Niggling

Woah. What a day. What a freakin' fucking shitting crapping motherfucking day.

This was really A day.

I prayed for action, and I got it instantly. Thanks, God. But I wish this hear-thy-prayers service of Yours would work excellently everyday, not just on times you feel that the world is in need of graces and blessings and whatnot. Oh wait. Do I have to put that on the comments/suggestions box again? Crap.

Anyways, mom made me go to Mapua Intramuros to re-schedule my MSAE ALONE today. Not veraciously alone, but alone in a way that she stayed at the nearby mall, and made me walk to the aforementioned institute which is roughly the distance from my school to Megamall. At first, I was hesitant as hell. Well, who wouldn't be? I would only pass by Manila if we would go to Baclaran or Quiapo or Divisoria, which has become weirdly intermittent nowadays. So, to put it into absurd and obscene words, I'm still a Manila baby. (EEEW. Just thinking of it makes me cringe so bad.)

It was a very enduring adventure, so to speak. I'll take it as a prerequisite stage for my college life. I know I've been commuting since 4th grade, but this is still one hell of an experience I wouldn't mind having all over and over and over again. As I walked out of the Mapua grounds, I was then thinking to myself.."Hey, why not make a story out of this? Or a crapbook? Or a plastic bottle? Or a doll?". I was about to laugh silently at that meaningless latter part when I realized that it's raining. Hard. Not funny.

I walked as fast as I can to that covered pathway near the golf course that's also near the Manila Bulletin building. I waited for 45 minutes for the rain to..well..go away, I guess. Too bad it didn't, so I just took the risk of being soaked wet and being laughed at and talked about it just so my mom and I can go home already and escape the rush hour madness around the city.

But crap. It was STILL fun. No matter how unfortunate it was, I don't know why I can't whine about it. What a sad wonder.

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I've been observing my misanthropic self lately. And based on evenings spent on the couch, I've been hardly watching the news these days, compared to a few weeks ago wherein I'm more than eager to take in fresh information.

Maybe it's because of my extremely-idealistic belief that the Philippines will cease to exist in a few years.

No, really. With how the people in our government run our country, and by how poverty is killing each and every poor Filipino each day, it will be no wonder if the Pearl of the Pacific will be erased in the world map.

The Lesson: No one should ever listen to a hardcore pessimist. They're worse than mental patients.

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Want an anecdote? I'll give you an idiotic one.

I'll refer to that speaker thing that asks what your order is and you shout what you want to it as 'the speaker'.

Mom and I went to that Taco Bell drive-thru in St. Luke's Hospital in QC a while ago. When the speaker already belted out and asked our orders, mom ordered one crunchwrap. After a few seconds, the speaker asked if we want anything else. Mom made a correction and added another crunchwrap. The speaker wasn't able to hear mom's second reply, so he asked again. Mom shouted, the speaker didn't hear. Repeat the idiosyncratic process about 3 times. Mom, who is already angry at this point, shouted: "ISA PA NGA KASENG CRUNCHCRAP!". Instead of calming her down, I laughed my ass out.

Reminds me of that incident when we went to the McDonald's drive-thru at Katipunan after our review class. Classic.

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By the look of my stretch marks on each of my mammary glands, I think I will not be posting for quite sometime. And no, I will not go to the hospital and have an operation for my boobs. It's just that they can magically predict my future by going into different directions. Now that is what you call a hidden gift.

So here is my crappy article about talents, which I posted last week in my Multiply. It's so long and boring and crappy, nobody ever replied to it. Enjoy if you can.

Talent Schmalent

REclaimer: This is not written for my convenience or whatever. This is actually for one of my closest friends who is going through a very very hard time right now. What type of hard time, you may ask? Well, read between the lines, dumbass.

Talent.

What's in a talent?

Talent is seemingly what people have that they are exceptional on, or for me, it is what you have that gives you that stupid right to be respected. Talent is also that thing you can be proud of that you have, because..well....not all people have what YOU righteously have, ain't it?

I remember one time when I was still in 4th grade, and we were then asked to write our talents in a page of our notebook. I don't know what subject it was for (and for the love of God I'm dead sure that it's so not for math or penmanship), but I recall well that I can't write a single thing. No, really. I would look to my seatmate's notebook to see if we have the same talents, but sadly, he's a goddamn boy who likes to pretend he's Hulk Hogan and play basketball and play some badass game on PlayStation, very au contraire to me. He had a nasty crush on me, though. But that's another story.

And so, our adviser told us to pass our notebooks since he'll check it and show it to our excessively sullen guidance counselor back then. I hurriedly wrote.."I like beating boys and my crush, Alejandro." Wow. What an f-ing talent (and a retard, for that matter). Mom got called by my homosexual adviser and our ever-depressed guidance counselor the very next day. And up to now, mom never brought up that boy-beating talent ever again. That's probably one of those absurd reasons why she sent me to an exclusive school for girls for my high school education. Whatever.

Freshmen year came, and I signed up for this new club called AWL. I can't remember its meaning anymore because they rejected me, and no one ever gave me a special reason why it should be of significance anyway. And so, the very same thing happened again. We were asked to write our talents on a size 1 of a paper (and I probably bugged those senior moderators to death because I kept wondering why papers in SPCP have sizes and stuff. What the hell. They weren't able to explain it to me anyway), and the only thing I was able to write was..'creative writing'. My sixth grade teacher told me that I can write well, and thus I supposed that this probably is my talent after all. And ugh. I thought that rejection I got then was a sign that my sixth grade teacher had a love affair with a relative of mine, or she likes me - A LOT, or she just wants to shut the hell up out of me because I speak and write better than her or she had probably mistaken me for someone I look quite well that works for the school paper. Well, she could've admitted that to me and committed suicide right after. What a bitter hag. A

I was already on the verge of my decision to forget about writing and whatnot, but SIR HOTTIE JOHN showed me the way. Let's just say that he likes the way I write....HEEHEE. What a homo.

Journalism absolutely underdeveloped that writing skill Sir John cultivated. Let's skip that Indian teacher who drained all of our brains by pretending that he was, indeed, a teacher and not some Indian who never knew how to take a bath and use a deodorant.


FAST FORWARD TO NOW.

If someone would ask me to write down my talents in a manila paper, I'm now confident that I can write those things I was able to develop during my high school iife (which will end in four months. HURR-HAY).

Talents are like pets. You buy them when they're little and innocent and ignorant or some whatever adjective you can describe to an animal who likes to be cute for a living. And then through food and love and care you supply them, they develop and grow into..well..adult pets, I suppose. And by that time, all you can do now is brag them around because you worked hard for them. Your pets' mortality rate did not hinder you from caring and loving for it.

God gave us all these things we [shall] excel on. Why do you think will He create quintillions and quintillions of human beings in the first place anyway? To just watch them eat, sleep, and die? Seriously, no. We all have these things which we shall be known for, and which we shall use to be respected or make a stand or whatever. And at the most, these things are the only reason why we can love and appreciate ourselves, isn't it? And by thus, we can finally let our significant other feel that TRUE love he's supposed to be feeling from and to you.

It is possible that you weren't able to find that talent I'm talking about for the past 16 years of your life, but please. Keep in mind that you only have yourself to help you in finding those gifts you have. I for one cannot help you to find your talents. I mean, even your parents can't (I guess). Why? Who the hell can even control what you can and cannot do anyway? You should get my point now. Ikaw lang ang TALAGANG nakaka-alam kung ano ang mga kaya mong gawin at hindi.

And when that time comes when you have finally discovered your inner fortes, you'll finally get the point of this 1000-word shit I wrote for you out of concern and boredom.

Don't ever ever deprive your talents. Don't ever ever ever do those shitty mistakes I''ve done to myself just because I think I'm still underdeveloped. For Christ's sake, WE ARE ALL DEVELOPED ALREADY. Pre-adult is fast approaching, goddamn it.

-Never ever sign up for the school paper, go through the hassles of the highly-competitive screening, then quit it all in the end. People will not respect you.

-Never ever think that people's perceptions will define what you really are. If you are up for the challenge of swimming for 8+ laps just for the sake of proving that you can hence do it, then GO AND DO IT. Never fucking hesitate.

-SO WHAT IF YOU'RE FAT? SO WHAT IF YOU'RE TOO SKINNY? SO WHAT IF YOU'RE SHORT? SO WHAT IF YOU'RE UGLY? Flaws are just God's way of making things unique and funny. If we would ALL look pretty and perfect and other shit, do YOU think that will make things more interesting? I don't really think so. Put yourself in God's shoes. Wouldn't it be boring if all people looked so good? God, watching ANTM bores me to death more than a documentary about sticks in NatGeo does.

