SERIOUSLY don't get it why they want me to take up girly-girl courses. Am I someone whom you guys would imagine that would be in an office wearing office clothes? Am I EVEN someone who likes talking about money, and chit-chat about producers and resources all over again in a conference room with my big-rollah laptop by which it is connected to a projector that is presenting a powerpoint presentation made by my professional expertise I was able to garner through my college education? GAH. Typing that was the most tiring thing I've done for the last three hours. What more would it be if I WANTED to be like that? No way, corporate world.
And yeah, of course they got mad at me for choosing a course that defines masculinity in its very sense. They probably can't accept the fact that their first granddaughter is actually a boy at heart, and who will refuse to wear office uniforms for the rest of her god-forbidden life.
By which, this is becoming really bad.
----------------------------
WHAT I DID TODAY:
1. I slept for only 3 hours, because I forced myself to finish the 7th and last installment of the HP series. Don't ask me if I was able to finish it. I think I just flipped the pages one by one, at the most.
2. I forgot my weekly budget thingy for Economics, which is ultimately bad, because I think Ms. Penyaflor is getting pissed off at me already. For the second time, I think. The first one was when I forgot to clean up our recycled papers box.
Ms. P: "Sino EFC chair nyo? *picking up a fork(Don't even ask me how the utensil got itself into a box for recycled papers)*
EFC members: "Si Lorainne po!"
Ms. P: "Lorainne bakit di naka-ayos tong box nyo?"
Me: "Miss di ko po alam."
Ms. P: "Ikaw ipapasok ko dito pag di mo to inayos."
And you can probably predict what I did right after Economics class. Well, good thing it was our last period for the day. I emptied the contents of the box right away and ugh, I felt sooo disintegrated after doing so.
3. This day quasi-revolved around a classmate, whom we think is beyond overconfidence. She's really really pissing me off, at the very least.
4. My elective sucks. No, really. It does. I don't even get it why I even considered taking up a language which I think will have the most few impact on my life.
5. I was sober for the rest of the day. Because of.
For the record, school is driving me sane. Not insane, but sane. But even if it is doing such, I'm still bored with school. Don't get me wrong, but it's not because I think that all the subjects are helluva easy for me; it's because I need something new to do at school. I'm tired of reading El Filibusterismo, solving for quadratic functions using God-knows-how-many ways, sleeping through a decade of rosary, and swimming during GIFT time(which is very absurd, because I've only done this once yet).
We should start a rebellion, or something like Luther's Reformation or just simply anything that would make things MOOOREE than interesting.
Because everything just seems to be bland.
Even me.
They scolded me after telling them my first choices for courses for those schools that I've entered into.
"Bakit ka mag-eengineering, anak? Bakit di ka na lang mag-accounting, o psychology? O mass communications man lang? Magaling ka naman makipag-usap sa mga tao eh! Anak naman!"
Imagine your grandmother shouting that to your face for a hefty 10 minutes. Worst case scenario: repeat that line from the moment you wake up, and try to stop it from repeating. Trust me, it wouldn't work. It's much worse than a broken record, as I see it.
I SERIOUSLY don't get it why they want me to take up girly-girl courses. Am I someone whom you guys would imagine that would be in an office wearing office clothes? Am I EVEN someone who likes talking about money, and chit-chat about producers and resources all over again in a conference room with my big-rollah laptop by which it is connected to a projector that is presenting a powerpoint presentation made by my professional expertise I was able to garner through my college education? GAH. Typing that was the most tiring thing I've done for the last three hours. What more would it be if I WANTED to be like that? No way, corporate world.
And yeah, of course they got mad at me for choosing a course that defines masculinity in its very sense. They probably can't accept the fact that their first granddaughter is actually a boy at heart, and who will refuse to wear office uniforms for the rest of her god-forbidden life.
By which, this is becoming really bad.
----------------------------
WHAT I DID TODAY:
1. I slept for only 3 hours, because I forced myself to finish the 7th and last installment of the HP series. Don't ask me if I was able to finish it. I think I just flipped the pages one by one, at the most.
2. I forgot my weekly budget thingy for Economics, which is ultimately bad, because I think Ms. Penyaflor is getting pissed off at me already. For the second time, I think. The first one was when I forgot to clean up our recycled papers box.
Ms. P: "Sino EFC chair nyo? *picking up a fork(Don't even ask me how the utensil got itself into a box for recycled papers)*
EFC members: "Si Lorainne po!"
Ms. P: "Lorainne bakit di naka-ayos tong box nyo?"
Me: "Miss di ko po alam."
Ms. P: "Ikaw ipapasok ko dito pag di mo to inayos."
And you can probably predict what I did right after Economics class. Well, good thing it was our last period for the day. I emptied the contents of the box right away and ugh, I felt sooo disintegrated after doing so.
3. This day quasi-revolved around a classmate, whom we think is beyond overconfidence. She's really really pissing me off, at the very least.
4. My elective sucks. No, really. It does. I don't even get it why I even considered taking up a language which I think will have the most few impact on my life.
5. I was sober for the rest of the day. Because of.
For the record, school is driving me sane. Not insane, but sane. But even if it is doing such, I'm still bored with school. Don't get me wrong, but it's not because I think that all the subjects are helluva easy for me; it's because I need something new to do at school. I'm tired of reading El Filibusterismo, solving for quadratic functions using God-knows-how-many ways, sleeping through a decade of rosary, and swimming during GIFT time(which is very absurd, because I've only done this once yet).
