Friday, August 31, 2007

Disintegration: A New Way to Ruin Lorainne's Life. (A Must-Try. Trust Me.)

Either way, I'll still die of total humiliation.

I know I'm going to rot in hell as soon as that time when I would forget to exhale that carbon dioxide arrives. But who the hell cares anyway? Oh God diggidy, I'm still sooo not scared to die. Sorry. Amen.

Last night is definitely and ultimately the night I've been waiting for all these stressful weeks. Right after I decided to ditch my GIFT class and just clean the balot-and-gawgaw-drenched room,(don't thank me. thank the Socio-Cultural Committee members who also decided to ditch an important thing in their womanhood per se - they boycotted the aftermath of the deadly celebration, which is c-l-e-a-n-i-n-g up the messes they left. Well, I dunno. It's okay for me, I guess. Then again, no. Then again, yes. But then again, I still have a disgusting story to tell..soo..) I decisively went with Monica to the principal's office to return their classroom key to that nostalgic cabinet.

And yeah. That's the only unusual place I went to yesterday afternoon.

Who the hell even knew that the principal's office can screw things up in a very discrete manner? I guess the MEGA people does, but they're just so damn focused on their cleaning business that they probably forgot to remind the students that the parlor/principal's office is, indeed, infested with dwarfs and other imaginary creatures. WTF. They should write that as one of the MAIN reasons why students and/or big people should not hang around that place, so as to not bump some dwarfs that are actually having an important meeting there.

I beg to differ. Really.

So, what happened? Well, as I stood up from bed early this morning, the first thing that throughly entered my mind was..:"Why am I having this slight feeling that the right side of my face is being pulled down by a strong gravitational force? And ugh, did the right side just got fatter again? Fuck that Coke."

And, as I went to the mirrored-cabinet to check if I still have my head on, what I saw just made me gape so hard, I forgot what gaping is for a mere second.

THE. RIGHT. SIDE. OF. MY. FACE. IS. SWELLING. AND. LOOKS. LIKE. AS. IF. IT'S. GOING. TO. BURST. SOONER. OR. LATER.

I tried slapping it, but it just made my cheeks unnaturally red. I tried pushing it in the left direction, but it just mushed up my already distorted face. I tried crying, but it just made me look like an asshole for doing so. What a wimp.

You know bloggy, I would've accepted that cruel fate if it weren't for the fact that THE RIGHT SIDE WAS THE ONLY SIDE THAT IS SWELLING. If both sides were indeed swelling, I would've been so happy because (1) I wouldn't look like some poor Mexican boxer who was intensely punched by Pacquiao in one of his very disappointing games and; (2) My face wouldn't look oh-so distorted, as if making the people believe to a very malevolent fact that my father is Picasso, and my mom's one of his abstract imaginations. What a grieving wonder.

I now look even more stupid with half of my face swollen to the highest level that it can be for the 'obese' category.

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I've never listened intently to someone speaking about stress management. It's one of those things that I absolutely despise because, like epic poetry and mathematical shiznits, they have these sort-of clichés and conventions that just reminds you how much of a trend-followers they truly are. Conformity, remember? Cringe, boy. Cringe.

But ugh. The intransigence of my hypocrisy just stands out at such times that I don't actually need 'em. Like lately, during homeroom time. When our adviser started her stuff with the phrases.."talk about stress management", my attention switch just automatically turned itself off. Dang it, God. Why not try giving me some melatonin instead of this autistical switch anyway?

I hate the word STRESS. No, really. I really really really do. What I even more loathe is its meaning, which is...

STRESS - The sum of the biological reactions to any adverse stimulus, physical, mental or emotional, internal or external, that tends to disturb a person's normal state of well-being. (Gulflink)

Why do I abhor it? Well obviously, I AM SO STRESSED WITH LIFE PER SE! Studies show that a large percentage of stressed individuals has this annoying tendency to share their loathsome lives to the virtual community using blogs. And UGH, I am so guilty of this, so to speak.

I only learned a while ago that my state of being stressed has gone so bad, I didn't even know that I was THAT stressed already. I kept denying to myself, and to everyone else around me, that I am SO NOT stressed. For me, being stressed is like being on drugs. I know, I know..I mentioned it quite during my oh-so tragic summer time that drugs is one of those things I shall try before my migration to hell. But stress is somehow quite different. When people would find out that you died of such, they would think that you're this irresponsible shit hole, who lived his/her life during the wee hours of the morning, hastily typing reports and trying to meet deadlines of some sorts.

But when you die of drug overdose, people would on the other hand think you're some kind of a rock god/diva/homeless person who lived his/her life on cloud 9.

I think I like the latter better.

