Today I proved the fact that you can walk a mile even if you forgot your inhaler in your classroom. You just have to start to loathe a close friend, then clear everything out of your mind. Well at least in my case that's exactly what happened a while ago.
This day is, actually, the most fortunate day of the week. It started out NOT fine (with finding out that we were only able to get 25% of our total population for our thesis, and my disturbing tubercolosis-level cough), but thanks to the 4-percentile margin of error and my Physics teacher's sweet 'yes' to the question that has been crawling around my neck ever since that day I did not pass the ACET(Miss, will you please make me a letter of appeal?), this day can actually be superb in more ways than one.
So yeah, right after last period, I hurried off out of the school to get home quickly. I found the bus, chit-chatted with Ira for quite some time, then figured out that my close friend would probably go down too to leave her things or something. And so, I got off the bus again with - get this - nothing in my mind. Nothing, as in blank, except for this kept hatred hidden in my pituitary glands.
I went down the slope near Brent International School, turned left..and that's probably when I stopped thinking about how much I hate my life right now. The next thing I knew, I was already in front of Tiendesitas, breathing very heavily and hailing 2-3 cabs per minute. I swear I was surprised myself when I saw this huge cemented wall beside me. And this big highway in front of me connecting Pasig and Quezon City. And a lot of cars. And gigantic Optimus Prime-like trucks.
Boy, was I drunk? Did that melon juice entered my adrenal glands again? Jesus.
When a taxi who was kind enough to stop and let me in came, I hurriedly went inside. I can feel my limbs giving up, and my heart exploding. It's like I want to cry so loud, because I cannot understand myself. The stupid driver kept looking at me, which is a bad thing, actually. I cannot let out my dramatic alter ego because of his dumb stares. So yeah, instead of thinking how the hell was I able to cover almost half of c-5 just by walking and how I find the driver ultimately disturbing, I thought of worst case scenarios instead:
-Be caught commuting by a nun
-Be caught commuting by a teacher
-Be caught commuting by a teacher I know
-Be caught commuting by The Boy
-Be caught commuting by that friend I'm trying so hard to run away from
-Be caught commuting by mom
-Be caught commuting by a friend of my mom
-Be caught commuting by a friend
-Be caught commuting by a classmate
-Be caught commuting by the school bus driver
I nervously laughed it off, actually. I mean, these are very unlikely to happen anyway. And when it does, I can always conceal myself using a paper and a rubber band; just tie the paper around with the rubber face, and voila! They won't really know me unless they have x-ray powers or something like that.
Finally, the cab dropped me off in that area where I would usually ride a tricycle that would take me home. I hastily went in, and just when the driver was starting his to move, I saw a very familiar vehicle heading towards the same direction as we were.
Oh my friggin' God.
It's the fucking school bus. How the hell were they able to catch up?
That whole moment where the bus is just beside the tricycle and I was hiding behind my nifty backpack turned out to be very excruciating. Nonetheless, it was one hell of an experience. My heart almost busted out because of excitement. It's like reading an R.L Stine book with that dumb Choose Your Adventure theme; you won't really have a damn idea what will happen next.
And you know what? All of that shit I went through made me realize that I can be so friggin' selfish and insensitive. I cannot defend my own side, because all of those are immaturely non-sequitur. I just made up reasons so as to get mad at somebody who's keeping me stressed for the past few weeks. I've been very disturbed lately and all I can do is let everyone know it.
Even you, bloggy.
So yeah. I'm sorry, but that's just how I am these days. If I'm disappointed, then I'm disappointed. I won't pretend anymore that I'm in favor of how things are going, because that'll be improper.
Showing posts with label ateneo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ateneo. Show all posts
Friday, February 01, 2008
Sunday, January 13, 2008
I Just Blogged 4
One thing that the school gave me that I benefited from is superbly the lethargy. My old sleeping habit's back, and there's no more reason for me to wake up so damn early then not go back to sleep till I come home from school. Yeah, you read that right. My eyes are finally tired from all those sleepless nights it went through the whole duration of the Christmas vacation.
But then again, I want my school sleepiness to just get the hell away and let me have an excuse to sleep through my subjects. I mean, we're barely 3 months away from graduation anyway. And I already have an unwanted school that I'll get dumped in next school year. Need I say more? I go to school not because I want to, but because of that stupid diploma that will serve as my one-way ticket out of my hellhole high school. So yeah. No more reason to listen to that old Mandarin teacher who've been blabbing about how we suck at Mandarin and because of it, we wouldn't be able to enter Ateneo or La Salle. Well think again, you conceited Chinese hag.
