Last Call

Jake Lopez.
I can't believe his show is over, and I will not be hearing that ultra-macho and sexy voice filled with sarcasm on my way to school anymore.
I fell in love with a DJ.
Yeah. I did.
I don't know why there is a 1.0 spacing between my sentences.
All I know is, I love Jake Lopez.

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One weird thing that I felt on this last day of the year 2007 is..sadness. It's not my fault. Chico and Delamar actually started it by having the top 10 in that way. I think Santa's the real culprit this time.

Yeah well anyways, 2007 was nevertheless a very good year for me. Although I was not able to do something oh-so significant (unlike that swimming shit last year, wherein I bagged that silver medal just for practically showing up. Not. It's the same idea anyway.), I had at least made something that proved my significant to other people. Like that time when I was so full of doubt that I will not pass the school paper, but ended up actually attending that first meeting. I know quitting it is just the most dumb thing ever, considering that getting into a high-rolling campus newspaper is kinda challenging. But I have my own reasons why I did so. And besides, I don't belong there anyway. I hardly speak perfect English, and my sarcasm is a no-match for their brains.

2007 was thus a year of maturity. Through those efforts that I have put just so I can abide by my own resolutions, I met people who made me think that I'm great as I am; that I don't need to fluctuate badly so my friends would appreciate me more, I don't need to have someone to make me feel better every single time someone would mistake me for a roasted pig, or a big blob of fat, and finally, I don't need to commit suicide just for my own emotional stresses to fuck off. In a more concrete way, nobody or nothing can ever, ever, ever put me down. It's either I die the way Bhutto did, or I'm just tad hungry. That and other superficial shit.

Looking at those countless blog entries I have made for 2007, I have then realized how I was able to evolve through INTROVERSION. I know this sounds so stupid, but my online sanctuary did not only improve my grammatical craps, but it made me a lot like Gandhi. Not of course with those hunger strikes he had (because I highly doubt that I'll even last an hour without eating anything), but how we understood people just by fighting for their rights. That fighting for their rights thing is sort of a gray area, I think. But hence through posting my everyday experiences, I have learned to be more observant and giving at the same time. I have probably blurted out bazillion times before that I'm the best apathetic this world will ever have, but it all changed as I come to think of it.

My last year in high school geared me much more to be the fighter God apparently destined me to be. I may not have a sexy booty like Wonder Woman, or a body so fit it can curl itself into a cocoon instantly. I may not have an award people can thus use to judge my susceptibilities (e.g. that f-ing academic award, or some medal bagged at a high-top swimming competition), or a brain that can be used to make major breakthroughs in different fields. I may not have that tantalizing face people can easily gape at, or clean nostrils (You guessed it right. I can't think of anything else.)

Do you know what I have?

(Oh. I can't believe I'm saying this.)

Well I guess I have a heart to begin with. And deep concerns for all people I know. I treat everyone as a friend, and I can never ever deprive them in one way or another. Those may not be as important as you may think, but in my conscientious opinion, those are two major things one must have to achieve that feeling of contentment. or be the next Dalai Lama or something.

How can you not trust somebody who takes more care of her gadgets than herself?(This is sarcastic, by the way. Jesus. I'm already stressing the obvious.)

So now, I present you:

Lorainne's New Year Resolution for 2008

(My alter ego is the one speaking to me, if it's not that evident enough.)

1. Do a damn cold turkey regarding your Coke addiction. You don't want to freak everyone in college with that humongous pot belly you have. Maternity pants cost a lot, and they aren't really fashionable (or even suitable) for a girl your age. Try drinking that Harvey Fresh apple juice that's been in the pantry for the longest time ever instead. Or try drinking Harvey himself. You've always thought he was a catch. With that slinky straw hat and seductive smile, nobody can ever mistake that kid for being a hillbilly. Except of course if you look down a bit lower and see what he's NOT wearing.

2. Spend less time on Bill Gates' rip-off.(PC, hello. Bullcrap. Don't pretend he didn't copy Jobs' binary codes just so he can have his own empire. Shame. He even copied Stephen Hawking's face. I will not be surprised if he has Beyonce's ass, or Angelina's lips.) The world is an enormous mall, and you really have to see it all for yourself. Through these outdoor thingamajigs, you can probably like, get to know someone who is exactly like you. You know, fat and conceited. With pubic hairs sticking out above her head, and with a face so ghastly it's hard to determine if she really is therefore part of the human race. And you can later on find out that you are just standing in front of a big mirror in India. Jesus.

3. Stop being such an agnostic BS. There is a God, and you simply know it. You've been studying in a catholic educational institution all your life, and doubting who you think gave you life is simply wrong. Angels and Demons is fictional, for Christ's sake. Tim Berners-Lee and Robert Cailliau surely did not just invented the internet on their own. God probably kicked their asses before they actually reached the completion. For what it's worth, it will not really hurt you to just be a little bit faithful to someone who gave you everything.

4. Cut down the fat, kiddo. One more bag of Cheetos and I'm sure as hell some sumo wrestling agency in Japan will talk you into being their next big fish. Or pig.

5. Stop making expectations already and learn from you past mistakes that has to do with expecting stuffs. Oh. Let me revise the idea of that. Stop making good expectations, and rather focus on how bad things will go. By that, you will then not be hurt is something did not turn out good in the end, or be so stupendously happy that things ended up you didn't they would be. It's some sort of reverse psychology or something.

6. Don't ever ever consider picking up that cancer stick. You are already suffering from bronchial spasms, hello. Smoking will make your breathing worse, and thus will lead you to your extreme ugliness. You don't need to smoke when your Jobs products got your back.

7. No matter how things get so..fugly, never think that your blog sucks because nobody reads it. Like hell you care, right? You only write here because you are so stressed out, and you don't really like admitting nor showing it to people. You don't want them to think that you are such a damn failure because obviously, you're not. What better way to show your predicaments than through your blog anyway? Your madness or hunger for something is expressed through words, not through actions or facial expressions as per usual.

8. Can you be a little bit more...oh I don't know..meek? You are so f-ing cocky already. It's as if you even have something that makes sense that you should be proud of to begin with.

9. Get a tattoo.

10. Be a goddamn girl. And by that, I mean dressing and acting like one. Thinking like a boy is actually a necessity for an aspiring engineer like you, but don't you think being a boy all throughout is kinda going overboard already? You can wear girly clothes, and surprise everyone with your boyish mind. You like surprises anyway.

11. Let the inevitable flow.



And there you have it.

Damn. I miss Jake.

Happy New Year everyone!