We should start a rebellion, or something like Luther's Reformation or just simply anything that would make things MOOOREE than interesting.
Because everything just seems to be bland.
Even me.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Holding On By Letting Go
Ironic, isn't it?
This one's from an All-American Rejects song, and it's pretty bothering. Because I can relate to it. Because it's absolutely applicable to what I'm feeling right now. Absolutely. Seriously. Completely. Lovely.
'Straightjacket Feeling', the song which I'm evidently talking about, opened my eyes about the life I have to live. About the other life, which I actually have to take seriously. The life God gave me to enjoy, and to not let it sink in burdensome whatnots.
I KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO BE STONE-HEARTED ABOUT TOPICS LIKE THIS, but it's been a long time since I've written something about what I REALLY feel, not about what I think. Thinking and feeling are two things that are completely different.
I knew that I'm really over with him the moment I reflected upon the song, and try to think about the treasured memories that we shared while we were enjoying our summer love. For the first time ever, I didn't think of those moments as something smittening; the type that would really really make those butterflies fly in my big stomach.
Those memories are really priceless, I know. But the moment they darted away, I got a better view of things. Ergo, HE made me realize that I don't need him, or a man, for that matter, in my life. I can actually live with Philia alone.
Yesterday was hell
But Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you would be
That face is tearing holes in me again
I am, after all, an introvert. Why would I need someone who'll just hurt me? In fact, why would I need ANYBODY /SOMEONE aside from my guiding force, which are my friends? I'm still young, and still fat and big. When college time comes, my fat would surely shed off. I'll be so beautiful that they will change the meaning of beautiful in the dictionary to 'see LORAINNE'. Ha. Talk about pride. I wish I didn't have lots of it, like thyroxine.
This will be the last time I'll talk about him or whatsoever. No, really. I've had enough, and I know blog-hoppers hate it when the blog they're reading about is as hardcore as EMO. I am one myself.
-----------------------------
This one's from an All-American Rejects song, and it's pretty bothering. Because I can relate to it. Because it's absolutely applicable to what I'm feeling right now. Absolutely. Seriously. Completely. Lovely.
'Straightjacket Feeling', the song which I'm evidently talking about, opened my eyes about the life I have to live. About the other life, which I actually have to take seriously. The life God gave me to enjoy, and to not let it sink in burdensome whatnots.
I KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO BE STONE-HEARTED ABOUT TOPICS LIKE THIS, but it's been a long time since I've written something about what I REALLY feel, not about what I think. Thinking and feeling are two things that are completely different.
I knew that I'm really over with him the moment I reflected upon the song, and try to think about the treasured memories that we shared while we were enjoying our summer love. For the first time ever, I didn't think of those moments as something smittening; the type that would really really make those butterflies fly in my big stomach.
Those memories are really priceless, I know. But the moment they darted away, I got a better view of things. Ergo, HE made me realize that I don't need him, or a man, for that matter, in my life. I can actually live with Philia alone.
Yesterday was hell
But Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you would be
That face is tearing holes in me again
I am, after all, an introvert. Why would I need someone who'll just hurt me? In fact, why would I need ANYBODY /SOMEONE aside from my guiding force, which are my friends? I'm still young, and still fat and big. When college time comes, my fat would surely shed off. I'll be so beautiful that they will change the meaning of beautiful in the dictionary to 'see LORAINNE'. Ha. Talk about pride. I wish I didn't have lots of it, like thyroxine.
This will be the last time I'll talk about him or whatsoever. No, really. I've had enough, and I know blog-hoppers hate it when the blog they're reading about is as hardcore as EMO. I am one myself.
-----------------------------
I was reading this very good and inspiring news about Roy Hibbert choosing Georgetown over a million-dollar(or so I think it is) basketball contract a while ago. It really made me think twice for basketball players in giving them bad-ass judgmentals.
If I was in his place, I would also choose Georgetown over what seems to be a lottery win. Heck, I would give up EVERYTHING for a fine education, wherein I can be proud that I sacrificed a lot of things just to make my brain fat. Now that my parents would like.
The point is, I'm still not ready for college. And HA it seems very laughable right now because what I was talking about a while ago is not relevant in any other way possible from my dilemma right now.
Which is weird, because I don't know why I'm posting 2 days in a row when I have a periscope and a lab report due after the Periodical Exams and UPCAT, which is averagely 14 days from now. I'm tensing myself. I'm finding it very bad.
---------------------
Have you guys ever thought about something that makes you stand out? Well, I always would. I know ipso facto that my obesity and pubic hairs in my head is physically making extraordinary. And yeah, that's bad answer, I know.
[As of this post, Fr. Bossi had been released. THANK GOD]
Hmm, but what about mentally? Or socially? Or emotionally? Or any other profused adverbs in the dictionary? And this is the part where I would realize that I'm purely average. Nothing is making my perspectives stand out. I guess cynicism died a week ago.
I'm very general.
But when you think about it, what benefits does an extraordinary person gets anyway? Aren't they treated the same way as we average/common people are?
It's very mussy.
