Thursday, January 29, 2009

Yaking

And now, I'm wondering why my life is getting more and more boring each day. Well for me, that is. I do the same shit every single week: for weekdays, I get up at 5AM, and go to school and pretend to listen and understand whatever goes into my ears. As for weekends, I do nothing but laze around and catalyze my fat reactions by eating and eating and eating. No wonder I've been getting so beefy these days and people would stare at me like I'm friggin sasquatch or something. Run for your lives, people. Gape at me more and I'll eat you all alive.

I'm also terribly sorry if I haven't been updating this crap of an online journal that often anymore. It seems that my life is just really meaningless now, and I have to do something fun and exciting again if I want this blog to keep its spot in the information superhighway. Let's see now, what do I have in mind..

What's that?
Nothing?
Nothing in Lorainne's mind? 
Well that's something strange. I don't remember being this random ever before. 

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My speech communication subject is, surprisingly, killing me. As obvious that it may seem to be to my classmates that I am weirdly proficient in this subject, I am seriously not. Back in high school, I hated impromptu speeches because they were so damn boring and talking to bored high school girls about recurring topics already defines hell. I don't think any of us enjoyed it except for those who are just plain good at delivering speeches. Man, they're just gifted.

And now that I'm in college and my audience comprises mainly of teenage boys who couldn't care less about whatever somebody blurts out in front, I'm preempting that I'll get a very low grade for this subject. For one, I tend to mix up my own ideas when I'm already standing in front of my audience. I cannot organize them into a single flow right at the moment so when my mouth starts to babble, it babbles about nothing but jargon. I don't even know why people should listen to me when I talk, because I speak gibberish so fluently, you would really think that gibberish is really a language on its own.

Another matter would be my hardcore insecurity. I'll be of legal age by the end of the summer of this year, and for sure, my inferiority complex is still at its peak. It may not be all too obvious when you're with me because I don't tackle about my self-hesitancies (whether it may be of physical, mental, or emotional) right smack in your face, but that place in the back of my mind would always hit me like a freakin' pendulum. I am just too paranoid of what people would think of me as I speak in front of them. Is my stomach fat bulging out? Oh God is my baby hair sticking out again? Where the frigging fuck is my orange clip? Omigod I mispronounced that word! My future is definitely ruined! 

To make things worse, I can't afford to have a low grade in this class. For my two previous English subjects, I got a 4.0. So now you can definitely just imagine my dad's austere surprise when I get a 2.5, or even a 3 for this subject. He'll probably ask me how the hell did I just nail ENGLCOM and ENGLRES effortlessly and forget about the easiest subject ever, SPEECOM. 

Well, I'm sorry. What I know is I'm not oozing with confidence; something that will probably pull my inner public speaker out of my fat thighs and save me from getting a low grade in speech communications. It just so happens that I'm idealistic and talkative when I'm around people, not in front of them.

For those of you who are about to beg to differ, give me a life. 


Sunday, January 18, 2009

Not Back.

As of this entry, I don't have friends anymore. I lost them all because I wasn't able to come to their party yesterday because there was this big conflict between me and my mom, and I'm sure as hell that nobody would even understand me. They would think that I slacked off, or just made up a story so I could find my way out of that party. But tell me, do friends even do that?

No. They don't. They don't lie about stuff like that. If I didn't intend to go to that party in the first place, I would tell you beforehand. And you can pretty much tell that I'm not lying because I told you all that I can't make it mere hours before the party. That's how things got so ugly right in the nick of time. You don't know how much your party means to me, how much I anticipated for it, how much excitement I felt for it, and how many preparations I made for it. Don't you guys ever think that I wanted that conflict to occur. That would be so rude and mean to me and my own mother. 

I just hope that you guys forgive me. 

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Third term already started a week ago, and get this - I'm still alive. Remember how the first week of my second term gave me the impeccable impression that it was the deadliest thing ever? I even made a letter to God for it, for Christ's sake. That was how grim the first few days of second term was. And the succeeding days also proved to support my first impression, as I sinked down in my own academic turmoil. I never even thought that I could get out alive from that term.

