The Worst is Not Really Over After All

I don't really know why I keep updating this sanctuary of mine.

Well. Boredom at the least, probably.

Yesterday can be summarized strangely into one word; UNCANNY.

It is uncanny in a way that it did not really occur to me that it was, in fact, Friday. It's hard to apparently realize it on the day itself because it doesn't feel like it. Yesterday felt really Monday-ish. I guess it's because of the two typhoons' fault. People are still somewhat full of energy or something.

Maybe that's the reason why they tried to kill us at our songfest practice yesterday. URGH.

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Graduation Picture-taking later. I dunno if I'm going to unleash my defined sexuality by applying the lightest makeup ever on my face and blow-dry the pubic hair on my head, or just go there au naturale. The latter part won't probably even have the slightest effect on the picture per se, I guess.

Graduation seems so far away, yet here comes those things that are trying so hard to make it appear near. Well, everytime I think of it, the thing itself just excites me. I mean, here it is. I've made it through purgatory, now I'm going to hell. Finally.

Although it doesn't seem likely that I'll be finishing off my high school education with flying colors, I'll be taking my diploma with more pride and happiness than I will ever have yet.

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I thought I lost it all, but yeah, TRY AGAIN.

When I flunked the math exam, I lost hope. It's merely a lost of interest in studying, or even enjoying the subject. Don't you get it? All my efforts for Advanced Algebra were lost. How come I flunked the thing that I understand the most? It doesn't seem likely for anyone who is enjoying a particular subject to fail it, or I don't really know. Imagine Ms. Mondigo, my Physics teacher, failing Physics. Wouldn't that be so degrading on both our part as students, and her part as a teacher? I may not be a professional(but a stinker, at the most), but that's what I felt. My whole I-want-to-be-an-engineer-someday plan was has just been bulldozed by that friggin math test.

It's geometry all over again.

But thank God for yesterday was really uncanny, I semi-nailed my Physics exam. I knew I could count on optics. Ha.

Which thus makes me redundant for questioning God about why we have to make a periscope anyway.

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I hate being kind. No, really. I do. I want to morph myself into this big and evil monster that would eat people up if they wouldn't abide with my rules.

But I guess God doesn't want me to be one. Mom said that it's an utter kismet that I've been appointed as a chairman of a committee that doesn't do anything but to maintain the cleanliness of the classroom. It's probably a lesson, you know..to clean my stuffs and all. My lunch yesterday is still in my bag, mind you.

The problem here is I'm finding a hard time making people clean. It's really weird. I usually boss people around. But if it's the whole class I'm about to give orders with, my heart suddenly turns to gold.

Lorainne, I guess you have to evil-fy yourself once again.

I'm going to pray to Hitler later.

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Here are some funny quotes that I love.

Homer Simpson: Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.

Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.
Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy.
Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.

Lisa: Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?
Homer: Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.

Homer: Lisa, you're a Buddhist, so you believe in reincarnation. Eventually, Snowball will be reborn as a higher lifeform... like a snowman.

FAMILY GUY

Stewie: You know, I rather like this God fellow. Very theatrical, you know. Pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence ... gotta get me some of that.

Guy on Airplane: Oh great, I always end up sitting next to a damn baby.
Stewie: What did you just say?
Lois: Stewie, stop fussing.
Stewie: Pipe down Lois. (Slaps guy on head.) Hey big man, turn around. Oh you can't hear me now. I was going to watch the movie, but forget it. For the next 5 hours, you're my bitch.

Lois: Stewie why don't you play in the other room?
Stewie: Why don't you burn in hell?

Animosity

How do you know if one thing's over?

Many things can be put to an end in many sense. For example; a movie can end with the usual happy ending, or a tragic one, or something that will trick people's minds of what would happen if the movie will have a second part.

UH-OH. Sappy alert! Sappy alert!

And I thought getting into the school newspaper helped me moved on.

But I guess things aren't as predictable as they seem to be. I've made a terrible mistake and now I.. I guess I have to go through the gasgas process of having to suffer the consequences of everything I did in the past, I suppose.

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Okay. Just to clear up some your bad, bad, and very very bad bewilderment about my weight issues; yes, I am inconspicuously dieting.

Oops. Sorry for that. You probably forgot the fact that I'm as enormous as Hagrid, or any other monstrous and vicious celebrity you came to know of.

I don't really get the point why people have to acknowledge the fact that you're fat, and big, and yeah, MONSTROUS. I mean, can't they just shut up about it? Yes, Oui, Tak! I know I'm fat. I know I'm big. I know I'm massive and gigantic and all, but can you just lay off of that fact for umm..I don't know..the rest of my life?

I know that if I would die right now, I would go straight to hell. But would it matter anyway?

I beg to differ.

My life is ALREADY a living hell, thanks a lot to them b*tches who just can't get a life. Maybe the hell I would go in to is the complete replica of heaven, with the cherubs and all.

I'm probably intimidating. HA. Funny. Really.

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I wish the Memory Charm would work in real life. If it is to be offered in Dra. Vicky Belo's dermatological shiznits, I'm going to sell both of my thighs to the wet market as soon as possible just for Dra. Vicky to erase everything, definitely EVERYTHING out of my mind.

Oh wait. I think that's possible. Not the Memory Charm part, but about the memory-erasing methodology.

In an episode of House, a fireman was brought to the hospital because of his heart attacks that will initiate for unknown reasons. Now as usual, Dr. House, together with his team, did everything to know what those reasons are. And as simple as it may seem, the culprit was after all the girlfriend of his older brother, who also works in the fire industry(HA. Ostensibly in MORE ways than one.).

That fire industry is really funny. It really is.

Anyways, his heart would always ache everytime he sees the girl. Why? Because he can't accept the fact that the girl he truly loves is the girlfriend of his brother. So, what House and his team did was too connect these wires and stuff to his brain, and probably electrocuted him neurologically. When he woke up, he can't remember a thing. His voice is even high-pitched, which had awfully broken the sad ambiance of the scene. It cracked me up like the fire industry joke aforementioned above did. HA-HA.

Now that electrocuting thing is a major breakthrough in the field of Emo people, or even partially Emo people, or even doubting Emo people like me. Imagine us getting all 'life is so cruel!' or 'God, I want to die!', and probably the next thing you may know is we've been all electrocuted and POOF! No more Emo people in this world. Black eyeliners are now just for those who would use makeup or something. A blade will just be an apparatus used to take hair off. Emo would just be a funny word used to describe people who haven't been electrocuted yet.

Now that I would like.

Perchance

Today is supposed to be hell day.

I was thinking a while ago what the hell would I do first when we would arrive back home. See, classes were merely suspended today. I don't know if I would be angry, or hangry(a combination of happiness and angry. Hm. It makes me wonder too.). I slept very late last night just for my laboratory report for Physics and GAH. All efforts were utterly wasted, or so I think they are.

It came upon to me that I haven't posted anything near current and interesting here in my online sanctuary. So, here it goes.

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UPCAT was semi-tedious.

I slept at my grandparent's house on the eve of my examination. I don't really know why I did. Mom told me it's because grandpa would be the one to bring me to UP Diliman, and fetch me after.

I still don't get it amidst the narrated statement.

Anyways, we arrived at UP for an early benchmark of 5:30am. It was in fact, very early, relative to my scheduled exam, which wouldn't really take place until the clock strikes half past 6 o'clock. But I really did enjoy the fact that I was an hour early. The utter sense that there are so many different people who would also take the UPCAT and from very very different walks of life excites me. Don't mind to ask me. I'll just gape at you.