-Take all the risks that you can, as long as it is for the good.


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I'm finding what I just wrote very hypocritical and ironic. Well, who said someone can escape the perks of life anyway? I'm probably the next God or something.

And no, I'm not bitter. WTF.

Back Seat Driver

Alright, I give up. I don't want this vacation anymore. Anyone who wants to have it can definitely take it from me as soon as possible. I want school school school instead.

There's nothing to do worthwhile at home, dang it. If there was a counter around that would count how many edible stuffs I've taken for this day, it could've blown itself like bombs in action movies do. It's either I eat now, or eat now and later and later and later. See, when I'm in school, I will not be able to eat this much. Instead, I would listen to my boring teachers, write boring notes, and laugh at boring jokes. At least THAT's quasi-productive, not like here. Scooping out snots is probably the most fertile thing I've done this day, aside from playing golf and tennis in Wii Sports.

I've never missed secondary education this much. Forget this vacation-relaxation as my last semestral break as a high school student. I mean, will all of this even matter after a year? Hell, no. I'm probably the only one who is giving a shit about everything being the last. It's like I'm going to die, or whatever (on the other hand, I WISH).

I'm going to take my fourth bath for this day. I've never felt this extreme need for tidiness in my whole life.


Later.

Flinch

NEWSFLASH: I'm no sickass. The stupid fever transferred to somewhere that's less carbonated, I guess. I enjoyed its 3-day stay in my body, even though he had me expecting that I would die, or whatever. Well, it looks like I have to wait a good year for another unrelenting fever to come my way. Sad for my part, and also for those who had already placed their orders for my casket over there at Arlington.

Anyways, I did something too dumb a while ago. But the difference is that this time, it's much more imbecilic. And absolutely irresponsible, for that matter.

Remember MSAE? Yeah well I was supposed to take it at 1:30PM of yesterday, but I wasn't able to take the test (let alone go even near the Intramuros vicinity) because we were late as hell. What happened? I'll tell you, if you promise to not call me irresponsible. Alrightey?

As I arrived home last Friday from school, the first thing I did was to text message mom to buy me a big mac, because I'll be studying my ass off till the morning of the next day comes. I need to pig out, for Christ's sake. I've been throwing up gastric substances ever since my fever erupted.

And so, I wasn't able to wait up for mom (who by the way went home at 3am already), because I was already goddamn tired. Blame the countless formulas I memorized. 22 formulas for physics alone, and I excluded the formulas for projectile motion just to see its hidden beauty. I was supposed to scan my geometry book before I hit the sack. I can't really remember if I was able to do so. I woke up at the sight of my geometry book on top of my sister's face, and please. I'm not THAT puerile and idiotic to do something like that.

Well, let's just say I woke up late-ish. And yes, I was only able to remind my mom that I have to take the MSAE after doing so. It was okay for her though, but we were able to leave the house at 1 PM already. We waited for our maid who went to the market, dang it.

And I heard that those who took it yesterday would get their much-awaited results on Wednesday. UGH.

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I was snooping at different people that I don't know in Friendster last night. And not just people, but infatuated/smitten people (for me). What else anyway? They are in love.

There's this one girl around my age who migrated to Australia and had been living there for 5 years or whatever. All of her pictures are either his hot Aussie boyfriend's face, neck, nose, underarm, knee, spinal cord, cilia, or herself kissing any of the aforementioned body parts of her boyfriend. Good thing my fever went away before I did this.

At first I was very disgusted. Well, who wouldn't be? I can't even imagine doing that to myself, let alone to do it to other people. I mean, if you would think of it, it's completely wrong and absurd.

But as the incessant kissing and hugging pictures pass by, I've finally realized that what they have is true love.

And I therefore conclude that love is disgusting.

(HA. And you probably thought that this was all meant to be mushy. In your face, stupid cupid)

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There are those times that you just don't know who the hell you are, or you are just so damn bored, you're looking for simple things that you can stress on or whatever. And the time for the latter is NOW.

The thought of a vacation a couple of months ago was heaven. Every single day, I would pray for something so ideally good and rational that would miraculously suspend classes and make us all go back to our bedrooms and turn everything on hiatus mode. I would imagine myself lying on my bed, with my big pillows, and my humongous comforter during Filipino class. During other boring classes, I would think of that delivery guy from McDonald's, handing my snacks. Total Burgasm and Nuggasm, that's what I would get.

But after months of sleepless mumbo-jumbos for cramming schoolworks that are due here and there, the thought of vacation had seriously made me more apathetic about relaxation. It made me want to crave more for problems. Like if there weren't any problems, I would try everything to have a new problem so that I would be stressed.

God, I'd rather have that fever again instead.

I wanna go back to school so badly. I wanna listen to boring teachers, and flunk stupid quizzes. I wanna go to the canteen, and use my ID to buy anything that would attract my eye. I wanna spend those break times with my friends that I have only 4 months to laugh everything with.

This is probably the most idiotic syndrome I've ever experienced.

Please. Let there be school. For me.

Death by Champorado

Today is the day; the day I finally got hold of a big-time fever I got from something that is so stupid. Champorado.

What is a Champorado? As the ever-unreliable Wikipedia said, Champorado is a sweet chocolate rice porridge that was invented by no less than our national hero himself, Dr. Jose Rizal. For me, Champorado is best served at any time of the day, as long as it is hot and has evaporated milk on top of it. Yum Yum, huh?

I skipped school last Tuesday, woke up at an early 7 am, and (what else?) went straightly to this computer station and researched on that contest I'm planning to join in. After a couple of minutes, mom went upstairs and brought me a bowl of Champorado. And since it was served the way I like it to be, I was able to finish it in a minute. Good grief.

After a few minutes of doing so, I felt this very strong tinge of dizziness. At first, I just shrugged it all off. But when my massaging powers and apathy did not help, I hurriedly turned off the computer and went straight to my bed to sleep again so that when I wake up in the later hours of the day, I would feel much better.

That's what I thought. But ugh. What I thought was completely wrong.

I woke up at 10am, dizzy. I woke up at 1 am and skipped lunch, for that matter, still dizzy. I woke up at 3 am because mom and the maid banged on my lock door just to give me greasy stuffs to eat (McDonald's.), still f-ing dizzy. Ate that big mac goodness, and threw it all up because my head is circling with the highest centripetal force one can experience in their big ol' heads.


And I woke up yesterday with a fever I did not expect coming. I'm literally burning right now with 40-degree Celsius body temperature.

The End.

THREE REASONS WHY I CAN'T GET SICK RIGHT NOW:
1. I have my MSAE on Saturday. I don't really think I can re-schedule my last CET.
2. I can't afford to be sick these days, primarily because I'm tad too lazy to take my meds. (What a reasonable shit)
3. It's our semestral break next week, for the love of God. How the hell am I supposed to enjoy it with this stupid fever? GAH.

ONE REASON WHY I SHOULD GET SICK RIGHT NOW:
1. Because I want to die already. I'm more than ready, God. I have accomplished all those things a girl that will go through the process of pre-adulthood has to have. I think the world and its people is the funniest joke and wonder anyone has to laugh and ponder on. And ergo, I'm not a joke. I'm MORE than a joke. I am a big book with the greatest story ever told that even Mark Twain himself can't beat with his fancy-schmancy fairy tale shits. I think the people of Inferno has to read me to stop overreacting down there.

And when I finally die, my peers would make the nicest funeral speeches that the world will yet to hear. I can imagine it now: my obese body in a big black casket, dressed in the sexiest lingerie ever. My funeral would probably be in an Apple Center, and instead of eating regular biscuits, y guests would eat those specially-designed, apple logo-shaped cookies. Specially-designed in a way that it would self destruct in 5 seconds when it detects saliva or even carbon dioxide in its surroundings. And we will all die happily ever after.

Steve Jobs would most likely design a laptop just for me, called the iLorainne. It will beat the hell out of that coffee-table computer shit Bill Gates has (and thus the whole Microsoft empire has one too. BOO). It will have a 10-megapixel integrated iSight camera (integrated because it's not just a camera anymore. It's now a digital single lens reflex camera, lenses are sold separately of course.). It only has this 60" monitor (that can be fluctuated to any smaller size you want, but sadly, 60 inches is the maximum size) with 1000 yottabyte of hard disk storage. It will run on 100.89 THz, so multi-tasking will compete on a cheetah's average speed. It only has one optical drive, which acts as a drive for compact disks and for universal serial bus disks. It is purely wireless, so to speak. In fact, even without the presence of radio waves and signals for one to connect easily to the internet, it can definitely sign you in on your friendster account in a freakin' picosecond. Leopard as the OS? Not really. Those guys at Cupertino will make the greatest operating system ever invented, which is the Laughing Hyena 1000.