I can't believe I'm thinking about a very bashful and selfish topic AGAIN.
-----------------------
I got that extra five points in our quiz for Advanced Algebra. After seeing Ms. Sumo's answer notes, I told Patti that my answer was, indeed, correct. It was funny and amazing and boastful at the same time. In fact, after hearing what I said to Patti, Jacque said something that actually boggled my mind for the whole afternoon. It is, until now.
What I Think Jacque said:
"Lorainne, anu ba yan! Nanonood ka pa ba ng TV? Wala ka na nga atang social life eh!"
And GAH. I hate it when people are right about things. I mean, she's right! If ever I would turn the television on, I'll just watch a news program from a local channel, then turn it off to do my schoolworks.
For the social life part, I dunno. It only exists when I'm in school. I don't have neighborhood friends. Oh wait. I actually do have friends within my vicinity, but they live too far, the kind that you have to ride a tricycle or something.
Do I need to R-E-L-A-X? I guess not. Now's not the right time.
But, what time is?
If I was in his place, I would also choose Georgetown over what seems to be a lottery win. Heck, I would give up EVERYTHING for a fine education, wherein I can be proud that I sacrificed a lot of things just to make my brain fat. Now that my parents would like.
The point is, I'm still not ready for college. And HA it seems very laughable right now because what I was talking about a while ago is not relevant in any other way possible from my dilemma right now.
Which is weird, because I don't know why I'm posting 2 days in a row when I have a periscope and a lab report due after the Periodical Exams and UPCAT, which is averagely 14 days from now. I'm tensing myself. I'm finding it very bad.
---------------------
Have you guys ever thought about something that makes you stand out? Well, I always would. I know ipso facto that my obesity and pubic hairs in my head is physically making extraordinary. And yeah, that's bad answer, I know.
[As of this post, Fr. Bossi had been released. THANK GOD]
Hmm, but what about mentally? Or socially? Or emotionally? Or any other profused adverbs in the dictionary? And this is the part where I would realize that I'm purely average. Nothing is making my perspectives stand out. I guess cynicism died a week ago.
I'm very general.
But when you think about it, what benefits does an extraordinary person gets anyway? Aren't they treated the same way as we average/common people are?
It's very mussy.
I can't believe I'm thinking about a very bashful and selfish topic AGAIN.
-----------------------
I got that extra five points in our quiz for Advanced Algebra. After seeing Ms. Sumo's answer notes, I told Patti that my answer was, indeed, correct. It was funny and amazing and boastful at the same time. In fact, after hearing what I said to Patti, Jacque said something that actually boggled my mind for the whole afternoon. It is, until now.
What I Think Jacque said:
"Lorainne, anu ba yan! Nanonood ka pa ba ng TV? Wala ka na nga atang social life eh!"
And GAH. I hate it when people are right about things. I mean, she's right! If ever I would turn the television on, I'll just watch a news program from a local channel, then turn it off to do my schoolworks.
For the social life part, I dunno. It only exists when I'm in school. I don't have neighborhood friends. Oh wait. I actually do have friends within my vicinity, but they live too far, the kind that you have to ride a tricycle or something.
Do I need to R-E-L-A-X? I guess not. Now's not the right time.
But, what time is?
Friday, July 20, 2007
Vindicated
And no, I'm not talking about that merely old-school song of Dashboard Confessional. I am referring to the adjective kind.
I'm feeling very vindicated, for reasons horrifyingly unknown to myself. Have I done something wrong? Oh waait. Am I doing SOMETHING wrong? Nonetheless, this feeling has to go away as soon as possible. It's making me all tensed up and stuff, which has become very uncomfortable over that past 72 hours.
--------------------
My eyes are starting to look like REAL vaginas. No, seriously. They are. I don't know why, or what the hell happened. But all I remembered is that I slept late ONLY last Tuesday night because of the video I have to make for our English Olympian presentation which THANK GOD had ended last Friday.
Mom thought I cried over a boy last night. And I perceptively asked myself, 'Lorainne, who are you kidding? Just tell your mom that you did cry over a boy, so she'll stop complaining about your very very sore eyes.' I didn't follow what my mind was bugging me. Instead, I just scratched my eyes more, because this is actually my way of tickling myself. Weird huh? Wait till you hear about that green joke about why women scratch their eyes the moment they take themselves off from the sack.
But again, whatever.
-------------------------------
College.
Woah. What a word. What a biggie word. WHAT IS IT anyway?
As Reference.com would define it, The word college comes from Latin collegium, 'association, partnership,' from collega, 'partner in office.' The word university is from Latin universitas, 'the whole,' from universus, 'combined into one.' The difference between a college and a university is that a college offers degrees in one or a few specific areas, while a university is a collection of colleges.
As I would say it, college is HELL. College is GRUESOME. College is striking near as my every single senior day ends with me thinking constantly about it, which I think is very very bad because I seriously can't think of anything else but this.
The question still remains.
Will I pass a single college I've applied into?
You know bloggy, I have this weird feeling in my stomach that I'll end up ridiculously nowhere, by the look of my past high school grades. I am reviewing, really. But that isn't really an assurance that I would get into at least one.
UP-Diliman will SURELY do.
Ateneo is.... I dunno. Okay, I guess.
DLSU is one hell of a school. I seriously want to go there.