The test was..okay. The language proficiency and reading comprehension part were(I think) the easiest part of the test. Those were the parts where you can still show off your I-can-answer-really-faster-than-you skills to those other people. It will intimidate the souls out of your batchmates.

But good Lord. Have mercy on those who made the math and science part. Thou shall burn in hell. All I can say is..my former Biology teacher better be dead or I'll climb my way to Baguio just to stab her cold-heartedly 1 gazillion fucking times with a butcher's knife or something. The Biology questions erased everything from my brain in an instant. Damn that dumbass b*tch.

Math was absolutely excruciating. It drove my best sanity away.

And now, I think I left it somewhere.

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Analyze the story of this one.

MATH PERIODICAL EXAM = FLUNKAROO

I cried last night just because of this. I can't believe I'm making it all hypocritical by deciding to be an engineer. How the hell can I even be one? I can't even pass a single friggin math test.

Goodbye UP dreams.

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The sandman is having the time of his life by pouring humongous amounts of sleeping sand(or whatever you may call it. I don't like imaginary friends like him and tooth fairy anyway) on my eyes right now.

Anyways, I have a mighty-schmighty confession to make.


I'm planning to back out that chance of writing for the school paper.
I'm already a staffer, but it seems I'm too intimidated by the other people working for the school newspaper for my own good.
I don't really like meetings.
I don't really like pressure.

But my articles being read by other people? Holly-holly-hoo.

I'm mussed up. Really really.

Intensifying Amour Propre

Now I know what I really loathe.

STUPID PIRATED CD'S OF SOFTWARES THAT I ABSOLUTELY NEED.

I used to adore it though, like a year ago. Actually, all of my PC softwares are pirated, except for Windows per se. You know how Billie-oh-dearie hates it when his system is not original.

I went to a local plaza lately to supposedly buy a pirated DVD copy of Apocalypto, for it is one of those included in our English test tomorrow. But thank the Muslim-owned stalls for I didn't find a single copy. Instead, I just ended up buying a DVD of Evan Almighty.

And this DVD-ROM filled with Macromedia softwares that I truly need to develop my flash programming and video-producing skills. At first, I was just turned on by the fact that the seller isn't one bit of a Muslim. He looks like a hot guy from a Koreanovela that I've been addicted to last year. And UGH he's so hot. I can't believe I'm morphing into a heterosexual again.

Anyway, I bought the CD for 150 pesos. It is, in my opinion, very expensive. But thank my mom for raising my allowance by a hundred percentile. I bought the thing the minute I saw it. No questions asked.

And so, I went home excitedly. Well duh. I acted like this little kid with a new Transformers action figure that is packed tightly with hundreds of Yale padlocks. Right after paying the tricycle driver and watching a bit of this new telenevola about an ex-housemate JUST to piss the hell out of me, I hastily jammed the CD into the DVD-ROM drive of our humongous CPU.

And, to my very very very disappointed surprise, it didn't work. The CD drive can't install the freaking softwares for reasons unknown.

I sure am one hell of an impulsive buyer.
Damn that hot vendor.

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English.
Filipino.
Physics.

I'm still on the look out for that reason why I'm not studying.

Maybe because the Advanced Algebra just disconcerted my truncated brain. IT ABSOLUTELY DID.
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The weather in this country is becoming SOOO baaaad every single minute.

I'm wondering if this dry spell would continue till Christmas.

Oh, hoop-dee-doo. Looks like Hades is enjoying every minute of this.

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You know what I like? This quote:

"There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul." - Ella Wilcox

This one's very relevant to what Mrs. Bronilla said last Tuesday during Economics class. She told us that she doesn't get the point of attending review classes nor panic reviewing for the UPCAT or any other CETs. CETs doesn't measure your ability to do this and that, but what you were able to know and garner through those 3 years of your gruesome high school life.

The point here is, if UP-Diliman's really my destiny, then I'll surely nail it.

If it's not, then there's still Ateneo or DLSU or any other schools that's in my circle of kismet.

Oh Lord. Just please do help me.

An Interim Anguish

"When there's sadness, happiness would surely follow"

It sorta sounds like karma, but hypothetically speaking, it's not.

Brrf. Remember that last post? The one wherein I thought that my dumbness lead me to the total extermination of my Pauliworld dreams? Well, no. It's wrong after all. AGAIN.

We were given another chance yesterday by Sir Decano, my research teacher who also happens to be a journalism teacher of the 2nd year students. We were asked to write:
a. A 100-word essay on why we are deserving to be a part of Pauliworld and
b. A 150-word(or less) essay about the SD and DD classes

The 2 essays was due by 5 pm yesterday.

(As of this writing, Mr. Revillame is doing a guh-reat job pissing my ass off with his daily-noontime-show jokes)

And yeah, imagine the hassle..make that the GRUESOME hassle..of yesterday's lunch break. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do first. The article? Review for elective? Review for the CL quiz? Geez. I almost cried. Good thing I still have some apathy left somewhere in my heart.

And fast forward everything to what I saw a while ago in the Pauliworld bulletin board...

"PARAJAS, LORAINE"

I don't know if I'm going to be happy, or insulted. See, my last name is Paragas, not Parajas. No offense, but I don't think that's very catholic. It sounds like I'm a member of a Muslim rebel group in Basilan or something. And yeah, I don't really care about the wrong spelling of my name. After 16 years of having a very complex name, I'm probably used to it anyway.

But what matters is..

I PASSED! I PASSED! I went through all those friggin screenings!

I'M NOW A PART OF PAULIWORLD!


Conclusively, I can now say that a big extra-curricular break was all I needed all along to move on.


YAY! Congratulations to all those who passed too.

An Interim Euphoria

It is abominable in its every sense.

Very abominable. No. Terribly, at the most.

Thursday was a semi-hell day. Homeworks are still piled up in our bags, and everyone is being taunted by the urgency of the upcoming UPCAT, which unluckily would be on the fourth of August. But, I don't know. It was just a normal day for me, amidst that truckload of work I have to do at home. Way to go, CL scrapbook and Physics lab paper.

And then..

I texted Bianca, my seatmate, a mistake I was able to come across while analyzing the Bifocals experiment. I told her that the distance of the object should be 37cm, not 30. And so, she texted back, thanking me. But her message contained that ONE thing I never saw coming.

She said I passed Pauliworld. No, wait. She said, 'Congrats nga pala! Pumasa ka sa Pauliworld"

Of course, the first feeling I SHOULD have gotten was mere happiness. Um, hello? This is the biggest break I've gotten since The Holy Grail told me that he will enter me on a swimming competition. But like that swimming emulation, the first feeling I perceived was false pretense.

And GAH. It was really true after all. I really did pass the preliminary screening. And just like any other thing unrelated to math, I didn't take the test seriously. So you can just imagine my surprise when I found out the biggie news. Exaggeratively, I just gaped at a corner with my mouth slightly open. You can tell that I was, therefore, surprised.

The next day, I felt quasi-excited about me passing the school newspaper. But who knew that THAT happiness is just...for a short moment? Maybe I did, but I'm probably just so happy that I didn't let it out.

