Surveys and Ulcercolosis

God knows why I'm doing surveys again while I'm supposed to prove 25 word problems. Ugh.

Got this from Friendster.

Basic Bullsh*t.
What's your name?
x. It depends on my mood. Oyen would be nice

Your age would be nice to know.
x. 16 on the 20th

Are you single or taken?
x. In-between

Randomization.
What is your least favorite color?
x. PINK! WHAT ELSE?!

What is the last thing on earth that
you would like to do right now?
x. uh. sleep?

What clothes are you wearing?
x. repressed ones

What color is your bedroom?
x. PINK! Lintek yan! Ayaw na papalitan eh

What is your least favorite food?
x. greasy ones

What is your favorite food?
x. ICE CREAM'S DA BOMB

And your least favorite drink would
be...?
x. Coke. ....NOT.

In all honesty does myspace take up a
great deal of your life?
x. nah.

If you could be any age, what would it
be?
x. 20

Are you satisfied with the way you
look and act?
x. No. I want to be skinny. REALLY SKINNY

Is Bzoink a website that you visit
often?
x. No, but my mom does

Do you do drugs and/or alcohol on a
regular basis?
x. Are steroids considered drugs? If they are then yes, I'm drugging on a regular basis. Alcohol is a given

Do you think you are capable of not
eating for 5 days?
x. 5 only? a 100 bucks says I can do it in a month

What food and drink could you live off
for the rest of your life?
x. beer and ice cream

Boys and Girls Are Fun.
Do looks really matter?
x. Lookism is bad. But I have to admit that looks do often matter to me

Does size really matter?
x. I wish it didn't.

Have you ever had a
boyfriend/girlfriend?
x. Don't remind me

If so, how long was that relationship?
x. It's...short-lived.

What is your longest?
x. SHORT-LIVED

What quality do you find most
attractive in a boy/girl?
x. Smartness, bad-ass-ness, and crappy yet really funny jokes

Are you a virgin?
x. yessir

If you are not, do you regret doing it
with the person you lost "it" to?
x. ~

If you are a virgin, are you in a rush
to not be one anymore?
x. NOOO

Is PDA disgusting?
x. If I'm doing it with my significant other, then yes.

Is there anything that you would
change about your significant other?
x. NO. I COULDN'T ASK FOR MORE

Do you think you could marry a high
school sweetheart?
x. No.

Would you ever consider having a long
distance relationship?
x. Depends

Long or Short hair?
x. depends on whether what style looks good on him

Blue eyes or Brown eyes?
x. GREEN

Tan or light skin?
x. any color would do.

Looks or Brains?
x. DEFINITELY BRAINSSSS

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Ulcercolosis is killing me. My stomach's rumbling like hell, and I'm coughing so hard my brains would definitely jump out from my mouth in no time.

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[EDIT]: This part was excluded. See the post dated August 19th of 2007 to know the reason WHY.



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Review classes are pissing me off. I mean, really. I'll explain later.

Slow Down

God, bloggy. Being in-love sucks, huh? Well, I shouldn't even know that because I haven't been in a working and fo' real relationship before with my significant other. If I have one, that is.

So, what's with the love starter? I don't know. Like most of you guys, I also think that I'm a creature invulnerable to that stupid love cherub(Cupid, for you dumb-asses). Like I've said before, I don't deserve to love. People as obnoxious and repulsive and as fat as me don't have the right to. We can only love ourselves, and God, for those of you who aren't as God-forbidding as I am.

But what the hell did The Big Guy told that love gremlin to do again? Yes. The stupid love cherub got me in the chokehold. I'm not even supposed to be chokeholded, but ugh. Look what He just did. No way it's going to be MY fault.

But, whatever. Wish me bad luck.

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I woke up early today to go to the gym, but it's too early anyway so I opened Mac and wrote these thoughts that are stuck somewhere in my foot.

I was listening to Chico and Delamar while getting prep'd up to burn calories at Fitness First, and I heard one quote that truly struck me to pieces. Grease Lightning my butt.

The quote was.. "You don't have the right to point out the mistakes of others if you, yourself, can't even correct your own."

It was more than correct. And precise. And true. AND REALISTIC, to my part, that is.

Let me admit, I DO BACKSTAB PEOPLE. But there are choices I have to go through before I backstab one.

She or He...

-should be dumber than my dog
-should be really, really, really obnoxious to the point that THAT person's way more obnoxious than me already.
-should be a hardcore go getta.
-should be on my "PEOPLE TO KILL WHEN I DOMINATE THE WORLD LIST"
-should be a player.
-should piss my ass off
-should criticize me
-should tell people how fat my ass can get
-should be kind to me, in a way that it's really disturbing already.

So, watch out, b*tches.

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GAAH! That first two parts of this blog post was really something.

And so, as I was saying, I went to Fitness First lately. I studied, and answered our Physics take home test. Huh. I laughed my head out yesterday when Sir Jeff told us that our test 2 in his subject would be taken home. Didn't he know that we can cheat?

God, he really knew what he just did. The Physics take home test was a real headache. I thought that my migraine was just caused by the HOTTA HOT HOT weather outside. But no. It was caused by how the hell should I know what time would Plane A overtake Plane B.

And so, as I was punching numbers on my quasi-broken calculator, THE TRAINER approached me. Mixed feelings, again. And again. And again.

It has been weeks since our first session. I then remembered how crazy I would always get every time we talked and laughed and stuff. I would go gaga over his muscular build, and his pearly whites.

Well, it all just stopped.

Anyways, he approached me. Then he asked what was I doing. Then I showed him my Plane-A-overtaking-Plane-B calculations. He said he was amazed. Then he told me that he hated Physics. Yeah, like I need to know that from my bisexual trainer.

Let me explain. When you seem to be dwelling for someone, your past is all forgotten. It's all what's happening now. Look now. No more psychedelic feelings for my gay trainer.

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Have I told you what happened LAST Friday? Yeah well I can't. Monica would definitely kill me if I did.

But here's the low-down. Now I understand why some friends can't get along with their friend's significant lover. It's either me, or it's definitely me.

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Back To Anglais.

My laptop's pissing me off. For some reasons, I really feel uncomfortable with having the USB and Gigabit Ports on my left, while the DVD drive is on my right. It's very much unbalanced. I wish Mr. Jobs can read this, and switch some ports to the right.

Oh wow. I thought my laptop's half-dead, right? Yeah well it's really working after all, but the catch is you have to use the MagSafe Power Adapter in order to use it because the battery is still drained.

-------------------

My insomnia is getting better. I can now sleep for a couple of hours. I guess I have to thank the review classes for this. I mean, if it weren't for them, my eyes would've looked like an aching reproductive organ or something.

I don't know why I enjoy studying. I get this good feeling every time I get to understand something. I guess that's what studyholics like me gets. Don't you guys ever feel it? It gives you a sense of fulfillment, like you've done something Nobel Prize-worthy.

I remember telling Janrae yesterday that I'm ugly and fugly and fat. I remember telling him that in order to make up for the ugliness of my outer being, I am studying my crappy ass off every night. Well, I guess I'm right after all, am I? You don't get the respect you want as a human being if you're not good-looking or smart. You don't get accepted in reality if you can't depend on something you have, which people can be insecure of.

Isn't it good and fun if we just all act like Mr. Bean? I mean, we definitely should be like him. Not trying hard to be funny, and not insecure of anything.

Sometimes reality's secrets can be our help towards the right thing. I wish those secrets aren't hidden in secrecy, by which only a couple of chosen people can only find. I wish all people can find it, so as to say.

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Did you know that Albert Einstein didn't pass his entrance exam at the Swiss Federal Polytechnical School? I wish I can have the same fate. But the crappy catch is that he passed that math and science parts, but failed the Geography, History, and English parts. God, is it ironic, or what?

I bet there's no more modern life Einstein's left. If there is, then the whole world will be bombarded with atomic bombs every single day. No kidding. It was Einstein's idea that struck US during the World War 2 to make this bomb with purified Uranium-235, which can be used to make the atomic bomb per se.

Well, that idea of Einstein truly made him a cold-blooded traitor. He's German, right? Well, trusting yourself to your country's opponent is the most crucial thing a genius can do.

If I was in Albert Einstein's place, would I have done the same thing too? Hell yeah, but in one nifty condition. They have to execute ALL fast food owners and dealers except for Taco Bell. The world can't exist without CrunchWrap's and lunch burritos.

I wish my parietal operculum is missing too. And then my IQ would be as high as Hitler's and I'm going to execute all those good-looking people who makes us ugly geeks feel bad about ourselves. But you have to really bow down before me before I would do that.

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While I was peeling the skin of an Indian mango yesterday while watching TV, I accidentally scraped a little bit of my thumb skin off. It started to bleed haphazardly, and all I did was to stare at it.

I can't usually do this. Cutting and staring at a bleeding scar, I mean. Something's wrong with my brain again. Is it missing? Oh, I know. It stopped rotating to an unknown angle ever since yesterday. Huh. Chemicals are coming out...laughing without reason..Aw men. I'm in love again.