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I love you, Bloggy. You really are one hell of a Stress Tab. <3


I have 30 minutes left to annoy people before my spit-amount melatonin kicks in. But whatever. I'll just spend it on a staring marathon. I guess killing out some of your unused brain cells is a good way to manage stress or something.

Off I go.


Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Eclipse Extravaganza

This has got to be one of those weird days that I shall encounter in the duration of my forsaken life. And being the chicken that I am, I will be blaming the total lunar eclipse that just occurred a few hours ago. It's kinda relevant, if you think of it as something more than an umbra-iffic and natural stereotype. And I guess its relevance will also be evident even if you go away right now.

I knew from the moment I woke up that this day is going to be more complicated than I thought it would be. Yeah well I guess I'm right. After I took a bath, I glared at my school uniform for the reason that my skirt's zipper is broken, and the only blouse available in my cabinet is that piece I first wore 3 years ago, seams clearly screaming 'get us out from hereee!!', and has this disgusting yellow-ish color that just reminds you that you really are, indeed, a senior. It surprises me why I'm still in the utter process of outliving our school uniform. Yeah, it bothers me too.


First off, NCAE.

As someone who has pride for her bunghole, that test is kinda easy. No, really. Not that I'm only bragging, but comparing NCAE to the UPCAT, NCAE wins for the no-brainer award. I enjoyed every part, except for the Entrepreneurial Skills shit. If there's one thing that I don't want to talk about(and ugh, even LEARN) is business. Oooh. Just saying it makes me cringe so bad, my ass cheeks are blushing.

After I hastily reviewed my answers, I dozed off. Crap, I'm telling you. The second thing I hated during the examinations is the extra time. I HATE EXTRA TIME SPENT ON NOTHING. I did everything to show off to that DepEd proctor that I'm fucking finished, and ugh. You know what she just did? Yes, she smiled. That's fairly disgusting for me. And eerie, for that matter.

Subsequently, we were dismissed 30 minutes late. OOH MEHN. The martyrdom I went through in waiting should be recognized by a high authority. I mean, pleaaaaseeee Lord. I have a room to decorate for our salu-salo tomorrow, and the least I need now is an ultimate delaaaay. Why do we have to be dismissed at the same time anyway? I would definitely agree if it was for the Guinness Records or something, but nooooo. It's just DepEd's way of making things cute and stuff.

And so, with the very baptismal banderitas I made for our Filipino-state-fairs-themed agape for the next day, I decorated the room even if my pancreas is killing my sanity little by little. I decorated the room even if my skirt and blouse weren't running in that right pace. I decorated the room even if my sleepy eyes are begging me to go home and sleep till I die. I decorated the room, even if the decoration we putted up looked like shit in the end and ergo we decided to just rip the hell out of it off since the fucking eating thing will be after lunch anyway. I decorated even if my efforts were completely w-a-s-t-e-d. The last thing I need in this world is to be acknowledged for my creative efforts anyway. The hell I care.

And so bloggy, within minutes from now, my brain would eventually stop thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking about stuffs that I need to do in order for my life to be perfect. The irony is no matter how smarty-pantsy it thinks tonight, all of what I've pondered and pondered and pondered will be forgotten on the next day. Yes, like my efforts and dreams and what not. They are all made for the trash bin. That trash bin sure is one helluva lucky bin. WIth that dreams and efforts and ponderations, it definitely can help its other trash bin brothers and sisters and family or whatever shit bins we have in this world.

It's 12 AM, and....

Monday, August 27, 2007

Excogitations

This post is highly-philosophical, at the very least. So I must warn you, my dear imaginary reader. Get the hell out of here as quick as possible if you don't want sentimentalizations burdening your emotions. No, really. Brace yourself, if you just can't click that back button on the extreme left.

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I would always think about this statement most of us would ponder during those burdening and mishapping times of our lives: 'If God loves us, then why are there calamities? Why are there persecutions? Why do we have to go through these sufferings, when we can just go through that happy and intoxicating route to paradise?'

It would be very hypocritical to say that I'm writing this just to shake the monstrosity out of every one of us, but if you are begging me to differ right now, let me just say that I'm going through a 'depression 2' stage. You may remember well that I went through the first and gruelling part of this stage last summer, but ugh. I though that my suicidal and 'OMG just kill me now' had ended on my birthday, but pertaining to my ever-unreliable ignorance, there is this so-called 2nd stage of that tedious murder of emotions.

On my part, I would always ask God the same question before I go to sleep. "God, if I really am a smart-ass, why is my GPA within the critical level of our education dam? I guess I have to say goodbye to UP-Diliman, huh?" I'm losing hope, for Christ's sake.

