Retreat was nice. Not just nice, but really really really nice. It was the most meaningful one I've had for the past 6 years I've been attending recollection and retreats. I dunno. It's probably because there wasn't a day that I didn't shed a tear, which is actually new for me since I don't usually cry just because of..well...spiritual stuffs.
Anyways, here is an entry I wrote in this highly-improvised journal. The journal itself is made of 3 typewriting papers that were stapled together in the center fold, so that it would make a cutesy impression that is, therefore, a 'journal'. God. A roll of tissue would have been much better, if you ask me.
Dear Journal,
It is the second day of our retreat today. I feel so obnoxious, sleepy, and cold. I felt like I'm in the 9th circle of hell during my 'sleep'. The icy atmosphere was hence brought by the gush of the airconditioner, that we stupidly set on a 22-degree temperature before we went to bed. And as I woke up with the knock of the bell ringer on our door, I raced to the airconditioner to turn it off because my whole body is literally numb. My eyes formed big holes as I saw that the aircon is already running on 16-degrees. What the....
And oh, for the love of God, I'm nowhere near renewal. That sounds bad, I think.
The place is absolutely nice. Well of course, like everything else, it was missing this element that'll surely cause the extinction of spiritual places like this. Oh-ho. TELEVISION. Crap.
The rooms look like that of hotel suites. The bathroom smells good, prior to the fact that you or your did not excreted your toxic wastes.(SHITS, actually. But yeah. I'm not supposed to write it there because I thought the journal will be collected. But now I did.)
Amidst all of these nicey-spicey things that were given to us, I'm still wondering why I can't get hold of my desire, which is God's presence. No matter how intent I would pray, God just wouldn't stop ignoring me. Hmm. Mayne Sr. Vianney was right. Maybe I SHOULD have that gift of disciplines. God will never ever talk to somebody who thinks that even the smallest of things are way too funny to be ignored. Or maybe..just maybe..I should change. I've promised way too many times before that I would, ergo, undergo to to a hardcore metamorphosis that would surely kick that highly-negative and apathetic outlook out of my sucky life. But sadly, my incessant stubbornness is literally and figuratively hindering me to do such. I feel so sorry for myself.
So when will I change? I keep on complaining and complaining that things keep on changing, an I never got that hang of it. Things probably change because YOU need to change. Weird, isn't it? I find it absurd that those things are the ones that are making a move for us. It seems that they're the ones living OUR lives, not us.
Unexpectedly, I cried during the last part of the healing process. I imagined myself telling these things I aforementioned above to a friend. But quite surprisingly, that friend of mine turned out to be Jesus. (*insert any religious song here*) I asked my friend, 'When will I ever change? Will it always be this way? Will I ever learn to be responsible for my acts, or would retain that act of giving false pretenses?
By thus, I felt God beside me, seemingly guiding me as I ask these questions to myself. Someone may find this stupid, but I just stared above and intently talked to him.
And yes, I can say now that I'm healed; my story is indeed God's love story after all.
Uh. Maybe I took the retreat too seriously. It is a wonder how I managed to participate in all the spiritual activities we did. Why? As you can remember, I used to be an agnostic, practicing a great irony within the great walls of my Catholic school.
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MCOY FUNDALES.
I still can't believe I can now see my crush everyday on national television.
And actually, Mr. Fundales is one of those gods that I worshiped(and still worshiping). Hurr-ay.
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DLSU-CET review. Let's roll.
-DLSUCET is simply the De La Salle University College Entrance Test. It has 7 parts. And don't ask me what those parts are. UGH. It wasn't really indicated before that part or whatever, which is really really absurd.
-DLSUCET is much much much easier than the 2 CET's I took up months ago.
-DLSUCET was the most boring CET I ever took up. There were absolutely NO interesting people. All looked so middle class-y and normal.
-DLSUCET sucks because you will be given 15 minutes of break, and by that you are not allowed to stay and doze off in the room. UGH. I was a victim of this shit. I wasn't aware that I was overstaying at that bench for 30 minutes already, so...I got 35 minutes for the numerical ability part instead of the 50 minutes you will get of you return to your testing room ON TIME.
-DLSUCET will make you feel better. For some reasons unknown, it did so to me.
-DLSUCET or DLSU per se is so tech-savvy. At the first week of January, you can either wait for the results to be mailed to you, look it up on DLSU's website, or better yet, text DLSU(space)EEXAM(space)Reference #, then send to 2333 for Globe subscribers, and to whatever number for Smart subscribers(It's not MY fault I wasn't paying attention. Like DUH, why the hell would I even bother to remember that? I'm not a Smart subscriber.). This is superlatively nice.
Good luck to the last batch. WE WILL ALL PASS!
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