UST is the ultimate wildcard.
MAPUA is laughable. No, seriously. It is. But I want to go there amidst its cynicism look.
By the way, I'm halfway through the completion of my ACET form. I'm only missing one now, which is the secondary grades form. Mom doesn't want me to apply for DLSU, because she thinks that going there is THE REAL HASSLE. And, GAH. I don't know how the hell am I going to get one.
----------------------
I finally got hold of my UPCAT permit lately.
My schedule's on the 4th of August, 6:30AM, at the NCPAG building.
I still don't know anyone which will be taking the test at that secluded venue I was designated in.
But hey, I have a VERY VERY high chance of being cameo-ed in TvPatrol.
I'm feeling very vindicated, for reasons horrifyingly unknown to myself. Have I done something wrong? Oh waait. Am I doing SOMETHING wrong? Nonetheless, this feeling has to go away as soon as possible. It's making me all tensed up and stuff, which has become very uncomfortable over that past 72 hours.
--------------------
My eyes are starting to look like REAL vaginas. No, seriously. They are. I don't know why, or what the hell happened. But all I remembered is that I slept late ONLY last Tuesday night because of the video I have to make for our English Olympian presentation which THANK GOD had ended last Friday.
Mom thought I cried over a boy last night. And I perceptively asked myself, 'Lorainne, who are you kidding? Just tell your mom that you did cry over a boy, so she'll stop complaining about your very very sore eyes.' I didn't follow what my mind was bugging me. Instead, I just scratched my eyes more, because this is actually my way of tickling myself. Weird huh? Wait till you hear about that green joke about why women scratch their eyes the moment they take themselves off from the sack.
But again, whatever.
-------------------------------
College.
Woah. What a word. What a biggie word. WHAT IS IT anyway?
As Reference.com would define it, The word college comes from Latin collegium, 'association, partnership,' from collega, 'partner in office.' The word university is from Latin universitas, 'the whole,' from universus, 'combined into one.' The difference between a college and a university is that a college offers degrees in one or a few specific areas, while a university is a collection of colleges.
As I would say it, college is HELL. College is GRUESOME. College is striking near as my every single senior day ends with me thinking constantly about it, which I think is very very bad because I seriously can't think of anything else but this.
The question still remains.
Will I pass a single college I've applied into?
You know bloggy, I have this weird feeling in my stomach that I'll end up ridiculously nowhere, by the look of my past high school grades. I am reviewing, really. But that isn't really an assurance that I would get into at least one.
UP-Diliman will SURELY do.
Ateneo is.... I dunno. Okay, I guess.
DLSU is one hell of a school. I seriously want to go there.
UST is the ultimate wildcard.
MAPUA is laughable. No, seriously. It is. But I want to go there amidst its cynicism look.
By the way, I'm halfway through the completion of my ACET form. I'm only missing one now, which is the secondary grades form. Mom doesn't want me to apply for DLSU, because she thinks that going there is THE REAL HASSLE. And, GAH. I don't know how the hell am I going to get one.
----------------------
I finally got hold of my UPCAT permit lately.
My schedule's on the 4th of August, 6:30AM, at the NCPAG building.
I still don't know anyone which will be taking the test at that secluded venue I was designated in.
But hey, I have a VERY VERY high chance of being cameo-ed in TvPatrol.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Egotrip, where art thou?
Hilarious.
Weird.
Life-threatening.
If you would exaggerate my ball of emotions I was able to tinker out my brain while I relentlessly went in for the Pauliworld screening lately, you can easily come up with the aforementioned words.
Um. Was I able to say that right? Let me repeat; I. Went. To. The. Screening. For. Pauliworld. Staffers. Or. Whatever.
I don't know what caused me to. Maybe it's because of Juela's and Jacque's very strong ego towards their more or less goal to be Filipino(conclusively in more ways than one, evidently) contributors for the 2nd Best Campus Journalism Newspaper in the Philippines. Or maybe I remembered all of a sudden my long-forgotten dream of being a writer. Either way, I think I'm not going to make it anyway. I screwed up my news and feature article, for anyone who cares.
Gah. I looked stupid. Before the screening, I dressed into my swimsuit, underneath my PE uniform, flip-flops below. See, I was supposed to go to my GIFT class right after Physics, but as I registered my name on the 86th slot, there really is no way I'm going to stop. I already molded up enough guts for my foot to take me there, so why give up? Boy, being optimistic sure is one hell of pure nothing.
The test was uhh.. pretty much okay. Sir Decano and his pink shirt made it even more interesting. Heh. You betcha. Research teachers are truly the best teachers in the whole wide faculty room.
I don't know, but if ever I pass the whole journalistic things, I would pass it out. Not because of my pride, but I really do think I don't write anywhere near good. Give me a topic about politics, and I bet it would take me at least a day to write a lead..just a LEAD..about it.
The only think I like talking about is my life. And I'm actually doing good at it.
[EDIT]: This part of the post was a day late. It was supposed to be posted yesterday, but the internet connection failed to impress me.
----------------------------------
TOP THREE SIGNS THAT YOU'RE OUT OF ENDORPHIN.
1. I was drinking pineapple juice a while ago. After I drank every lost drop of it, I poured apple juice. I then wondered if my new drink will be called pine2apple because..well..you know. Pineapple + apple is like XY + Y.
