Sunday, May 31, 2009

I Just Blogged 11

Dear You,

You have no idea how much of a pain in the heart you've been lately. It's not that you're starting to get in my nerves, or your face is irritating the hell out of me. In fact, I don't really know why you're causing me so much pain and yet, I am tolerating all of it.

Stop invading my dreamland. I dreamt last night that you were holding my arm in a weird way. We passed by to that place in school where my friends hang out. After seeing us two, they started to act really weird because they can't believe that a "heartthrob" like you would waste your time holding the arm of a piggidy like me. They started chasing us with pitchforks and those other things the mob in the movie Shrek would use to hurt Shrek. You carried me up to the fourth floor of the Gokongwei building, and you just suddenly vanished. I entered my G404 and there goes my gay professor, advocating gay marriage.

Well, that's when it all ended.


Love,
Me

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I don't have the heart to explain every little thing that happened since my last post, so I guess I'll just put it this way:

Birthday was fun.
School is fun.
Being a sophomore is fun.
The subjects are fun.
The classmates are fun.
My schedule is fun.
LBYEC71 is fun.

But I'm not happy.


Tuesday, May 19, 2009

One Hour

And so, with one hour left in the clock before I turn 18 and get my legal ass up in the adult world, I'm here sitting in front of the computer, wondering why in the world I'm being all sentimental about all of this 18-ness. It's not like I'm gonna die when the hands hit the number 12, or I'm gonna get really cranky and just eat everyone's ass in an instant.

But, I don't know. Maybe the mere fact that I'm gonna leave adolescence is starting to kick in already, and I'm still not ready to welcome it, so it seems. 

When I was a kid, I would always count those big number of years before I reach my 18th year. I was so obsessed by the idea of being able do 'for adults only' things because it tickles my curiosity like hell. I remember this particular scene during my younger years when I caught my aunt and maid watching porn in my dad's room which used to be the room where I literally lived way back then. I was about to get my school stuff from dad's room but unluckily, the door was locked. I knocked lightly at first and abruptly, it shifted into heavy pounds because seemingly, they can't hear my knockings. My aunt opened the door and when she saw me, she quickly motioned to close the door again. But yours truly, being all weirdly athletic and stuff, showed her how much of a reflexive little girl I am by rapidly pushing it back. She was trying to get me out, and God, you don't know how much I wondered why. My face became really hot and I can feel my own tears strolling down on my fat cheeks. When I sensed that my aunt's force is getting weaker and weaker as I get stronger (strong enough to push that hell of a door all the way), the television caught my attention. In the scene, there were a boy, and a girl. And the boy was seemingly inserting something to the girl's organ.

Wait, what? That organ looks like the one that I have..

And well, when my aunt saw my exprssion, she pushed the door and said these words to me: "Pang mga 18 and above lang yan, umalis ka na!" (This is for 18-year olds only, go away!). And since then, my freaking curiosity killed me. Why is it that it's only for 18-year olds? What's so special about reaching that age anyway? 

Years passed by and before I knew it, I'm an hour away from finally being 18.

So, to celebrate my 18-ness, am I gonna watch porn all day? Well, not really. Surely, there is more to life than porn and promiscuity. If I focus too much on those things then it won't even be a wonder if I'll end up like those teenage mothers. I mean, not that somebody would get me pregnant or something. I'll probably get pregnant by myself.

It's not that I've waited for so long for me to become an adult already so that I'll be able to watch porn relentlessly. I guess my inner wanting to get hold of self-maturity and understanding made me wait much further.

And now, I'm finally gonna get them.

The gargantuan amount my mother and father spent for my 18th birthday party cannot hold a candle to self-maturity and understanding. These two are gonna get me to places I've never been to. I may not know what those places are, but I'm sure my parents are still gonna be proud of me.

Thank you all for growing up with me and witnessing the pain and happiness I experienced during my teenage years. 

Oh look. Only a minute to go. I guess it's a Happy 18th Birthday for myself already.