The details are still sketchy, but that's what is sure to hit the stores near you when I die.

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Biographical moment.

1. I am Lorainne. Seriously, just call me that and NOTHING else, aside from my infamous nickname that did not originate from a very famous R&B singer, Oyen.

2. I was musically-inclined, until the emergence of local rock bands that definitely made everybody think that playing the guitar is so f-ing cool. And yes, I still now how to play the guitar. And no, I'm not going to play again for anyone's sake. And yes, I still have a guitar. And no, I will not definitely sell it. And yes, I'm acting like a total moron right now.

3. I only have two vices, namely, Coke (the softdrink) and alcohol. The latter is not seriously proven yet, but I enjoy the company of it no matter what situation I am in. The former is one of those things I seriously have to quit because I'm already a diabetic, and I should therefore watch my sugar intake (on the contrary, I will NOT because I want to die, remember?). And it really really helped to the existence of a pot belly in my body.

4. I swim (this will not be elaborated much further).

5. Okay yeah I swim and so what? Maybe I did regret that I did not join the swimming team. But I'm over it anyway. I have a life to end.

6. I am not a bipolar. Stupid things just irritate my boring soul.

7. Yes, I did quit that chance of writing for the school newspaper. No regrets, really.

8. Actually, I like quitting stuffs I worked hard for. It's up for you to decide if those were acts of pride, or acts of incongruity. But for me, I just like proving to people that an obese girl can do more things than normal-size people do. All I want to say is people should stop discriminating and we should all just enjoy what we have in this world like McDonald's.

9. I am a very concrete example of teen angst.

10. I am not a writer. I just like to pretend that I am one.

IM me if you're ready with your funeral speech for me already.

I Just Blogged 2

Christ, I haven't blogged for almost a week. Screw me.

Anyways, I have to make this extra quick because..well...our car will be leaving for about 5 minutes or so. I have to go to school today, dammit.

UPDATES:

1. Good Lord, I haven't been mortally stressed or whatever for the past few days. And that's probably the reason why I forgot that I have a stupid blog that needs updating. I'm sorry for making you a stress output, bloggy. Well, what's your use if you weren't so anyway.

2. The Ferrari theme for our batch quasi-rocked, au contraire to what we thought a few weeks ago. I like this ferrari horse Patti drew in my hand. Picture? No way.

3. The seniors volleyball team won against the juniors at the 2nd game of volleyball yesterday. It was guh-reat, so to speak. We were on the flagpole, and everytime they would score a point, we all can't just help to dance or even move. Maybe because our spot was the best. Or I'm just itching to dance.

4. I'm not even supposed to be going to school today, because I have to watch Dubai again for our Filipino movie review blah-diddy-blah-blah because I wasn't really paying that much of attention when we watched it at school. Good thing my mom's melodramatic, for we have DVD copies (make that ORIGINAL copies) of Filipino movies like such. Anyways, I took the risk to cram it when I get home today, because Monica asked me to go watch games with her tomorrow. Well, fine.

5. I will be joining yet another essay-writing contest. I'm not gonna tell the whole details, but it's for a newspaper in the country, and 15 thousand pesos is at stake. Well, wish me luck so.that I would not say goodbye to a contest again.


Anyways, I'll update much further later. Mom's screaming in the car already.

An Open Letter for A Friend

Ok, this doesn't count as a blog entry. But what the hell. I'm missing my friend.

Dear Friend,

One week. Without you. Without someone to talk to. Without someone to laugh at my jokes. Without someone I can confide with. Without someone to..well..make me a somebody.

You might find that absolutely shallow, at the most. I mean, I just talked to you awhile ago. I was happy when you said you're missing me, because evidently, we are missing each other. To tell you the truth, the reason why I cried yesterday was nowhere caused by the darkness(which represents a person) that just mocked a dementor and sucked the happiness of not only a person, but the whole ambiance of the environment as well, but was hence caused by our lack of communication for the past few days. To which I shall conclude, I cannot last 4 days without talking to you for at least an hour.

I don't know why I'm acting the way I'm not even supposed to. I'm apathetic, for Christ's sake. My heart should be closed for any emotions due to sad occurrences. In mere inherent words, I am not supposed to be in susceptible of missing people, or even loving them(for which I proved wrong during those times I fell in love with jerks, so as to say.). I'm admitting it now like some sac religious would admit that his faith is still in God; I miss my best friend. :(

I'm sorry for feeling so, but I'm being emotionally drained by all of it.

But hell, I know for sure that aside form the fact that I'm being jealous, I'm also being selfish. And it is quite obvious, if you'll ask one of my closest friends in our class.

I'm thinking that this is God's way of perking things up. Like what Big Brother would do to his housemates..you know..putting stupid twists, and ending up to nothing close to reconciliation in the end.

Well, let His will be done, as the prayer implies. But just so you know, I'm...sad.

Really Really Sad Now,

Lorainne

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I have a chapter two of a thesis to do, so I gotta make this quick.

UPDATES:

1. The possibility of our batch winning as champions for the upcoming intrams next week is comparable to the possibility of my body fluctuating to an Olsen twin size just in time for the graduation ball. And actually, you're right - or I'm assuming that you are, since nobody's making an implication that you are even reading this. SCHOOL SPIRIT'S MISSING. I have no plans of looking for it.

2. Glorietta 2 got 'bombed' today. The welcoming motorcade for the first Pakistani female prime minister got suicide-bombed today. Some province in Iraq got bombed today. GhyzGhyz, a country in Mars like that of the United States of America, got seriously bombed today(and by seriously, I meant that nobody laughed after the incident.) And oh, what a B-E-A-yootiful global warmed world we have here! And just in case you would like to know, my bombing day is on the 32nd of October. Come join the deadly fun.

3. I'm so through with that intimidation shit I just hardcorely went through last few weeks. Besides, no organism can ever hold a candle to the number of maggots that feeds on this garbage I shall call 'blog'. And this is not making any sense at all.

4. Palancas has this weird way of making you feel so good about yourself. Now that's new.


Oh I'm sorry for this ever-so-senseless blog entry I just did. I'll make it up to you, bloggy, after going through things I have to go through. Ah, redundancy. *tears*

Chees-ay.

Retreat was nice. Not just nice, but really really really nice. It was the most meaningful one I've had for the past 6 years I've been attending recollection and retreats. I dunno. It's probably because there wasn't a day that I didn't shed a tear, which is actually new for me since I don't usually cry just because of..well...spiritual stuffs.

Anyways, here is an entry I wrote in this highly-improvised journal. The journal itself is made of 3 typewriting papers that were stapled together in the center fold, so that it would make a cutesy impression that is, therefore, a 'journal'. God. A roll of tissue would have been much better, if you ask me.

Dear Journal,

It is the second day of our retreat today. I feel so obnoxious, sleepy, and cold. I felt like I'm in the 9th circle of hell during my 'sleep'. The icy atmosphere was hence brought by the gush of the airconditioner, that we stupidly set on a 22-degree temperature before we went to bed. And as I woke up with the knock of the bell ringer on our door, I raced to the airconditioner to turn it off because my whole body is literally numb. My eyes formed big holes as I saw that the aircon is already running on 16-degrees. What the....

And oh, for the love of God, I'm nowhere near renewal. That sounds bad, I think.

The place is absolutely nice. Well of course, like everything else, it was missing this element that'll surely cause the extinction of spiritual places like this. Oh-ho. TELEVISION. Crap.

The rooms look like that of hotel suites. The bathroom smells good, prior to the fact that you or your did not excreted your toxic wastes.(SHITS, actually. But yeah. I'm not supposed to write it there because I thought the journal will be collected. But now I did.)

Amidst all of these nicey-spicey things that were given to us, I'm still wondering why I can't get hold of my desire, which is God's presence. No matter how intent I would pray, God just wouldn't stop ignoring me. Hmm. Mayne Sr. Vianney was right. Maybe I SHOULD have that gift of disciplines. God will never ever talk to somebody who thinks that even the smallest of things are way too funny to be ignored. Or maybe..just maybe..I should change. I've promised way too many times before that I would, ergo, undergo to to a hardcore metamorphosis that would surely kick that highly-negative and apathetic outlook out of my sucky life. But sadly, my incessant stubbornness is literally and figuratively hindering me to do such. I feel so sorry for myself.