Diagnosis: Algebra overdose
2. My entrance for our Olympian Presentation went out sooo badly it's as if I was a wrestler or something. Ipso facto, I was Zeus.
Diagnosis: Coheed and Cambria's Welcome Home.
3. This is the greatest mistake I've made this day.. I had mistaken My Chemical Romance as The Red Jumpssuit Apparatus. On the same side of the coin, I even thought that they were Rivermaya.
Diagnosis: Music Migraine.
As of now, Janrae is just a name that I would forsake for the rest of my life. It is a name of a boy; those heartless kinds that I myself had fallen deeply in love. I am wishing that we'll never communicate in any other way ever again.
The law of science is not applicable to life and love in general. Something doesn't have to be replaced in order for that thing to go away. In love, you necessarily fall out of love for someone NOT because you fell in love with someone else. Instead, the happiness and love chemical your brain used up while you're in love has completely emptied itself. That chemical is called Endorphin, just so you biology-haters like me would like to know.
And it would take a LOOOONG time for my body to produce a hefty amount of Endorphin again.
So, as it is scientifically-proven, I won't be able to give out erotic love towards anybody for now. It's all Philia, I think. I'm still learning to enjoy my high school friendship with these wonderful people who's helping me produce Endorphin again.
----------------------------------------
So, here it goes.
THIS IS OFFICIALLY OFFICIAL, so as to say.
My final list of preferred choices for the colleges I have applied into are as follows:
ADMU
-BS Applied Physics with Applied Computer Systems
-BS Computer Engineering
-AB European Studies
-BS Electronics and Communications Engineering
DLSU
-BS Computer Engineering
-BS Computer Science with specialization in Computer Systems Engineering
-BS Civil Engineering
-BS Electronics and Communications Engineering
UP-Diliman
-BS Computer Engineering
-BS Psychology (as premed)
UST
-BS Electronics and Communications Engineering
-BS Applied Physics Major in Instrumentation
-BS Civil Engineering
-BS Electrical Engineering
MAPUA
-BS Computer Engineering
-BS Electronics and Communications Engineering
I hope I get into DLSU-Manila. OH PLEASE LORD.
Weird.
Life-threatening.
If you would exaggerate my ball of emotions I was able to tinker out my brain while I relentlessly went in for the Pauliworld screening lately, you can easily come up with the aforementioned words.
Um. Was I able to say that right? Let me repeat; I. Went. To. The. Screening. For. Pauliworld. Staffers. Or. Whatever.
I don't know what caused me to. Maybe it's because of Juela's and Jacque's very strong ego towards their more or less goal to be Filipino(conclusively in more ways than one, evidently) contributors for the 2nd Best Campus Journalism Newspaper in the Philippines. Or maybe I remembered all of a sudden my long-forgotten dream of being a writer. Either way, I think I'm not going to make it anyway. I screwed up my news and feature article, for anyone who cares.
Gah. I looked stupid. Before the screening, I dressed into my swimsuit, underneath my PE uniform, flip-flops below. See, I was supposed to go to my GIFT class right after Physics, but as I registered my name on the 86th slot, there really is no way I'm going to stop. I already molded up enough guts for my foot to take me there, so why give up? Boy, being optimistic sure is one hell of pure nothing.
The test was uhh.. pretty much okay. Sir Decano and his pink shirt made it even more interesting. Heh. You betcha. Research teachers are truly the best teachers in the whole wide faculty room.
I don't know, but if ever I pass the whole journalistic things, I would pass it out. Not because of my pride, but I really do think I don't write anywhere near good. Give me a topic about politics, and I bet it would take me at least a day to write a lead..just a LEAD..about it.
The only think I like talking about is my life. And I'm actually doing good at it.
[EDIT]: This part of the post was a day late. It was supposed to be posted yesterday, but the internet connection failed to impress me.
----------------------------------
TOP THREE SIGNS THAT YOU'RE OUT OF ENDORPHIN.
1. I was drinking pineapple juice a while ago. After I drank every lost drop of it, I poured apple juice. I then wondered if my new drink will be called pine2apple because..well..you know. Pineapple + apple is like XY + Y.
Diagnosis: Algebra overdose
2. My entrance for our Olympian Presentation went out sooo badly it's as if I was a wrestler or something. Ipso facto, I was Zeus.
Diagnosis: Coheed and Cambria's Welcome Home.
3. This is the greatest mistake I've made this day.. I had mistaken My Chemical Romance as The Red Jumpssuit Apparatus. On the same side of the coin, I even thought that they were Rivermaya.
Diagnosis: Music Migraine.
As of now, Janrae is just a name that I would forsake for the rest of my life. It is a name of a boy; those heartless kinds that I myself had fallen deeply in love. I am wishing that we'll never communicate in any other way ever again.
The law of science is not applicable to life and love in general. Something doesn't have to be replaced in order for that thing to go away. In love, you necessarily fall out of love for someone NOT because you fell in love with someone else. Instead, the happiness and love chemical your brain used up while you're in love has completely emptied itself. That chemical is called Endorphin, just so you biology-haters like me would like to know.
And it would take a LOOOONG time for my body to produce a hefty amount of Endorphin again.
