This post is highly-philosophical, at the very least. So I must warn you, my dear imaginary reader. Get the hell out of here as quick as possible if you don't want sentimentalizations burdening your emotions. No, really. Brace yourself, if you just can't click that back button on the extreme left.
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I would always think about this statement most of us would ponder during those burdening and mishapping times of our lives: 'If God loves us, then why are there calamities? Why are there persecutions? Why do we have to go through these sufferings, when we can just go through that happy and intoxicating route to paradise?'
It would be very hypocritical to say that I'm writing this just to shake the monstrosity out of every one of us, but if you are begging me to differ right now, let me just say that I'm going through a 'depression 2' stage. You may remember well that I went through the first and gruelling part of this stage last summer, but ugh. I though that my suicidal and 'OMG just kill me now' had ended on my birthday, but pertaining to my ever-unreliable ignorance, there is this so-called 2nd stage of that tedious murder of emotions.
On my part, I would always ask God the same question before I go to sleep. "God, if I really am a smart-ass, why is my GPA within the critical level of our education dam? I guess I have to say goodbye to UP-Diliman, huh?" I'm losing hope, for Christ's sake.
And now, it is conclusively evident that my problem, after all, is getting into the most prestigious state university on the land. I am still on the verge of belief that University of the Philippines is my home; this is where my non-conformity and mendaciousness belong. I know I have to let go of that dream, but no, ladies and gentlemen. My daydreams aren't composed of romances and other cognates. Hell no.
They are, instead, filled with moving pictures of myself, driving that oh-so-sexy Mitsubishi Evolution IX around the College of Engineering. Even if you take away that part where I drive, you still can't drag that fact that I, a very egotistical and conceited half-shit/half-girl(hard to believe, huh? It makes me wonder why I have XX as chromosomes too), passed the UPCAT. God, getting into UP-Diliman is waaaaaaaaay waaaaaay WAAAAY better than a full-body liposuction by those Beverly Hills dermatology doctors. I'd rather be obese all my life than be a dumbass.
But I guess I have to accept the grotesque and oh-so sucky certainty that I did, after all, screw up that UPCAT. Maybe UP-Diliman's not really for me. Maybe I deserve a better university for my collegiate education, wherein I will learn that all of what I'm thinking right now can be laughable in more ways than one.
All I can swear now is..that university better be an Ivy, or I just made a fool of myself by asserting that I'll get into some college that is undoubtedly better than UP-Diliman(which is oh-so highly unlikely anyway).
Even if I was seated next to a Pisay student instead of that one helluva Povedan who challenged my agility and shading skills during the UPCAT, the dubious truth still remains; my arrogant brain is not enough for me to pass this test. Even if I got a 98 on Computer last year, I don't think that THAT would even make a single difference. Even if I studied my ass off the day before my UPCAT schedule, I don't think that any of that studying I did would even make a tiny difference. Even if I found the UPCAT a little no-brainer, I still don't think that THAT scrupulous and awfully-haughty conclusion will ever EVER EVER pass me to the university of my wildest and wettest dreams.
And yeah. Decisively, I am making a big deal out of this. So from this day forward, I guess I have to throw my hopes of getting into UP-Diliman straight into the trash bin. No. I have to burn those hopes, so I will never ever ever ever ever share my tremendous sorrow. I. Have. To. Move. On. Yeah. I guess I do have to. ACET's in less than a week, and..you guessed it..I haven't moved on from my previous CET. Maybe it'll be always like this. CET after CET after CET..I have to share my laments in a simultaneous way. I guess my imaginary friends have to get used this.
"God does not always want us to be happy. If it were so, he wouldn't have given us tears. Sometimes he wants to make us cry. As a doctor would have slapped us to make us cry after He has delivered us into this world, God gives us trials for the same reason - so we realize that we are alive, and that we have to breathe to stay alive."
-Red Kinoko
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"Do you tie your shoelaces so your shoes don't fall off or do you do it so you don't fly out of them?"
Red Kinoko's quote is undoubtedly the most novel thing that's circling in my mind right now.
Oooh. Let's talk about this kind of people who adheres to things that aren't usually in their field of interest, but they are hence adhering to just to get to climb that ladder that more or less represents ever cliques in the high school department.
What are they called again? Oh yes. POSERS. How could I forget? I once became one, and God, it sucked the letters l and i and f and e out of the word 'life'.
Posers should definitely one of those ingenious seven wonders of the world. They are more surpassing than Macchu Picchu anyway.
I hate conformity. What I hate even more are conformists - people that are following trends and patterns, acting like chemicals on Mendleev's Periodic Table. Every one of us is ambitioned by God to be unique in a certain way. We sure are not to follow people whom we think are cool, just so we can be them ourselves.
I am contemplating on why kids of my age have this egregious desire to be cool.
I don't understand it, really. It's like algebra for a freshman; it's notably abstract, and forces you to think about it all the time because the world is just so full of it.
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