Sunday, May 10, 2009

You Are Invited

In celebration of my upcoming 18th birthday, my mom is planning to throw me a birthday party for our friends. And by our, I mean her friends who have like, families of their own already. She even instructed me to clean up the living room and set up my Guitar Hero band set so the kids can play with it and stuff. Did I already mention that I'm gonna turn 18? I did? Oh. I guess mom didn't know that.

So yes, for all of you who knows where I live (because I don't have the heart to sketch a map for those who doesn't. I live in freaking Greenwoods, for Christ's sake. If you don't know where the hell that is, then I'm sorry, but you're a failure; an epic failure. ) please do come to my house for my 18th birthday celebration. It'll be fun, I promise. There will be pesky kids and balloons with "Happy 18th Birthday, Oyen.. Love: Mama and Papa" written on it. If you want to take home a balloon, a minimum fee of fifty pesos will be collected. I'm sorry, but balloon strings cost a lot these days. 

But seriously, it will be fun if you guys would come. Free food and soft drinks and juices by day, free flowing drinks by night (HARD, really hard. You know how much of a drunkard my mom is, hello.). Smoke all you want, my mom and the neighbors won't give a shit about it. Since I don't drink anymore, I guess I'll just watch you all pass out one by one. I'll have our pails ready, and the maids are more than willing to clean your messes up. Barf at me, and I swear to God you won't get to live the same way ever again. Airbeds are ready for those who are gonna be too drunk to find their way home.

STRICTLY no guests (unless he/she is my friend or something). I'm sorry. I'm still an introvert, after all. I am still so fucking constrained to my group of people. I deserve to die.

Come in any attire you want, be it just the usual shirt and shorts and slippers or some weirdass costume that you, for some reason, happen to have. Like that Barney costume my friends and I saw behind the tv cabinet in our classroom back in high school. Weirdest shit I've ever seen. Seriously, who even owns a Barney costume? And what the fuck for?

If you want to play Guitar Hero non-stop, I've got some bad news for you: our Wii, being all primitive and stuff, overheats and shuts down after 45 minutes. I know, it sucks like hell. I can't even finish a game without being pissed off by it all. So yeah, just bear with the poor thing. 

Save the date: May 22, 2009. It's a Friday, and I really reaaally hope you'll all be there. I'm sorry if I wasn't able to come to your respective parties before, but please do let me make it all up to you guys. Come on. Three days after that day, I'm gonna be back in school and I won't get to hang out with you all again. 

It'll be better too if you will all come in the afternoon, when all the kids are gone and we adults can play already. We adults. Man, that sounds so.. adult-y. 

------------------

Kyla Patron Tequila (I'm Drunk On Margarita), Happy Birthday... :)

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Save Reality

It's practically normal to stay up till the early hours of the morning during vacations. It's like a freaking norm on its own; to sleep early is just as weird as weirdness can really get. I for one have been witness to my own sleeplessness during term, christmas, and summer breaks and sleeping as early as 10pm made me a top loser for a week. Not that I was affected by it all or anything (I was.).

This summer, sleep time did not usually go beyond 3am, because that's the time when both Alejandro and I are already sleepy. Often times when he would call me, the call would end at 3am. And when we're just exchanging text messages, the last of text messages would usually come around before 3am. So obviously, 3am is the farthest I've been this summer. 

Well, the 3am streak ended this morning.

I did not intend to do a Monica (read: asleep in the morning, awake during the night and the early morning), because I don't want my menstruation to be absent for three months again. You just don't know how suspecting some people can get. Last 2007's christmas vacation, when my mom learned that blood has not been flowing out of me for almost three months, she almost took me to her friend who's a midwife, reckoned that I might be pregnant or something. I explained to her that there is simply no way that THAT's gonna happen because:

1. I am so not for pre-marital sex. Do I look like someone who does?
2. THAT boy broke up with me like, five months ago already. Does it look like that I'm gonna give him another chance and let him fondle a part of my body in celebration?
3. And besides, even if I could've gotten a new boy during that time, I highly doubt that he will even try, let alone dare, to nail me. Do you think that a fatass can get laid that easily? I mean, not that I want to or anything, but you know (I hope you do.).

