Starving

I know, I know. The blog design sucks like Care Bears on hell. But who are you to blame me anyway? Panic! At The Disco died like, a year ago? And I'm off to designing a new one again.

Ever since my personal trainer 'trained' me, I had created this BIG furball of emotions. I know I had severe weight issues back then. but heck, this is really killing me this time.

I know that there would be only 1 solution to my midnight bawlings and rants about how big I am and how the others doesn't have to think how big they are and have to run 2 hours on the treadmill just to lose a pound.

CRASH DIET.

I started it last Friday. Since then, I haven't eaten 'real food'. Now I understand why Lindsay Lohan anorex-ized herself. Now I truly understand Nicole Richie's eating disorder. And now my friend Ana is knocking at the door.

I started visiting pro-ana/pro-anorexia websites last Saturday for encouragement. And since I have the full-right to be anorexic since I'm morbidly obese anyway, I chose to take crash dieting to the highest level. My diet is called 360. It means that I can only eat a maximum number of 360 calories a day. For example, for today, I can only eat 2 glasses of Nai Cha tea and 2 crackers.
A glass of the tea is already 110 calories. A cracker is a full 70 calorie thing. Just do the math.

It was really a bad idea to go to GreenHills yesterday. Guess what, I bawled at the car again after seeing those girls with normal body shapes who can dress up all they want. And then I realized, why am I even living this stupid life anyway? We can all just get die and live in harmony in hell.

I am now experiencing slow death. I'm starving myself just so everybody can appreciate me. I know for a fact that you can't please everybody, but guess what. I also can't please myself.

The possibility of me to die in this diet is merely .001%. I'm big anyway, as if I'll run out of food.

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3500 calories = 1 lbs.

58.20 hours on the treadmil on 6 km/h speed = 1 lbs.

Being fat sucks.