I Just Blogged 4

One thing that the school gave me that I benefited from is superbly the lethargy. My old sleeping habit's back, and there's no more reason for me to wake up so damn early then not go back to sleep till I come home from school. Yeah, you read that right. My eyes are finally tired from all those sleepless nights it went through the whole duration of the Christmas vacation.

But then again, I want my school sleepiness to just get the hell away and let me have an excuse to sleep through my subjects. I mean, we're barely 3 months away from graduation anyway. And I already have an unwanted school that I'll get dumped in next school year. Need I say more? I go to school not because I want to, but because of that stupid diploma that will serve as my one-way ticket out of my hellhole high school. So yeah. No more reason to listen to that old Mandarin teacher who've been blabbing about how we suck at Mandarin and because of it, we wouldn't be able to enter Ateneo or La Salle. Well think again, you conceited Chinese hag.

Exam results were..kinda okay. Turns out my original psychopathic solution for that word problem in the Physics exam that has to do with fucking asphalt roads (of ALL things). My Physics teacher even checked my immature solution that's nowhere to be found in that word problem page, but was thus written somewhere so nicely hidden. It was good, and irritating.

It's kinda funny how my life turns very similarly to that Physics shiznit. Not that you need to know, or anything. But it's weird how some hefty logical skill can pretty much change how things go. 6000 N is my original answer for the frictional force of the damn truck. But because I'm so logical, I settled for the fact that there was no frictional force indeed.

Wait. I'm not even allowed to say that here. Well, whatever.

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Alyssa called to tell me that I did not pass the UPCAT.

What better way to get me started on doing the fourth chapter of our thesis. People should do that often. You know, crush your dreams before you do something important. It kinda helps, actually, minus that awkward moment when your mouth just quivers and you think silently ponder about it or something. But all in all, that technique is quite good.

My relatives are really insisting me to go the Ateneo and beg the director to reconsider my application. Don't they just get it? I don't belong somewhere so fancy-schmancy like that school. After molding up my emotions while they're all blabbing at me at the same time why I don't want to study there, I busted out of nowhere "WHAT THE HELL! I don't want to go to Ateneo, okay? You know, sometimes, I think that my brain is better off at somewhere like STI or AMA or whatever low-profile school you can think of. At least I will not have a hard time pretending to be someone I'm not. If it weren't for pride, then I would've considered not going to college anymore."

As of this writing, my dreams are now revised to the following format:

1. After the much-awaited graduation day, I will enroll myself in a swimming school. And maybe I will go back to doing runs on nice treadmills again, now that my favorite gym is now being relocated to a mall near our house. I am not doing this because I'm hungry for my personal trainer or whatnot, but because I weigh a ton and my chin has been reproducing itself quite a lot these days.

2. I have decided; I will enroll to DLSU for my freshmen year. After 3 semesters, I will thus transfer to that university where I think I belong. I will not tell what the fucking university is. You figure it out yourself.

3. I will leave this rotten house and go live in a dormitory/condominium near DLSU. I will have a bisexual rommate and I will not change my sexual orientation because of her.

4. I will not have a boyfriend because by then I will be too damn fat, I'll probably disown myself.

5. I will study very very very hard because I want to get into that university so badly. Maybe at this time, I am not deserving to enter its premises. But I'll make sure that after my freshmen year, they'll be the ones begging me to go there. You betcha.

The only sure thing in this list is number four, really. Besides the fact that I cannot see myself in any other university other than that school I so want to get into, my late-bloomer antics will probably take its toll again. But this time, it'll ruin my freshmen year, leading me to fail a lot of subjects. My fingers are sort of...crossed.

REJECTED

Oh yes. You've probably though of the idea before. You know, me being all rejected from Ateneo and all. What's funny is this actually came true. So much for a public display of my damn pride.

I saw only one 'Paragas' from the posted list beside the Blue Eagle gym. Kismet really has its own way of making things more heartbreaking, isn't it? That one Paragas used to be my schoolmate and classmate way back grade school. And who am I to blame besides my unreliable brain anyway? Eula(that's her name), made it with a communication-something course I have no intention of knowing. Yeah well she's freakin' smart anyway. My grandfather would always compare me to her, and would always wonder why she's so intelligent and I'm..I'm..I'm a failure. I hate craps like that. I mean, she's not even probably my 8th degree cousin or something and people keep measuring our brains like we're Siamese twins (which is so fucking unlikely).

Well anyway, before I start ranting how happy I still am amidst the fact that I was not accepted in Ateneo, I will give you a word of warning. Whatever licking style you may do in every word I will say, you will not taste a tinge of sourgrape. I. Am. Not. Sourgraping. I've told you all people before that I do not like to study in Ateneo. I have my own reasons, which I will be elucidating later, and/or in the near future. Alright?