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Filipinow

Bilang 101st post ko, mag-tatagalog naman ako. I mean Filipino. Baka sabunutan na ko ni Gng. Are or Bb. Pena o kung sino mang guro sa Filipino dahil lang don.

Nakakapan-lambot ang lintek na review class namin kanina. Kala ko eh nanlambot na ko dun last Wednesday, pero anak naman ng tupa o! May lalambot pa pala dun! Bwiset na Math 2 yan. Na-gegets ko naman, kaso gets nyo ba? Nakakairita lang pag boring yung instructor kase ang boring na ng lahat. Hindi ko nga ma-imagine na posible yung ganong event. Yung tipong boring instructor, lively class, at boring class naman sa lively instructor. Hindi mangyayari ever yon kase WALANG LIVELY NA INSTRUCTOR. Kahit ipagdiinan mo pa na meron, Aantok-antukin ka rin sa isa every now and then. (we find a special friend)

Natutuwa ako kay Mr. Bean. Sya na ngayon ang idol ko. Kase naman, hindi na-iinsecure yung weirdong yun. Sana eh ganun na lang palagi. Kung hindi tayo na-iinsecure lahat eh di walang suicidal na mag-eexist sa inner self natin. Parang AKO. Pero excuse me, hindi na ako suicidal. Depende.


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Usapang Musika.

Hindi ako natutuwa sa paggawa ni Avril Lavigne ng mga iba't-ibang versions ng Girlfriend. Oo, tae. Multi-lingual, dapat eh gusto ko yun. Kaso bwiset eh. Di naman ka-tono! Parang yung kina-kainisan namin ni Charlene sa mga kanta. Yung pinagpipilitan isik-sik yung mga lyrics sa isang tono ng isang line. Yung parang 'cristocentric pascha; spiritualiteeee' na parte na ng aming buhay sa aming napaka-gandang paaralan. Basta. Ma-gegets nyo din.

Buti na lang eh lalaking maitim ang kumanta ng This is Why I'm Hot. Imaginin nyo na lang kung babae yon. Bwiset. Siguro natuloy ako sa pagpapakamatay. Grabe. Pati sa kanta eh gusto pa rin ako i-insecure.


Nakakatawa yung tagalog version ng Girlfriend na ginawa ni Chico Garcia at Delamar sa radyo, dun sa show nila pag umaga na ang tawag eh The Morning Rush. Eto yung natatandaan kong lyrics. Pagbigyan na kung medyo malabo-labo. Alam nyo naman kasing-laki na ng katawan ko ang Memory Gap ko e.

"Hey Hey You You mukhang bakla ang syota mo! No way no way, kailangan mo ng bago!"

Di ko na matandaan yung isa eh. Tanong nyo si Monica o yung nanay nya.


Pag mabagal na ba ang tingin mo sa isang kanta eh ibig sabihin nun eh laos na yun? Kase nung nag 8 waves kami, tapos andun ako sa cottage at nag-iiPod tapos pinapakinggan ko ung Last Night ni Diddy at Keyshia Cole na sobrang favorite song ko talaga kahit kelan, parang ayun. Bumagal. "Laaaaaaaast Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...I cooooooooouldn't get aaaaan ansaaaaaaah". Akala ko eh may something sa iPod ko, o tapos wala naman. Dala ata ng sobrang pagka-bore yun eh. Anak ng taeng 8 waves kase yan. Di ko nga na-enjoy kase andaming umeepal.

Aba. Lasing na ata talaga ko. Parang gumagalaw ang aking telepono mag-isa! hala!

---------------------------

Usapang Pelikula.

Ayoko ng Spiderman 3, o anu mang Spiderman. Dati, oo. Kaso na-figure out ko ngang gaya-gaya nga lang si Peter Parker kay Clark Kent. Pa-nerd, hindi naman nerd. Ok sana kung nerd hottie eh, as in magaling sa Physics at Calculus o anu mang subject na nakaka-appeal saken. Kaso hinde! In real life, ka-level nya si Erwin Tulfo na mas mababa ang rank by 50%. O di ba? Asan na ang nerd? Wala na!

Pareho ba ang DC Comics at Marvel Comics? Ay bobo. Hindi pala. Anu nga bang pinagka-iba ng DC sa Marvel? Ganto yon, ang mga taga DC eh mahilig mag-suot ng mga suot-panloob sa labas. Parang si Superman. May red trunks/briefs sa labas, may sinturon pa! Sobrang durability talaga ang in-ensure ni Jerry Seigel at Joe Shuster sa salwal nya. Bakit kaya? Ewan. Feeling ko eh para lang ma-emphasize ang matambok nyang legs. Kala mo kung ano, noh? Bastos mo!

Gusto kong mapanod ang Shrek 3. Sabi ng nanay ko eh kasing-taba ko daw si ogre Fiona. Grabe mehn. Kamukha kaya ni Rielle yun. No way magkasing-taba kami nun. Natutuwa rin ako kay Puss in Boots. Sana eh realistic characters na lang sila lahat para masaya ang buhay. Pano kaya yun no? May halimaw kang kapitbahay na may pet na donkey na ubod ng daldal. Di ko na siguro kailangan manod pa ng mga comedy shows nun. Bawat araw ng buhay ko eh masaya dahil sa kanila. Tapos may siraulong pusang naka-boots na kalaro si Sweetie. Ay! Ang cute.

Nakakatuwa talaga yung Mr. Bean's Holiday. Malakas lang cguro ang appeal ni Mr. Bean saken. May isang part dun na nakakatawa talaga kase ni-lilip synch nya yung isang religious na kanta (as in Latin talaga yung lyrics), tas ni-rereenact nya kasama yung batang sumama sa kanya. Hanep sa benta. Halos umiyak ata ko nun sa kakatawa. Pero guess what, inulit nila un nung last scene na, as in happy ending stuff na. Tas hindi na nakakatuwa, kase silang lahat na yung nag-lilip synch nung lintek na kantang yun. Kailangan si Mr. Bean lang.

Hindi ko pa rin alam kung bakit na-aakwardan ako pag nahuhuli ako ng nanay kong manod ng mga morbid w/sex films tulad ng Turistas. I mean, ilang linggo na rin naman eh considered na legal na ako sa ilang bansa tulad ng Amerika eh. Tsaka hello? Ilang beses na ba ko nahulihan ng porn cd's na di ko naman pinapanod at pinapatago lang naman ng mga ugok kong kaibigan? Bwiset eh no. Tas di pa ko mature sa lagay na yon.

May nakakairitang scene dun sa Turistas na pag naiisip ko eh nag-huhurl na lang ako. Alam nyo ba yun? Kase yung kaibigan nilang Brazilian eh tumalon pababa dun sa tubig na may falls and stuff. Eh di malamang mabato dun. Kaya ayon, na-bagok ang bungo nya. Duguan, pare. Binuhat sya ng mga kaibigan nya papunta dun sa bahay nung uncle nung Brazilian na nasa tuktok ng bundok. Tapos mga siraulo't mangmang nga naman, nakakita sila ng giant stapler at ginamit nila yong pang-sara dun sa open wound nung kawawang Brazilian. Mga bobo pala eh no. Sana eh ski-notch tape na lang nila o dinilaan. At least mababawasan pa yung bloody stuff. Sobrang kabobohan eh.

Ever since napanod ko ung Fast Food Nation eh di na ko napakain ng Burger McDo or Yum! Burger ng Jolilibee or anu mang burger ng isang fast food. Sabi kase dun sa movie eh hindi malinis ung mga beef at may halo pang cow manure. Ibig sabihin eh may tae na ang kinakain natin. Pwet naman. Alam ko namang madumi na lahat ng pagkain sa mundo eh. Ok lang kahit pinesteng gulay na lang ang kainin ko buong buhay ko, pero karneng may tae? Sobra na yun eh. Desperado. Kahit nga ung mga mahihirap eh di kumakain non, pano pa kaya ung mga taga-middle class? Sarap na sarap ata sila sa tae ng baka.

Hanggang Chicken Burger na lang ata ako ng McDo e. Yum.

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Usapang Pag-ibig

Wala akong masabi. HINDI NA KO IN-LOVE EH. NAWALA NA. ANAK NG TUPA!

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cge. ayun lang. bye.

Grave Wonders

Happy 100th post, bloggy! I'm such a proud momma right now.

As a celebration, let me treat myself to a heavy and hard liquor night tomorrow. Now how about that?

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Review classes started yesterday. We arrived early enough to criticize the place and the people. All I can say is, it's okay. Okay, as in not good, not bad.

It was really a bad idea to NOT sleep the night before. It's not my fault my insomnia kicked in again.

Wanna hear another bad idea? Math 1 was our first session! Dammit! I was practically mid-sleeping during the discussion of slope intercept form. Thank goodness Mr. Russel's voice was so loud and I was in sitting in front. If it weren't for that, I would've been kicked out for being obnoxious and snoring out so loudly.

It was good. I mean, mom was right. Doing stock-knowledge-based tests is better off than playing PS2 all day long. Aside from the fact that my knowledge is regained, I get to accept mistakes per se. I stopped thinking that I can do all stuffs without supervision.