Yesterday was our college fair. I didn't know that yesterday was ALSO the day of the second screening. And, after my busmate(who's a member of the Pauliworld) had asked.."Ate, bakit di po kayo umattend sa second screening?", I felt that inner sadness somewhere in my flesh had swallowed my smile. I knew that in that very second, I failed to live up that chance of getting a very big break in my high school life.

So yeah, you can say that I'm the most stupid, idiotic, imbecilic, or whatever stupid adjective you can describe me, right now. I mean, how can I let a very big chance pass like that? It's probably understandable if it was all my pride's fault. But noooo. It was because my plain stupidity.

Goodbye Pauliworld. I never did enjoy the fame of passing your test anyway.

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I thought that school days are sucky enough to be called "Modern Day Dementors", but wait till you go through a college fair. It literally and metaphorically sucked the happiness from our bodies.

At first, I was excited about it. I mean, hello freebies! Brochures! Posters! The thought of carrying those things labeled with certain names of colleges/universities is very infatuating.

Going through to almost 30 colleges/universities with only thirty minutes of break(make that a lunch break) in between the morning and afternoon is probably the closest thing to hell. No, really. It was a wonder though, because all I did the whole day was to listen at the speakers of the varying schools, fill out information sheets, and stare at their brochures. Of all those institutions who came, the only one who caught my non-collegiate mind was Mapua. And that's it.

Mapua was very impressive. 98.99% of its graduates pass the board examinations for engineering. I was more than enthused. They may not be good in exercising the English language, but God. Look at that big percentile. I could be one of them in the near future. Or maybe, if I don't screw things up.

So, what? Goodbye to UP? I don't know. But that school is for quasi-smart asses. I think I wouldn't pass it for the world anyway. Or for ANY, for that matter.

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Pucker up

Grandma and Grandpa did their same old thing again every Sunday. As usual, they ate with us downstairs, and brought with them godsend foods. If I hadn't slipped the time and venue of my UPCAT, then they would have just talked to my mom about Achilles, my baby brother that is still in my mother's womb. Why did I even bother to tell my UPCAT information? Boy, I sure am one chatterbox.

They scolded me after telling them my first choices for courses for those schools that I've entered into.
"Bakit ka mag-eengineering, anak? Bakit di ka na lang mag-accounting, o psychology? O mass communications man lang? Magaling ka naman makipag-usap sa mga tao eh! Anak naman!"

Imagine your grandmother shouting that to your face for a hefty 10 minutes. Worst case scenario: repeat that line from the moment you wake up, and try to stop it from repeating. Trust me, it wouldn't work. It's much worse than a broken record, as I see it.

I SERIOUSLY don't get it why they want me to take up girly-girl courses. Am I someone whom you guys would imagine that would be in an office wearing office clothes? Am I EVEN someone who likes talking about money, and chit-chat about producers and resources all over again in a conference room with my big-rollah laptop by which it is connected to a projector that is presenting a powerpoint presentation made by my professional expertise I was able to garner through my college education? GAH. Typing that was the most tiring thing I've done for the last three hours. What more would it be if I WANTED to be like that? No way, corporate world.

And yeah, of course they got mad at me for choosing a course that defines masculinity in its very sense. They probably can't accept the fact that their first granddaughter is actually a boy at heart, and who will refuse to wear office uniforms for the rest of her god-forbidden life.

By which, this is becoming really bad.

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WHAT I DID TODAY:

1. I slept for only 3 hours, because I forced myself to finish the 7th and last installment of the HP series. Don't ask me if I was able to finish it. I think I just flipped the pages one by one, at the most.

2. I forgot my weekly budget thingy for Economics, which is ultimately bad, because I think Ms. Penyaflor is getting pissed off at me already. For the second time, I think. The first one was when I forgot to clean up our recycled papers box.
Ms. P: "Sino EFC chair nyo? *picking up a fork(Don't even ask me how the utensil got itself into a box for recycled papers)*
EFC members: "Si Lorainne po!"
Ms. P: "Lorainne bakit di naka-ayos tong box nyo?"
Me: "Miss di ko po alam."
Ms. P: "Ikaw ipapasok ko dito pag di mo to inayos."

And you can probably predict what I did right after Economics class. Well, good thing it was our last period for the day. I emptied the contents of the box right away and ugh, I felt sooo disintegrated after doing so.

3. This day quasi-revolved around a classmate, whom we think is beyond overconfidence. She's really really pissing me off, at the very least.

4. My elective sucks. No, really. It does. I don't even get it why I even considered taking up a language which I think will have the most few impact on my life.

5. I was sober for the rest of the day. Because of.

For the record, school is driving me sane. Not insane, but sane. But even if it is doing such, I'm still bored with school. Don't get me wrong, but it's not because I think that all the subjects are helluva easy for me; it's because I need something new to do at school. I'm tired of reading El Filibusterismo, solving for quadratic functions using God-knows-how-many ways, sleeping through a decade of rosary, and swimming during GIFT time(which is very absurd, because I've only done this once yet).

We should start a rebellion, or something like Luther's Reformation or just simply anything that would make things MOOOREE than interesting.

Because everything just seems to be bland.

Even me.

Holding On By Letting Go

Ironic, isn't it?

This one's from an All-American Rejects song, and it's pretty bothering. Because I can relate to it. Because it's absolutely applicable to what I'm feeling right now. Absolutely. Seriously. Completely. Lovely.

'Straightjacket Feeling', the song which I'm evidently talking about, opened my eyes about the life I have to live. About the other life, which I actually have to take seriously. The life God gave me to enjoy, and to not let it sink in burdensome whatnots.

I KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO BE STONE-HEARTED ABOUT TOPICS LIKE THIS, but it's been a long time since I've written something about what I REALLY feel, not about what I think. Thinking and feeling are two things that are completely different.

I knew that I'm really over with him the moment I reflected upon the song, and try to think about the treasured memories that we shared while we were enjoying our summer love. For the first time ever, I didn't think of those moments as something smittening; the type that would really really make those butterflies fly in my big stomach.

Those memories are really priceless, I know. But the moment they darted away, I got a better view of things. Ergo, HE made me realize that I don't need him, or a man, for that matter, in my life. I can actually live with Philia alone.

Yesterday was hell
But Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you would be
That face is tearing holes in me again

I am, after all, an introvert. Why would I need someone who'll just hurt me? In fact, why would I need ANYBODY /SOMEONE aside from my guiding force, which are my friends? I'm still young, and still fat and big. When college time comes, my fat would surely shed off. I'll be so beautiful that they will change the meaning of beautiful in the dictionary to 'see LORAINNE'. Ha. Talk about pride. I wish I didn't have lots of it, like thyroxine.

This will be the last time I'll talk about him or whatsoever. No, really. I've had enough, and I know blog-hoppers hate it when the blog they're reading about is as hardcore as EMO. I am one myself.

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I was reading this very good and inspiring news about Roy Hibbert choosing Georgetown over a million-dollar(or so I think it is) basketball contract a while ago. It really made me think twice for basketball players in giving them bad-ass judgmentals.

If I was in his place, I would also choose Georgetown over what seems to be a lottery win. Heck, I would give up EVERYTHING for a fine education, wherein I can be proud that I sacrificed a lot of things just to make my brain fat. Now that my parents would like.

The point is, I'm still not ready for college. And HA it seems very laughable right now because what I was talking about a while ago is not relevant in any other way possible from my dilemma right now.

Which is weird, because I don't know why I'm posting 2 days in a row when I have a periscope and a lab report due after the Periodical Exams and UPCAT, which is averagely 14 days from now. I'm tensing myself. I'm finding it very bad.