Personally, Ateneo de Manila University gives me a very concrete impression of what it really is. If you put it into words, it will all just contain..'hard to get'. Perhaps that is one of those perfect reasons why people are so desperate to go there. The ACET is difficult, the tuition is difficult, and probably the people there may also be difficult (in given situations, that is). Everything is difficult, unlike UP, UST, or La Salle. In the latter parts of the previous year, I've later on realized that getting in a perfect college like Ateneo will make me, hence the coined term, perfect. So as to say, I became very interested in getting in the perfect university. Dad didn't made it there, so I was hoping I can relive his dream. Not for me, not for my friends, but for my father.

After making it in Mapua, I then pondered on the reason for why the hell do I want to go there anyway. For myself to be a perfect engineer/physicist? For my dad to brag about it to his officemates? For everyone to be proud of a big slob like me? If that's the case, then I think I'm missing the whole point of college, which is still education. Will Ateneo even help me find out who I really am (with its socially-clad and upper-class students? Heh. I don't really think so.), and what I am destined to be? At this point, you are probably thinking that I should like, go to a mental institution or some convent with this soul-searching thing I have. Well, you're probably right. I'll think about it.

At the end of the day, your choice of school does not really matter. So what if you did not pass their test? You've probably been dreaming for Ateneo or La Salle or whatever school all your freakin' life. Not being able to be accepted is an ass, I know. But it makes all things clear that it is not in God's will that you really go there. Maybe, just maybe, Ateneo will not make me the person I want to be (because after all, engineering is not really one of their fortes); A fucking Z-list engineer. Ooh. Sounds nice.

God does not want me to suffer the extreme consequences of not being able to stand up for myself in a school that does not only test your brains, or your parent's wallet. I know he wants me to go to a school where I can shine and show people that I can be Eula. He wants me to go somewhere my personality is best suited for. He wants me to go to..UP?

Ha. Yeah-freakin-right. I think I belong there, really.

But if all else fails, I think I'll just go to DLSU, where most of my friends are. At least I'll have someone to talk to in my first day, and not experience the trauma of being a first-day-till-last-day loner. Although I am indeed an introvert, I'm still a blabbermouth. I can't stop talking for at least half an hour.

It's funny and stupendous how people are more surprised and disappointed that you didn't pass, rather than them thinking that you deserve it(to be rejected) because you're not really that smart anyway. I like that crap.

Congratulations to all those who passed! You guys truly deserve it. And for those who didn't make it like yours truly, we can still transfer next year, hopefully.

Oh and by the way, if ever I pass UP-Diliman, all of you are invited to my 3-day booze extravaganza, which will be held at our street park. We will be drinking non-stop for three fucking days! Damn. That'll be good.

Potential School Number 2

I uhh..passed?

Not that I did not like it, or something. It's just that my reaction wasn't as ecstatic as it was when I passed that entrance examination for Mapua. Jesus. I laughed like a megalomaniac the minute that webpage from heaven landed right on monitor. The first cut really is the deepest, and up to this point, I'm still considering Mapua. I must be crazy(well, what the hell is new nowadays anyway? The next thing you might probably know is I'm getting it on with King Kong or my bathroom door.)

Another reason why this isn't much of a big deal is the whole household's response to the not-so-new news. For the first exam that I was able to pass, I actually called all the people living under our roof to go and see for themselves why I was screaming like hell. Being the apathetic that they all are, they just shrugged it off and didn't even congratulate me. Now for passing the DLSU-CET, I even thanked myself for not blurting anything concerned about this to any of my sibling and my mom. My mom 'accidentally' clicked the screenshot that I saved at the desktop and God have mercy on my mom and look at what she said:

Mom: Oh. You passed La Salle.
Me: Um. I guess.
Mom: So that means you have to go there by yourself now.

Now first of all, that's the most blurred-out sentence I've ever heard. I mean, why will I even go there in the first place anyway? Unless I decide to study there, which is nowhere to be found in my to-do list. Secondly, why is she being so apathetic and not even bothering to congratulate me? Oh sure. The daughter her friend's friend who took the exam 2 years ago probably made it look like as easy as wiping someone's shit-filled ass. But please. I know it was that easy and all, but can she just be at least happy that I used all of my brain cells just so I can pass that crap? Damn.

I emailed my dad the same screen shot above exactly ten hours after I saw it in the first time. His reaction made my day.

Dad: Yahoo!!!!! congrats..believe na talaga ako sa iyo :)

See, that's why I like my dad. I know he has bazillions of dollars hidden under his bed up there in Europe that can easily get me into an Ivy of my choice, but he doesn't want to because he is selfish and phony in that way. But at least he's being so supportive of me. I'll probably end up like him when I grow up. You know, be a computer engineer and a European gigolo at the same time. Sweet.

I'm still not enthused. Nevertheless, I'm still thankful that I got myself a second potential school for my collegiate education in five months' time.

ACET results will be out on Saturday, and my fingers are so crossed.

Anyways, congratulations to all those who passed the DLSU-CET too. Animo La Salle, anyone?