So when will I change? I keep on complaining and complaining that things keep on changing, an I never got that hang of it. Things probably change because YOU need to change. Weird, isn't it? I find it absurd that those things are the ones that are making a move for us. It seems that they're the ones living OUR lives, not us.

Unexpectedly, I cried during the last part of the healing process. I imagined myself telling these things I aforementioned above to a friend. But quite surprisingly, that friend of mine turned out to be Jesus. (*insert any religious song here*) I asked my friend, 'When will I ever change? Will it always be this way? Will I ever learn to be responsible for my acts, or would retain that act of giving false pretenses?

By thus, I felt God beside me, seemingly guiding me as I ask these questions to myself. Someone may find this stupid, but I just stared above and intently talked to him.

And yes, I can say now that I'm healed; my story is indeed God's love story after all.

Uh. Maybe I took the retreat too seriously. It is a wonder how I managed to participate in all the spiritual activities we did. Why? As you can remember, I used to be an agnostic, practicing a great irony within the great walls of my Catholic school.

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MCOY FUNDALES.

I still can't believe I can now see my crush everyday on national television.

And actually, Mr. Fundales is one of those gods that I worshiped(and still worshiping). Hurr-ay.

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DLSU-CET review. Let's roll.

-DLSUCET is simply the De La Salle University College Entrance Test. It has 7 parts. And don't ask me what those parts are. UGH. It wasn't really indicated before that part or whatever, which is really really absurd.

-DLSUCET is much much much easier than the 2 CET's I took up months ago.

-DLSUCET was the most boring CET I ever took up. There were absolutely NO interesting people. All looked so middle class-y and normal.

-DLSUCET sucks because you will be given 15 minutes of break, and by that you are not allowed to stay and doze off in the room. UGH. I was a victim of this shit. I wasn't aware that I was overstaying at that bench for 30 minutes already, so...I got 35 minutes for the numerical ability part instead of the 50 minutes you will get of you return to your testing room ON TIME.

-DLSUCET will make you feel better. For some reasons unknown, it did so to me.

-DLSUCET or DLSU per se is so tech-savvy. At the first week of January, you can either wait for the results to be mailed to you, look it up on DLSU's website, or better yet, text DLSU(space)EEXAM(space)Reference #, then send to 2333 for Globe subscribers, and to whatever number for Smart subscribers(It's not MY fault I wasn't paying attention. Like DUH, why the hell would I even bother to remember that? I'm not a Smart subscriber.). This is superlatively nice.


Good luck to the last batch. WE WILL ALL PASS!

I Just Blogged

...to say, I'll bore you. Oh, the catharsis.

Anyways, at exactly 5 hours and 30 minutes from now, we'll be drifting off to Tagaytay City for our last retreat ever of our schmunky high school lives. Ah, this is the life. After taking up the DLSUCET, now off I go to a real relaxation and renewal process. Just what I'm begging to God for the past few years. Oh well. I can live with this anyway.

So why am I still awake as hell? Well, I crammed up my night by making people's palancas, which is by far the nicest thing I've done this weekend(excluding the fact that I studied for the dlsucet, and proving that miracles really do happen by carrying my obese body up just to clean my bedroom). I have this slight feeling that I'll not be getting more palancas than the number inferred to last year. I so don't care.

DLSUCET was..okay. I'll do a list of my observations of the aforementioned CET after I get back from the retreat. I doubt that the list will be as good and as neat as the one I did for the ACET. Jesus. There is a higher possibility that I'll be cleansed/renewed than the possibility of this blog being read by Jessica Zafra or some blogger/columnist I idolize like hell. How oblivious.

So, bloggy. I'm off to a delicious doze now. I'll be abandoning you for 3 days. No one really cares.

But before I would offer myself to God or some random nun, I just want to say that this show I'm currently watching at ETC is pissing the hell out of me. I think it's the Real Gilligan's Island or whatever. They're trying so hard to make things a bite of reality by doing drag shows around campfires.

And I thought that Reno 911 on JackTV is the worst show I've ever watched. Excuse me while I vomit out the suckiness my mind just absorbed.

Au Revoir. Zai Jan. Goodbye.

Faux Pas

I cannot contain myself.

All of you just have to laugh at the same thing I was laughing so hard at a while ago.

Out of boredom and refusal to study for my dlsu-cet, I dared myself to act all stupid and idiotic and IM a random person on my YM list, and ask a (what else) random question that'll surely test them to death. The question I thought of was neither that of Physics-related, nor even a question that has a high possibility of showing up at any CET or whatsoever test one may take up in the duration of his/her life.

And so:

Me: What is the meaning of RSVP anyway?
Friend(or I assumed he was to me before he answered): Weh!
Me: Ano nga? Di ko nga kase alam di ba
Friend: tumigil ka nga! alam naman nating lahat na ang rsvp ay reservoir s'il vous plait, no! nagtatanga-tangahan pa to! ulul!


Talk about extreme faux pas. Tank please? WTF.

And just so dumbasses would know, what he said is not even close to what RSVP really means. And for the love of God, that's why we have Babel Fish for. Systran is giving us a chance to pretend like we're all linguists, and/or to avoid f-ing language errors or whatnot.

And no, I'm not trying to be mean or whatever. I AM mean. I don't need to try.

Absurd with a capital ABSUR

This blog is experiencing extreme inconsistency. Sorry, bloggy. This week was the closest to heaven I'll ever get, I guess. I mean, I only had the Physics lab report and the crapbook for CL to do. All has been procrastinated by our teachers after our retreat next week.

This is what a senior student can only ask for after countless tedious weeks of revising chapters of theses, and being brutally killed by shadow plays and Dante's Inferno itself. We can all thank the owner of this blog for that awful sarcasm that was able to reincarnate us all.

And, what do you know? I haven't failed a single exam yet. Hmm. What a relief. This is the first time that I nailed most of my examinations. Ever since I entered my current school, it has became so incessant that I would never nail one too many tests. What a major breakthrough. Now I can erase #12 in my Accomplishment list. Yes siree.

My head hurts.

-------------------

I looked up 'intimidation' in the reference thesaurus a while ago. Look at its synonyms:

fear, terror, terrorism


Woah. Not exactly what I felt last Wednesday. (Intimidation is the same as sexual harassment too, which I'm guessing that nobody really needs to know.)

INTIMIDATION

Mr. Webster defined it as : to frighten, to discourage, to threat, to scare, to silence
As I define it : to challenge my intellectual susceptibility skills, to f-ing outsmart me in more ways than one, and/or in ceaseless peculiar ways (which surprises me too).

I hate it when someone intimidates me (well THAT's sedately new). It's like I'm in an imaginary contest, and our prize is to total dignity that will further on save humanity. It's highly-similar to that of stupid races with no prizes. Well, in this case, we have pride and that academic award as a prize.

And I know I exuberantly suck at contests and the like. And just in case you're feeling stupid because you failed in something that seems so intrinsic to other people, I want to tell you now that I wasn't able to join that essay-writing contest I bragged a few weeks ago because of..well..inanity. It was scheduled on that Wednesday afternoon, by which I have my GIFT class to attend to. And as each successive day passed by after that show of extreme foolishness, I would always remind myself to ask Mrs. Bronilla if I can still write an entry.

The essays the other contestants made are now posted near the HS Quadrangle, and I am feeling very sorry for my ever-so dumb self.

Intimidation. How I hate you, I cannot say.

---------------

It is a wonder why you have optimistic people like that of the members of GreenPeace, and on the other hand, you have a human proof right here that Satan is a girl. And if you're still wondering on who the hell I'm referring to, please..just please..get your ass out of here.

I don't get it. Why do you have to be optimistic? We all know that good things are becoming less and less likely to happen each day, much gratitude to pollution and politics(talk about Ebony and Ivory, or any interracial couple).

There's a lesson here somewhere. I'll look for it. *disappears into highly-polluted air*

----------------

I like someone.

And that someone is I.

It's quite stupendous how being a point away to the highest-pointer of the Physics exam in your class makes you so narcissistic, you've forgotten all your social burdens for a second.

So narcissistic, you're denying your former crushes just because you think you're smarter by 1 quintillion brains.

-----------------

Dad and I have this weird father-daughter relationship. When he's up there in Europe, we email each other like we're relatively close, hence by talking to one another almost everyday. But when he's here during the Christmas season, we would never have that chance to blab all we want to, like we always do in the virtual world.

It's kinda guilt-strickening too that amidst all that parental duties my mom has been doing for the past 16 years, I still consider my dad as my hero.

