Death by Champorado

Today is the day; the day I finally got hold of a big-time fever I got from something that is so stupid. Champorado.

What is a Champorado? As the ever-unreliable Wikipedia said, Champorado is a sweet chocolate rice porridge that was invented by no less than our national hero himself, Dr. Jose Rizal. For me, Champorado is best served at any time of the day, as long as it is hot and has evaporated milk on top of it. Yum Yum, huh?

I skipped school last Tuesday, woke up at an early 7 am, and (what else?) went straightly to this computer station and researched on that contest I'm planning to join in. After a couple of minutes, mom went upstairs and brought me a bowl of Champorado. And since it was served the way I like it to be, I was able to finish it in a minute. Good grief.

After a few minutes of doing so, I felt this very strong tinge of dizziness. At first, I just shrugged it all off. But when my massaging powers and apathy did not help, I hurriedly turned off the computer and went straight to my bed to sleep again so that when I wake up in the later hours of the day, I would feel much better.

That's what I thought. But ugh. What I thought was completely wrong.

I woke up at 10am, dizzy. I woke up at 1 am and skipped lunch, for that matter, still dizzy. I woke up at 3 am because mom and the maid banged on my lock door just to give me greasy stuffs to eat (McDonald's.), still f-ing dizzy. Ate that big mac goodness, and threw it all up because my head is circling with the highest centripetal force one can experience in their big ol' heads.


And I woke up yesterday with a fever I did not expect coming. I'm literally burning right now with 40-degree Celsius body temperature.

The End.

THREE REASONS WHY I CAN'T GET SICK RIGHT NOW:
1. I have my MSAE on Saturday. I don't really think I can re-schedule my last CET.
2. I can't afford to be sick these days, primarily because I'm tad too lazy to take my meds. (What a reasonable shit)
3. It's our semestral break next week, for the love of God. How the hell am I supposed to enjoy it with this stupid fever? GAH.

ONE REASON WHY I SHOULD GET SICK RIGHT NOW:
1. Because I want to die already. I'm more than ready, God. I have accomplished all those things a girl that will go through the process of pre-adulthood has to have. I think the world and its people is the funniest joke and wonder anyone has to laugh and ponder on. And ergo, I'm not a joke. I'm MORE than a joke. I am a big book with the greatest story ever told that even Mark Twain himself can't beat with his fancy-schmancy fairy tale shits. I think the people of Inferno has to read me to stop overreacting down there.

And when I finally die, my peers would make the nicest funeral speeches that the world will yet to hear. I can imagine it now: my obese body in a big black casket, dressed in the sexiest lingerie ever. My funeral would probably be in an Apple Center, and instead of eating regular biscuits, y guests would eat those specially-designed, apple logo-shaped cookies. Specially-designed in a way that it would self destruct in 5 seconds when it detects saliva or even carbon dioxide in its surroundings. And we will all die happily ever after.

Steve Jobs would most likely design a laptop just for me, called the iLorainne. It will beat the hell out of that coffee-table computer shit Bill Gates has (and thus the whole Microsoft empire has one too. BOO). It will have a 10-megapixel integrated iSight camera (integrated because it's not just a camera anymore. It's now a digital single lens reflex camera, lenses are sold separately of course.). It only has this 60" monitor (that can be fluctuated to any smaller size you want, but sadly, 60 inches is the maximum size) with 1000 yottabyte of hard disk storage. It will run on 100.89 THz, so multi-tasking will compete on a cheetah's average speed. It only has one optical drive, which acts as a drive for compact disks and for universal serial bus disks. It is purely wireless, so to speak. In fact, even without the presence of radio waves and signals for one to connect easily to the internet, it can definitely sign you in on your friendster account in a freakin' picosecond. Leopard as the OS? Not really. Those guys at Cupertino will make the greatest operating system ever invented, which is the Laughing Hyena 1000.

The details are still sketchy, but that's what is sure to hit the stores near you when I die.

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Biographical moment.

1. I am Lorainne. Seriously, just call me that and NOTHING else, aside from my infamous nickname that did not originate from a very famous R&B singer, Oyen.

2. I was musically-inclined, until the emergence of local rock bands that definitely made everybody think that playing the guitar is so f-ing cool. And yes, I still now how to play the guitar. And no, I'm not going to play again for anyone's sake. And yes, I still have a guitar. And no, I will not definitely sell it. And yes, I'm acting like a total moron right now.

3. I only have two vices, namely, Coke (the softdrink) and alcohol. The latter is not seriously proven yet, but I enjoy the company of it no matter what situation I am in. The former is one of those things I seriously have to quit because I'm already a diabetic, and I should therefore watch my sugar intake (on the contrary, I will NOT because I want to die, remember?). And it really really helped to the existence of a pot belly in my body.

4. I swim (this will not be elaborated much further).

5. Okay yeah I swim and so what? Maybe I did regret that I did not join the swimming team. But I'm over it anyway. I have a life to end.

6. I am not a bipolar. Stupid things just irritate my boring soul.

7. Yes, I did quit that chance of writing for the school newspaper. No regrets, really.

8. Actually, I like quitting stuffs I worked hard for. It's up for you to decide if those were acts of pride, or acts of incongruity. But for me, I just like proving to people that an obese girl can do more things than normal-size people do. All I want to say is people should stop discriminating and we should all just enjoy what we have in this world like McDonald's.

9. I am a very concrete example of teen angst.

10. I am not a writer. I just like to pretend that I am one.

IM me if you're ready with your funeral speech for me already.