So, as it is scientifically-proven, I won't be able to give out erotic love towards anybody for now. It's all Philia, I think. I'm still learning to enjoy my high school friendship with these wonderful people who's helping me produce Endorphin again.
----------------------------------------
So, here it goes.
THIS IS OFFICIALLY OFFICIAL, so as to say.
My final list of preferred choices for the colleges I have applied into are as follows:
ADMU
-BS Applied Physics with Applied Computer Systems
-BS Computer Engineering
-AB European Studies
-BS Electronics and Communications Engineering
DLSU
-BS Computer Engineering
-BS Computer Science with specialization in Computer Systems Engineering
-BS Civil Engineering
-BS Electronics and Communications Engineering
UP-Diliman
-BS Computer Engineering
-BS Psychology (as premed)
UST
-BS Electronics and Communications Engineering
-BS Applied Physics Major in Instrumentation
-BS Civil Engineering
-BS Electrical Engineering
MAPUA
-BS Computer Engineering
-BS Electronics and Communications Engineering
I hope I get into DLSU-Manila. OH PLEASE LORD.
Sunday, July 08, 2007
No It's Not This Hard
As I opened Microsoft Word 2003 here in our newly-repaired PC last night, my mind suddenly went blank. You know, the same old blank you get when you want to do something, but you don't know what it is.
For Christ's sake I'm trying to make an essay here! Stop playing with my mind, God. I don't need that writer's block right now. Oh no siree.
You've read that right, imaginary friends. I'm. Trying. To. Make. A. F**cking. Essay. It's for my ACET form. And the question goes: Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?
I wish there is one. But I can't think of anything, really.
--------------------------
TOP TEN THINGS I URGENTLY HAVE TO ACCOMPLISH BEFORE MONDAY:
1. Tragedy Worksheet
2. Olympian Creative Output
3. Study for Mandarin class. 10-point quiz for tomorrow. Yi-fucking-pee.
4. Accomplish ACET form as soon as possible
5. Get DLSU form
6. Get UA&P form
7. Study for Economics class
8. Study for Math class
9. Study for Filipino class
10. STUDY.
God. Why does it have to be THIS hard anyway? I don't know how to balance between school and this 'confusing' relationship that seems to be going nowhere more than the trash bin with Janrae. No. I think the problem is, I'm putting to much pressure on myself because I'm basing everything from what is theoretically true.
Like the hypothetically-correct sentence: First love never dies.
WHY, GOD? WHYYYY?
-------------------------
Self-cultivation is one of those so-called 'secrets to success' things. It may not be as evident as you may think it is, but wouldn't it be very hypocritical if business giants like Henry Sy or Jaime Augusto Zobel de Ayala were able to build those humongous malls without even developing themselves as persons? I wouldn't believe the second I'll hear it, either. In reality, we have to deeply exert some effort to the betterment of ourselves. Wouldn't if be nice if we....
And, that's it. That's my lead for my ACET essay. It sucks, I know. The latter part is not even complete, for God's sake.
For Christ's sake I'm trying to make an essay here! Stop playing with my mind, God. I don't need that writer's block right now. Oh no siree.
You've read that right, imaginary friends. I'm. Trying. To. Make. A. F**cking. Essay. It's for my ACET form. And the question goes: Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?
I wish there is one. But I can't think of anything, really.
--------------------------
TOP TEN THINGS I URGENTLY HAVE TO ACCOMPLISH BEFORE MONDAY:
1. Tragedy Worksheet
2. Olympian Creative Output
3. Study for Mandarin class. 10-point quiz for tomorrow. Yi-fucking-pee.
4. Accomplish ACET form as soon as possible
5. Get DLSU form
6. Get UA&P form
7. Study for Economics class
8. Study for Math class
9. Study for Filipino class
10. STUDY.
God. Why does it have to be THIS hard anyway? I don't know how to balance between school and this 'confusing' relationship that seems to be going nowhere more than the trash bin with Janrae. No. I think the problem is, I'm putting to much pressure on myself because I'm basing everything from what is theoretically true.
Like the hypothetically-correct sentence: First love never dies.
WHY, GOD? WHYYYY?
-------------------------
Self-cultivation is one of those so-called 'secrets to success' things. It may not be as evident as you may think it is, but wouldn't it be very hypocritical if business giants like Henry Sy or Jaime Augusto Zobel de Ayala were able to build those humongous malls without even developing themselves as persons? I wouldn't believe the second I'll hear it, either. In reality, we have to deeply exert some effort to the betterment of ourselves. Wouldn't if be nice if we....
And, that's it. That's my lead for my ACET essay. It sucks, I know. The latter part is not even complete, for God's sake.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Still Too Stupid To Do So
Yes, I'm still too damn pretentious and stupid enough to actually go to THAT level. What the hell am I blabbing about? Philippine Daily Inquirer's YoungBlood, of course.
I find it very funny though. You know, writing an article for a smarty-pantsy newspaper publication, and humiliating myself through my words. Ha. My cynicism won't work for the nation though. It just does for me, and for God, I think.
I narrated my whole me-writing-an-article-for-youngblood thing to dad. And well, as expected, the whole plan was a very big prodigy for him. He really wants me to be a writer, but on his dad persona, he wants me to graduate from Ateneo de Manila University with a double degree on BS Applied Physics with Applied Computer Systems. Trust me. He's itching to have an offspring by which he can communicate thoroughly with. Sheesh. I guess talking to the computer or some chat robot is not enough for an IT consultant.