But I did. I really did.

Compared to last term which I took about 8 units of nothing but mathematics, I only have two math subjects (or 6 units) this term, namely: integral calculus, and that latter part of my ENGALG1, engineering algebra 2. But with those 8 units comes another batch of 8 units. 8 friggin units of science courses which are engineering physics and general chemistry, together with their respective laboratory classes. I wasn't supposed to take them both at the same time, because that would be instant hell for me. But since my friends opted to follow the flowchart which is stating that both chemistry and physics must be taken up in third term, I have to go with the college flow if I want to have at least one friend I could talk to in a course. Well yeah I'm an introvert, but I'm an f-ing chatterbox as well. I can't shut my mouth up for ten minutes, and this is beginning to be such a challenge. 

So yeah, the first few days are fine. Contrary to my days in Velasco, I am now confident that I can take back my slot in the dean's list, if I put my every effort into my studies. I have nice professors to go with nice classrooms; that's right, my classes are now back in Andrew building. This means that I don't have to climb my way to my classes, since there are elevators in the said building. I have nice professors, which is a relief because pernicious courses doesn't go well with fatal professors. That would be death right there and then. 

And since third term means that I won't get to spend my classes with the same people all over again, I have nice classmates too. They all come from different engineering blocks, and some were even from other colleges. I'm beginning to love this diversity thing.

So yeah. I'm very much hoping that my first impression will last till this term ends and thus conlcudes my first year in college. I badly want to be a dean's lister again and cut classes like there's no tomorrow.

Kidding. Of course I want the glory of it all.


Thursday, January 15, 2009

HIATUS

Give me a month to bring back my old self.

I'm so sorry.

:(

Friday, January 02, 2009

Congrats

I just want to show my sister that I know she's been reading my blog even if she keeps on denying it. Oh you bitch you. I saw my blog's screenshot in your Opera homepage yesterday and well, I'm just being proud here that you finally gave up your stupid pride. Nobody can just resist a trashy blog like this.

So in honor of what you are doing, I am making this out-of-the-blue entry just for you.

Congratulations for passing the DLSU-CET. I know my school is not really one of those places you want to study in, but the hell I care. I've been very open about my idea of not allowing you to enroll in the same school where I am currently taking up my degree, because I'd really hate it if we run into each other or be stuck in an elevator together. We've been in the same school for our primary and secondary education, and for Christ's sake I don't want us to be in the same educational institution for tertiary education. I want you to be in a place where you can be your true self, free from my sisterly captives. It'll be fun if you end up in the blue side, you know. At least Mom can now stop bragging about her Lasallite kids and forgetting about the fact that you are no Lasallite, and you never will be, because you're born to be one of them blue kids at Katipunan.

But still, hats off to you. I'm sorry for crossing my fingers all year long, hoping that you would fail this thing. What the hell was I thinking, anyway? You're smart, and there's no doubt that you can get through all things you want to go to. I may be smarter, but...well, you are good in cooking, though. To be an engineer, a cook, or a mathematician, I don't care what you will choose among these. I just want you to be happy in whatever decision you will make. Look at me now...I mean, I may look like a a panda with these ugly eye bags that the first term and second term of college undoubtedly gave me, but I'm still happy that I chose to be an engineer rather than my other dreams. There's a bright future for both of us, provided that we don't slack off and waste Dad's money. 

Oh and yeah, we have two more days left to clean our room thoroughly. Quit pretending that you're asleep so we can get through this shit already.

Again, congratulations!



MTH-CAP = BS Mathematics with specialization in Computer Applications whatever. As if I can remember the whole thing anyway. 

And to my non-existent readers who are wondering where the hell I am, my drafted posts will be hopefully and finally available here later. I'm sorry for forgetting that I do have a blog and a good one at that. I just had this HUGE block and it took me some time to take it out of my head. Thoughts are finally flowing and yeah, God is good. 

Happy New Year!