Save Reality

It's practically normal to stay up till the early hours of the morning during vacations. It's like a freaking norm on its own; to sleep early is just as weird as weirdness can really get. I for one have been witness to my own sleeplessness during term, christmas, and summer breaks and sleeping as early as 10pm made me a top loser for a week. Not that I was affected by it all or anything (I was.).

This summer, sleep time did not usually go beyond 3am, because that's the time when both Alejandro and I are already sleepy. Often times when he would call me, the call would end at 3am. And when we're just exchanging text messages, the last of text messages would usually come around before 3am. So obviously, 3am is the farthest I've been this summer. 

Well, the 3am streak ended this morning.

I did not intend to do a Monica (read: asleep in the morning, awake during the night and the early morning), because I don't want my menstruation to be absent for three months again. You just don't know how suspecting some people can get. Last 2007's christmas vacation, when my mom learned that blood has not been flowing out of me for almost three months, she almost took me to her friend who's a midwife, reckoned that I might be pregnant or something. I explained to her that there is simply no way that THAT's gonna happen because:

1. I am so not for pre-marital sex. Do I look like someone who does?

2. THAT boy broke up with me like, five months ago already. Does it look like that I'm gonna give him another chance and let him fondle a part of my body in celebration?

3. And besides, even if I could've gotten a new boy during that time, I highly doubt that he will even try, let alone dare, to nail me. Do you think that a fatass can get laid that easily? I mean, not that I want to or anything, but you know (I hope you do.).

Speaking of menstruation, I remember telling this friend yesterday that I wish God had given me some extraordinary reproductive organ that doesn't spurt out dirty blood every 28 days instead of this V that I have, being a girl and all. She suggested the male genitalia, but I hesitated because I doubt that I'm gonna have friends with that. I need friends, you know.

Anyways, what was I talking about again? Oh yeah, 3am.

While talking to Alejandro, I was reading Lois Lowry's The Giver that I snatched from my brother's big plastic of school supplies they bought last week. God, I really wish my mom faked my gender and enrolled me in LSGH for my elementary education, at the very least. Think of all the good books I could've been forced to read! I can't believe my brothers are taking their good books for granted. One day, those books are gonna stand up for themselves. I'm gonna help them, I swear. (Like, yeah right.)

So yeah, the flow of the story was marvelous until I reached that chapter when The Giver asks the Speaker for a videotape of that morning's Ceremony of Release Jonas' father kept on talking about the day before. Turns out that the 'release to Elsewhere' meant death. Jonas' father killed that other twin who weighs much lesser than the other twin. I was so shocked with how the plot twisted right there and then, I mean, not that the concept of death is particularly new to me or something. I just found it really weird that a book can this be straightforward and meaningful and all. 

I finished the book at around 5am and right after that, I felt so haunted by my own fears (not necessarily death itself). I mean, what if we're also just a utopian world, a big world of mockery? I am finding this really impossible, since unlike those robotic people in the story, we have feelings and we can determine colors. But with all of these innovations technology is continuing to give us everyday, it seems that this place is slowly becoming like that of the Community. People are striving to make life perfect and needless to say, it's all languidly making us lose sense of things. Soon, love will probably just be an obsolete term, just like what happened in the story. And I sure don't want that to happen.

You may say that hell, it's just a freaking story, get over it. I try to tell that to myself too, but I know that there's gotta be a reason as to why Lois Lowry wrote The Giver. Authors don't just usually write stuffs because they feel like writing. Writing is not the same as eating, or any other daily habit because what you write concerns the society. Maybe she believes that it's time for us to appreciate the smaller things of life, because someday, they could all be just wisps of memories. 

And I don't want my surrounding to be just a memory. I want all of this to become a reality.

So after thinking of all these things over and over again, I forced myself to sleep at around 7 in the morning, in fear that I might die of sleeplessness today.

God. The Giver gave a new meaning to staying up till the morning. 

I think I just Monica'd.