Exam results were..kinda okay. Turns out my original psychopathic solution for that word problem in the Physics exam that has to do with fucking asphalt roads (of ALL things). My Physics teacher even checked my immature solution that's nowhere to be found in that word problem page, but was thus written somewhere so nicely hidden. It was good, and irritating.
It's kinda funny how my life turns very similarly to that Physics shiznit. Not that you need to know, or anything. But it's weird how some hefty logical skill can pretty much change how things go. 6000 N is my original answer for the frictional force of the damn truck. But because I'm so logical, I settled for the fact that there was no frictional force indeed.
Wait. I'm not even allowed to say that here. Well, whatever.
--------------------------
Alyssa called to tell me that I did not pass the UPCAT.
What better way to get me started on doing the fourth chapter of our thesis. People should do that often. You know, crush your dreams before you do something important. It kinda helps, actually, minus that awkward moment when your mouth just quivers and you think silently ponder about it or something. But all in all, that technique is quite good.
My relatives are really insisting me to go the Ateneo and beg the director to reconsider my application. Don't they just get it? I don't belong somewhere so fancy-schmancy like that school. After molding up my emotions while they're all blabbing at me at the same time why I don't want to study there, I busted out of nowhere "WHAT THE HELL! I don't want to go to Ateneo, okay? You know, sometimes, I think that my brain is better off at somewhere like STI or AMA or whatever low-profile school you can think of. At least I will not have a hard time pretending to be someone I'm not. If it weren't for pride, then I would've considered not going to college anymore."
As of this writing, my dreams are now revised to the following format:
1. After the much-awaited graduation day, I will enroll myself in a swimming school. And maybe I will go back to doing runs on nice treadmills again, now that my favorite gym is now being relocated to a mall near our house. I am not doing this because I'm hungry for my personal trainer or whatnot, but because I weigh a ton and my chin has been reproducing itself quite a lot these days.
2. I have decided; I will enroll to DLSU for my freshmen year. After 3 semesters, I will thus transfer to that university where I think I belong. I will not tell what the fucking university is. You figure it out yourself.
3. I will leave this rotten house and go live in a dormitory/condominium near DLSU. I will have a bisexual rommate and I will not change my sexual orientation because of her.
4. I will not have a boyfriend because by then I will be too damn fat, I'll probably disown myself.
5. I will study very very very hard because I want to get into that university so badly. Maybe at this time, I am not deserving to enter its premises. But I'll make sure that after my freshmen year, they'll be the ones begging me to go there. You betcha.
The only sure thing in this list is number four, really. Besides the fact that I cannot see myself in any other university other than that school I so want to get into, my late-bloomer antics will probably take its toll again. But this time, it'll ruin my freshmen year, leading me to fail a lot of subjects. My fingers are sort of...crossed.
But then again, I want my school sleepiness to just get the hell away and let me have an excuse to sleep through my subjects. I mean, we're barely 3 months away from graduation anyway. And I already have an unwanted school that I'll get dumped in next school year. Need I say more? I go to school not because I want to, but because of that stupid diploma that will serve as my one-way ticket out of my hellhole high school. So yeah. No more reason to listen to that old Mandarin teacher who've been blabbing about how we suck at Mandarin and because of it, we wouldn't be able to enter Ateneo or La Salle. Well think again, you conceited Chinese hag.
Exam results were..kinda okay. Turns out my original psychopathic solution for that word problem in the Physics exam that has to do with fucking asphalt roads (of ALL things). My Physics teacher even checked my immature solution that's nowhere to be found in that word problem page, but was thus written somewhere so nicely hidden. It was good, and irritating.
It's kinda funny how my life turns very similarly to that Physics shiznit. Not that you need to know, or anything. But it's weird how some hefty logical skill can pretty much change how things go. 6000 N is my original answer for the frictional force of the damn truck. But because I'm so logical, I settled for the fact that there was no frictional force indeed.
Wait. I'm not even allowed to say that here. Well, whatever.
--------------------------
Alyssa called to tell me that I did not pass the UPCAT.
What better way to get me started on doing the fourth chapter of our thesis. People should do that often. You know, crush your dreams before you do something important. It kinda helps, actually, minus that awkward moment when your mouth just quivers and you think silently ponder about it or something. But all in all, that technique is quite good.