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Have you guys ever thought about something that makes you stand out? Well, I always would. I know ipso facto that my obesity and pubic hairs in my head is physically making extraordinary. And yeah, that's bad answer, I know.

[As of this post, Fr. Bossi had been released. THANK GOD]

Hmm, but what about mentally? Or socially? Or emotionally? Or any other profused adverbs in the dictionary? And this is the part where I would realize that I'm purely average. Nothing is making my perspectives stand out. I guess cynicism died a week ago.

I'm very general.

But when you think about it, what benefits does an extraordinary person gets anyway? Aren't they treated the same way as we average/common people are?

It's very mussy.

I can't believe I'm thinking about a very bashful and selfish topic AGAIN.

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I got that extra five points in our quiz for Advanced Algebra. After seeing Ms. Sumo's answer notes, I told Patti that my answer was, indeed, correct. It was funny and amazing and boastful at the same time. In fact, after hearing what I said to Patti, Jacque said something that actually boggled my mind for the whole afternoon. It is, until now.

What I Think Jacque said:
"Lorainne, anu ba yan! Nanonood ka pa ba ng TV? Wala ka na nga atang social life eh!"

And GAH. I hate it when people are right about things. I mean, she's right! If ever I would turn the television on, I'll just watch a news program from a local channel, then turn it off to do my schoolworks.

For the social life part, I dunno. It only exists when I'm in school. I don't have neighborhood friends. Oh wait. I actually do have friends within my vicinity, but they live too far, the kind that you have to ride a tricycle or something.

Do I need to R-E-L-A-X? I guess not. Now's not the right time.

But, what time is?

Vindicated

And no, I'm not talking about that merely old-school song of Dashboard Confessional. I am referring to the adjective kind.

I'm feeling very vindicated, for reasons horrifyingly unknown to myself. Have I done something wrong? Oh waait. Am I doing SOMETHING wrong? Nonetheless, this feeling has to go away as soon as possible. It's making me all tensed up and stuff, which has become very uncomfortable over that past 72 hours.

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My eyes are starting to look like REAL vaginas. No, seriously. They are. I don't know why, or what the hell happened. But all I remembered is that I slept late ONLY last Tuesday night because of the video I have to make for our English Olympian presentation which THANK GOD had ended last Friday.

Mom thought I cried over a boy last night. And I perceptively asked myself, 'Lorainne, who are you kidding? Just tell your mom that you did cry over a boy, so she'll stop complaining about your very very sore eyes.' I didn't follow what my mind was bugging me. Instead, I just scratched my eyes more, because this is actually my way of tickling myself. Weird huh? Wait till you hear about that green joke about why women scratch their eyes the moment they take themselves off from the sack.

But again, whatever.

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College.

Woah. What a word. What a biggie word. WHAT IS IT anyway?

As Reference.com would define it, The word college comes from Latin collegium, 'association, partnership,' from collega, 'partner in office.' The word university is from Latin universitas, 'the whole,' from universus, 'combined into one.' The difference between a college and a university is that a college offers degrees in one or a few specific areas, while a university is a collection of colleges.

As I would say it, college is HELL. College is GRUESOME. College is striking near as my every single senior day ends with me thinking constantly about it, which I think is very very bad because I seriously can't think of anything else but this.

The question still remains.

Will I pass a single college I've applied into?

You know bloggy, I have this weird feeling in my stomach that I'll end up ridiculously nowhere, by the look of my past high school grades. I am reviewing, really. But that isn't really an assurance that I would get into at least one.

UP-Diliman will SURELY do.
Ateneo is.... I dunno. Okay, I guess.
DLSU is one hell of a school. I seriously want to go there.
UST is the ultimate wildcard.
MAPUA is laughable. No, seriously. It is. But I want to go there amidst its cynicism look.

By the way, I'm halfway through the completion of my ACET form. I'm only missing one now, which is the secondary grades form. Mom doesn't want me to apply for DLSU, because she thinks that going there is THE REAL HASSLE. And, GAH. I don't know how the hell am I going to get one.

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I finally got hold of my UPCAT permit lately.

My schedule's on the 4th of August, 6:30AM, at the NCPAG building.

I still don't know anyone which will be taking the test at that secluded venue I was designated in.

But hey, I have a VERY VERY high chance of being cameo-ed in TvPatrol.

Egotrip, where art thou?

Hilarious.

Weird.

Life-threatening.

If you would exaggerate my ball of emotions I was able to tinker out my brain while I relentlessly went in for the Pauliworld screening lately, you can easily come up with the aforementioned words.

Um. Was I able to say that right? Let me repeat; I. Went. To. The. Screening. For. Pauliworld. Staffers. Or. Whatever.

I don't know what caused me to. Maybe it's because of Juela's and Jacque's very strong ego towards their more or less goal to be Filipino(conclusively in more ways than one, evidently) contributors for the 2nd Best Campus Journalism Newspaper in the Philippines. Or maybe I remembered all of a sudden my long-forgotten dream of being a writer. Either way, I think I'm not going to make it anyway. I screwed up my news and feature article, for anyone who cares.

Gah. I looked stupid. Before the screening, I dressed into my swimsuit, underneath my PE uniform, flip-flops below. See, I was supposed to go to my GIFT class right after Physics, but as I registered my name on the 86th slot, there really is no way I'm going to stop. I already molded up enough guts for my foot to take me there, so why give up? Boy, being optimistic sure is one hell of pure nothing.

The test was uhh.. pretty much okay. Sir Decano and his pink shirt made it even more interesting. Heh. You betcha. Research teachers are truly the best teachers in the whole wide faculty room.

I don't know, but if ever I pass the whole journalistic things, I would pass it out. Not because of my pride, but I really do think I don't write anywhere near good. Give me a topic about politics, and I bet it would take me at least a day to write a lead..just a LEAD..about it.

The only think I like talking about is my life. And I'm actually doing good at it.


[EDIT]: This part of the post was a day late. It was supposed to be posted yesterday, but the internet connection failed to impress me.
----------------------------------

TOP THREE SIGNS THAT YOU'RE OUT OF ENDORPHIN.

1. I was drinking pineapple juice a while ago. After I drank every lost drop of it, I poured apple juice. I then wondered if my new drink will be called pine2apple because..well..you know. Pineapple + apple is like XY + Y.
Diagnosis: Algebra overdose

2. My entrance for our Olympian Presentation went out sooo badly it's as if I was a wrestler or something. Ipso facto, I was Zeus.
Diagnosis: Coheed and Cambria's Welcome Home.

3. This is the greatest mistake I've made this day.. I had mistaken My Chemical Romance as The Red Jumpssuit Apparatus. On the same side of the coin, I even thought that they were Rivermaya.
Diagnosis: Music Migraine.

As of now, Janrae is just a name that I would forsake for the rest of my life. It is a name of a boy; those heartless kinds that I myself had fallen deeply in love. I am wishing that we'll never communicate in any other way ever again.

The law of science is not applicable to life and love in general. Something doesn't have to be replaced in order for that thing to go away. In love, you necessarily fall out of love for someone NOT because you fell in love with someone else. Instead, the happiness and love chemical your brain used up while you're in love has completely emptied itself. That chemical is called Endorphin, just so you biology-haters like me would like to know.

And it would take a LOOOONG time for my body to produce a hefty amount of Endorphin again.