The only tests I was able to nail is Current Events, Logical Reasoning, and Filipino. Yeah, I was surprised too.

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God gave me a friend again. His name is Janrae, but I call him Lizzie, as in Lizzie McGuire, the sissy Hilary Duff bitch.

Let's see now, Janrae is a Mining Engineering junior from UP-Diliman. He can be very funny and be very intellectual. He gives me tips and enlightenments for the upcoming CET's. It's good. Having a very whimsical college friend like him should be a given.

I'm wondering why God is continuously giving me friends. Ever since I went down from that ol' mountain of depression, I've been having a kickin' social life. (Read: SOCIAL, not LOVE)

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Let's enrich our vocabulary, shall we?

I am Lorainne. I am very obdurate. Everybody finds it incredulous that I'm not enjoying my stay here on planet Earth. I hope to jostle into Kaka or Hugh Laurie someday, when I'm probably not sardonic enough to be called evil.

Ever since my suicidal days, I became so absurd in everyone's eyes. Well, am I not as absurd as I was before I reached the peak of my depression? My close friends have been helping me to the right way, but I am so ostentatious enough to deprive them away.

I am an introvert. I like being apathetic to life's musings. I can be very gawky, because I latent something that everyone needs to have in this god-stinking planet. And that is love.

Love can probably change my adverse, repulsive, and tart personality.

But guess what. Love ain't changing me.

The druggie, alcoholic, and God-I-Want-To-Smoke me.

I'm not taking coke, weed, E or Mary Jane, by the way. Just so you know the drugs I'm addicted to is safe steroids, which is not much of a danger anyway.

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Goodbye Ol' Summer.

Tch. Screw that 100th-post-on-my-birthday plan. This is probably my 99th anyway. Blame God for not giving me a writer's block.

This summer is truly something I would remember for some lame reasons. We went to a lot of places, which should make up for the summer time we wasted last year.

Let me say first that this blog is really, really, really not worth anything. Ok, so it's on the Top 50 best sites in the country according to one stupid website. But that's because I listed my blog there. It's like they don't even have a choice anyway.

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BAGUIO TRIP

The horse's A-hole is a fun watch.





This is how foggy it can get when afternoon comes.


The gadgets I only used during the whole trip. I swear. No MacBook and iPods.



Stupid kids who can't appreciate the humongous fog outside.


The pets that proxy-ed Sweetie's presence.

The pictures are I posted here are few, I know. That's because some pictures are so explicit that nobody can see them.

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8 WAVES TRIP

This trip is very nonsense. Don't ask. I didn't enjoy it. There are so many wannabe goofs in the lapping pool that I was only able to complete a lap of freestyle and breaststroke when closing time was near. Tch. Talk about swimming comebacks.

Nognog brother with our kasambahays.





The view from inside the cottage. The cottage became my sanctuary for God-Knows-How-Many hours, just so you know how dull I can get.

God, look how fat I can get. I pity A for choosing me as his partner for life now. No more eating. No more eating.

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Tomorrow is the day. The day summer will soon be just a dream. The day my brain will work again. The day I shall forget whatever I stupidly did this summer.

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Adobe Photoshop.

What's in a name? (By which we call a rose? Ugh.)

It used to be so addicting for me to edit pictures and amaze my siblings and friends. It used to be so fun downloading brushes from DevianART or some googled website and try to just blot and blot and blot them off in a plain canvas in the Photoshop environment.

GAH. It used to be my hobby. By which it misleadingly made me choose the wrong GIFT course.

I was never creative. That's why the only field I would specialize in this kind of hobby is Image Correction, where I would erase pimples..change the color of someone's hair..cut off fat and much other simple stuffs that nobody would find amazing.

And now, I have to say goodbye to this hobby. I don't want to do some flimsy hobby wherein most people take part in. I want to do something anybody can't easily do. And no, bungee jumping is not in the list. I'm still suffering from Acrophobia. It would take me years(exaggeration included, of course) for someone to convince me to go up and down on that long and high escalator at Shang. Go ask Monica. I bet she died of humiliation just because her friend seemed so uncivilized.

Goodbye Editing.

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Dad and I made a good deal last night. The deal was, if he drinks another cognac or any other hard drink, I would go back into smoking.

Dad said it was a good deal.

I think so, too.

That sari-sari store in front of our house should be closed.

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I was reading Kuya Victor's blog lately.

God. He's amazing. He started blogging when he entered high school. And now, he's already an incoming senior at UP-Diliman, taking up BA Film and Audio-Visual Communication. He's one smart guy.

He's my current idol. Forget Hitler.

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bKt ngA b mHlig s Gn2 anG mGa pnOy sa pGttxt?

I don't know either.

But have you tried asking yourelf that stupid question? I'm sure it affects everyone in a different way. But he thing is, it's irritating. It's just like what Kuya Allan mentioned in his blog.

It's a stupid syndrome. And it's really annoying. Can we be more proper? I mean, what's the point of changing things up if it's change NOT for the better?

That Me and You syndrome should better have a medicine or something.

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I was kinda considering into joining this blog into the Candy Teen Blog Awards 2007.

I failed one criteria.

Go figure what it is.

• Read-worthy - 50%

  The biggest chunk of your points will go to this. After all, we do visit blogs to read and view (if there are pictures!) them, right? Good blogs have interesting content and, let’s not forget, good grammar. ;-) Does your blog make your visitor want to read more?

• Eye Candy - 25%

  How well is your blog designed? Does your design tie up with your content? It’s everything about how you place your image headers, links, ads, etc. It’s all about the colors you use and the fonts, too. Does it look like a big confusing mess or an organized kind of clutter?

• Consistency - 15%

  How often do you update your content? It doesn’t mean that you do it everyday but you do update on a regular basis. Who would want to visit a blog that isn’t updated in a month, right?

• Real Deal - 10%

  How original is your site? From the design to the concept to the actual content, how much of is it is really yours? Pretty designs and graphics downloaded from other people can only take you so far, but engaging content made by you is what’s important.

How the hell am I going to make this an eye-candy?

I need opinions.

No way I'm going to put any pink-colored STUFF in here.

Mijn Lijst van de Wens van de Verjaardag

I know. I know. My birthday's not even THAT far, but I obviously need to tell people what they should give me on my birthday. If your gift is not on the list, I'll give it to my friend Trash. We have the same birthdays, as you people don't know.

But first, let's find out why my birthday is significant.

• Did you know that Leo Blair, Tony Blair's son, shares the same birthday with me? He's 9 years younger than me though. Just do the math.

• Did you know that Cher and I share the same birthday? God, that's so cool. NOOT.

• Dis you know that President Abraham Lincoln signed the Homestead Act into a law on my birthday? I bet you guys actually know this. Homestead.....uh, yeah. It's that act about that land given to the American West.

And now, the birthday list proper.

1. I want to have this relationship with my love to last forever.
2. I want people to be less judgmental and stuff.
3. I want to be smarter.
4. I want to leave this stench-driven country for good. I want to live in Palau, Micronesia instead.
5. I want to be skinny.
6. I want to have more friends with the likes of Monica, Kyla, and Charlene.
7. I want to be less repressed and more contumacious.
8. I want a new cellphone. But dad says I can't, since iPhone hasn't hit the Asian racks yet. Damn. I still have to wait for Father Christmas. Ugh.
9. I want to smoke.
10. I want something that people can be insecure of.
11. I want a new laptop.
12. I want a new PSP.
13. I want a Nike Core bag for my half-dead Mac.
14. I want a new, Vista-Powered PC. Not that I like Windows now or something.
15. I want to dissect my shih tzu pet. Seriously.

It may seem that most of the stuffs in the list is not really part of reality, but still.

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I'm currently reading Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult.

It's sooo tragic. Reminds me of that Virginia Tech Massacre.

I haven't reached the half of it yet, but I've learned a lot of things already, like..

-Bad things keep happening because they are the only way that will remind us of what good things really are.

-In order to have happiness, you either have to improve reality, or lower your expectations.

So maybe these aren't really a lot, but they have already changed my perspective in life.

Try and read it. It's not as whimsy-flimsy as Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice.

Trans-Fat and Decided

I've decided.

I will keep this layout.

I knew it. I knew it. I knew it.

This black layout really expresses my repressed and contumacious personality.

This one's for keeps.

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Somebody should really kill me by now. I mean, really. Mom bought a box of glazed doughnuts from Krispy Kreme yesterday. And I did the nastiest and filthiest thing you can ever do when you're on a strict diet.

I ate one. One original glazed doughnut just destroyed my humanity.

Let's see now. One original glazed doughnut has 200 calories, 100 calories from fat, and 4 grams of fucking trans-fat.

Let's see again. With that amount of calories and trans-fats, it seems that I could've eaten a quarter of white rice, and a glass of Coke.

But damn. That doughnut was heaven. Yum Yum.