My relatives are really insisting me to go the Ateneo and beg the director to reconsider my application. Don't they just get it? I don't belong somewhere so fancy-schmancy like that school. After molding up my emotions while they're all blabbing at me at the same time why I don't want to study there, I busted out of nowhere "WHAT THE HELL! I don't want to go to Ateneo, okay? You know, sometimes, I think that my brain is better off at somewhere like STI or AMA or whatever low-profile school you can think of. At least I will not have a hard time pretending to be someone I'm not. If it weren't for pride, then I would've considered not going to college anymore."
As of this writing, my dreams are now revised to the following format:
1. After the much-awaited graduation day, I will enroll myself in a swimming school. And maybe I will go back to doing runs on nice treadmills again, now that my favorite gym is now being relocated to a mall near our house. I am not doing this because I'm hungry for my personal trainer or whatnot, but because I weigh a ton and my chin has been reproducing itself quite a lot these days.
2. I have decided; I will enroll to DLSU for my freshmen year. After 3 semesters, I will thus transfer to that university where I think I belong. I will not tell what the fucking university is. You figure it out yourself.
3. I will leave this rotten house and go live in a dormitory/condominium near DLSU. I will have a bisexual rommate and I will not change my sexual orientation because of her.
4. I will not have a boyfriend because by then I will be too damn fat, I'll probably disown myself.
5. I will study very very very hard because I want to get into that university so badly. Maybe at this time, I am not deserving to enter its premises. But I'll make sure that after my freshmen year, they'll be the ones begging me to go there. You betcha.
The only sure thing in this list is number four, really. Besides the fact that I cannot see myself in any other university other than that school I so want to get into, my late-bloomer antics will probably take its toll again. But this time, it'll ruin my freshmen year, leading me to fail a lot of subjects. My fingers are sort of...crossed.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
REJECTED
Oh yes. You've probably though of the idea before. You know, me being all rejected from Ateneo and all. What's funny is this actually came true. So much for a public display of my damn pride.
I saw only one 'Paragas' from the posted list beside the Blue Eagle gym. Kismet really has its own way of making things more heartbreaking, isn't it? That one Paragas used to be my schoolmate and classmate way back grade school. And who am I to blame besides my unreliable brain anyway? Eula(that's her name), made it with a communication-something course I have no intention of knowing. Yeah well she's freakin' smart anyway. My grandfather would always compare me to her, and would always wonder why she's so intelligent and I'm..I'm..I'm a failure. I hate craps like that. I mean, she's not even probably my 8th degree cousin or something and people keep measuring our brains like we're Siamese twins (which is so fucking unlikely).
Well anyway, before I start ranting how happy I still am amidst the fact that I was not accepted in Ateneo, I will give you a word of warning. Whatever licking style you may do in every word I will say, you will not taste a tinge of sourgrape. I. Am. Not. Sourgraping. I've told you all people before that I do not like to study in Ateneo. I have my own reasons, which I will be elucidating later, and/or in the near future. Alright?
Personally, Ateneo de Manila University gives me a very concrete impression of what it really is. If you put it into words, it will all just contain..'hard to get'. Perhaps that is one of those perfect reasons why people are so desperate to go there. The ACET is difficult, the tuition is difficult, and probably the people there may also be difficult (in given situations, that is). Everything is difficult, unlike UP, UST, or La Salle. In the latter parts of the previous year, I've later on realized that getting in a perfect college like Ateneo will make me, hence the coined term, perfect. So as to say, I became very interested in getting in the perfect university. Dad didn't made it there, so I was hoping I can relive his dream. Not for me, not for my friends, but for my father.
After making it in Mapua, I then pondered on the reason for why the hell do I want to go there anyway. For myself to be a perfect engineer/physicist? For my dad to brag about it to his officemates? For everyone to be proud of a big slob like me? If that's the case, then I think I'm missing the whole point of college, which is still education. Will Ateneo even help me find out who I really am (with its socially-clad and upper-class students? Heh. I don't really think so.), and what I am destined to be? At this point, you are probably thinking that I should like, go to a mental institution or some convent with this soul-searching thing I have. Well, you're probably right. I'll think about it.
At the end of the day, your choice of school does not really matter. So what if you did not pass their test? You've probably been dreaming for Ateneo or La Salle or whatever school all your freakin' life. Not being able to be accepted is an ass, I know. But it makes all things clear that it is not in God's will that you really go there. Maybe, just maybe, Ateneo will not make me the person I want to be (because after all, engineering is not really one of their fortes); A fucking Z-list engineer. Ooh. Sounds nice.
God does not want me to suffer the extreme consequences of not being able to stand up for myself in a school that does not only test your brains, or your parent's wallet. I know he wants me to go to a school where I can shine and show people that I can be Eula. He wants me to go somewhere my personality is best suited for. He wants me to go to..UP?