I don't know about my brain, but my heart is screaming to my neurons.."YOU DUMBASS! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN GET THROUGH AN HONORS' COURSE? YOU ALMOST FLUNKED ALGEBRA FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!" It's very much a big wonder why my immune system is still producing antibodies against heart attacks. Heck, it's even a great wonder why I'm still alive amidst the skepticism of one of my internal organs.
I think I'm only doing that for my dad; picking that god-forbid course, I mean. But still.
---------------------
I will stop procrastinating.
GAAH. The verisimilitude is killing me. Or so I think it is.
Ever since I heard what the priest preached in the homily part of the Eucharistic Celebration I just went into last Sunday, I would think twice about procrastinating.
Maybe, just maybe, that's the reason why I crammed for that video production project for History class last year. That's derivatively also the reason why my grades in Geometry is just in THAT line, unexpectedly.
That's probably the reason why I can't get grades decent enough to be considered by anyone to be good, or nice. Or whatever.
Procrastination is my worst habit ever, aside from refusing to wash my hair just because I'm enjoying a very, very, very, disgusting hobby of carving out those snowflakes planted in my scalp and hair follicles. Procrastination is due to my mastery of the easy skill of sluggishness, by which no one should ever try expertizing on. Believe me, this skill is not needed in any other way possible aside from lazy weekend afternoons or summer days.
So folks, don't ever ever EVER try procrastinating in some way possible. Or else you'll end up like this girl unluckily named Lorainne. She refused to be affectionate with a boy she has mutual feelings with, and now the boy is very very disappointed(I wish this one's a Cassandra. But noooo. It's undoubtedly t-r-u-e.).
I seriously can't see the procrastination in that. But I just connected the stuffs just so it'll end up in my current dilemma. As always, duh-uh.
-------------------
Hmm. What now?
Ooh, how about this?
WHAT YOU LIKELY THINK I'M DOING IN SCHOOL:
-She listens to the teachers attentively.
-She respects the teachers. She really does.
-She's very quiet, you know. Being an introvert is just that hard.
-She's probably funny. You know, funny in a dumb way.
-She's this very nice girl, who wears her uniform with dignity and respect to the school.
-She makes it a habit to study when she has extra time, which is really possible because she always has lots of extra time. Instead of socializing, she would just perk her head towards a study module.
WHAT I REALLY AM DOING(and enjoying, at the most) IN SCHOOL:
-Since I'm officially a senior student, I would always spend my spare time during breaks bullying and taunting(Ha. In DEFINITELY more ways than one.)
-I would find myself being very blank-minded on a subject I would find very uninteresting.
-I'm, on a mere contrast from what I've said above, very presumptuous towards people I don't like. But of course, I would try to be friendly at some point or another. Well, you know...(I actually don't, but I'm hoping someone actually will.)
-Ipso facto, I'm not funny. Nor I am in a dumb way.
-The last one, I think, has that possibility of being true. HAR-dee-HAR-HAR. I'm in deep desperation of passing the UPCAT or any other top university's entrance test. I just seriously do.
Well. Now you know my petulant side. Whatever.
---------------
Leadership training tomorrow.
Ohh yeeeaaaa.
---------------
The previous post is a big HYPOCRISY, ladies and gentlemen.
Love is just ain't going anywhere.
Mushy. VERY VERY mushy-licious.
VERY VERY not me.
I find it very funny though. You know, writing an article for a smarty-pantsy newspaper publication, and humiliating myself through my words. Ha. My cynicism won't work for the nation though. It just does for me, and for God, I think.
I narrated my whole me-writing-an-article-for-youngblood thing to dad. And well, as expected, the whole plan was a very big prodigy for him. He really wants me to be a writer, but on his dad persona, he wants me to graduate from Ateneo de Manila University with a double degree on BS Applied Physics with Applied Computer Systems. Trust me. He's itching to have an offspring by which he can communicate thoroughly with. Sheesh. I guess talking to the computer or some chat robot is not enough for an IT consultant.
I don't know about my brain, but my heart is screaming to my neurons.."YOU DUMBASS! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN GET THROUGH AN HONORS' COURSE? YOU ALMOST FLUNKED ALGEBRA FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!" It's very much a big wonder why my immune system is still producing antibodies against heart attacks. Heck, it's even a great wonder why I'm still alive amidst the skepticism of one of my internal organs.
I think I'm only doing that for my dad; picking that god-forbid course, I mean. But still.
---------------------
I will stop procrastinating.
GAAH. The verisimilitude is killing me. Or so I think it is.
Ever since I heard what the priest preached in the homily part of the Eucharistic Celebration I just went into last Sunday, I would think twice about procrastinating.
Maybe, just maybe, that's the reason why I crammed for that video production project for History class last year. That's derivatively also the reason why my grades in Geometry is just in THAT line, unexpectedly.
That's probably the reason why I can't get grades decent enough to be considered by anyone to be good, or nice. Or whatever.