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I knew it. There is a chemical you produce when you're in love. From what I've read in Cosmopolitan last night, there is this sort of chemical your body/brain exerts when you're high in love. This means that THAT chemical can be dangerous, because it can lead to your brain's misleading.

Being in love is like being addicted to drugs, as Ms. Stephanie Beltran said. You would have to do anything for your love, because your addicted. Your love is giving you the same love as my friend E here.

So, in conclusion, we don't need love from a person anymore. It's proven that weed and E can grow old with us. Weed and E would not cheat on us, nor would they play our emotions up. Weed and E will make us happy for the rest of our lives.

Weed and E can give the same love a lover can give you. But to my surprise, they can even give you much more intimacy.

I want to try Weed and E. I had enough of stupid players. Maybe they can give me the love that I've been searching for my whole life.

----------------------------------------------------

I don't know what course I'm going to take up next year. Ugh. I thought I've decided on International Studies, but I don't really think I would be able to find work that fast. I don't want to end up in a Call Center and be someone really horny.

I'm itching to take up Civil Engineering, or Electronics and Communications Engineering. Mom won't let me. She says that these courses aren't practical.

Well, what course is?

No way I'm going to take up Nursing. I'd rather die than be a nurse. I want to be a doctor instead. And then I'm going to end up like Dr Gregory House or something. A mean, problem-solving machine.

Ugh. Course picking is so hard. It's like deciding to have sex or not to have sex or something.

------------------------------------------------

Mac is Half-Dead

My MacBook's dead.

No, it's half-dead. And the only person that truly knows this is my dad, whom I've emailed hastily all the way through Poland just to save my baby. Oh yes. I just called that laptop my baby.

Ugh. Dad's no help. His PowerBook's battery was never drained.

Now how the hell did this happen?

Let's see now..I NEVER SHUT THE THING DOWN. I would always put it to sleep so I wouldn't begin from the start by opening it up again.

And it truly gave up last Wednesday night.

Looks like I need a new laptop after all.

---------------------------------------------

I was listening to The Morning Rush lately. Today's top 10 was all about those things to say to express your love to someone.

The top 2 really cracked me up.

"206 lang pala ang bones mo. Gusto mo dagdagan ko?"

Green jokes are fun. They can be really private that it's hard to tell if they are a joke.

Green jokes never fail to make my day.

---------------------------------------------

This is the last Friday of the month, and the last Friday of this summer that I would celebrate my freedom.

Friday of next week, I would be studying my ass off at Katipunan.

Sometimes it makes me wonder why I need to review for the CET's anyway.

Sometimes it makes me wonder why I'm even desperate to go to UP-Diliman anyway. I'm not much of a smart-ass. I just have a brain that spins off in an unknown angle and stops when I'm in love.

---------------------------------------------

I'm thinking of picking up the death stick again. All that smoke talk with my friend just gave way into Pepang Season again.

Now that I know what chemicals a cigarette is made of, I would just have to remove some of them that would be really hazardous to my health, like Nicotine or something. I don't want to end up like Dr. House, being addicted to Nicotine and all.

I read an article in a flirty-girly magazine that what I'm going through is perfectly normal and normal and normal.

Hinder to my mom's knowings, I went to a psychiatrist and burst out my feelings of suicide, drugs, alcohol, and cigarette. One thing's for sure. I want to try them all.

I don't really know what my problem is. I should be happy because all I want is given on a quick basis. I just found out that my IQ's a whopping 123. The only discrimination I have to go through is lookism in terms of body weight.

Maybe it's because nobody loves me. I mean, love love. Not brotherly or sisterly or motherly or fatherly or friendly love. But love love. A love that nobody, not even The Big Guy can give me.

Being agnostic is fun. You should try it. It makes you suicidal and stuff.

---------------------------------------

Thanks to Charlene, Adolf Hitler's my current love and idol.

Adolf Hitler just proved that you need a high IQ in order to kill millions of people and devastate the world.

His IQ's 141.

Damn. That evil monster's smart.

Nocturnal

My insomnia is getting worse every single day. I was used to sleeping late in the morning, like 5 am or so, but this time, that's not the case.

I literally and figuratively can't sleep. I mean, really. Not that I'm bragging, but the diameter of the dark circles of my eyes are getting really bigger. In fact, if you have time, you can get the length of the sector, which is that darker part, and get the whole area of the dark circle.

Ah, the wonders of Geometry. I hate it.

I get to sleep for only a couple of minutes, then I would wake up with my eyes looking like a she-male's reproductive organ.

Ugh. Squinting's bad. It would make your eyes look like your vagina. If you have it, that is.

Let's see. My astigmatism is also getting worse. My "lose some weight" project is also getting worse. My body's getting worse. And what's more?

My Screw-My-Birthday-Yeah-Forget -About-It-I-Don't-Like-Birthdays-Anyways-Would-It-Make-A-Difference-On-Mine-If-I-Care
-About-It Birthday.

Dad raised the question yesterday.

You know. The same, old question that parents or friends or anyone for that matter asks you when your birthday is just around the corner, spooking things up.

"What do you want for your birthday?"

Remember that time when I said to him that I want to die on my birthday? Well I only did that because dying on your birthday is the cutest thing ever. I mean, that would be so special. Your death anniversary's on your birthday? Wow. That's uber-cool, if you ask me.

Again, I told him that I don't want anything for my birthday. I got everything I wanted. MacBook 2.0 GHz, Snatch-Unworthy Cellphone, PSP, iPod Video, LinkSys router...What could I ask for? I'm feeling like Prince Charming on Cinderella already.

See, the most loserriffic thing you can ever ask for your birthday is a Physics textbook. I did that, and I'm studying it now. Oh Goody.

------------------------------------------

Anybody stuck on batch 1, 2, 3, and 4 of Weffriddles?

Anybody stuck on Chapters 1-2 of Grand Theft Auto Vice City Stories?

Anybody stuck on his/her home?

I've got spoilers for yah. Yah-dee-yaaaha.


-----------------------------------------

El Weirdo April's ending already. And where the hell is the layout of this blog?

Well, ImageReady got it all wrong. Blame him, not me.

The thing optimized the layout by itself WITHOUT my supervision. It's like seeing your child eating his/her poop without asking you if you want any.

-----------------------------------------


Jumpstart with Igi G. and Franchesca's word of the day today is circumspect.

Circumspect means cautious/careful.

I want to be more circumspect in choosing friends.

Awkward.

What a spoiler to my dilemma.
----------------------------------------

What What (In The Butt)

This video really made my day. As in really. I was so bummed out when I woke up this afternoon. I almost kicked Sweetie, our great shih tzu pet, down the stairs. Someone really pissed me off last night. And guess what, I didn't like it. What a surprise.

Go read the comments on this video on YouTube. It's really hilarious. Someone even said the video gave him AIDS. How pathetic. I bet that person already HAS AIDS. So unrealistic, so pathetic.

-------------------------------

I'm afraid I'll meet new friends next week.

GAH! Review classes. Next Week. Wednesday. Never-Ending Algebra.

I thought that my classmates in the review classes are all Paulinians, or moreover, my schoolmates. But, ugh, there are also other smurfs from other schools. Not that I'm complaining, but..you know. My Asperger's Syndrome might trigger a deadly attack again.

I've grown so accustomed in being with my friends. Or those people I would see in the corridors of my school. And I'm not used to seeing other people in the same classroom with me. I'll probably suffocate or something. It's either I go to those review classes, or suffer the consequences of studying in a non-existent university.

Truth is, Mariella's right about those review centers. They're just confidence-boosters. Anybody can probably ace that test if they're confident enough. Not overconfident, (remember my Geometry exam? AHH! The horror.) or not confident. Just plain, old, confident.

I guess I'm not confident enough. No, really. This blog maybe full of confident shiznits, but I'm squirming in real life.

Squirming? What the..? Squirming are for sissy b*tches!

I'm not a female dog. Just in case.

------------------------------------

"I wish I enrolled in AHEAD instead"

Now I wish I DIDN'T thought of this one. Ever. It just makes me realize how selfish I can get. How whimsy-flimsy I can be.

Expert Guides really wasn't my first choice. Actually, it's on the last slot. Dad told me I'll be reviewing in AHEAD because the probability of me passing on all the universities I would take a test on is higher. Big Deal. I just said whatever, and totally agreed upon it.

"When you feel all alone, it's a lie" (Sorry. Barbie Almalbis is singing at the background. She's wearing a gown, and she's doing a great job pissing my ass off.)

But when I later learned that Monica can't be on the same review center as I was, I became very condescended of myself.

Moreover, look on the bright side. I get to save 7,000 and I get two of these....


Linksys Wireless-G Broadband Router! Yess! Beat that, Starbucks and Robinson's Galleria! Wi-Fi hotspot my butt! My room is definitely and ultimately and conclusively the hottest Wi-fi hotspot on the dot. Ahh, the joys of wireless fidelity. There would be a time when everything would be wireless in my room because of the 2 powerhouse routers.

I bet even my bra would be wireless. Not that I'm complaining or anything. In fact, I'm wearing a bra with an under wire right now. I feel like Dr. Lisa Cuddy on that 'Lines in The Sand' episode in the 3rd season of House M.D..."It's an underwireee!"