And now, it is conclusively evident that my problem, after all, is getting into the most prestigious state university on the land. I am still on the verge of belief that University of the Philippines is my home; this is where my non-conformity and mendaciousness belong. I know I have to let go of that dream, but no, ladies and gentlemen. My daydreams aren't composed of romances and other cognates. Hell no.

They are, instead, filled with moving pictures of myself, driving that oh-so-sexy Mitsubishi Evolution IX around the College of Engineering. Even if you take away that part where I drive, you still can't drag that fact that I, a very egotistical and conceited half-shit/half-girl(hard to believe, huh? It makes me wonder why I have XX as chromosomes too), passed the UPCAT. God, getting into UP-Diliman is waaaaaaaaay waaaaaay WAAAAY better than a full-body liposuction by those Beverly Hills dermatology doctors. I'd rather be obese all my life than be a dumbass.

But I guess I have to accept the grotesque and oh-so sucky certainty that I did, after all, screw up that UPCAT. Maybe UP-Diliman's not really for me. Maybe I deserve a better university for my collegiate education, wherein I will learn that all of what I'm thinking right now can be laughable in more ways than one.

All I can swear now is..that university better be an Ivy, or I just made a fool of myself by asserting that I'll get into some college that is undoubtedly better than UP-Diliman(which is oh-so highly unlikely anyway).

Even if I was seated next to a Pisay student instead of that one helluva Povedan who challenged my agility and shading skills during the UPCAT, the dubious truth still remains; my arrogant brain is not enough for me to pass this test. Even if I got a 98 on Computer last year, I don't think that THAT would even make a single difference. Even if I studied my ass off the day before my UPCAT schedule, I don't think that any of that studying I did would even make a tiny difference. Even if I found the UPCAT a little no-brainer, I still don't think that THAT scrupulous and awfully-haughty conclusion will ever EVER EVER pass me to the university of my wildest and wettest dreams.

And yeah. Decisively, I am making a big deal out of this. So from this day forward, I guess I have to throw my hopes of getting into UP-Diliman straight into the trash bin. No. I have to burn those hopes, so I will never ever ever ever ever share my tremendous sorrow. I. Have. To. Move. On. Yeah. I guess I do have to. ACET's in less than a week, and..you guessed it..I haven't moved on from my previous CET. Maybe it'll be always like this. CET after CET after CET..I have to share my laments in a simultaneous way. I guess my imaginary friends have to get used this.

"God does not always want us to be happy. If it were so, he wouldn't have given us tears. Sometimes he wants to make us cry. As a doctor would have slapped us to make us cry after He has delivered us into this world, God gives us trials for the same reason - so we realize that we are alive, and that we have to breathe to stay alive."
-Red Kinoko

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"Do you tie your shoelaces so your shoes don't fall off or do you do it so you don't fly out of them?"

Red Kinoko's quote is undoubtedly the most novel thing that's circling in my mind right now.

Oooh. Let's talk about this kind of people who adheres to things that aren't usually in their field of interest, but they are hence adhering to just to get to climb that ladder that more or less represents ever cliques in the high school department.

What are they called again? Oh yes. POSERS. How could I forget? I once became one, and God, it sucked the letters l and i and f and e out of the word 'life'.

Posers should definitely one of those ingenious seven wonders of the world. They are more surpassing than Macchu Picchu anyway.

I hate conformity. What I hate even more are conformists - people that are following trends and patterns, acting like chemicals on Mendleev's Periodic Table. Every one of us is ambitioned by God to be unique in a certain way. We sure are not to follow people whom we think are cool, just so we can be them ourselves.

I am contemplating on why kids of my age have this egregious desire to be cool.

I don't understand it, really. It's like algebra for a freshman; it's notably abstract, and forces you to think about it all the time because the world is just so full of it.


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Saturday, August 25, 2007

Ideally Confused

Verisimilitudes has this extraordinary way of killing me languidly.

I am going to take that NCAE seriously. Probably because I think I chose the WRONG course. I don't know, really. If that 'univehsiteh' editor-in-chief from a scholastic magazine hadn't asked what courses people in my batch are interested in taking up, then my butt would still be stuffed with juicy pride.

In short, I think Engineering courses are not for me. Or for anybody who thinks they suck in more ways than one.

I don't know anyone who is interested in taking up an engineering course too. Distinctively mind-boggling, isn't it?

Well, God. If it's really really my kismet to be the next hardcore engineer who would change everything into mere technologically innovative, then PLEASE just give me a sign. Just please do.

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Many things happened since I last blogged about..well..nothing.

WHAT HAD HAPPENED SINCE THAT ASSHOLE BROKE MY HEART:

1. After 3 gruesome years of living as pristine cave people, we finally got hold of a land-line phone. All I can say is..it's not much of a difference anyway. Nobody's using it, for Christ's sake.