So, as it is scientifically-proven, I won't be able to give out erotic love towards anybody for now. It's all Philia, I think. I'm still learning to enjoy my high school friendship with these wonderful people who's helping me produce Endorphin again.

----------------------------------------

So, here it goes.

THIS IS OFFICIALLY OFFICIAL, so as to say.

My final list of preferred choices for the colleges I have applied into are as follows:

ADMU
-BS Applied Physics with Applied Computer Systems
-BS Computer Engineering
-AB European Studies
-BS Electronics and Communications Engineering

DLSU
-BS Computer Engineering
-BS Computer Science with specialization in Computer Systems Engineering
-BS Civil Engineering
-BS Electronics and Communications Engineering

UP-Diliman
-BS Computer Engineering
-BS Psychology (as premed)

UST
-BS Electronics and Communications Engineering
-BS Applied Physics Major in Instrumentation
-BS Civil Engineering
-BS Electrical Engineering

MAPUA
-BS Computer Engineering
-BS Electronics and Communications Engineering

I hope I get into DLSU-Manila. OH PLEASE LORD.

No It's Not This Hard

As I opened Microsoft Word 2003 here in our newly-repaired PC last night, my mind suddenly went blank. You know, the same old blank you get when you want to do something, but you don't know what it is.

For Christ's sake I'm trying to make an essay here! Stop playing with my mind, God. I don't need that writer's block right now. Oh no siree.

You've read that right, imaginary friends. I'm. Trying. To. Make. A. F**cking. Essay. It's for my ACET form. And the question goes: Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?


I wish there is one. But I can't think of anything, really.

--------------------------
TOP TEN THINGS I URGENTLY HAVE TO ACCOMPLISH BEFORE MONDAY:

1. Tragedy Worksheet
2. Olympian Creative Output
3. Study for Mandarin class. 10-point quiz for tomorrow. Yi-fucking-pee.
4. Accomplish ACET form as soon as possible
5. Get DLSU form
6. Get UA&P form
7. Study for Economics class
8. Study for Math class
9. Study for Filipino class
10. STUDY.

God. Why does it have to be THIS hard anyway? I don't know how to balance between school and this 'confusing' relationship that seems to be going nowhere more than the trash bin with Janrae. No. I think the problem is, I'm putting to much pressure on myself because I'm basing everything from what is theoretically true.

Like the hypothetically-correct sentence: First love never dies.

WHY, GOD? WHYYYY?

-------------------------

Self-cultivation is one of those so-called 'secrets to success' things. It may not be as evident as you may think it is, but wouldn't it be very hypocritical if business giants like Henry Sy or Jaime Augusto Zobel de Ayala were able to build those humongous malls without even developing themselves as persons? I wouldn't believe the second I'll hear it, either. In reality, we have to deeply exert some effort to the betterment of ourselves. Wouldn't if be nice if we....

And, that's it. That's my lead for my ACET essay. It sucks, I know. The latter part is not even complete, for God's sake.

Still Too Stupid To Do So

Yes, I'm still too damn pretentious and stupid enough to actually go to THAT level. What the hell am I blabbing about? Philippine Daily Inquirer's YoungBlood, of course.

I find it very funny though. You know, writing an article for a smarty-pantsy newspaper publication, and humiliating myself through my words. Ha. My cynicism won't work for the nation though. It just does for me, and for God, I think.

I narrated my whole me-writing-an-article-for-youngblood thing to dad. And well, as expected, the whole plan was a very big prodigy for him. He really wants me to be a writer, but on his dad persona, he wants me to graduate from Ateneo de Manila University with a double degree on BS Applied Physics with Applied Computer Systems. Trust me. He's itching to have an offspring by which he can communicate thoroughly with. Sheesh. I guess talking to the computer or some chat robot is not enough for an IT consultant.

I don't know about my brain, but my heart is screaming to my neurons.."YOU DUMBASS! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN GET THROUGH AN HONORS' COURSE? YOU ALMOST FLUNKED ALGEBRA FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!" It's very much a big wonder why my immune system is still producing antibodies against heart attacks. Heck, it's even a great wonder why I'm still alive amidst the skepticism of one of my internal organs.

I think I'm only doing that for my dad; picking that god-forbid course, I mean. But still.

---------------------

I will stop procrastinating.

GAAH. The verisimilitude is killing me. Or so I think it is.

Ever since I heard what the priest preached in the homily part of the Eucharistic Celebration I just went into last Sunday, I would think twice about procrastinating.

Maybe, just maybe, that's the reason why I crammed for that video production project for History class last year. That's derivatively also the reason why my grades in Geometry is just in THAT line, unexpectedly.

That's probably the reason why I can't get grades decent enough to be considered by anyone to be good, or nice. Or whatever.

Procrastination is my worst habit ever, aside from refusing to wash my hair just because I'm enjoying a very, very, very, disgusting hobby of carving out those snowflakes planted in my scalp and hair follicles. Procrastination is due to my mastery of the easy skill of sluggishness, by which no one should ever try expertizing on. Believe me, this skill is not needed in any other way possible aside from lazy weekend afternoons or summer days.

So folks, don't ever ever EVER try procrastinating in some way possible. Or else you'll end up like this girl unluckily named Lorainne. She refused to be affectionate with a boy she has mutual feelings with, and now the boy is very very disappointed(I wish this one's a Cassandra. But noooo. It's undoubtedly t-r-u-e.).

I seriously can't see the procrastination in that. But I just connected the stuffs just so it'll end up in my current dilemma. As always, duh-uh.

-------------------

Hmm. What now?

Ooh, how about this?

WHAT YOU LIKELY THINK I'M DOING IN SCHOOL:

-She listens to the teachers attentively.
-She respects the teachers. She really does.
-She's very quiet, you know. Being an introvert is just that hard.
-She's probably funny. You know, funny in a dumb way.
-She's this very nice girl, who wears her uniform with dignity and respect to the school.
-She makes it a habit to study when she has extra time, which is really possible because she always has lots of extra time. Instead of socializing, she would just perk her head towards a study module.

WHAT I REALLY AM DOING(and enjoying, at the most) IN SCHOOL:

-Since I'm officially a senior student, I would always spend my spare time during breaks bullying and taunting(Ha. In DEFINITELY more ways than one.)
-I would find myself being very blank-minded on a subject I would find very uninteresting.
-I'm, on a mere contrast from what I've said above, very presumptuous towards people I don't like. But of course, I would try to be friendly at some point or another. Well, you know...(I actually don't, but I'm hoping someone actually will.)
-Ipso facto, I'm not funny. Nor I am in a dumb way.
-The last one, I think, has that possibility of being true. HAR-dee-HAR-HAR. I'm in deep desperation of passing the UPCAT or any other top university's entrance test. I just seriously do.

Well. Now you know my petulant side. Whatever.

---------------

Leadership training tomorrow.

Ohh yeeeaaaa.

---------------

The previous post is a big HYPOCRISY, ladies and gentlemen.

Love is just ain't going anywhere.

Mushy. VERY VERY mushy-licious.

VERY VERY not me.

A Mere Kismet

I hate it when those good things that are happening to you at some point would very much disappear all in a while. I hate it more when people would try to comfort you and say that all of it is in your destiny, like it's in God's will or something. Generally speaking, I hate fate per se.

