You know what I hate? My blogger persona. I think it's gonna be my main problem in college, that's why the idea of shutting this shit down has been lingering so long in my mind. But I must admit that my stupid blog is my main outlet, and merely deleting it would make me go seriously deranged, if not insane.
Let's see now, I am virtually schizophrenic. I don't usually talk in rapid English in real life. Often times I would even find it so hard to talk like this without punishing my grammar or whatnot. And people would really find it exorbitantly bizarre if I do. I don't speak what's in my mind; I write it. English is better off written than spoken in this judgmental country of ours, so I cannot really blame anyone except the whole nation who are advocates of our national language. I mean, even call center agents don't talk this way normally. Something's just so wrong with me, and it took me four slow years in this filth to even realize it.
We had this Getting-To-Know-You (GTKY) activity during our LPEP and beforehand this activity, we were told to write down our nicknames horizontally and place acronyms with each
letter that corresponds to our personality. It was sorta modified in a way that just as long as we think of a word and one of the letters of our name is in it, we can us it. So I used my nickname instead of my real name, because duh, Lorainne's too long and maximizing my vocabulary is the last thing I want to do in an orientation for engineer wannabes. So OYEN: O for Open-Minded, Y for loYal (man, sorry for sticky caps-ing. I just HAVE to emphasize the letters.), E for apathEtic, and N for Narcissistic (and/or conceited, because narcissistic popped out first.) And when it was already time for sharing, I realized what a great mistake I've made.
What in the world made me choose my blogger persona over my fat-girl character?
I can tell that my words weirded the shit out of everybody. I mean, every single one of them asked for the meaning of the last two words, and commented on my chosen adjectiives. I knew I should've chosen words that are far more ordinary than apathetic and narcissistic. And now, I just realized that I've shown everybody my weirdest side ever. See, that's the reason why nobody chose me for that I Love You game. They probably thought I was this weird fat girl who does nothing but to eat and read sci-fi novels. My God, I don't even read sci-fi novels. They just simply freak me out, like the way I freaked my blockmates.
During our high school lives, my friends and I would pick over those weird kids high school will always have. And now that high school is over and I can smell the stench of college's ass just around the corner, I think that karma is now ready to kick my ass out of my social life. I'm thinking that I'm gonna be the weird kid this time, and just like weird kids, I'm not gonna have friends or whatever. Everybody's going to be so disgusted at me, I think.
What a paranoid.
Patti told me that they're all just intimidated by me. What the hell, Patti. People don't get intimidated by me; they're disgusted at me.
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I never got the chance to continue my 'high school life' series anymore because obviously, high school is just detaching a chunk of itself away from me as the time goes nearer for me to just bid it one last goodbye and say 'hello-diddly-do' (Flanders style) to college. And writing something about things I would do when I was still in high school will never be possible without the high school spirit, which of course is starting to move itself out of my black heart.
In less than 24 hours, I'm about to start a whole new life again. Of course, there goes the usual scare-fair where your friends would meet other friends who shall teach them the real values of life in a mature way, unlike in high school where flunking an Algebra quiz can be overcomed by food-tripping in the oil-infested food variants of the canteen and singing R&B hits that ranges from Boyz II Men's almost-impossible falsettos, to T-Pain's radio-mixed voice. Good times, Good times.
Yeah, the only thing I'm scared of is losing my friends (and virginity. For Christ's sake, I doubt it.). I'm not really scared of college per se, because all I know is that I'm used to doing things on my own (IP! Thesis!). And goddamnit, I'm an introvert. It should not matter to me if I don't have friends, or should just resort to imaginary friends with the help of crack. I just know that I can surely make it on my own. Yeah, shit happens and will keep happening till God-knows-when. But for sure, I'm not gonna let shit get in my way now.
(I'm finding it absolutely weird that I'm being all optimistic about college and stuff. I gotta be on crack.)
So yeah. To all of my batchmates who are also to start their first day in college tomorrow, good luck. And may we never be stuck in an elevator for it would be so awkward, I'm afraid that I'll wet myself right there and then.
Hello, college. (And DJ, please play OneRepublic's song Say now for my dramatic egress.)
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