2. Seating arrangement in class was modified for the second quarter. And ugh. I was placed at the extreme left of last row, which is really a difficult place to be in, as I can experience it. I'm having a hard time taking in the voices of teachers and stuff. But all in all, I don't really care that much anyway.

3. After the UPCAT fever had alleviated, here comes the inevitable ACET misery smacking right in our stressed faces. But unlike the bad-ass questions in the UPCAT, those that would appear in the ACET will probably be expected or something, despite of what Mrs. Bronilla said. But hey, who said that I will take it seriously? It's ATENEO, isn't it?(Oh please. Pretend that you've read that post about my angst against that school)

4. The countless remixes of the grammatically-abusive song of Timbaland and Keri Hilson is pissing me off. I know how irrelevant that is, but that's the amusement I can afford to get these days.

5. I am clinically suffering from an absolutely irregular sleep pattern. This is what doctors call, 'insomnia lite'. It means that my brain just wouldn't shut down till my pituitary glands have detected that it's 12am on the dot. Conclusively, even if my body's itching to hibernate, my brain just wouldn't stop functioning. My mom's blaming the 6-day vacation last week. Nah. I don't think so.

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to be cont'd later

Sunday, August 19, 2007

My Senseless Ateneo Essay

Okay non-existent readers. Here you will read the most jargoned writing ever, filled with semicolons and moronic grammar.

Why did I post it here in the first place anyway? Well, I don't really know. Probably to show-off or something, if I DO HAVE anything below to show off.

Enjoy.

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Capricious.

If I would have to describe my life per se, capricious would be the only word in the dictionary that is perfect enough to hit that right spot. It is very unpredictable, which makes it very unbearable for me to live with it. It doesn’t have this steadfast rhythm, by which it could help me elucidate it in more ways than one.

Well, what life is?

All decisions that I have made throughout my life is nothing more or less than impulsive. Never had I once thought about something very carefully, or think about it as something more important than the other, or any other problems, for that matter. The same statement goes round and round through the corridors of my mind; ‘What’s the difference anyway? All these problems are just the same. The manner of solving them is ergo also the same.’ I think of decisions as things that aren’t all that life-changing, because I’ve somewhat pondered the fact that they can be reversible as I walk through the rocky paths of my life every single day.

That gobbledygook perspective of mine changed when I entered my junior year; the upstream of high school, as my mentors would put it into mere words.

I stopped making jargoned selections. Instead, I would think about something very scrupulously, because I’ve thoroughly seen that my impulsive decisions are awfully misleading me to the right places. It may seem very superficial, but this cogent realization is utterly the starting point of my self-cultivation.

From then, my school grades zoomed up to the point where people are actually acknowledging my side I missed out for several years. It was my persona that I thought I lost way back from my grade school days. Being studious is the side of which I’m referring to. Often times before, I would think about this as a very banal side. But evidently, thinking of studying as uninteresting gave me nothing, aside from poor grades and nags from my parents.

I was able to pick up that good pace again; excellent grades, nice comments, and superior impressions were the things I was able to pick up along the way. It seems that every moment spent in studying is very significant, yet fun. I was able to develop this aura, which was far from what I used to have before. This one kept me on top of things, more like motivated to learn more and be more. I know its clichéd, but I finally became the person that I wanted to be for all my life; a person on the right track, who very much knows where she’s going and heading to.

As I can see it, this self-improvement that I had is quintessential and as prerequisite as my daily needs. By thus, this improvement helped me to choose Ateneo de Manila University above all others. Its prestige and transcendence is enough to be acknowledged and considered, and I know that this is where I belong; my future lies in its superiority.

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The last part was a total rip-off. HA. Desperation? No, not really. No way I'm going to enter that university. That's how much I HATE it, pride included of course.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Misery of An Avoirdupois

People are reading you bloggy. Not sardonically, they are reading you. I don't know why, but they really are. It's kinda weird.

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Classes today were still suspended. The good thing about this one is that it's actually raining, unlike yesterday, which truly lacked the enough precipitation to let you feel that classes are REALLY suspended. Otherwise, it just felt like an ordinary weekend day. Very bland, if I may say so.

And I still don't know why I'm talking about the most useless topic of them all; WEATHER. It's probably a sign that I should stop staring out of the window and hoping to see someone, or something, absurd. I should look at the mirror instead.

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After finishing 20 Cantos in Dante Alighieri's epic Inferno, I've finally pondered on the topic that's been so versatile ever since Adam and Eve died; DEATH.

Death puts an end in everything.