Ha. Yeah-freakin-right. I think I belong there, really.
But if all else fails, I think I'll just go to DLSU, where most of my friends are. At least I'll have someone to talk to in my first day, and not experience the trauma of being a first-day-till-last-day loner. Although I am indeed an introvert, I'm still a blabbermouth. I can't stop talking for at least half an hour.
It's funny and stupendous how people are more surprised and disappointed that you didn't pass, rather than them thinking that you deserve it(to be rejected) because you're not really that smart anyway. I like that crap.
Congratulations to all those who passed! You guys truly deserve it. And for those who didn't make it like yours truly, we can still transfer next year, hopefully.
Oh and by the way, if ever I pass UP-Diliman, all of you are invited to my 3-day booze extravaganza, which will be held at our street park. We will be drinking non-stop for three fucking days! Damn. That'll be good.
I saw only one 'Paragas' from the posted list beside the Blue Eagle gym. Kismet really has its own way of making things more heartbreaking, isn't it? That one Paragas used to be my schoolmate and classmate way back grade school. And who am I to blame besides my unreliable brain anyway? Eula(that's her name), made it with a communication-something course I have no intention of knowing. Yeah well she's freakin' smart anyway. My grandfather would always compare me to her, and would always wonder why she's so intelligent and I'm..I'm..I'm a failure. I hate craps like that. I mean, she's not even probably my 8th degree cousin or something and people keep measuring our brains like we're Siamese twins (which is so fucking unlikely).
Well anyway, before I start ranting how happy I still am amidst the fact that I was not accepted in Ateneo, I will give you a word of warning. Whatever licking style you may do in every word I will say, you will not taste a tinge of sourgrape. I. Am. Not. Sourgraping. I've told you all people before that I do not like to study in Ateneo. I have my own reasons, which I will be elucidating later, and/or in the near future. Alright?
Personally, Ateneo de Manila University gives me a very concrete impression of what it really is. If you put it into words, it will all just contain..'hard to get'. Perhaps that is one of those perfect reasons why people are so desperate to go there. The ACET is difficult, the tuition is difficult, and probably the people there may also be difficult (in given situations, that is). Everything is difficult, unlike UP, UST, or La Salle. In the latter parts of the previous year, I've later on realized that getting in a perfect college like Ateneo will make me, hence the coined term, perfect. So as to say, I became very interested in getting in the perfect university. Dad didn't made it there, so I was hoping I can relive his dream. Not for me, not for my friends, but for my father.
After making it in Mapua, I then pondered on the reason for why the hell do I want to go there anyway. For myself to be a perfect engineer/physicist? For my dad to brag about it to his officemates? For everyone to be proud of a big slob like me? If that's the case, then I think I'm missing the whole point of college, which is still education. Will Ateneo even help me find out who I really am (with its socially-clad and upper-class students? Heh. I don't really think so.), and what I am destined to be? At this point, you are probably thinking that I should like, go to a mental institution or some convent with this soul-searching thing I have. Well, you're probably right. I'll think about it.
At the end of the day, your choice of school does not really matter. So what if you did not pass their test? You've probably been dreaming for Ateneo or La Salle or whatever school all your freakin' life. Not being able to be accepted is an ass, I know. But it makes all things clear that it is not in God's will that you really go there. Maybe, just maybe, Ateneo will not make me the person I want to be (because after all, engineering is not really one of their fortes); A fucking Z-list engineer. Ooh. Sounds nice.
God does not want me to suffer the extreme consequences of not being able to stand up for myself in a school that does not only test your brains, or your parent's wallet. I know he wants me to go to a school where I can shine and show people that I can be Eula. He wants me to go somewhere my personality is best suited for. He wants me to go to..UP?
Ha. Yeah-freakin-right. I think I belong there, really.
But if all else fails, I think I'll just go to DLSU, where most of my friends are. At least I'll have someone to talk to in my first day, and not experience the trauma of being a first-day-till-last-day loner. Although I am indeed an introvert, I'm still a blabbermouth. I can't stop talking for at least half an hour.
It's funny and stupendous how people are more surprised and disappointed that you didn't pass, rather than them thinking that you deserve it(to be rejected) because you're not really that smart anyway. I like that crap.
Congratulations to all those who passed! You guys truly deserve it. And for those who didn't make it like yours truly, we can still transfer next year, hopefully.
Oh and by the way, if ever I pass UP-Diliman, all of you are invited to my 3-day booze extravaganza, which will be held at our street park. We will be drinking non-stop for three fucking days! Damn. That'll be good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)