When we went to Poland 4 years ago, I had this unearthly allergy on both of my asscheeks. They itch like hell, and everytime I would stand behind a mirror to see what a nightmare my ass looks like, I would see bleeding scars and the likes of 'galis'. It was very tormenting. I can see the grimace of our Polish housekeeper everytime she would caught me putting my left hand inside my very loose shorts. It's like a wave of Satan's fart passed by everytime I would do so.

And so, my mom and dad decided that I should seek a doctor. If you would use your common sense, an 11 year old with a living hell on both of her asscheeks can never be susceptible of going to a doctor of a country she barely heard of. Before we went to Poland, my dad encountered a vehicular accident that made the company he was working for to confiscate his car. So for us to go to a doctor, we have to call for taxi to get us there.

Commuting with my dad is, by far, one of those experiences a daughter of an OFW will never ever forget. He went to the doctor with me, even if my ass by then was on the number 2 spot of that SCARY THINGS list. And of course, Michael Jackson's topped it. Dang it. I don't get it why the bleeding scars ON MY ASS are nothing compared to this child molester.

We went to the mall together, shopped together, went home together.(Well of course we would do things together. I'm his daughter, for Christ's sake)

Strangely enough, we can never ever ever ever do this when he's here in the country.

I think I'll blame it on the climate.

Or the current president.

Because it would be so clichéd if I would blame it on my parent's relationship again. Ooh, and so conformist too.

The truth really does hurt sometimes.

Oh Crap

It has occurred to me that I haven't posted anything for quite a long time. This is a good sign, I think. It solely means that I'm neither stressed, nor bored. What a big effin wonder.

WELL, WHAT'S NEW?

1. Exams are hobbididly-bibbly over. The hardest exam was probably that of the Economics. And no, it wasn't because of the computation part (it was even the easiest). There were so many terms that wasn't even taught to us, which is absurdly nasty, if you'll ask me. The easiest was the math exam, to everyone's surprise. (and for those concerned with the last item, the answer is 218, very contrary to the 3 almost everyone answered. WTF)

2. Mom bought me and my sister a pair of Crocs sandals each. I don't know about you guys, but fancy-schmancy footwear was never in my Christmas wish list or whatever. The only footwear I appreciate no matter what genre I'm in are sneakers, and that's because they look cool and they're relatively comfortable than that of flats or heels. BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, Crocs is definitely one hell of a footwear. I was trying it out the night I bought it, and I was like walking with my foot naked. It is THAT good.

3. I went out swimming yesterday with a couple of friends and the mayor of Pasig himself. Although I think the trike driver didn't think that he was, indeed, the mayor of the city he's living in. He charged us 40 fucking pesos after driving us with his shaky tricyle from the plaza to Denise's house, which is just a short freakin' distance. Well, what the crappy hell. I enjoyed it anyway. Thanks, friends.

4. I'm having a hard time doing the 2nd chapter of our thesis. NOW THAT'S NEW.

-------------

I know for sure that there is no way my grades will go higher this quarter. I screwed up in almost every subject. And I know for sure that there is seriously just no way my dad will give me a condominium for Christmas, nor for graduation.

Just great.

--------------

There was a time when I thought that incessant news about politics or whatsoever is enought to piss my ass off for the whole week. And that time has come of change.

BRITNEY SPEARS

Oh, f-ing hell. I'm feeling absolutely sorry for myself for worshiping her during my childhood days. I used to wish that my hair would go blond like hers, and would shine as if it's the sun's sister or something. Her kickass body would always make me envy every girly shit out of her. And everytime I would catch that "Give Me Baby One More Time" video on Videoke Channel or MTV, I would stay mesmerized for the rest of the day. Sounds absurd, huh? But it's not my effin fault that her songs are damn catchy.

But oh boy. Drugs, alcohol and Keven Federline should never EVER be consumed by a pop star, or else she'll have to get her hair shaved off, or lose the custody of her children.

I'm taking in too much Britney rumors.

----------------

I'm in love with Jake Lopez.

This is one serious issue that needs to be dealt with.

And even God doesn't know how the hell would I do that.

(And no. There's just no way I'm going to tell who he is. He's my friend...in Friendster, that is.)

----------------

It's kinda awkward when you talk with your relatives about your blog. In my case, they started the pristine round-abouts about my blog, which has become repetitive every time they'll visit us in our house every Sunday.

Grandma: Sabi nila tito mo, ang galing galing mo daw magsulat. Ang galing mo daw mag-english.
Me: Tch.
Grandma: Oh, eh bakit hindi Mass Comm o CommArts o English ang kinuha mo?
Me: Corny kase yun, lola.
Grandma: *grunts in a masculine way*


I seriously don't know why they are making a biggie out of my course in college. I'm going to be an engineer, for Christ's sake. Shouldn't they be excessively proud instead? It is absolutely rare for a girl to dream of becoming a hardcore computer engineer. That's why I like it. No way I'm going to take up something that the majority is in favor of taking up too. No offense to CommArts majors, but I don't really think communicating to people is my forte(which is part-ironic. I speak 4 languages, and can understand 3 local dialects. WTF).

And for the nth time, writing here is just an OUTLET of my stress and boredom. There is no possible way I'm going to make a fortune out of writing stuffs. Use your common sense, people of God. Who the hell would pay for an article filled with countless grammatical errors and incongruity?

(As of this writing, I'm pretty sure Manny Pacquiao will lose, and the people of my country will grieve so much that there is this high possibility that classes will be suspended tomorrow. Talk about great shallowness.)

Whoop-de-whoop.

A honeybee can stop conformity in an instant. It can either quit his honey business, or be idiosyncratically happy and run a fastfood restaurant instead.

--------------------

Of all the religious feasts I have to remember as a Christian, it is that of the feast of the Our Lady of Rosary that has this distinction that would always pang me in the head every 7th of October.

I'm begging someone to differ.

Anyways, good luck to the DLSU Green Archers for the final game this afternoon. Oh GIDDY.

Thank God for giving us this. You can blame him for my femininity.

Meebo Me

Generalized Ponderations

Because I'm constantly refusing to study for our periodical exam tomorrow (and well, out of boredom, I guess.), here I present to you are absurd and generalized ponderations that I would like to say to stupid people to shut the hell out of their big mouths. If what I just said a while ago isn't ironic, then, for the love of God, tomorrow's surely my death day.

If there's one thing other than pop stars and suck-ups that is always constant and consistent, that would definitely be life's suckiness.

I'm finding it absolutely weird that people are more susceptible of finding the bad in the good, rather than finding solutions to algebraic answers that has nothing to do with the previous statement.

There is no such thing as a corny or cheesy joke. On the other hand, we have boring and sullen people's perceptions to blame for the existent of such in this contemporary era we are living in.

As the great Nobel-prize winning theoretical physicist Frank Wilczek said, "In Physics, you don't have to go around making trouble for yourself - nature does it for you.". And I thought that gumamela flower was way to cute and pretty to be stepped on. Payback time.

Cats are not really chasing rats for their dinner. At times, they're willing to look like a-holes just to have a rat's prized possession...cheese. But in this cat-chase-rat generation we are living in, cats will never look like a-holes by doing do. On the other side of the coin, his other furry friends will treat him like friggin King Solomon or something instead.

If we would all prefer to be with King Minos and other Inferno characters down there in the underworld, who will be left for God's grace here in this land He created?

John Mayer's right. Like him, every one of us should be worried if we weigh three times our body. Hence, we should be worried NOT for ourselves, but for those others who doesn't feel the same way we are fortunately feeling. Why? Yeah well that means that they're all being chicken and wimps by depriving the abilities that they really have.

I don't know if conformists are fond of searching sensible quotes that actually refers to them. but I do know for sure that they will go to the second bolgia of the eight circle of hell. God, didn't they know that imitation is the best form of flattery? Yeah and because of that, they are all really deserving to be immersed in our shits forever and ever.

-------------------------------

And to conclude this mediocrity , here is a picture of my new baby brother, Enrique Achilles.

I don't find him cute neither.

Enrique Achilles

Mom gave birth to my last baby brother last Tuesday. Pictures will be posted when Baby Achilles is old enough to be blackmailed and sabotaged. And surely by that time, this blog will become my sole source of income, for I fear that I will die as a hardcore spinster.

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Submitting my application form for DLSU-Manila is, by far, the most tedious thing I have encountered EVER. I've never done so much work and effort for my collegiate education like I did for my DLSU Application Form.