Death is the ultimate period for any long sentence.

And apparently, death is something I'm not afraid of. Ever since the alleviation of my suicidal and depression stage, death became a joke for me. It's not something that I should think of, or should get ready to. Death now just becomes a word; a word that will never ever haunt my dreams again.

I remember that one time when I dreamt that I died because of my acute viral nasopharyngitis, which seems very unlikely because I've never heard anyone who died because of the common cold. I was a 5th grader by then, and God knows why I dreamt of such. I told my mom, then she told me to bite a wood or something. I dunno why, really. I told you mom can be so weird.

And yeah, the bottom line is...DEATH is nothing.

Seriously. It's just a joke.

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Do you know what I fervently miss?

Elementary crushes. WOOO.

I miss how I would go and act like a normal girl towards my friends and other classmates, and all of a sudden become this tomboy who would show an expression that's a cross between a smirk and a grin. Yes, a smrin.

I only had one crush for that whole 6 years in grade school. For as long as I can remember, his name was Alejandro. He became my classmate at the climax of my elementary education; 4th grade. It was in 4th grade that my inner state of being a nerd was manumitted. It was in 4th grade that I conquered the top of the world. It was in 4th grade that I became the person I want to be now.

Anyways, it was also in 4th grade that a sort of 'dramafest' was concluded in our school. And with such plays hanging around our noses, I was always picked as the female protagonist. You know..the mother of the child who'll be killed...the heroine..same old girly shiznits. And Alejandro would always be MY male protagonist.

And all of it was history.

I still believe that Alejandro's a sexy name, and he will be my TRUE LOVE.

HA. Yeah right.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Obliterate My Lethargy

Before I start my rant again, I would first congratulate Room 3 and Room 4 for winning the first and third place respectively. And of course, congratulations to my 4-2, my ever-talented class, for winning the 2nd place for our songfest this year. Mewa was right. Not really bad for a non-DD class. In fact, all of it was excellent.

So yeah. CONGRATS 4-2!

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I'm being abnormally weary and sleepy these days. Neither my mom, my sister, nor any of our maids can literally drag my sluggish ass out of the bed during mornings by which I have to wake up for school.

Mom's blaming my nocturnal wrongdoings every evening before I go and hit the sack. I don't really get her sometimes. I mean, I can't even think of something that I would do abnormally before I go to sleep. I piss in the toilet, read a book, piss a person off, then read a book. I don't find THAT unusual.

Classes got suspended again today. It seems that God is enjoying all of this by sending typhoons one after the other. Well, I don't find the suspension of classes really amusing. See, today was supposed to be my breakthrough-in-swimming day. Coach Rae, my swimming coach in my GIFT class, promised me that for our next GIFT meeting, I'll be doing laps with the champs. I guess I should probably happy. I mean, 2 GIFT meetings had already been off since last week. Isn't that nice?

I don't really know.

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My whole afternoon revolved around two channels: National Geographic and ANC News Channel. The real slug in me unleashed as I relaxed in front of the television with the handy-dandy remote control in my right hand, and a bottle of Coke, which I would swig towards my mouth every 2 minutes or less. Now that's THE LIFE. The precipitation outside made everything else more comfy in a much more torpid way.

For about an hour, repetitive news had surprisingly impressed me.

That lasted till I arrived at channel 41 by which I saw amoebas asexually reproducing, which has amazed me in a non-biological way or whatsoever. I was about to switch to Nickelodeon and sing along with that deranged Spanish preschooler with an abnormal blue-and-yellow monkey who wears those red boots that is 10x at the most bigger than its foot (breathe..) when the usage of the word 'SEX' by the narrator has become so incessant that I became very sexually interested at it all.

Not really new for me.

Sorry to say this, but the show turned me on. SORRY IF I HAVE TO SAY THAT ONE, but it really did, in a very very very strange way.

See, the program was all about how different animals have sex and stuff. For example, did you know that a flat worm has both sperm and egg cells? The funny thing here is when a flat worm meets another flat worm to have sex with, they would fight over each other in order to determine who gets to play the 'man' role. Get it? If you don't, try being more sexual.

Anyways, the flat worms' battle for the man role really cracked the hell out of me up. The goal is that whoever gets to sting the other worm badly, that one would be the lucky one to get the manly role. And..-get this-...they sting with their itty-bitty penises. The other funny thing is that some lucky flat worms get to have two penises, which I think is a minor advantage. I was laughing and groaning at the same time.