I'm not really supposed to say that. But then again, what is not supposed to say these days?

---------------------------------------

I'm surprised to know that Jerika Arcadio has been reading this cow manure. Heck, I'm even surprised someone is reading this. I should put back that stupid and old BlogPatrol counter.

jerika.ü arcadio (4/23/2007 paragas 15:34): pnong gets? haha. putek ka, galing mo mgenglish!]
lorainne paragas (4/23/2007 paragas 15:34): mag-english saan?
jerika.ü arcadio (4/23/2007 paragas 15:35): sa blog mo
lorainne paragas (4/23/2007 paragas 15:35): salamat. wala. na-gets ko lang talaga siya. yun lang. sige bye

That is how you should talk to your classmate who has been good to you in your Junior year.

Well, thank you again.

----------------------------------------------

Is there something with love that makes you laugh a lot? Or am I just tad to crazy and psychotic?

Lover Boy (or so he would be named forever and ever in this blog) did the most mellifluous thing ever, which was to make me a starting layout for my blog.

"I created this one for you.." he said.
"Um. Ok. Thanks." I said
"Are you going to use it?" he asked.
"I don't know yet. I think I have to edit the filter you made, and the meta tags just got screwed..and it takes a dec-"
"Just say you won't use it. It's alright. I'll make you a better one. For votre anniversaire." he interrupted.
"You don't have to." I said before he would interrupt the hell out of me again.
"I want to." he said, then off to work he got.

See, Lover Boy is a friend. Not a quasi-friend, but a close friend of mine whom I've met in a nice way which I'm not going to say because you might use it to revile me or something.

I asked everyone what to do to break a boy's heart. But I guess Pj's idea is the only archetype that really worked.

He's already in Estados Unidos, but he said that he'll be waiting for me there. I told him that I want to study in University of California, San Diego. He said he wants to do the same thing.

But I guess I don't deserve to love and be happy. Look what the hell Bush just made. No more petitions. Goodbye mes rêves américains. :C

---------------------------------------------

And before I end this hogwash blog entry, I must say that John Locke was right about the happiness.

"It is a natural law that we have the right to pursue our own happiness"

Ergo, we don't have our own happiness. Happiness is something we can only pursue, but not have. It is only what we feel.

So I can now conclude to myself that I should stop searching for it. It's never going to come anyway.

-------------------------------------------

EVER.

April. Ape-real. Apeereel. Or Just Plain April

God. That new song by Maroon 5 is so stuck on me. The title is Make Me Wonder. And God, all of you, literally ALL OF YOU should add Adam Levine to your "Should Marry" list. The guy is scorching hot, and I know what hot really is. I'm living in Manila, dumbasses.

---------------------

" Sometimes the best gift is the gift of never seeing you again."
-Dr. Gregory House

Hear Ye, Hear Ye.

---------------------

"You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic."
-Dr. Gregory House

Is House my long-lost soul mate, or what?

---------------------

There is something weird with April. April, as in the 4th month of every year. April, as in where Aries ends and Taurus starts. April, as in April Fool's day. April. April.

There really is something weird with April.

ZING!

I get it. It sounds boring as May. April and May sounds really boring.

It's unexplainable. You have to get that by now.

I hate boredom.

-----------------------------

I can't accept the fact that it's raining really hard on some regions of this stinky country. I have friends from other regions asking me to hug them because it's like snowing below there. Like hell I can. The only thing I can do is to kick their asses.

After gym last Wierdo Friday, I have to commute my way back into home because Mom can't fetch me. So, as always, I would go to the opposite side of the Wynsum Building and hail a cab. But something really is bizzare on that day. Instead of hailing a cab, I just stared upwards into the sky. I kinda felt that the world I'm in is rotating, and all I wanna do is just feel it.

You can tell I enjoyed feeling the rotation.

It lasted for a good 15 minutes.

Psychotic? NOT. God is obviously not talking to me.

------------------------------------

Sudoku is killing me. It's all I've been doing for the last 24 hours. I've bought 2 more issues of Sudoku Samurai when we went to Shopwise Libis last night to buy some boneless chicken shitznits. And I've finished the first issue already. Without looking at the solution. I swear I didn't look. You can tell I did not. I really swear I didn't. Promise.

-------------------------------------

[EDIT] I edited the font of this one for some obvious reasons. Go get a life to know what the hell it is.

Cupid Chokehold.

Don't be surprised if I'm posting much more frequently nowadays. What could be the answer? Well for one, I'm bored, and I'm doing a blog marathon.

As of now, bloggy, this post is my 91st. Hooray. 9 more and we really are going to take over the world. But I'm not going to rush things up. I'm going to make sure that the 100th post would reside on my birthday, which is a month from yesterday. That sure would rock their heads off.

-------------------------------

Yesterday was a very, very, very, very, very, and overly weird day. I don't know if it's because of the fact that I arrived at the gym 3 hours late than my usual routine, which is at 8 am, or the fact that I'm overly nervous that I might see the trainer again.

I sure wasn't in the mood to workout yesterday. The hell. I didn't work out for 3 consecutive weeks. That's what stubborn turds like me gets. Thank God for Jay Leno. If The Tonight Show wasn't on that TV where my favorite treadmill spot is, I would've definitely dozed off in the lounge in an instant.

And so, when Tobey Maguire started praising the Skank Spiderwoman in the audience, I saw some familiar faces in front of me. And I said to myself, "What the hell are they doing here?". Damn, those people suckity suck. Of all Fitness First branches they should go, why (oh God, why) the Ortigas branch? This is my sanctuary already, and they really ruined it BIG TIME.

It's not my fault that I have Asperger's Syndrome, and I'm socially incapable of just saying hi to those skanks.

After that, I took a bath, and while I'm off to towelling my hair till it dries itself, these Koreans start shizniting my way up. While I'm reminded of the recent Virginia Tech murder, they go and start throwing their panties off. Oh God. It's literally thrown off. The panties, I mean. One was even on top of my bag. ON MY BAG. God, she didn't even saw that her wet panties is on my bag when she went for shower. Damn. I have to shake off my bag just for that thing to go off. Uugh.

Then on the way to the elevator, I saw the trainer on his way to the locker room. See, the stupidest thing you can do at that moment is walk really fast so he couldn't get through you. And guess what, I did the stupidest thing ever. Is that great, or what?

After sneaking pass through the trainer, I pushed the button on the wall for the elevator to come and rescue me. Waited for eternity,..then *ting* goes that irritating and crappy elevator sound. I go in, and another poser did.

Let's just say that WE GOT STUCK IN THE ELEVATOR FOR 1.5 HOURS. I'm not going to elaborate it more.

Christ, what a weird day.

-----------------------------------

The cupid got me in the chokehold again. And it wasn't oh-so nice.

-----------------------------------

I met a new friend today. His name is P.J. Well, whatever. If ever you're reading this now, I just want to say that I really like your voice. It sounds so Disc Jockey-y. Like Chico Garcia from The Morning Rush. I think Chico's gay.

Wouldn't It Be Nice?

Wouldn't it be nice if:

1. I stop blogging, because nobody's reading and putting comments on everything I blab about?
2. Literally and figuratively, stop eating anything?
3. I'm like everybody else, normal-sized and cringes over her social life?
4. I'm not fat?
5. I'm smart and not a smart-ass?
6. I can have smaller thighs?
7. I can wear skinny jeans?
8. I can wear shorts?
9. I can wear skirts?
10. I would stop blabbing how people can be so smart and how I can be so dumb just because I can't go past through level 54.3 of Weffriddles?
11. I die?
12. I would sell all my gadgets or just give 'em off to the Philippine version of the Salvation Army?
13. I would have a rich and cool and good and nice and really really good and really really nice social life?
14. I can have a crush besides my swimming coach and my personal trainer?
15. I would stop getting so nervous about my last high school year?
16. I would perhaps live my last high school year?
17. I would pass UPCAT and study Civil Engineering or History like my busmate did?
18. I wouldn't think Boracay is too overrated and is becoming a very cheap image?
19. I would stop being too selfish?
20. I would stop being too sarcastic?
21. I would stop taking over people's lives just because mine is a living hell?
22. I would stop pretending to be someone else?
23. I would, perhaps, show the real me?
24. People would accept your mistakes?
25. People would be more realistic?
26. PGMA steps down FINALLY?
27. We would all know why the hell Campbell died?
28. Philippines would stop being such a Third World country?
29. We can all just pretend to be dumb?
30. I would have somebody to love...again?
31. I would stop rasing questions?

Nah. That wouldn't be really nice. Unreality is not nice. Things now are good the way they are.

See, if I change any of my bad traits above to something that would be nice to all people, then that wouldn't be me.

Thanks to Dr. Gregory House M.D. and Dr. Chase, I'm suicidal no more. *smiles contently*

--------------------------------------------------


Remember The Holy Grail ? Oh yes. My swimming coach I actually had a crush on last year.

Mayday! Mayday!

He's back. And no, not with a sexy back.