Last Tuesday, I decided to skip my afternoon class so that I can submit my application form for the aforementioned school 3 days ahead of the scheduled deadline. True enough, I was already prepared to hand it in to the Admissions Office of DLSU-Manila a month ago. But evidently, it was awfully delayed because of the suckiness of my school(see THAT WAS CLOSE post for proof).

And so, I arrived at DLSU at exactly 1:19PM, and as the guard handed me this paper with the number 59 typewritten well on it, I knew for sure that I am in for a guh-reat test of patience, since there 58 people before me that has the same purpose as I do. It was not much of a deal anyway, since the Br. Andrew Gonzalez Hall lobby is the nicest college building I've been into. You can thank the natural cold atmosphere there. Yes, you heard it right. There was no sign of gushing cold air going out of that usual big machine. I liked it.

And when that time my number was called, I raced to the admissions office as fast as I can so I can go home already and revise the two chapters of our thesis. As I handed out my application, the lady said.."Sorry po, hindi namin ma-poprocess tong application form nyo. NSO birth certificate lang po kase tinatanggap namin eh. Sa friday pa naman po ang deadline eh."

Let's just save my rage for that for another day. The important thing now is that I was able to pass it, and I'm gladly going to take the DLSU-CET on my brother's birthday, October 14, which totally sucks, if you ask me.

---------------------

I'm getting the impression that I'm missing out the fun of high school. I don't know why, but I'm being such an old lady again.

GIST: I'm still nicotine free. For Christ's sake, I'm going to graduate in a couple of months. Is alcohol the only bad thing I'm susceptible of doing so?

---------------------

After years and years of pretending that I will never ever go to "the Areeney-oh" for my collegiate education, I'm finally coming out clean. Much to my repugnance, Ateneo is actually my first choice now.

Sourgraping for something important is actually the ultimate guilt-trip. Not only would it make you a hardcore hypocrite, but hence it would also make you realize what the hell you are really missing. Take my state of being suicidal for example. I'm making people believe that life per se doesn't mean a thing to me, but then again, I would do everything to save my life. What a weirdo.

And yeah. I guess Ateneo is where I want to go for college right now. The environment outside DLSU-Manila made me think twice about AdMU. No, really. I guess LRT stations and narrow driveways are enough to turn me off.

------------------

Out of some goddamn boredom, I posted this uber-senseless shit. Forgive me for doing so, but I'm in a constant denial at meeting my deadlines in school. Mind you, I still have a methodology for our f*cking thesis to do. And God knows why I'm doing this instead.

For Patti Dela Concepcion:

After few weeks of pondering on what the hell is a 'gift of gab', I finally got hold of a perfect time to research for it. Turns out that the 'gift of gab' is merely an idiom, and it means that If someone has the aforementioned gift, they speak in a persuasive and interesting way.(UsingEnglish.com)

Strangely enough, this is still not capable of flattering me.

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I wrote this one during the regime of periscope and lab rep's-making. Cheesy enough, it was written in my friendster blog, which I think is beyond cheesiness.

Ooooh.

I can't figure this one out. No, really.

If you would actually think of it, I haven't learned anything from my past cramming moments and procrastination.

Let's go back to the past once more..

Great Cramming Moments and Procrastinations of Yours Truly

1. Last year's Geometry Project
2. Last year's LAB REPORTS
3. Last year's Filipino Editorials and Feature Articles
4. Last year's History collection of pictures for the video production
5. Last year's History VIDEO PRODUCTION, the most gruesome and crucial of all projects YET
6. CL Scrapbook

and nooww, presenting another addition to the long and fervent list..

MY PHYSICS LAB REPORT.

Damn Optics. I don't get the reason why we have to make a periscope anyway. God, who would even use a periscope in this contemporary era. That's what wiretapping is for, people from the Renaissance.

I'm constantly refusing to finish off my laboratory thinga-majig.

I never loathed my subject of great interest THIS MUCH. Good Lord. UPCAT drove my sanity away. No, let me rephrase that. UPCAT and the previous Advanced Algebra Exam drove my sanity to far, far, away land with Shrek and Fiona's kingdom of heirloom.

But Lorainne, look at the bright side.

I was ergo able to finish off my comparative analysis yesterday, diminishing the fact that I slept at 12am already.

And DUH-UH. Because of the aforementioned above, I'm now sorta relaxing with my Physics labrep.

God have mercy on us all.

[X}-UPCAT
[ ]-ACET
[ ]-DLSU-CET
[ }-USTET
[ ]-MAPUA

one down, four more fatalities to go through.

I wish the calendar-makers would be so gentle to our kind and skip february of next year. By then, we would not only know our UPCAT fate, but we would have also prevented our chances of defending our theses and taking our last periodical examination for the rest of our high school lives.

Nah. I wish.

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WTF. Skip that Christmas list. What the world needs is a smack in the head, not an earthling who is making quite a big deal about what she wants for Christmas.

My Very Own Sleazeball

This post is not for the weak-hearted, nor immature-minded or whatso-fucking-ever.

So if you think you're absolutely more childish than me, then get the hell out of here as fast as you can.

--------------------

We had swimming today for PE. But before that, as always, we were to shower first because our dirt might infect the chlorine in more ways than one. Abominable, huh? I think it's exceptionally stupid too.

While goofing around before we head to the showers, Denise wanted to activate my mammary papillas. As she was trying to scour it beyond the closure of my swimsuit, I felt.. blank. It is but unusual for someone to feel this way when someone is rubbing a vital part of their body. And yeah. It was superlatively weird.

"Di na aactivate yan. Wala na kong endorphin eh" I uttered with a sense of boredom.

And there I go again with the love chemical issue.

I don't know why I keep on blaming the hollowness of the aforementioned natural occurrence. I am neither sourgraping, or pretending to be lacking of reasons as to what I should beg to differ with all of this great aloofness I'm going through. Endorphin is really one hell of a chemical I need. But only God knows why I ran out of it.

Or maybe I'm just predestined to be naturally and peculiarly numb and apathetic at the same time.

And I am thanking my ever-reliable mind for discerning it on time. I guess those things that supposedly erects on my mammary glands won't be standing out for a very loooong time for what I am feeling now is just pure stoicism. Well, what's new, right?

------------

Every morning when I wake up, the only question that superbly enters my mind is.."What now?"

I don't really get it when Mitch Albom or some literature god said that we, humans, have this special purpose that we should accomplish, primarily because this is the only reason why God made us. It is either we do something to make the world a better place, or we make the world a better place. God, I don't know why I hate shits like that. It's like this one episode in My Name is Earl, where Earl was convinced by this person (Earl stole his air conditioner by the way, and on his ingenious list was to return it. Turns out that the person was now living in a 70's nudist camp. And I thought politics was weird enough.) that global warming per se is out to kill us all, and we should, indeed, try to stop it. Earl thought that the good deeds he was rendering can alleviate the global warming, at the very least.

And we all know that Earl is just one person. ONE person. (And if you want to be more symbolical in life, he can represent the prisoners too. But that's out of the question.) ONE person, and surely enough, that's not enough to even lessen excreted wastes everyday.

See? That's my pointy point point. So what if I beautify and clean every friggin' corner in this stinky world? That won't even make me much more of just an ordinary person, striving to change this world. I am just A person, (or maybe two, if obesity is a factor) and then there are those 100 bazillion irresponsible airheads who sleaze for a living.

But then again, I don't really matter. None of us do, except if we do good things or miracles for a living like Mother Teresa or some saint. They heard God, I didn't. It's that simple.

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My school bus ride a while ago fell between excrucating and humiliating. I was the only senior student in the freakin' coaster, and it sure did suck.

Let me introduce to you..A Novel Jungle. (more infamously known as my grade school busmates)

1. SPOILED B*TCHES - these are the kids that are precisely waaaaaaay more spoiled than I am. Off they 'call' their business-y parents with kiddie mobile phones, exchange numbers, and swear to God, the bus driver, and to every person in and within the vicinity of the transportation that they will go to each other's mansions and shop for clothes at Zara for they will be living their lives the easy way. True enough, I don't find them loathsome. They're just irritating, because they speak like tweens in US, who profuse the word 'like' for a living. I am so like, not finding this like so funny.

2. YOUNG BISEXUALS - hence the name. They're always catching up on the last trip offered by the school bus, because they're merely acting like vultures on the lookout for a handsome girl. I don't really abhor them that much. On the other side, they sicken my guts to death. And the fact that they have the courage to join the last trip (aka the trip for high school students) is very disturbing for a high school student like me. I mean, if taunts aren't enough, then what would it take for them to just leave the cool trip alone with us? Hmm, maybe some hot senior lesbo will. Or so I think it would.