The show was really educating..and fuuuun. I was able to grasp mostly the jocular parts like:

- Female spiders like their men's legs hairy, which is awfully ironic when you would interrelate it by your own preferences.
-A female butterfly can only have sex once in their whole look-at-me-I'm-gorgeous-and-flying life. The only male butterfly that was able to have sex with the female butterfly had put a seal on the female butterfly's ovary(or whatever) so that no other male butterfly can ever have sex with her again. I will never think of the female butterflies the same way ever again.
-Female anacondas are really that SCARCE. Male anacondas would wrap themselves around the female anaconda's body for probably a month or so in order for the female anaconda to determine who she will have sex with. Uncanny. Really.

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No classes again for tomorrow. You did it, Egay. You sure did.

I guess tomorrow's gonna be another National Geographic Channel day. I still can't believe animal pornography turned me on. Nauseating. Sickening. Repugnant.

EEEEEW.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

The Worst is Not Really Over After All

I don't really know why I keep updating this sanctuary of mine.

Well. Boredom at the least, probably.

Yesterday can be summarized strangely into one word; UNCANNY.

It is uncanny in a way that it did not really occur to me that it was, in fact, Friday. It's hard to apparently realize it on the day itself because it doesn't feel like it. Yesterday felt really Monday-ish. I guess it's because of the two typhoons' fault. People are still somewhat full of energy or something.

Maybe that's the reason why they tried to kill us at our songfest practice yesterday. URGH.

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Graduation Picture-taking later. I dunno if I'm going to unleash my defined sexuality by applying the lightest makeup ever on my face and blow-dry the pubic hair on my head, or just go there au naturale. The latter part won't probably even have the slightest effect on the picture per se, I guess.

Graduation seems so far away, yet here comes those things that are trying so hard to make it appear near. Well, everytime I think of it, the thing itself just excites me. I mean, here it is. I've made it through purgatory, now I'm going to hell. Finally.

Although it doesn't seem likely that I'll be finishing off my high school education with flying colors, I'll be taking my diploma with more pride and happiness than I will ever have yet.

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I thought I lost it all, but yeah, TRY AGAIN.

When I flunked the math exam, I lost hope. It's merely a lost of interest in studying, or even enjoying the subject. Don't you get it? All my efforts for Advanced Algebra were lost. How come I flunked the thing that I understand the most? It doesn't seem likely for anyone who is enjoying a particular subject to fail it, or I don't really know. Imagine Ms. Mondigo, my Physics teacher, failing Physics. Wouldn't that be so degrading on both our part as students, and her part as a teacher? I may not be a professional(but a stinker, at the most), but that's what I felt. My whole I-want-to-be-an-engineer-someday plan was has just been bulldozed by that friggin math test.

It's geometry all over again.

But thank God for yesterday was really uncanny, I semi-nailed my Physics exam. I knew I could count on optics. Ha.

Which thus makes me redundant for questioning God about why we have to make a periscope anyway.

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I hate being kind. No, really. I do. I want to morph myself into this big and evil monster that would eat people up if they wouldn't abide with my rules.

But I guess God doesn't want me to be one. Mom said that it's an utter kismet that I've been appointed as a chairman of a committee that doesn't do anything but to maintain the cleanliness of the classroom. It's probably a lesson, you know..to clean my stuffs and all. My lunch yesterday is still in my bag, mind you.

The problem here is I'm finding a hard time making people clean. It's really weird. I usually boss people around. But if it's the whole class I'm about to give orders with, my heart suddenly turns to gold.

Lorainne, I guess you have to evil-fy yourself once again.

I'm going to pray to Hitler later.

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Here are some funny quotes that I love.

Homer Simpson: Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.

Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.
Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy.
Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.

Lisa: Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?
Homer: Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.

Homer: Lisa, you're a Buddhist, so you believe in reincarnation. Eventually, Snowball will be reborn as a higher lifeform... like a snowman.

FAMILY GUY

Stewie: You know, I rather like this God fellow. Very theatrical, you know. Pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence ... gotta get me some of that.

Guy on Airplane: Oh great, I always end up sitting next to a damn baby.
Stewie: What did you just say?
Lois: Stewie, stop fussing.
Stewie: Pipe down Lois. (Slaps guy on head.) Hey big man, turn around. Oh you can't hear me now. I was going to watch the movie, but forget it. For the next 5 hours, you're my bitch.

Lois: Stewie why don't you play in the other room?
Stewie: Why don't you burn in hell?



Friday, August 10, 2007

Animosity

How do you know if one thing's over?

Many things can be put to an end in many sense. For example; a movie can end with the usual happy ending, or a tragic one, or something that will trick people's minds of what would happen if the movie will have a second part.

UH-OH. Sappy alert! Sappy alert!

And I thought getting into the school newspaper helped me moved on.

But I guess things aren't as predictable as they seem to be. I've made a terrible mistake and now I.. I guess I have to go through the gasgas process of having to suffer the consequences of everything I did in the past, I suppose.