Monica was actually the first one to get to see him the first time this year. But nevertheless, I wasn't far as amused.

Let's review the reasons WHY.

Number one on the list, HE WAS THE REASON WHY I LOST IN THAT STUPID COMPETITION. My body's in good condition, and God, I've trained for 2 weeks restlessly! No way it's going to be MY fault.

Number two, HE MADE ME LOOK CHEAP. By falling for him, I guess.

Number three, I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHY I HATE HIM SO MUCH. That's what dumb people like me who fall for swimming coaches gets, I guess.

I saw him lately when Monica and I went to the clubhouse to wait for my mom to fetch us to go to our review center. What's new? His hair follicles on his head existed, the mole seems to be lost somewhere, and he's just a lifeguard now, not the goody-goody ol' macho-papa swimming coach that he was last year.

I hate the fact that I'm ignoring him just because he....did something wrong last year. LAST YEAR is the big word here. I can't forgive the guy and forget all of it. Well, that's the irony of everything.

He muttered hi, I ignored him.

The trainer said hi, I replied.

That's what papansin people gets. Die! Die! Die!

Never-Ending Psycho Problems

Note to self:

NEVER EVER MAKE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE WHOM YOU'VE JUST MET THROUGH
SHORT MESSAGE SERVICE (SMS). GOD IT SUCKS.

It sucks more than knowing how 'pa-cool' your dad is getting everyday by spelling 'cool' as 'kewl'. How Skiboy will that be. Okay, okay, gobbledygook. But whatever your opinion would be on the upper-cased header and hard starter, I don't care. And no, I 'm not XXX's new asset.

It suckity suck like ass. One minute the person's friends with you, another minute he's not, and for another minute he's unbearable. That's like 3 minutes of hell. Divine Comedy in a box, ain't it?

---------------------------------------------

Someone. Must. Punish. Me. I've totally eaten like, a thousand calories yesterday and the other night. I'm losing it. Oh hell yeah I'm losing it.

I was probably shaken by the fact that crash dieting all ends to a yo-yo effect. In other words, if I lose fat today, I would definitely have it back tomorrow. Or worse - later.

And so, I'm eating. Not a good news, but I don't really want to gain all that weight I was able to lose this week. I don't know how to do that, but one thing's for sure. Our neighbor should stop selling Halo-Halo to an affordable price of 15 pesos. Crapity. And I'll probably cough out my brain and lungs later. Damn those crunchy pinipigs!

------------------------------------------------

I can't wait to have my ticket out of this God-forsaken country. I hate my school, NOW I hate my country. How patriotic.

I mean, is there even a reason to like this ill and rotten land? Nothing, I tell you. I don't get it why we even had to have elections on May if democracy clearly left the country since the Marcos' regime.

It's all their fault why I can't get to America on a quicker basis. We're all wasting our minds here while we can all study and be smarter and be richer in other countries. It's too late to reform it; everything is just crapped up.

Is being a Filipino a benefit? Nah, don't think so. The crappiness our government is doing is making foreigners believe that we're all cheaters. Our reputation is merely ruined by the fact that they are enjoying themselves there in the palace while there are people crying and asking for money in a daily noontime show. It all just proves that..I dunno...They suck? Oh no, that's not to much. They suckity suck.

I wish my dad could read this. Dad, I want to go and live to any European country for my birthday.

So what if any of you patriots and loyalists read this? I bet you couldn't agree more.


---------------------------------------------------------

As of now, I've re-read all of my books. As in book-books, not textbooks. Just leave 'em all in the dust.

Anyways, I've come to a hasty understatement. I. Don't. Have. Enough. Good. Things. To. Write. In. My. College. Application.

Like for example, an extra-curricular activity. Do I have any? None. Nien. Na-da.

Do I write for the school paper? Nope. I wish I have enough guts to.

Have I been an officer? Yes, but I think being a Property Custodian isn't really all that good.

Well, good luck to me. See you guys in Ateneo. I'll be studyiung in Pamantasan. No offense, but my parents are surely expecting more.

------------------------------------------------------------

I have a new celebrity crush.

HUGH GRANT.

Blame Music and Lyrics. His tight pants and sexy moves are just too hot to handle. And the British accent! Oh God, I just want to hump him like a horny dog.

Of course, that wouldn't be more than impossible, because my thighs weigh more than him probably.

But oh men, I bet Drew Barrymore didn't ask for her paycheck on the movie. I mean, she slept with the guy under his piano. Isn't that enough? I'm gonna add that to my "Things to do before I die" list. Oh yessir I can see it now..."Sleep with Hugh Grant..Literally and Figuratively." Oooh yummy. Har-dee-har.

--------------------------------------------------

Yah-dee-Yah-Yah

I don't know why I'm in the mood to write. It's either Jessica Darling's fault, or I'm just tad too happy to not to. Why shouldn't I, anyway?

This holy week was really something...something really weird. For the first 3 holy days, I would always lie on the bed or on a couch or just somewhere with a flat surface to think about my purpose in life. I would raise these inevitable but bogus questions on my own, and it's answered by a process called "suicide attempt".

Some questions are:

1. Why are we living?
2. Does God really exist?
3. If so, where is He? I can't seem to find Him somewhere.
4. Is there even a reason to NOT to die? Isn't it that if we die, we would just eventually go somewhere and live again?
5. Why wouldn't we all just die, anyway?

I was manually channel surfing the other day when I came across this superficial and religious channel.

"It's easy to love God and love life when your problems seems to surpass you. But how about when your life seems to be a living curse? Would you still love God?"

I, for one, currently do not have 'real problems' - as my mom puts it. The only problem that I have is my weight, and how to look good not in the eyes of those beholders, but unto the eyes if God.

I caught 'The Island" on HBO last night. And it probably helped me to conclude that my inner human curiosity and boredom is making me try to kill myself. I'm a cat, and so I will be until that faithful day that I would finally die.

It was a great surprise that a great wave of miracle came my way yesterday. Let me tell you the whole story.

If you have been reading my blog last year, you would know that we did some station of the cross-ing last year. And so, we also did that yesterday. But this time, I know better than to rant about how many churches we should go in order to gain...I don't know. Enlightenment probably.

And guess what, after 5 months of doubting God and doubting my faith and doubting everything, it all ended with just a simple prayer to 14 churches.

Although there is no way that I would quit this slow death I'm going through, I would definitely be back on the track in kissing God's holy ass.

---------------------------------------------------------

For some reason, my upcoming birthday does not excite me.

How about now?
No.
Now?
No.
Nu?
Nr.
Maintenant?
Non.
Jetzt?
Nien.
Ora?
Seriamente, No.

Dad asked me the other day what I want for my birthday. I was about to say 'death', but that would just give him an impression that I'm turning pre-morbid and emo at the same time.

I was about to measure how long my eye bags are when Derek the dog sent me a message so grotesque. He was, indeed, asking my big, fat, dirty, and smelly hand in marriage. I replied, "R U Serious?" How text-nationed. Frankly, he said yes. And quite frankly, I replied, "Oh. Yeah well I'll chop it off for you." I don't even know when I got my sense of humor back. Turns out everyone likes joking about hands and marriages now.

Derek is a quasifriend of mine I met in an elevator on the way to the gym. I don't want to elaborate much about that for someone might be reading this entry and blab it to any of my relatives. "Oh! The horrors of meeting someone in an elevator! Shame, shame, shame!" I can imagine everyone's capillaries and veins bursting in my face now.

So, what's he got to do with my birthday dilemma? I don't even have an idea. All I know is that I want to skip the 20th of May. I wish God would do that, you know? Like, suck your life out and give you a tour of what would happen to you after death on your 16th birthday. How happy would that be.

-------------------------------------------------------

Sometime I wish I could be Jessica Darling.

I'll elaborate later.

Starving

I know, I know. The blog design sucks like Care Bears on hell. But who are you to blame me anyway? Panic! At The Disco died like, a year ago? And I'm off to designing a new one again.

Ever since my personal trainer 'trained' me, I had created this BIG furball of emotions. I know I had severe weight issues back then. but heck, this is really killing me this time.

I know that there would be only 1 solution to my midnight bawlings and rants about how big I am and how the others doesn't have to think how big they are and have to run 2 hours on the treadmill just to lose a pound.

CRASH DIET.

I started it last Friday. Since then, I haven't eaten 'real food'. Now I understand why Lindsay Lohan anorex-ized herself. Now I truly understand Nicole Richie's eating disorder. And now my friend Ana is knocking at the door.

I started visiting pro-ana/pro-anorexia websites last Saturday for encouragement. And since I have the full-right to be anorexic since I'm morbidly obese anyway, I chose to take crash dieting to the highest level. My diet is called 360. It means that I can only eat a maximum number of 360 calories a day. For example, for today, I can only eat 2 glasses of Nai Cha tea and 2 crackers.
A glass of the tea is already 110 calories. A cracker is a full 70 calorie thing. Just do the math.

It was really a bad idea to go to GreenHills yesterday. Guess what, I bawled at the car again after seeing those girls with normal body shapes who can dress up all they want. And then I realized, why am I even living this stupid life anyway? We can all just get die and live in harmony in hell.