Nelly Furtado's right for once; not actually about the promiscuity of a lady, but the sole question that I'm sure everybody is itching to ask; Why do all good things come to an end anyway? Yeah, I know all things are temporary. But of all the things that have to slip away that fast, why does it have to be the good things? Why can't it be the scary things, or the surprising things? I don't need to be scared. Nor surprised.

Summer love is the most ad hoc thing I've ever experienced. Oh wait. I got it all wrong. LOVE is the most fugitive of them all.

Let me say his name one more time before I end my summer bliss-a-bliss.

J. V.

Goodbye to the one thing that I've tried to hold on to.

And this time, it's for real.

----------------------------

It makes me sit down and ponder why I'm out of thoughts come afternoon and evening. If I would talk about love right now like what I did as a starter of to this blog post, it'll be too sappy. If I would talk about the weather right now, it'll be too bland. If I would talk about the review class I attended to a while ago, it'll be extremely bourgeois.

You can say that I'm barbaric and hypocritic at the same time for saying this but uhh.. guess what. I'm addicted to Coke again. And thank the Lord, I'm talking about the safe Coke.

Oh for the love of God! I lost it. Goddamn that kiddie version of MadTv. What's it called again? Oh yeah. All That? THEY SUCK TO PIECES. I like the old cast of All That, the one with Lori Beth doing that Vital Information sketch, and Kenan and Kel doing that Good Burger part. Oh momma.

I'm out.

Rigorous?

Yes. This week has been very rigorous. And I'm SURE as hell it wasn't fun as any fun thing would be.

First off, GOOD NEWS:

-I'm getting some good motivation to study by avoiding love.

-Yours truly was voted(yet not appointed. But still.) Environment-Friendly Commitee chair. Isn't it a little bit cynical and wrong? For Christ's sake I can't even clean my own school bag, what more can you expect from me for the whole classroom?

-Diaries were handed out lately. I like the new diary. Its design is pretty cool compared to those old chunky ones I used to have for the past 3 years of my stay in high school. The back part is the disgusting part, I guess. They should've placed a smiling picture of our principal instead. Now THAT I would like.

-I already have an admission form for Ateneo. Wait, isn't this a a vey very very bad news for a blue eagle-hater like me? I dunno. But ever since I thought about the well-off idea of having to move out of this stinky house of my family and go live on my own on a condominium in Katipunan, I kinda took consideration for that hell of a university. I want to live on my own already, 'nuff said.

And now, the BAD NEWS:

-I'm an officer. So that actually means responsibility, which I am indisputably lacking.

-I'm CROAKING! This is not bad. This is WORST.

-I don't know what the word LOVE means.

-I'm getting bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger every single day. God, school days suck like hell. I'm better off resting my butt in my room and just staring at a blank space rather than having to suffer the consequences of eating canteen food because my mind is terribly hungry.

-My mom's pregnant.

-Dad is allowing me to move out only after my 1st year in college. Ugh.

-All of a sudden, functions in Math 4 made me realize that I'm a hardcore dumbass when it comes to math. That means, I can't consequently take up Computer Engineering, or ECE, or any other engineering courses.

And do you know what course is my primary choice in Ateneo?

BS Applied Physics w/ Applied Computer Systems.

Disgusting, I know. But I like Physics, and I like computers. So why not taste 'em both?

BUT IT'S AN HONORS PROGRAM. That automatically means that I can't get in that course unless I'm in the Top 15% of those people who would pass the ACET, which seems pretty impossible.

So my secondary choice is BS Computer Engineering with Physics. Whatever.

--------------

I'm loving my elective.

By the way, it's Mandarin.

Xie Xie!

Well, What's New?

I'm bored with school. (What's new?)
School is very tiring. (What's new?)
School is very stressful. (What's new?)
School is making my eyes sore. (What's new?)

SCHOOL IS DRIVING ME INSANEEE. (What's new?)

I evidently can make a song out of this one. But guess what? School is bothering me to the Petronas Twin Towers level, so I'm tad too null-ified to go and make a tune.

Anyways, this week was a level easier than the 1st week. I found it really weird, because I expected my senior nights to be restless with tons of assignments and projects bothering me. Turns out that I can relax after all. It's just me exaggerating all over again.

We had review classes lately at school. Honestly, nothing will ever beat Expert Guides, because they know what the hell is included in the test. But it's forgivable at the most.

------------------

Ok. Pictures. Pictures. Pictures.

Let's go see some pictures.

My el-cool notebooks



My personal favorite. It's my CL notebook, by the way.


My Filipino Notebook. Ah, it speaks too much.

I'm finding it very awkward that I'm being optimistic. Ever since I bawled like a cow when I found out my rank out of the whole batch, I just bade goodbye to my sarcastic and pessimistic personality, and welcomed my inner Pilosopo Tasyo.

Because it turns out that I'm JUST pretending to be smart after all. What the hell is the difference anyway? Pretending and being smart just comes in one place, as I can see it.

Ah, I get it.

Being smart would very much bring you into the higher part of the rankings, while pretending to be smart would drive the sane out of you by placing you on the average mark.

Tch. Whatever. I'm tired of thinking about this all over again.

Slug and Sloth

The sluggish situation had just gotten worse.

I don't know how I did it, but I'm really sure it's just the ultimate effect of constantly refusing to take Mac to any Apple Center. Yes, remember that post about my laptop being amusingly dead and all? Well, I haven't done anything to make it any better since.

This has gotten really really sickening, at the most. All I would want to say is that I'm refusing to do responsible things for my gadgets like this for my own good. I don't know, but I'm really feeling that if taking it to an Apple Service Center now would make a sort-of wrong impact on my life.

What's worse? THIS ONE IS.

Now I really have to pass all the universities I would apply into. And for breaking the last record, I would apply to Ateneo just for fun. You know, just so I can say that I also tried our for that stereotyped-in-a-negative-way school.

------------------

Honestly, I still have the breath of summer. I'm not feeling that back-to-school feeling, even if it'll be my last 4th day in school already on Monday. I'm not looking forward to any school-related thing except for graduation, which would ergo happen next year. 9 more months in hell, Lorainne. Just go crawl your way through it.

Let's see now. I have an IP proposal for Physics that is due on Tuesday, Filipino homework about the 1st five chapters of El Filibusterismo, Math homework about Domain and Ranges of a function. I have to study for Economics and Physics. I have to be excited for my surprise elective which I would finally know on Monday.

Tha latter part I obviously like. The first two? I wouldn't mind if ANYONE would want to do it. Heh. How could I refuse? It's like someone would do it or nothing.

-----------------------

Our date was merely postponed lately.

I don't know how to react. Would I be, uhm, mad? or sad? or cynically happy?

See, I sacrificed reading a chapter about the speed of light in Physics just for that date. I sacrificed talking to dad for the rest of the afternoon just for that date. I actually sacrificed A LOT of things just for that date.

And I decisively didn't mind all those sacrifices being broken for something that was postponed in the end.

What I really did feel was embitterment. Not for him, but for me. I kinda hated myself for anticipating something that has a higher possibility of being adjourned, rather than actually supervening.

I feel passably bad. It's axiomatic that it's feasibly MY fault.

Wait..

is it legitimately me?

I'm mussed up.

------------------

An old friend from my old school has been reading this filth long enough for me to find it out.

He then asked if I ever fancied on being a writer and the like. And you know what? I'm going to retell this fervent story all over again.