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Okay. Just to clear up some your bad, bad, and very very bad bewilderment about my weight issues; yes, I am inconspicuously dieting.

Oops. Sorry for that. You probably forgot the fact that I'm as enormous as Hagrid, or any other monstrous and vicious celebrity you came to know of.

I don't really get the point why people have to acknowledge the fact that you're fat, and big, and yeah, MONSTROUS. I mean, can't they just shut up about it? Yes, Oui, Tak! I know I'm fat. I know I'm big. I know I'm massive and gigantic and all, but can you just lay off of that fact for umm..I don't know..the rest of my life?

I know that if I would die right now, I would go straight to hell. But would it matter anyway?

I beg to differ.

My life is ALREADY a living hell, thanks a lot to them b*tches who just can't get a life. Maybe the hell I would go in to is the complete replica of heaven, with the cherubs and all.

I'm probably intimidating. HA. Funny. Really.

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I wish the Memory Charm would work in real life. If it is to be offered in Dra. Vicky Belo's dermatological shiznits, I'm going to sell both of my thighs to the wet market as soon as possible just for Dra. Vicky to erase everything, definitely EVERYTHING out of my mind.

Oh wait. I think that's possible. Not the Memory Charm part, but about the memory-erasing methodology.

In an episode of House, a fireman was brought to the hospital because of his heart attacks that will initiate for unknown reasons. Now as usual, Dr. House, together with his team, did everything to know what those reasons are. And as simple as it may seem, the culprit was after all the girlfriend of his older brother, who also works in the fire industry(HA. Ostensibly in MORE ways than one.).

That fire industry is really funny. It really is.

Anyways, his heart would always ache everytime he sees the girl. Why? Because he can't accept the fact that the girl he truly loves is the girlfriend of his brother. So, what House and his team did was too connect these wires and stuff to his brain, and probably electrocuted him neurologically. When he woke up, he can't remember a thing. His voice is even high-pitched, which had awfully broken the sad ambiance of the scene. It cracked me up like the fire industry joke aforementioned above did. HA-HA.

Now that electrocuting thing is a major breakthrough in the field of Emo people, or even partially Emo people, or even doubting Emo people like me. Imagine us getting all 'life is so cruel!' or 'God, I want to die!', and probably the next thing you may know is we've been all electrocuted and POOF! No more Emo people in this world. Black eyeliners are now just for those who would use makeup or something. A blade will just be an apparatus used to take hair off. Emo would just be a funny word used to describe people who haven't been electrocuted yet.

Now that I would like.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Perchance

Today is supposed to be hell day.

I was thinking a while ago what the hell would I do first when we would arrive back home. See, classes were merely suspended today. I don't know if I would be angry, or hangry(a combination of happiness and angry. Hm. It makes me wonder too.). I slept very late last night just for my laboratory report for Physics and GAH. All efforts were utterly wasted, or so I think they are.

It came upon to me that I haven't posted anything near current and interesting here in my online sanctuary. So, here it goes.

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UPCAT was semi-tedious.

I slept at my grandparent's house on the eve of my examination. I don't really know why I did. Mom told me it's because grandpa would be the one to bring me to UP Diliman, and fetch me after.

I still don't get it amidst the narrated statement.

Anyways, we arrived at UP for an early benchmark of 5:30am. It was in fact, very early, relative to my scheduled exam, which wouldn't really take place until the clock strikes half past 6 o'clock. But I really did enjoy the fact that I was an hour early. The utter sense that there are so many different people who would also take the UPCAT and from very very different walks of life excites me. Don't mind to ask me. I'll just gape at you.

The test was..okay. The language proficiency and reading comprehension part were(I think) the easiest part of the test. Those were the parts where you can still show off your I-can-answer-really-faster-than-you skills to those other people. It will intimidate the souls out of your batchmates.

But good Lord. Have mercy on those who made the math and science part. Thou shall burn in hell. All I can say is..my former Biology teacher better be dead or I'll climb my way to Baguio just to stab her cold-heartedly 1 gazillion fucking times with a butcher's knife or something. The Biology questions erased everything from my brain in an instant. Damn that dumbass b*tch.

Math was absolutely excruciating. It drove my best sanity away.

And now, I think I left it somewhere.

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Analyze the story of this one.

MATH PERIODICAL EXAM = FLUNKAROO

I cried last night just because of this. I can't believe I'm making it all hypocritical by deciding to be an engineer. How the hell can I even be one? I can't even pass a single friggin math test.

Goodbye UP dreams.

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The sandman is having the time of his life by pouring humongous amounts of sleeping sand(or whatever you may call it. I don't like imaginary friends like him and tooth fairy anyway) on my eyes right now.