I am now experiencing slow death. I'm starving myself just so everybody can appreciate me. I know for a fact that you can't please everybody, but guess what. I also can't please myself.

The possibility of me to die in this diet is merely .001%. I'm big anyway, as if I'll run out of food.

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3500 calories = 1 lbs.

58.20 hours on the treadmil on 6 km/h speed = 1 lbs.

Being fat sucks.

Trapped in The Past, I Just Can't Move On

"All I wanna do is find a waaay back into looveeee"

God, this song is STILL stuck in my head until now.

Anyways, school ended the way I wanted it to be yesterday. I mean, I wanted to cry. My class this year was truly unbelievable. 3-6 is probably the coolest class I've been into. I had so many friends, and it's like I can talk about anything to anyone. There maybe groups in the class, but nevertheless, communication is still evident.

I don't know to any of my classmates, but I surely DO love them ALL. I was waiting outside room 10 yesterday because Raia sort of prepared a video for us, when Charisse stopped in front of me and asked me, "Lorainne, ma-mimiss mo ba ko?" I was so touched and said "Oo naman" without any hesitation.

To Bach, Fides, Kate, Anne, Jassie, Frances, Larissa, Jam, and Kim...

Even though we guys aren't close, I want to say a BIG thank you for being a part of my junior year of my high school life. You guys will always have this space in my heart even though we don't really communicate. Love you guys!

To Ysabel..

Thank you for being my seatmate last 1st quarter (as if you have a choice). Even though we aren't close, I would like to say that I enjoyed your company during our seatmate days because you are awfully quiet that you really made me concentrate on my studies more.

To Darlene..

Thank you for being a good seatmate for 2 quarters. Sorry if I sometimes backstab you or something, but that's just because I can't accept the fact you're my seatmate back then. And now, I've learned my lesson. Counting Crows was right. "You don't know what you got, till it's gone." You wanna know why? You made my grades soar up. That is really beneficial to me. So, thanks again.

To Pat, Chesca, Louise, Jerika, Danica, and Ellen..

Thank you guys for being my friends, and understanding who I really am. Thank you for studying with me, and showing me what's right and what's wrong. Because of your guidance towards me, I learned to step up on my own every now and then.

To Rielle, and Mariella...

Wala talagang tatalo sa inyo. You guys always made my day when I'm down or just simply HB-ed by how the life goes. Sana classmates ko kayo ulet next year. And then we'll have our unwinding place again..haha.

To Charlene..

Every now and then, we have to separate ways. We just can't stay as classmates, and enjoy each other's company forever. We have to know other people and share beautiful experiences with them. But one thing's for sure: I hope you'll always stay the same. Even though we'll probably part ways next year, I just want to say that I wouldn't be able to complete this year without you. You helped me in everything, even in the most ups and downs of our school days. Tangrams, Vid Prod, and Noli..you name it. You wanna know why this year went so fast? It's because we had so much fun thinking of our bazillion problems that we weren't able to observe that time flew THAT fast.


I WILL MISS YOU GUYS. :'c

To Monica..

Thank you for always being there for me. I told mom that you are a potential best friend, but you just can't be one because best friends became best enemies. Wanna be my sister instead? You can have my brothers if you want. hahaha.

I WILL NOT MISS YOU MONICA. Haha. Kase naman andyan lang bahay mo eh. hahah.

Goodbye 3rd year life!

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I have a new gadget.

Oh yessir! It's an iPod Video!

1 more week

I shall call this week "mid-hiatus".

Alas! There will be only 3 things I shall accomplish to therefore complete my Junior year in school. And those are:

-my clearance (I need my missing ID to be replaced, and my GIFT teacher's sign still.)
-Chemistry IP (Ok. So this isn't really a problem compared to other rooms, I mean, we're just testing colors, for chrissakes.)
-Final exams (This would rather embark the period that would end the very very very long sentence that I've been going through in my Junior year.)

This quarter isn't going to be good. All of my quiz scores are extremely going down (except for Trigo and CL..haha), and I've been cramming almost everyday. I've been so stressed that dandruffs are now officially back on my scalp, and I now have this big bald spot on the right side of my head. Damn this poknat.

Well, whatever. As of now, I can say that I don't care anymore about my grades, except for my grades in History. SOME people are making me feel bad about my dumb personality, and they're making me have habitual suicidal thoughts. I don't know about YOU PEOPLE, but I am a tough nut to break. Try using your fangs to break me out instead.

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50% of the population of our household consists of animals(including my brothers). And you can now definitely call it a zoo.

We have a new pair of lovebirds, 2 dogs, 2 aquariums of fishes, and 6 evil hamsters. Oh they're evil all right.

And now, I'll tell you the lovebird story. It's pretty connected to real life, actually.

December last year, my mom brought 2 pairs of lovebirds. And then they were seperated into cages because the other pair are african lovebirds, which are known to be super disturbances among lovebirds.

Now the african girl lovebird escaped, and all was left in the cage was the male one. My mom really made the mistake to put the male one in the other cage were the other pair was staying in.

And so, the african bird wanted the girl lovebird in the new cage he was in. But because that girl lovebird already has a relationship with the male one, the african male just can't flirt easily with the female bird.

And everyday, as I go outside to get into the car to go to school, I would always see the 2 male birds fighting and pecking and biting themselves. It is pretty distracting, as I have experienced it.

But one day, as I arrived from school, I saw the two male lovebirds lifeless in the cage, and the female one in the birdhouse. I gaped at the scene, trying to figure out what happened. I called my mom and we all wondered what happened.

What happened? go figure.

And after 2 days, the female bird committed suicide.

Tragic, isn't it?

Talk and Talk.

Ayu and I were talking about our very big GIFT problem last Thursday night. The big surprise was when we actually talked to our GIFT moderator and said sorry for not attending GIFT.

Ayu's excuse:

Her stepmom always uses the car every thursday. And to conclude it, she doesn't have any other car to use as transporation to go back home on Thursday.

My lame-ass excuse:

THIS IS ACTUALLY TRUE.
RIght before GIFT time, I have a swimming class. And by swimming, we mean bad-ass cramps going on my legs. I think that's soo bad.


well, we managed to talk to the moderator. And by golly! She understood every word we said! Hallelujah!



I'm actually happy now.

I am terribly happy. Except for one thing,,,,

This day is probably the only day I was able to figuratively breath amidst the nose-wrenching stench that I can smell right now. But the point is, there are only two things on my mind right now that can hinder me from being free and happy as I want myself to be. And those are: our Filipino Chamber Theatre and and the final examination. God I want this year to end. And then I can choose to either go to the BARCODE party or go to Davao on the 16th.

I have nothing good to tell you right now besides the fact that I'm really happy. So, let's reminisce!

When I was in grade school in which I studied in this particular co-ed school, I was known as a pathetic BUT good kickball player. From 4th grade to 5th grade, I was definitely up for MVP. But I was so pathetic that they decided that to let me enter the team was probably the only good idea you can squeeze out.

But when 6th grade came, something went wrong. Before the intrams, my mom bought me new shoes for my sport. It was good, aside from the fact that it's so NOT for girls, and it was 3 sizes bigger than my humongous foot. I was an 8 back then, so my mom therefore got me a schmighty 11.

And so, the game day came. I was nervous as hell.

And when it was my turn, I walked back to gain force as the server served the damn ball.

3....

2....

1....

Up up and away my shoe went. It flew 12 feet above me, and it even smashed me in the head. As part of the scene, everybody laughed. I was terribly ashamed as ever, most especially to my crush who was our team captain. After that strikeout, I tied my shoe VERY tightly that my foot became numb.

As I was given my 2nd chance, it happened again.

You wanna know the ending? We actually won 3rd place.

nyahaha.

I Wanna Rock The World

This week is the most HECTIC as far as schoolwork history goes. Well, you can blame that dipshit video production in History. And all I learn from this crap is to NEVER EVER CRAM AGAIN. Or you'll suffer as much as Charlene and I do.

It's like I'm alive again, with no bars or anything that would hinder me from having my "me" time. That stupid video production trapped me from my usual doings in life, and all I could do was to make my life problematic because of it. But now it's gooone, HALLELUJAH to the LORD.

Let's make a video production again, shall we? *BLEECH*

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Lately, I've been thinking too much of next school year. I guess I'm overhearing too much of my upperclassmen busmates' conversations. They're all talking about being wait-listed, letter of appeals, recommendations, theses, and much much more college stuffs. Yeah well I guess I'm not up and ready for the next challenge. I'm not as bad-assed as any nerdy high schooler would be, but I know that least I would pass in ONE college.

Here's my course of choice:

If I pass in ADMU
I would take up European Studies in Business and International Relations track, History, Applied Computer Systems, or Electronics and Communication Engineering

If I pass in DLSU
I would take up B.S. Computer Science with specialization in Software Technology (ST), AB major in History, AB International Studies, major in European, American and Japanese Studies, BS Electronic and Communications Engineering, BS Civil Engineering, BS Industrial Management Engineering minor in Information Technology (BS IME-IT), BS Computer Engineering (CPE), or BSE major in Mathematics with specialization in Computer Application.