3. BRATS - ugh, they deserve every abhorrence in this God-forsaken world. Their kind is extremely the most vicious among the three. They cry, they spit, they will do everything to piss your ass off. Yeah well of course they're kids, what could you expect? But for Christ's sake these kids are not even near natural! I wasn't like this when I was still a young assclown. I know I did not act like a prim and proper liitle girly-girl back then, but WTF. I never shouted at anyone just because he/she is barricading my way. These b*tches has their own spot in the 9th circle of hell. They sure do.

And to think that I still have a couple of extremely nauseating months to go before I finally walk out of the school bus that I hated (and still hating) for the last 3 years and whatever months.

Woo. I caaan't wait for my last school bus ride.

THAT WAS SO CLOSE

I SOO CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT YOU BACK BLOGGY. FUCKING HELL I SURE CAN'T.

Thanks to Mr. Danish, the Blogger Employee that was able to restore all of this tremendous shit I went through.

Look what I blogged in MS Word. GAH. The agony of not having you made me do so, bloggy. Sorry.

I made this one yesterday.

Okay. So yeah. I accidentally (more like STUPIDLY) deleted my precious blog last night.There is really no way that all of it was intended. If it was, then I wouldn't cry like a baby just because of it. That would be too...cocky.

I thought that there would be NO way that I can restore it, or have it back. But thank God for bandwidths and hard drives for I learned that this is actually normal among bloggers, and I can recover it through talking to a blogger employee.

So luckily, in two week's time, INTROVERSION will be back with its old dumbass posts and apathetic tantrums and rumblings. I wish that it would restore now, but the blogger employee is on a two-week vacation. Sucks for me, I guess.

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You know you're ugly when nobody tells you that you really are (even as an insult), and people would just laugh behind your back and when you look at them, their lips are merely bleeding for trying hard to stop the laugh, at the least.

You know that you are dumb at everything when people try absolutely everything to not be grouped with you. Nobody wants to let you copy their homework(make that copied homework from someone else's), because they know that you're just merely rewriting the data, but not actually susceptible of understanding it.

You know that you're weird when you feel ugly, as aforementioned awhile ago.

Ah, the wonders of observation. The reality of everything still amazes me.

--------------------

Do you know what's really new? The suckiness of school.

Sad to say that this new rave that I have discovered had only occurred to me awhile ago.

-----------------

Here are the things I need to do before I can achieve total relaxation:

IP Methodology
IP Data and Results
Physics wire maze project
Physics Lab Report
Physics Experiment
Physics Homework
Physics Quiz
Math Project Proposal
Math Quiz
RRL revision for thesis
Chapter 2 for thesis
Chapter 1 revision for thesis
Methodology for thesis
Research work for RRL revision for thesis
Consultation Card for thesis
Bibliography Card for thesis
Filipino shadow play
English DanteLand
CL Chapter 2 for CRAPbook
Elective homework
Elective quiz
Elective project
PE Quiz

As you can see, God absolutely hates me right now. I mean, WTF. Can you believe that these things are to due this week? Yeah, I can't neither.

So bloggy, I guess I have to go back into the celebration of you reincarnation when all of these have been submitted. GOD.

I'm So Dumbfounded Right Now That's Why I Can't Think of A Good Title

Let's play pretend.

I'm going to pretend that I didn't take any entrance exam for any college yesterday, while you pretend to be feeling apathetic towards me. Easy, right?

And yet ending this superficial game is taking a toll on me. It is just THAT hard to do so anyway.

OKAY GAME OVER.

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Unlike the UPCAT, I definitely did not have that unambiguous feeling of assurance that I will surely pass the ACET.

What is ACET? Let me acquaint you with my highly-nugatory experience with the aforementioned college entrance test that I took yesterday.

-ACET is simply the Ateneo College Entrance Test. It has 2 parts; the proficiency test which has english and mathematics as subtests, and on the other hand we have the loathsome aptitude test, which has logical reasoning, information, abstract reasoning, numerical ability and reading comprehension. What's my favorite part, you may ask? Well, it's that part where our examiner told us that we have a minute to go for the numerical ability part. I was finished ahead of time, since I used the infamous shot gun method again.

-ACET is not meant to be finished. I was surprised by this, of course. I thought it was the UPCAT that is not supposed to be finish. But what the hell did just happened? I sorta forced myself to answer it all. What a complete dumbass.

-ACET is approximately 75% more difficult than the UPCAT. Just imagine if the ACET is also right minus wrong. We would've died if it was so.

-ACET per se is not as interesting as the UPCAT was. There were no interesting people. All of them looked so...normal. And we all know that anything normal is as bas as conformity.

-ACET will not make you nervous if you despise Ateneo. I tried to be all nervous, because all the people in the room looked oh-so sweaty and gloomy and stuff. The examiner would surely have the impression that I got hold of a leakage or something, which is highly unlikely in the first place anyway. And GAH. It did not work. My seatmate kept throwing me nasty glances, and I would just grimace at him whenever he would. It was absolutely weird.

-ACET's aftermath was quite expected. I mean, all of those who took it(and even those who didn't) badly wants to get in Ateneo anyway. Generally speaking, it is pristinely because Ateneo has this pernicious reputation that its students are rich and smart at the same time. Yeah, I think that's absurd too, but let's face it; it's the pathetic truth. The only person I know who is still bitter because of the UPCAT is myself, and comparing that to the throng of batchmates I have who are all amaroidal about the ACET, I'm completely lost.

-ACET seriously sucked. Goodbye Applied Physics.

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I have just been informed that my relatives are reading this filth.

And I'm seriously not liking it.

This blog is not intended to be read by anyone in the first place. But prior to what a blog is, it will be very hypocritical if I would protect this blog with a password.

And duh. That will seriously prove how much of a wimp I am.

You should get this by now.

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Regine Guevara, my boss(because she's the batch EFC chair) told me a while ago that there will be a so-called 'flush drive'. And no, this is not a ripoff of a flash drive. I wish it was, so it wouldn't be as depressing as what it is really implying.

The fucking drive goes like this: people in my classroom are to tally how many times they have flushed a friggin toilet.

WTF. I'm betting that even God is finding this completely stupid. He is sure not finding any of this amusing, or forgivable at all. If I was God, I would've sent the person who started this crummy idea that we should keep track of the frequency of our flushing businesses to the 9th circle of hell. I find it greatly unjust though that there is no circle for those who are exercising their incongruity and ignorance. Can people just shut up if they don't have any good to blab about?


Person A: Ooh, let's play add-a-burden!
Person B: Yeah! Let's get it on!
Person A: The burden I'm going to add is all about abolishing GIFT, but I'll make all subjects be for 2 hours each day. Beat that!
Person B: Oh yeah? My burden is precisely about cutting their day short..hmm..I'll make them end classes on 1 PM, but I'll restrict the school buses, carpools, or even private cars.
Person A: What the...?! That's not even a burden!
Person B: Yes it is!
Person A: This burden would surely kill your brain cells out: I'm going to implement a flush drive! And the silver lining here is that the Science department will be the one to manage it. Uhuh? Uhuh?
Person B: *started to cry* That's the most brilliant burden I've ever heard! Thank you Lord for giving this person such absurdity!

And person A and B are both authorized persons of the school. God.

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Misfortune at Its Best

I think God started hating me after I walked out of a major breakthrough of my life. I mean, if I would put myself into God's shoes(I highly doubt that he wears them anyway), I would also get mad at my daughter who refused my blessing or something.

During GIFT time last Wednesday, I had the most bad-ass cramp in crampology history. My gastrocnemius sored like hell, and it became so stiff as Jose Rizal's hair. Thank God my classmate Alex was there, for she really did save my life by defying gravity(like hell. I mean, we're in the fucking water anyway. We all did defy gravity) and massaging my big 'ol legs till the calf muscle softened down. After getting out of the pool, I felt gravity's counter-attack on me by merely letting me feel soooooo heavy, as if there's this force that's pushing me farther down under the ground.

And I thought this was unfortunate enough to acknowledge last Wednesday's suckiness.

After taking a bath and changing into new clothes, I said goodbye to Alex. And then, with the gravity still spitting out its unnatural force on me, I walked 100m to the school's slope. Good thing Juela was there, for the next event totally made Wednesday the most unfortunate day ever made by God or Satan or whatever effing god you may think of.

I tripped on a small crack(or fault, if you prefer to be more geographically technical). God, that sure DID suck.