Hey Jealousy

So maybe it would be tad to selfish for my part to not share my upcat and acet mock exams results to you guys. So, here goes nothing.

For the UPCAT - 68%
For the ACET - 70%

Well, that's the besterestest best best that I can only reach. I know it sounds oh-so cliche, but I GAVE UP EVERYTHING, time included of course, for those 2 gruelling mock exams. But that's the highest score my brain can really do offer.

But please. Just please do pray for me. I'm really THAT desperate to get into the largest and niftiest state university in the country right now. Why?

-I don't want my parents too spend THAT much just for my college education. I know college education is the climax of everything, but that doesn't mean that I have to make my parents financially problematic for the rest of my college years.

-University of the Philippines, Diliman. How cool is that? You would amaze people in some way or another just by saying that you study here. Whatever your course may be.

-I seriously don't have anything against this school. Really. Really.

-If I'm Jessica Darling, then this must be my Columbia. But the difference is that UP-Diliman is a million dollars cheaper than that Ivy. UP-Diliman can be an Ivy too, I think.

-This is the most neutral school I've ever seen. NEUTRAL, at that whole students-protesting-about-the-corrupt-government thing. It's exceptionally neutral in a way that it's neither for rich or for poor ones. It's for SMART ones. (Safe answer.)

Well, I'm doing the whole kinakarir thing now. Studying my ass off each day is the new cool thing to do as your last summer resort.

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queeniequeeninie: look eto lang naman yan eh. ikaw parin ang mag dedecide. ikaw parin ang magiisip and all. pero for me feeling ko kase natatakot ka lang mag try bumigay sa isang bagay na hindi ineexpect ng mga tao sayo.. yung tipong "weh? ikaw? may date?" something na di usual eh ayaw mong subukan

This is really what I needed all along. A smack in the head by a really really really true friend who knows me more than I know myself.

The question is, why the hell am I scared anyway to try things that people aren't accustomed in seeing me doing?

Like dating and loving someone, for example.

Get this. I made a list of stupid-yet-true things I badly want to do because I'm afraid of people's reaction.

WHICH I'M NOT GOING TO TELL EVERYBODY.

Well, falling in love is one of those things. I shouldn't be doing so because I'm known to be heartless monster. But GAH. Just look at me now. It's McDreamy all over the place.

Why is Charlene ALWAYS right?

And do we ALL have that exceptional right to judge others?

I'm a hardcore hypocrite.

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Yesterday was a busy day. I can tell by the cutesy-pantsy experiences I had. First off, accomplishment of the UPCAT form.

I was pissed off when I knew that I have to pay to a bank just for that entrance exam form. I mean, can't we just pay there at the school? It'll all just come in one place anyway.

To save off commuting time and money, I went with my mom and sister since they'll be also going out anyway. They have to go to La Salle, I have to go to a LandBank or PNB branch. We have to hurry up, because Mom's car was restricted on Fridays, because of the number coding scheme implemented by MMDA. And so, as we were in Edsa, at that big road in front of Galleria, Mom was driving really fast because she didn't want to get caught by the very vicious crocs at the big intersection. But ha. We did get caught anyway. If you want to know why, you can personally ask me. The whole thing was funny and scary at the same time.

Mom was ballistic when she found out that the offices at LSGH won't be back on business until lunch time's over, which is 1 PM. She became more ballistic when I reminded her that I need to go to the bank. And as so, she dropped me off to that little LandBank branch near POEA. I was told to go Robinson's Galleria after. Hmm. Okay. What a hassled afternoon I'll surely have.

As I entered the bank, I became nervous as hell. It's more like, "God, please help me. How the hell do you pay with deposit slips? Oh God." And well, with the help of the manong sikyu and other friendly persons, I was able to pay my due in no time. They were even amazed at me because I'll be taking the UPCAT. Heh. Imagine if I'm an iskolar ng bayan already. Now that would freak everybody out.

And so, I walked my way to Galleria. I realized that walking in Edsa on a hot Friday afternoon is the coolest thing ever, because there are so many weird people in POEA that is really really fun to observe. Of course I would only laugh in my mind. If I would have laughed out loud by then, those weird people would think that I'M WEIRD. Which then would make me weirder.

After a couple of minutes, mom picked me up from Robinsons's, and off we went to school to finally submit the upcat form. I saw some batchmates, but then I forgot what courses they would take up. And then I remembered mine. I CAN'T BELIEVE I CHOSE BS PSYCHOLOGY AS MY 2nd CHOICE. And I'm really praying now that Engineering courses aren't quota-fied. Janrae told me that they aren't, but then we may never know what the hell is going to happen this year.

And, wanna know something INTERESTING? Turns out that my dad's annual gross income based on his contract is only $1000. By which $1000 can be converted into 50thou pesos. And consequently, that's half of 100 grand, which makes it really below the belt.

It means that I shouldn't have PAYED anything.

Was the effort wasted? Oh, not really. I enjoyed it, on the contrary.

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