Schizoid

I just discovered this lately, of course. When you're no bipolar, you're actually either normal, mentally retarded, or just suffering from schizophrenia. But in my case, I just found out that I'm suffering from both shitty disorders that clearly depict some serious mental problems.

God. What a psycho.

And I thought those suicidal moments will help psychologists to discover another manic disorder that will be considered as another major breakthrough for the 21st century. Oh man. Let me stress and tinker my brain more, and the next thing you'll know, I'll be running on the streets naked, shouting "LAB REPORTS! THESIS DEFENSE! IP's! STUPID PEOPLE! TREACHEROUS FRIENDS! CIGARETTES! ALCOHOL! SEX! BWAHAHA!" My parents will finally disown me by then, much for their own good.

Oh hoho no, that is not mental retardation. That's the product of constant intake of carbonated water. sugar, caramel color, phosphoric acid, some natural flavors and most especially, caffeine.

My belly's larger than my breasts. Jesus Christ. I need a break from Coke. I guess that's what I really really need to stop blabbing on these disorders that are hindering me from being the normal person I want to be.

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The new classrooms suck. I want our old classroom back, together with its countless insect boarders and abandoned webs. And yeah, with those two air conditioners that are surprisingly not run by turbines or whatever, but by those homeless felines. What a joy.

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Ah, what a wonder.

There is seriously something wrong with me these days. If you've been living under a rock for the past 2 millenniums, people who go to a certain place to learn stuffs will never feel a certain rush of excitement to hence learn. Logically speaking, to learn means to understand, and to understand means forcing these things to be absorbed by your brain, which has been absolutely hard for the past 12 years of my life spent on preschool, elementary, and secondary education. I'm no child prodigy.

But now, every school day seems to be a happy day. Not because I finally have a female crush, but because I'm hungry for schoolwork. God, that semestral break really molded up some schoolwork spirit, huh? I guess. Every time a teacher would give us some assignment, my lips would curve upward. I would happily scribble the assignment down on my school diary, and would also do it willingly at home, or in some cases when my energy is at its highest peak, in the school bus.

This is probably because I have this slight feeling that I flunked Mandarin. According to our Chinese teacher, I failed my quizzes. And yeah, I failed the examination too. I wouldn't be really surprised if my adviser would hand me my first ever conference slip tomorrow. I mean, who the hell likes Mandarin anyway? I took that shit because I thought I've decided that I'll take up Foreign Studies for my collegiate education, and ergo learning the world's most spoken language is a mighty plus.

But that was when I still didn't know how to maximize my educational assets. I picked that course primarily because of my bizarre likeness to airports. And that's it. Yeah. Dumbass, I know.

Schoolwork fetish. Ugh.

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There's this pesky kid from the grade school department who was in the same lane as I was in the school pool lately during GIFTtime. I'm assuming that she's a 4th grader, possibly training for their intramurals. She's the most absurd swimmer I knew. I've never seen such heinous abomination in my whole life, aside from myself, of course.

She has this two long pigtails on either side of her head. She would always put her arm on my shoulders, as if they're the new gutters. Jesus. I know they're the biggest thing you've ever seen, but that is not a reason to cling on it. And by so, my 200m Backstroke was, by far, the most dreadful thing I did today. As you all don't know, my usual routine is to stop for a minute when I finish a lap, then go and do a lap again to go to the other side. But today (oh today), I did the deadly laps non-stop. Because if I would stop, she would irritate me again. Damn that kid.

Our short-lived conversations that scrutinized my english-speaking capability.

Kid: "Are you an Indian?"
By which I replied no, of course. What a new way to insult me. Yeah, sure. Distinguish my race by how dark my underarms are, and I'll strangle you till your bones are soft enough to eat.

Kid: "My teeth is squeaky!" *rubs her finger to her tiny teeth*
To shut the hell out of her up, I irritatedly moved the side of my head near her mouth so I could pretend to be amazed by the squeaking wonders of her little incisors.
Me: "Oh."
Kid: "Does your teeth squeak too?"
Me: "No."
Kid: "Why?"
Me: "I don't have an idea."
Kid: "Well, drink water!"
Me: "I don't like water."
Kid: "But wate-"
And thank God our coach already gave me the signal to start doing laps again.

Kid: "I don't wanna do that torpedo arms floating thingy anymore."
Me: "I don't wanna swim anymore."
Kid: "Well, what else do you do? Track and Field?"
Me: "I do Physics."
Kid: "PHYSICS? But that's math!"
Ha. In your fucking sucky face, kid. Physics is no math. Physics is the only thing susceptible of explaining why you are so god-diggidy annoying.

Good thing she went out of the pool ahead of time. God knows what I could've done to her if she didn't do so.

Look, I know I have 4 siblings under me, but what the hell. They aren't as bothersome as this kid is.

So people, beware of kids like this. The next thing you'll know, they will be following you into your respective homes, and would murder your stuffed toys.