Procrastination is my worst habit ever, aside from refusing to wash my hair just because I'm enjoying a very, very, very, disgusting hobby of carving out those snowflakes planted in my scalp and hair follicles. Procrastination is due to my mastery of the easy skill of sluggishness, by which no one should ever try expertizing on. Believe me, this skill is not needed in any other way possible aside from lazy weekend afternoons or summer days.
So folks, don't ever ever EVER try procrastinating in some way possible. Or else you'll end up like this girl unluckily named Lorainne. She refused to be affectionate with a boy she has mutual feelings with, and now the boy is very very disappointed(I wish this one's a Cassandra. But noooo. It's undoubtedly t-r-u-e.).
I seriously can't see the procrastination in that. But I just connected the stuffs just so it'll end up in my current dilemma. As always, duh-uh.
-------------------
Hmm. What now?
Ooh, how about this?
WHAT YOU LIKELY THINK I'M DOING IN SCHOOL:
-She listens to the teachers attentively.
-She respects the teachers. She really does.
-She's very quiet, you know. Being an introvert is just that hard.
-She's probably funny. You know, funny in a dumb way.
-She's this very nice girl, who wears her uniform with dignity and respect to the school.
-She makes it a habit to study when she has extra time, which is really possible because she always has lots of extra time. Instead of socializing, she would just perk her head towards a study module.
WHAT I REALLY AM DOING(and enjoying, at the most) IN SCHOOL:
-Since I'm officially a senior student, I would always spend my spare time during breaks bullying and taunting(Ha. In DEFINITELY more ways than one.)
-I would find myself being very blank-minded on a subject I would find very uninteresting.
-I'm, on a mere contrast from what I've said above, very presumptuous towards people I don't like. But of course, I would try to be friendly at some point or another. Well, you know...(I actually don't, but I'm hoping someone actually will.)
-Ipso facto, I'm not funny. Nor I am in a dumb way.
-The last one, I think, has that possibility of being true. HAR-dee-HAR-HAR. I'm in deep desperation of passing the UPCAT or any other top university's entrance test. I just seriously do.
Well. Now you know my petulant side. Whatever.
---------------
Leadership training tomorrow.
Ohh yeeeaaaa.
---------------
The previous post is a big HYPOCRISY, ladies and gentlemen.
Love is just ain't going anywhere.
Mushy. VERY VERY mushy-licious.
VERY VERY not me.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
A Mere Kismet
I hate it when those good things that are happening to you at some point would very much disappear all in a while. I hate it more when people would try to comfort you and say that all of it is in your destiny, like it's in God's will or something. Generally speaking, I hate fate per se.
Nelly Furtado's right for once; not actually about the promiscuity of a lady, but the sole question that I'm sure everybody is itching to ask; Why do all good things come to an end anyway? Yeah, I know all things are temporary. But of all the things that have to slip away that fast, why does it have to be the good things? Why can't it be the scary things, or the surprising things? I don't need to be scared. Nor surprised.
Summer love is the most ad hoc thing I've ever experienced. Oh wait. I got it all wrong. LOVE is the most fugitive of them all.
Let me say his name one more time before I end my summer bliss-a-bliss.
J. V.
Goodbye to the one thing that I've tried to hold on to.
And this time, it's for real.
----------------------------
It makes me sit down and ponder why I'm out of thoughts come afternoon and evening. If I would talk about love right now like what I did as a starter of to this blog post, it'll be too sappy. If I would talk about the weather right now, it'll be too bland. If I would talk about the review class I attended to a while ago, it'll be extremely bourgeois.
You can say that I'm barbaric and hypocritic at the same time for saying this but uhh.. guess what. I'm addicted to Coke again. And thank the Lord, I'm talking about the safe Coke.
Oh for the love of God! I lost it. Goddamn that kiddie version of MadTv. What's it called again? Oh yeah. All That? THEY SUCK TO PIECES. I like the old cast of All That, the one with Lori Beth doing that Vital Information sketch, and Kenan and Kel doing that Good Burger part. Oh momma.
I'm out.
Nelly Furtado's right for once; not actually about the promiscuity of a lady, but the sole question that I'm sure everybody is itching to ask; Why do all good things come to an end anyway? Yeah, I know all things are temporary. But of all the things that have to slip away that fast, why does it have to be the good things? Why can't it be the scary things, or the surprising things? I don't need to be scared. Nor surprised.
Summer love is the most ad hoc thing I've ever experienced. Oh wait. I got it all wrong. LOVE is the most fugitive of them all.
Let me say his name one more time before I end my summer bliss-a-bliss.
J. V.
Goodbye to the one thing that I've tried to hold on to.
And this time, it's for real.
----------------------------
It makes me sit down and ponder why I'm out of thoughts come afternoon and evening. If I would talk about love right now like what I did as a starter of to this blog post, it'll be too sappy. If I would talk about the weather right now, it'll be too bland. If I would talk about the review class I attended to a while ago, it'll be extremely bourgeois.
You can say that I'm barbaric and hypocritic at the same time for saying this but uhh.. guess what. I'm addicted to Coke again. And thank the Lord, I'm talking about the safe Coke.
Oh for the love of God! I lost it. Goddamn that kiddie version of MadTv. What's it called again? Oh yeah. All That? THEY SUCK TO PIECES. I like the old cast of All That, the one with Lori Beth doing that Vital Information sketch, and Kenan and Kel doing that Good Burger part. Oh momma.
I'm out.
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