When I entered a new school for the next educational chapter of my life, my mind seemed to drift philosophically. Not just drifting, but really digging deeper into things that are just concerned with morality per se. I would dwell on something that I would feel pragmatic on. And so, I started my high school life with being a writer as my primary ambition in life.

In a more skeptic way, I found love on expressing myself through this blog and my external journal, which I actually lost in Baguio or somewhere that's not within my vicinity.

I even enjoyed it more when sir John, my English teacher during my freshmen year, told me that he liked my essays because they were all pretty expressive. Heh. You betcha.

Then came sophomore year. I was more than excited to take up Journalism, because that's where my passion undoubtedly lies.

And that's where I lost it. I disliked Journalism not only because of my teacher, but because of it's highly disreputable look in today's society, and the government is lessening journalistic rights little by little each day. Furthermore, by the look of it, disliking Journalism lead me to look for another passion, because I've carved that outlook in my brain.

I thought I definitely annihilated my dream, but in the 1st quarter of my junior year, I actually considered signing up for the school paper. But uh, I developed a very bad mentality that only smart-asses are the only ones deserving to write for the 2nd Best Campus Newspaper in the country. And by the look of it, I seem to be right all along.

Which makes me now, just a blogger. Not a writer, and not wanting nor esteeming to be one.

And please, just go make me a full-pledged computer engineer instead.

Besides, wannabe-writers don't make hardcore grammatical and vocab errors as hardcore-ly as I do.

On the other confusing side, this quote is making me reconsider that passion.

It is perfectly okay to write garbage--as long as you edit brilliantly.

- C. J. Cherryh

You can say that again.

Every Single Day Counts

That's right, Seniors. Every single day counts for us. Ha. It seems really relatively funny for me, to like, you know, go and celebrate each day as my last nth day or something. But as I realized it lately as Charlene and I were talking about it on our way back to our classroom, it really has to be that sentimental after all. IT'S MY LAST YEAR IN THAT HELLHOLE ALL ALONG!

I don't know why I'm making a big deal out of us seniors being a couple of months away from entering college.

Heh. Maybe it really IS a big deal.

---------------

It's 11:51PM on my laptop's clock right now. And yeah, I still have school to antagonize my burdens and sorrows in this world tomorrow.

Does posting on your blog on a late school night make me an irresponsible student? I guess. But I don't know why I can't sleep. I mean, I was extremely drowsy the whole day, but after I relentlessly did a load of homeworks(make that a TON), I was hyperactive again. Am I missing something? Oh yeah, relaxation. Damn it!

School started in a giddy-goody manner. Let me give you a hard low-down on this year's newest problems.

PHYSICS - I kinda over-did Physics during my review classes last summer. So as to say, I was able to develop this likeness in this subject for some oblivious reasons.

ECONOMICS - Unlike my love, I don't really like money all that much. As a first impression to the subject, I taunted the fact that it's all about money and the like. So, for now, I think I won't like this one oh-so much.

RESEARCH - Ah, yes. The range of Statistics as a domain. Um. I hate Statistics. I don't get the point of studying it. But oh well, I'm thinking this one would be a bit easier on the long run. But on the finish line, let us all be damned by the curse that would fall upon as all by a witch called THESIS.

MATH 4 - Math. Math. Math. What more can I ask for, again? Oh yes. Math. This year's math is just advanced algebra, so I'm expecting to get a hook of it on a quick basis. Oh men. Can we just have Geometrigonometry instead? Everytime I think of Algebra, I would be reminded of Permutations and Combinations, which I truly hate to my deepest gut.

FILIPINO - I. HATE. IT. 2nd day of school, and our national hero already bombarded us with a truckload of burdens. Wait, isn't that the same as unmerciful killing? Shame on you.

ENGLISH - Now this one I likey! Looks like we would be reading a lot of cool lit's this year. Ha. I can't wait for 3rd quarter, when we would all finally discuss Dante Alighieri's Inferno, Purgatorio and Paradiso. I can't wait for the REAL Divine Comedy per se, actually. I'm acting all librarian-y right now, minus the consequent shh-ing, and the nerdy look.

CL - No comment. Tres bien.

Looks like we're all going to have a HELL of a last year after all. Heh. Sardonically, we really ARE going to enjoy it after all, minus the IP's, projects, shadow plays, unannounced quizzes, and oral defenses.

I can't wait for the intramurals. Seriously.

----------------------


"Hi, I'm Lorainne. You can call me Oyen, or Hoy, because everybody actually calls me that except for those people who don't actucally know me. I'm an introvert."

Can you believe I mumbled these words out on my first day? On. My. First. Day. Big deal. Now everyone would think I really am someone who can't abide by rules unimplemented by her peeps.

You Can't Find Nothing At All, If There Was Nothing There All Along

That Death Cab for Cutie song is getting on my nerves. Why? Simply because it's right for one thing or another, but I'm too moo-ified to tell anyone about it. Sorry Bloggy.

That last post is the most disgusting thing I've ever written about. But it makes me wonder why I don't want to delete it.

Maybe it's true love.

------------------------

Okay. It's official. I'm in Room 2 this year. I'm very delighted to know that for my last year in that helluva stinky school, they chose to complete MY room pattern. See, when I was in 1st year, I was in Room 2. Second to Third was reflected on Room 6. And now, room 2. That's a 2-6-6-2 to you.

It could've been really cool if I'm in room 6 again. You know, with the 6-6-6 ala devil pattern. That would've been so great.

Moreover, I was so happy when Charlene told me that she's also in room 2. And oh, God. You don't know how much being classmates with her means to me. She's a really really really REALLY true friend whom I've been through the thickness and thinness of high school life. And I'm more than proud to say say that.

I can now say that I'm really ready to face my last high school year.

---------------------

What Kind of Geek are You?
Name
DOB
Favourite Color
Your IQ is	very high
You are a	computer geek
Your strength is	you actually have social skills
Your weakness is	caffine
You think normal people are	interesting
Normal people think that you are	weird
This cool quiz by owlsamantha - Taken 279426 Times.

New - Kwiz.Biz Astrology and Horoscopes

How accurate is this quiz again? What if there's another Lorainne who's probably living in Africa or some place else who's birthday is ALSO on May 20? That would've been SO weird.


There's nothing much that's happening on my life right now. So sorry if that's all that I could narrate out of my squishy brain.

Smart in Utopia, Not Here

Guess who's terribly bored and refuses to study her modules.

You guessed right, oh bloggy. Everyone is. But what makes me different among the throng of lazy-asses is that the only thing that I've been up to since review classes ended 4 sagas ago is,

BLOG HOPPING.

GAH. It gives me much relief that my blog isn't hopped by someone as bored and repulsive as me. On the other hand, I feel sorry for those people whose blogs I have been bombarding for the last 48 hours. Well, of course I mean that in a sardonic way. How the hell am I going to feel sorry towards them after giving me a might schmighty conclusion that I am, after all, a pretentious dumb-ass?

My ego went down like, 5 minutes ago, after reading a batchmate's blog. She was worried about her college application, because she haven't been an academic awardee for a damn while. Pfft. I haven't been an academic awardee since I entered St. Paul Pasig. Mind you, I hate that school. And you don't know how happy I am that my stay there's going to end next year. OH GIIDDY.