If I pass in UP-D
I would take up nothing because the chances of me, passing UPCAT, is .00000000000000001%. I'd die if I pass UPCAT.

If I pass in UST
I would only take up AB in Asian Studies.

If I pass in UA&P
I would take up Civilization programs and Asia-Pacific Studies Program


Yeah well that's up for now.

I Guess I'm Dumped After All

The worst thing that you can probably get before Valentine's Day is rejection. I know, I know. cliche. Again.

Whatever.

Love is a big WHATEVER.

Along with the Siberian wind had my chances of a Valentine gone. Now I know the great feeling of rejection and emptiness. It totally sucks.

Right now I'm hating very much every TWO-TIMERS in this hellhole. They should be executed now. Like, right now.

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This post-prom week was very crucial and tiring. People kept asking.........



I'm not in the mood. I'll just continue this tomorrow.



yadeedadeedaaaaa....I just hope that the RAIN would go away so I could really play..

Prom Escapade.......................not.

Yesterday was the day I've waited since last year to happen and finish off quickly. I haven't been studying because of it. I haven't been thinking anything besides it. It was my arch enemy.

Prom.

I don't really know the stinkin' purpose of this event. I can barely figure out why we have to do this, since this is just like a big gimmick with people in formal wears. We don't even have to practice formality NOT prior to what my T.H.E. teacher said.

Let's see... I bought my dress on the very same day. Everything was just soo hectic because I can't find the perfect dress for my unperfect body. It took me 4 hours to roam around the mall and cry myself out to find a dress. A FUCKING DRESS is all it takes to make me cry.

On a scale of 1-10, I'd rate it 7. 7 for being a little boring and not stag-friendly.

Oh wait. I forgot. I HAD a date. But due to misconnections, he wasn't able to come. And the extra 1000 was really nothing.

I didn't really liked it. But it was okay.
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I'm getting a new haircut later. I spankin' new hairstyle, that is.

Tons of Boring and Excruciating Days

I am extremely sad today. Aside from the fact that Someday by Nina is the song playing on iTunes right now, but also I'm reminded by the fact that we moved to a different room yesterday.

To make the short story shorter, we were apparently forced to move to room 8's room, which is in the main building, because our teacher in Chemistry has a very sensitive pregnancy at the moment and you know.....pregnant women thingy.

Demo rooms are really considered one of those significant rooms in our school, aside from the hell hole e-class, which I was unluckily in last school year. Primarily because these rooms aren't really classrooms in the 1st place. These are used for demonstrating purposes.

At the start of the school year, we were angered by the fact we were in the other half of the demo room. We hated the temporary wall that's separating us from room 7. We hated the very cold climate in our classroom, because it caused our hands to numb until we can't write anymore. We hated the fact that we can hear the other teacher's voice in the other room. We hated every feature of it, except for the sink which came in really handy.

But as we grew inside it, we have learned to love it, and appreciate it. We had learned to love the aircon, because we can open it earlier than other rooms because the biggie is not connected to the school breaker. We had learned to love it because it's totally soundproofed, except when you're in the other half of the demo room. We had learned to love our chairs, which is really good because we have this exceptional space for a pen. We had learned to love our usual tambayan, the jacuzzi, where we usually do our homeworks and a lot of other stuffs.

And now that we've moved, it's totally a different atmosphere. If all of us was driven by our angst like room 7, then we wouldn't move in the 1st place anyway.

But we, 3-6, have to really accept this change we went through. Although it was a great sacrifice, we should keep in mind that we are doing this for the safety of Mrs. Gavino's baby.

but damn! the aircon! please! just give it to us!

------------------------------------------------------------------

This week has been exceptionally good. No assignments nor projects...no anything!

Yes, I know. It's like a miracle that God sent us after a bunch of prayers or something. Yet I know something is fishy.

Aha. Ok. To go with our traumatic move to another room, our teachers took their revenge and splashed us with a homework tsunami. God, it's awful. It's a wonder I even have time to write here, because I have tons of homeworks to do. Damn I hate revenge!

So there. I gotta go.

Prom dress: check
Prom date: check
Prom payment: remains unchecked FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS
Prom table: remains unsure

Eerie.

Oh goody. I haven't shared anything that would make sense about my life for this year. So let's

Going back to school ain't good. I was very drowsy last Wednesday PROBABLY because I wasn't able to sleep the night or even the early morning before.

But here's the stupid catch. My dad would be arriving on the very same day and all I don't want to do anything but go to the airport to see him. He's my freakin' dad for chrissakes. I haven't seen him for a year.

But then I chose to go to school for fear that Mrs. Gavino would give out something important for Chemistry..or we would at least check those Trigo test papers I'm waiting to see since I've finished it last year. But nooooo. Mrs. Gavino wasn't around, and Mrs. Cruz didn't want us to see our test results for fear that our hearts might break or something. Oh, and instead, we saw the gob smacked results of our Geom exam. Not good.

I badly wanted to go home and fetch my dad. So after the last bell rang, I hurriedly left the classroom, fetched Monica, then rushed down to our bus. And so, I still have to wait for an hour for us to start moving around.

And all went well. When I finally saw my dad, there was this twitchy feeling. Like I'm super anxious and stuff like that. And he was good. I mean I dunno. He's not your typical father. He's not even a father-figure. I mean, how many dads has muscles and dragon tattoos in their body? He's more like a macho dancer or a prosti-dude for me.

When we talk, it's like we're colleagues. We don't talk about school, home or boring stuffs. All we talk about are technical things. Like softwares, hardwares, processors, laptop peripherals, and many more.

And there. Mom says he has lots of money with him, so we have the right to cash him out. But then I thought I didn't have the authority to do so. Why? Duh. MacBook.

Speaking of MacBook, I received the sexy bitch last Thursday and all I can say right now is WOW. I won't go back to using Windows again. Ever. Except for using the internet because I haven't configured the internet setup in my baby. But when it's all finished, it's bye-bye to Bill Gates and hello to Jozniak from now on.

But a very life-threatening problem occured first. My sister and I was gleaming at the laptop when sudddenly she pushed the switch button of the mean machine to ON. I got angry because it says in the booklet that came with it that you weren't supposed to turn it on first, but instead charge it with the MagSafe Power Adapter. Another bad thing led to another, and the next thing I knew, I clicked on the wrong language usage! It was all Japanese shiznits and I panicked like crazy that I cried.

I didn't go to school the next day PARTLY because of it but mainly because of the fever I have(saved!). I googled stuff that would at least make me change the language to English, but it all went to nothing. And so, something pushed me to open it and try to reverse things up. And what do you know? A simple click on that button with an arrow facing on the left had solved it all! Dumbass me.

I'll post the pictures on Multiply tomorrow, and hopefully, you'll see the beauty of it. Seriously.

The Ultimate Year-Ender Post

Well. Here I am, typing my thoughts.

Last thoughts for this year, perhaps.

Anyways, 2006 was a very good year for me. Although it was not for those victims of natural calamities, we have to accept the fact that more or less, this year was a killer for each and every one of us in one way or another.

2006 made me realize that life is shorter than we all thought it was. God probably made it short for us to realize our mistakes, and make up for it in the best way that we could.

But that doesn't really mean that we just have to sit down and unwind for the rest of our lives, and watch Koreanovelas. Yep. Just like what I am doing these past few vacation days. You guessed it right. I made the incumbrate mistake of buying a boxed set of Princess Hours and It Started with A Kiss. And now, I'm hooked like a fish.

Anyways, I liked 2006 a lot. This year made me a lot smarter in much more ways, and made me realize a lot of stuffs that I need to know about. My self-esteem also grew, thanks for this blog that's making me a new and improved person each and everytime I post something here. It's like I removed something from my non-existent brain, and then digitized it for the world to see. That's helluva great.

I am wishing that 2007 would be a much better year. This year would be a total roller coaster. I'm soon gonna be a senior, then off I go to review centers, then to college entrance exams, then finally and hopefully off to college next next year. I'm also wishing that 2007 would finally bring out the competitive person in me, and would finally make me a much more better person because I know that THAt would be nifty in times today.

LORAINNE'S NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION FOR 2007

1. Forget Coke. Forget Sprite. Forget Royal. Forget 7UP. FORGET SODAS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, DAMMIT. I've been making this as a new year's resolution for 5 stinkin' years!

2. Study HARDER. Forget boys, gays, and homos, for that matter. YOU WON'T NEED THEM.

3. Try to meet other friends. (SUPER REDUNDANT.)

4. Lose weight.

5. Lose cellulites.

6. Talk to the long-forgotten swimming coach about swimming again.

7. Talk to those long-forgotten friends I've been checking out on Friendster and laughing out loud to their grammatically wrong sentences. Ex: Busog na me, gutom pa ba you? As if I don't make mistakes.

8. Be a GIRL for a change.

And..that's it. Happy New Year to all of you guys!