Anyways, I have a mighty-schmighty confession to make.


I'm planning to back out that chance of writing for the school paper.
I'm already a staffer, but it seems I'm too intimidated by the other people working for the school newspaper for my own good.
I don't really like meetings.
I don't really like pressure.

But my articles being read by other people? Holly-holly-hoo.

I'm mussed up. Really really.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Intensifying Amour Propre

Now I know what I really loathe.

STUPID PIRATED CD'S OF SOFTWARES THAT I ABSOLUTELY NEED.

I used to adore it though, like a year ago. Actually, all of my PC softwares are pirated, except for Windows per se. You know how Billie-oh-dearie hates it when his system is not original.

I went to a local plaza lately to supposedly buy a pirated DVD copy of Apocalypto, for it is one of those included in our English test tomorrow. But thank the Muslim-owned stalls for I didn't find a single copy. Instead, I just ended up buying a DVD of Evan Almighty.

And this DVD-ROM filled with Macromedia softwares that I truly need to develop my flash programming and video-producing skills. At first, I was just turned on by the fact that the seller isn't one bit of a Muslim. He looks like a hot guy from a Koreanovela that I've been addicted to last year. And UGH he's so hot. I can't believe I'm morphing into a heterosexual again.

Anyway, I bought the CD for 150 pesos. It is, in my opinion, very expensive. But thank my mom for raising my allowance by a hundred percentile. I bought the thing the minute I saw it. No questions asked.

And so, I went home excitedly. Well duh. I acted like this little kid with a new Transformers action figure that is packed tightly with hundreds of Yale padlocks. Right after paying the tricycle driver and watching a bit of this new telenevola about an ex-housemate JUST to piss the hell out of me, I hastily jammed the CD into the DVD-ROM drive of our humongous CPU.

And, to my very very very disappointed surprise, it didn't work. The CD drive can't install the freaking softwares for reasons unknown.

I sure am one hell of an impulsive buyer.
Damn that hot vendor.

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English.
Filipino.
Physics.

I'm still on the look out for that reason why I'm not studying.

Maybe because the Advanced Algebra just disconcerted my truncated brain. IT ABSOLUTELY DID.
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The weather in this country is becoming SOOO baaaad every single minute.

I'm wondering if this dry spell would continue till Christmas.

Oh, hoop-dee-doo. Looks like Hades is enjoying every minute of this.

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You know what I like? This quote:

"There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul." - Ella Wilcox

This one's very relevant to what Mrs. Bronilla said last Tuesday during Economics class. She told us that she doesn't get the point of attending review classes nor panic reviewing for the UPCAT or any other CETs. CETs doesn't measure your ability to do this and that, but what you were able to know and garner through those 3 years of your gruesome high school life.

The point here is, if UP-Diliman's really my destiny, then I'll surely nail it.

If it's not, then there's still Ateneo or DLSU or any other schools that's in my circle of kismet.

Oh Lord. Just please do help me.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

An Interim Anguish

"When there's sadness, happiness would surely follow"

It sorta sounds like karma, but hypothetically speaking, it's not.

Brrf. Remember that last post? The one wherein I thought that my dumbness lead me to the total extermination of my Pauliworld dreams? Well, no. It's wrong after all. AGAIN.

We were given another chance yesterday by Sir Decano, my research teacher who also happens to be a journalism teacher of the 2nd year students. We were asked to write:
a. A 100-word essay on why we are deserving to be a part of Pauliworld and
b. A 150-word(or less) essay about the SD and DD classes

The 2 essays was due by 5 pm yesterday.

(As of this writing, Mr. Revillame is doing a guh-reat job pissing my ass off with his daily-noontime-show jokes)

And yeah, imagine the hassle..make that the GRUESOME hassle..of yesterday's lunch break. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do first. The article? Review for elective? Review for the CL quiz? Geez. I almost cried. Good thing I still have some apathy left somewhere in my heart.

And fast forward everything to what I saw a while ago in the Pauliworld bulletin board...

"PARAJAS, LORAINE"

I don't know if I'm going to be happy, or insulted. See, my last name is Paragas, not Parajas. No offense, but I don't think that's very catholic. It sounds like I'm a member of a Muslim rebel group in Basilan or something. And yeah, I don't really care about the wrong spelling of my name. After 16 years of having a very complex name, I'm probably used to it anyway.

But what matters is..

I PASSED! I PASSED! I went through all those friggin screenings!

I'M NOW A PART OF PAULIWORLD!


Conclusively, I can now say that a big extra-curricular break was all I needed all along to move on.


YAY! Congratulations to all those who passed too.