De Facto

Looking at people's Christmas albums depresses me. Although it is kinda dumb to not use your own wisdom and freewill to NOT look at something that will juice out your anguishes, it's as if I don't have a choice anyway (given the fact that almost all of my contacts in Multiply posted albums having some old Christmas message. Not that I know what those freakin' messages are.). I just woke up a few minutes ago, and acting as if I'm on autopilot again, I shooed off my sister who's using the computer and instantly logged in Multiply.

How dreadful. Some took pictures of their presents, but a lot took family pictures with the Christmas tree with the whole family. Oh sure. I'm jealous alright.

Let me get this straight. I don't actually have a family during Christmas, and I did not unwrap a single present from my parents. There was none for me, for Christ's sake. I was in awe while I was observing my siblings unwrap and unbox their presents covered with that yellow gift wrapper from ToyTown. That feeling of deep wonder was not felt for my siblings, but it was in fact, felt for myself alone. Am I really that bad to not receive gifts of some sort? Oh sure. I had that CLUE board game. But duh. I bought that for myself. My sister just wrapped it off just so I have something to open when Christmas day comes.

I'm not really going to start a one-man rebellion against my parents. For starters, they're technically separated. Making some fantasy that they will give me a joint gift at the very least is kinda wrong, if not dumb. I have to understand then my parents that I don't really deserve much of something, because I have four siblings ahead of me. And yeah, I think that 100 grand laptop I received last year was for 10 Christmases.

Well, not really. I'm just looking for some dumb ol' reason to not envy my siblings, because after all, I should understand them. And shits like that.

How about my Christmas, you say?

Christmas is not a season for gifts. Nor for a family get-together. You can always do that anytime you like. Christmas for me has been a symbol of how I'm evolving as a mature lady, so to speak. Emotionally mature ladies don't give a fuck about receiving presents, nor dread because their family is not complete during the yuletides. What they give a damn about is how to make people (especially their siblings) happy. Because after all, that's what Christmas is just all about.


Ha. And you thought I'm going nuts by giving a litany about my crappy Christmas. I'm receiving my iPhone on Wednesday, dumbass.

------------------------

Now seriously, what is wrong with me?

Ever since Christmas started, the earliest time I was able to sleep was 3 AM. And as of this writing, my insomnia had hit an all-time record of hitting the sack at 8:30 AM. My body's immunity to lethargy is something that I should be thankful for, that is, if I have something to do. Like some thesis revising. Or investigatory project analyzing. Or something that requires physical work, like building a house or a highway. That'll be worth the time.

I read in Cosmo that in order to easily fall asleep, you can either relieve your mind, and let out stuffs that make you so stressed out, or you can count mob of sheep, jumping over the old wooden fence, and getting themselves killed by a lawnmower or something. I did both, but neither really worked. I ended up making a story that one sheep has a leukemia, and the only thing that can cure him is the man on top of the lawnmower's kiss instead. Then that tin man from Alice in Wonderland came and did this tribal dance that killed everyone. The end.

My insomnia has its benefits, as you probably cannot see. For one, my menstruation was put on vacation, and I haven't heard anything from that stinky red substance for about two months already. Another is my incogitable loss of appetite for food. That's a good thing if you have a body like mine, actually.

No, not really. The whole household have been coining me as 'the panda', because of my big build, and the dark circles around my eyes. Mom even insists that I wear pink bangles, with respect to Panda of Tekken 5. Oh yeah. Funny like hell.

Lethargy, come back. Please?