And of course, I wasn't able to go to school the next day because I can't walk. Each step I made with my sprained left foot purged me to tears because (1) IT HURTS GODDAMN IT and (2) If this would go on and on and on till tomorrow, I won't be able to join the much-anticipated last field trip of my sucky life. Mom said I should walk my sprained foot out because there is an increasing direct relationship between resting it, and the pain I would feel. And so, I spent the day walking it out, instead of learning about electric resistance and whatnot.

Past forward to today, where my body aches like hell. I seriously did not enjoy my last field trip. Don't thank the über-corny Lakbay Kalikasan people, thank my shitty sprain. I missed the two most important parts of the trip. Don't ask me what they are. I'll be bitter all over again.

Mt. Banahaw still rocks, for some reason I've yet to discover.

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Well, what do you know? The Apple Center branch at SM Megamall texted me yesterday, saying that my battery pack for my MacBook's already there. 3 weeks my ass, eh?

Oh mehn. Wireless paradise is a breath away. Oh yes it really is.

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ACET's tomorrow, and ugh. I'm not doing anything besides going to mobile9 and downloading themes and stuff.

For one, I'm not really interested in getting into Ateneo, per se. I'm just very much willing to study for the ACET because I just want to prove to people that I can pass their stupid exam, and hence shower them with my pride by NOT enrolling there if I luckily passed so.

But, but. but. Why is there always a but in everything? BUT BUT BUT.

BUT if I get into my first choice, which is the ever infamous double-degree course BS Applied Physics with BS Applied Computer Systems, I would definitely study there. No questions asked. School spirit's not required for you to be accepted there anyway. All you need is your parent's bank account, and a brain to go with it. They sure don't accept nutshells, so to speak.

My friend told me that Ateneo is really my fate. I cannot go to a school that I've been worshiping since forever(read: UP/La Salle), because my driving force would just ergo be school spirit. By thus, school spirit will never ever ever get me anywhere, but on the bleachers of some coliseum during a UAAP game. It is better to study in a school I totally hate, because my driving force is pride and dignity.

Yeah well, whatever. It's like my pride is going to help me get in there anyway. I highly doubt it.

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From this day forward, I'll be starting my Christmas list. I am encouraging everyone to NOT do the same, but try hard to fulfill them for me.

#50. iPod Touch

Encumbrance

My eyes hurt. They really, really do. I stayed up till 3 am last night because of our freakin' backdrop for our dance in English. The backdrop looked like shit. Don't blame me, blame my lack of creativity.

Anyways, I found it really weird that people are actually studying for the upcoming ACET. Take last night's view of YM, for example. Almost all of my classmates and friend's status contains the word ACET or something that's like it. I remember the sight of my YM list during the ingenious UPCAT. God, you cannot even trace a single agitation among them all. And ergo, this just proves how low-spirited we can be. Analyze those things I've just said and the picture will surely be clear.

I'm exceptionally excited for our field trip to Mt. Banahaw on Friday. OH GIDDY. For the first time ever, my body's more than in the mood to taste the overwrought of discovering mother nature's cuteness in the southern part of the country. And to top the awkward trepidation all off, this will be my last über-cool field trip of all time. There will never be a time in college where I will have this ultimate outbound trip where I can be as stupid and as immature as I want to be.

In other words, this is yet the time of our lives. I know that there are still more things that shall enthuse us like hell(like the field trip), but GOD. This is the last field trip I'll ever go through wearing stench-driven uniforms.

I'm nostalgic again.

But who the hell cares? THIS IS MY LAST YEAR IN HIGH SCHOOL. And God knows why I have to stop being so immersed in my studies.

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Looking through my past, I've actually only had 5 major breakthrough in my life per se. And these are:

1. Spelling Bee (WTF)

2. A Poem-Delivery Contest (Look, I don't get this one too. But all I remember is that I humiliated myself during my kindergarten years in a very childish way. I delivered the poem 'Little Boy Blue' in front of the whole school[very weird yet relevant actions included, of course.] Yeah well I won 1st place anyway, and I even got to take home this massive chess set as my prize. My parents weren't still proud of what I just did, really. My teachers and classmates never treated me the same freakin' way again after I won so.)

3. DAMATH (I think I grabbed the 2nd place in this one. DAMATH is a ripoff of checkers. Instead of the usual jumping-and-eating conventions, each piece has a number and each space has a mathematical operation. Guess what I got to take home again. And no, it's not massive this time)

4. The ever-notorious summer swimming competition (Okay, okay. This totally sucked BIG TIME. I won a silver medal for showing off my obese body to the public. Check out the post.)

5. Pauliworld (And it all ended last week. Pathetically ended, intently.)


So, why the hell am I showing off these agendas of extreme incongruity? Yeah well this may not actually be a deal to you, but guess whose absurdity just made her classmates choose her as their class representative for the on-the-spot essay writing contest for the Social Science month for Monday. No, it's not me.



Well, what the hell. It was me. Me. Me. Me. Lorainne. Paragas.

I just won a one-way ticket to a wrong and shameless endeavor. It cannot be reimbursed or traded for a ticket to the 9th level of hell instead. Crap.

And the next thing you'll know, I'm going to take home a fucking chess set again. I don't even know how to play chess, for Christ's sake.

Nihility Loves Company

What a cute paradox. It's one of those kind of paradoxes that you just want to pinch, like those itty-bitty cutesy babies. But unlike those pesky crying little things, this paradox has a superb significance in my life right now.

WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY:

1. I nailed Physics. Like nail nail. Really nail. Wait to go.

2. I don't know why, but I was hardcorely-emo during lunch break. I tried brushing it off by reading about Electric Circuits and studying for the upcoming ACET, but what the hell. I almost died by doing so, and thank God Ayu and Mary popped in our classroom for a visit. If they didn't do so, I could've read the whole book or something, which is exorbitantly nerdy. More like divergently nerdy, if you ask me.

3. For the first time ever, boredom didn't existed during the first friday mass. It was hardly a mass anyway. We just laughed for that 3-hour duration. Sorry, God. You can cut my allowance for 2 months. I don't think I'll be going out for the coming days (or weeks) anyway.

4. The school bus ride home was the most excruciating thing I went through yesterday. Every freaking kid was fucking crying. The 7th graders were crying because of this certain letter they're passing around. On the northern part, a 4th grader was bawling because her bag fell somewhere God knows where. The others were whining for our bus driver to get on with his driving business already and leave the school ASAP because humidity is simply suffocating us all. I was smirking while looking at them all. And I thought obscenely illiterate and terribly bourgeois people have the only right to act THIS stupid.

5. God heard my prayers. Or so I think He did. I now sleep on anormal basis, and by the look of it, precious melatonin's back on my pituitary glands. Mom suggested that it's because of my incessant refusal to drink caffeinated liquids, and go for something so cheesy like the ingenious C2. I think she's right. But since I'm full of pride, there's no effing way I would agree to that.

And the most stupid of them all...

6. I said goodbye to Pauliworld yesterday. Technically, I'm still in. But I guess my ignorance of the information that the writers were supposed to write and submit the article yesterday just easily cleared things up. It's a more than an unambiguous sign that I'm not meant for the school paper. I mean, maybe God just wants me to do math and physics all my life. Or annoy people. Or make stupid people realize that there is someone dumber than them(clue: ME). Or be unloved. Or to be so fat. Or to write here.

And right now, I'm feeling so empty. So empty, that the fact that I'm obese just simply went away for a simple vacation on Palau. It seems like I lost something more valuable than money or anything else that is significantly exquisite. And I'm not even talking about the extra-curricular activity I just lost.

I'm not even talking about something I actually know.

Vindication is waay better than what I'm feeling right now.

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For the first time ever, I felt very accomplished after going to Megamall. Usually, I would feel so slacked after walking through its floors and corridors and other mall shits. But my visit today seemed so..so..good. I don't know, really. The last time I went there with a friend didn't go well. And yet today, my gadget-shopping extravaganza with Monica unleashed the superficial dumbass in me.

We went to Megamall today to buy a new wireless router. But as always, my primary objective wouldn't really be something I would prioritize as soon as I would absorb the ventilated air of the mall. It's like.."God, I just want to shop and shop and shop for gadgets till I die". And so, that was the case. After entering Mega B, we went straight to Cyberzone to FINALLY get my Macbook fixed. Then we watched Rush Hour 3. Then we canvassed for routers. Then I finally bought the cheapest Wireless-G router. Then off I went home.

I HAD FUUUUN.

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How stupid. I bought a router, but my Macbook's far from being portable until the first week of October. GOD. Dang it.