Speaking of menstruation, I remember telling this friend yesterday that I wish God had given me some extraordinary reproductive organ that doesn't spurt out dirty blood every 28 days instead of this V that I have, being a girl and all. She suggested the male genitalia, but I hesitated because I doubt that I'm gonna have friends with that. I need friends, you know.

Anyways, what was I talking about again? Oh yeah, 3am.

While talking to Alejandro, I was reading Lois Lowry's The Giver that I snatched from my brother's big plastic of school supplies they bought last week. God, I really wish my mom faked my gender and enrolled me in LSGH for my elementary education, at the very least. Think of all the good books I could've been forced to read! I can't believe my brothers are taking their good books for granted. One day, those books are gonna stand up for themselves. I'm gonna help them, I swear. (Like, yeah right.)

So yeah, the flow of the story was marvelous until I reached that chapter when The Giver asks the Speaker for a videotape of that morning's Ceremony of Release Jonas' father kept on talking about the day before. Turns out that the 'release to Elsewhere' meant death. Jonas' father killed that other twin who weighs much lesser than the other twin. I was so shocked with how the plot twisted right there and then, I mean, not that the concept of death is particularly new to me or something. I just found it really weird that a book can this be straightforward and meaningful and all. 

I finished the book at around 5am and right after that, I felt so haunted by my own fears (not necessarily death itself). I mean, what if we're also just a utopian world, a big world of mockery? I am finding this really impossible, since unlike those robotic people in the story, we have feelings and we can determine colors. But with all of these innovations technology is continuing to give us everyday, it seems that this place is slowly becoming like that of the Community. People are striving to make life perfect and needless to say, it's all languidly making us lose sense of things. Soon, love will probably just be an obsolete term, just like what happened in the story. And I sure don't want that to happen.

You may say that hell, it's just a freaking story, get over it. I try to tell that to myself too, but I know that there's gotta be a reason as to why Lois Lowry wrote The Giver. Authors don't just usually write stuffs because they feel like writing. Writing is not the same as eating, or any other daily habit because what you write concerns the society. Maybe she believes that it's time for us to appreciate the smaller things of life, because someday, they could all be just wisps of memories. 

And I don't want my surrounding to be just a memory. I want all of this to become a reality.

So after thinking of all these things over and over again, I forced myself to sleep at around 7 in the morning, in fear that I might die of sleeplessness today.

God. The Giver gave a new meaning to staying up till the morning. 

I think I just Monica'd.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

I Just Blogged 10

I failed engineering physics last term. With this, I am one term delayed iff (if and only if) I will enjoy the rest of my college summers without even bothering to take summer classes for those subjects I failed. And it does really look like that I'm gonna be one term delayed because I'm having so much fun slacking off during summer time.

I am gaining a pound every minute. STOP BLAMING ME. It's the foods' fault, not mine.

I am starting to get pimples, right smack at what should be the end of my puberty years. I will not accept theories as to why these distracting red things are starting to pop out of my face, thank you very much.

My feet is experiencing the worst drought in history. I think they're trying to tell me that I should stop wearing slippers and ditch the whole homegirl getup. Fuck thos fake havaianas Chino bought me. Just fuck them, not me.

I am fearing that none of my friends will attend my 18th birthday celebration (let's just call it a celebration, just to be safe. I don't want people complaining about it if I call it a party because surely, I don't know how to throw one. I know how to celebrate, though.)


And you know, with all of these superficial problems I currently have, it's a wonder why I'm still not complaining about how my life is getting suckier and suckier each day. It's probably because I'm not getting any good things from complaining and in fact, it's also somewhat getting tiring already. It's not always fun to be so pessimistic, you know.

So yeah, before the 20th comes, I'm gonna present a list that will show you all that my life is not sucky, after all.

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Baguio was fun.

Well, yeah, if it wasn't for the fact that we stayed in our house for almost half of the vacation time and ate till our tummies ached. The damn engine of our car failed to start twice, and for all we knew the battery couldn't take the friggin temperature drop.

And yeah, I couldn't too. But that's what made me fall in love with Baguio City more.

I can't wait for another round at the slopes.