I'm pretty sad that I didn't live up my promise 8 years ago for my parents. I told them that I would try hard to graduate with flying colors come high school graduation, and I would make them proud by making them hang that medal on my long neck. Of course I didn't know by then that I would transfer to that jungley hobbley fuh-lirtyly school, and that high school life would be this hard and happy at the same time. So much for kiddo promises. They won't live anything except getting nailed on a slimey substance.

--------------------

I finished reading Charmed Thirds last night.

It was good for the latter part, but for the first few seasons of Jessica Darling, I sure do expected more from Megan McCafferty. So for anyone who's reading the book, spoilers would be flying all around as you scroll down.

Second Helpings ended on Jessica Darling's mediocre-filled salutatory speech. See, Jessica Darling and me have so much in common, but differs on one thing. Jessica Darling has a 3.50-something GPA, while I'm probably a lot accuracy's and sensitivity's lower. I'm afraid my GPA's not even on the 3-point-something mark. And that's why my ego just went down, down, and down under my foot, and waaaaaaaaaaaaaay down under the ocean's floor. And now, I sure do can't find it anywhere.

Jessica Darling was really THAT smart ENOUGH to get accepted into Columbia University. Oh Columbia? Now that's what I call a tuh-rue university. Why? Well, it's JUST an Ivy, one of those premier and nicety smarty-pantsy schools I'm very much itching to go to.

This is just a wildcard, but for those of you who is concerned to Jessica's 3 lovers, the 3 schmucks went to college. Scotty went into a college that's known for parties, and he was benched all playing season. Len went to Cornell for premed. Marcus went into some Buddhist university called Gakkai College, by which he have been learning philosophies all throughout.

The reason why I didn't enjoy the book that much is because Jessica's all-grown up now. No more innocent girl's wet panties, if you solely know what I mean metaphorically. She's so....sex-driven. Now that's a teaser.

But at the middle part, Jessica and Marcus broke up because Jessica cheated on him by humping a Republican, who would later on commit suicide because of depression. Marcus, being his own religious-afficionado, didn't get mad to Jessica. Instead, he went through this phase wherein he didn't talk to Jessica for 2 years, and went to this-get this-an even more self-deepening college in a desert.

And I would stop telling the whole story again because this is not a book club member's blog.

If you think you're tired of Gossip Girls, or too shallow to read Jodi Picoult's or Jane Austen's novels, just go read this one. It's worth a read, if you would read the latter part.

----------------

There is this one thing that I learned in that book.

Waiting makes you realize your mistakes. Or what you're missing. Or what you need for something.

Heh. I should've chosen to major in Philosophy instead.

My wisdom is my intelligence.

Alle-loo, Alle-loo.

Hey Jealousy

So maybe it would be tad to selfish for my part to not share my upcat and acet mock exams results to you guys. So, here goes nothing.

For the UPCAT - 68%
For the ACET - 70%

Well, that's the besterestest best best that I can only reach. I know it sounds oh-so cliche, but I GAVE UP EVERYTHING, time included of course, for those 2 gruelling mock exams. But that's the highest score my brain can really do offer.

But please. Just please do pray for me. I'm really THAT desperate to get into the largest and niftiest state university in the country right now. Why?

-I don't want my parents too spend THAT much just for my college education. I know college education is the climax of everything, but that doesn't mean that I have to make my parents financially problematic for the rest of my college years.

-University of the Philippines, Diliman. How cool is that? You would amaze people in some way or another just by saying that you study here. Whatever your course may be.

-I seriously don't have anything against this school. Really. Really.

-If I'm Jessica Darling, then this must be my Columbia. But the difference is that UP-Diliman is a million dollars cheaper than that Ivy. UP-Diliman can be an Ivy too, I think.

-This is the most neutral school I've ever seen. NEUTRAL, at that whole students-protesting-about-the-corrupt-government thing. It's exceptionally neutral in a way that it's neither for rich or for poor ones. It's for SMART ones. (Safe answer.)

Well, I'm doing the whole kinakarir thing now. Studying my ass off each day is the new cool thing to do as your last summer resort.

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queeniequeeninie: look eto lang naman yan eh. ikaw parin ang mag dedecide. ikaw parin ang magiisip and all. pero for me feeling ko kase natatakot ka lang mag try bumigay sa isang bagay na hindi ineexpect ng mga tao sayo.. yung tipong "weh? ikaw? may date?" something na di usual eh ayaw mong subukan

This is really what I needed all along. A smack in the head by a really really really true friend who knows me more than I know myself.

The question is, why the hell am I scared anyway to try things that people aren't accustomed in seeing me doing?

Like dating and loving someone, for example.

Get this. I made a list of stupid-yet-true things I badly want to do because I'm afraid of people's reaction.

WHICH I'M NOT GOING TO TELL EVERYBODY.

Well, falling in love is one of those things. I shouldn't be doing so because I'm known to be heartless monster. But GAH. Just look at me now. It's McDreamy all over the place.

Why is Charlene ALWAYS right?

And do we ALL have that exceptional right to judge others?

I'm a hardcore hypocrite.

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Yesterday was a busy day. I can tell by the cutesy-pantsy experiences I had. First off, accomplishment of the UPCAT form.

I was pissed off when I knew that I have to pay to a bank just for that entrance exam form. I mean, can't we just pay there at the school? It'll all just come in one place anyway.

To save off commuting time and money, I went with my mom and sister since they'll be also going out anyway. They have to go to La Salle, I have to go to a LandBank or PNB branch. We have to hurry up, because Mom's car was restricted on Fridays, because of the number coding scheme implemented by MMDA. And so, as we were in Edsa, at that big road in front of Galleria, Mom was driving really fast because she didn't want to get caught by the very vicious crocs at the big intersection. But ha. We did get caught anyway. If you want to know why, you can personally ask me. The whole thing was funny and scary at the same time.

Mom was ballistic when she found out that the offices at LSGH won't be back on business until lunch time's over, which is 1 PM. She became more ballistic when I reminded her that I need to go to the bank. And as so, she dropped me off to that little LandBank branch near POEA. I was told to go Robinson's Galleria after. Hmm. Okay. What a hassled afternoon I'll surely have.

As I entered the bank, I became nervous as hell. It's more like, "God, please help me. How the hell do you pay with deposit slips? Oh God." And well, with the help of the manong sikyu and other friendly persons, I was able to pay my due in no time. They were even amazed at me because I'll be taking the UPCAT. Heh. Imagine if I'm an iskolar ng bayan already. Now that would freak everybody out.

And so, I walked my way to Galleria. I realized that walking in Edsa on a hot Friday afternoon is the coolest thing ever, because there are so many weird people in POEA that is really really fun to observe. Of course I would only laugh in my mind. If I would have laughed out loud by then, those weird people would think that I'M WEIRD. Which then would make me weirder.

After a couple of minutes, mom picked me up from Robinsons's, and off we went to school to finally submit the upcat form. I saw some batchmates, but then I forgot what courses they would take up. And then I remembered mine. I CAN'T BELIEVE I CHOSE BS PSYCHOLOGY AS MY 2nd CHOICE. And I'm really praying now that Engineering courses aren't quota-fied. Janrae told me that they aren't, but then we may never know what the hell is going to happen this year.

And, wanna know something INTERESTING? Turns out that my dad's annual gross income based on his contract is only $1000. By which $1000 can be converted into 50thou pesos. And consequently, that's half of 100 grand, which makes it really below the belt.

It means that I shouldn't have PAYED anything.

Was the effort wasted? Oh, not really. I enjoyed it, on the contrary.

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