What is not relatively new is the fact that I am, indeed, a fatass. My thighs are so huge its as big as a normal-sized lady's waistline, which is more or less 25. My arms are so enormous, they're as big as my brother's thighs (my brother is 50kg full of fat, thank you very much.). My belly's bigger than my breasts. I have a very fat pizza-like face.
Now you know how fat I am.
It sucks being fat. It really does. I mean, I can't even blurt out how gargantuan I am in public, for the fear that people might actually agree and thus consequently nod their heads in approval. One time when I was talking to this classmate who was complaining about how fat her thighs are (which is far from true. Her thighs are thin sticks, trust me.), I just suddenly blurted out "Well, uh, if they're actually big, then what exactly is the size of mine?". She looked at my thighs intently for quite a few seconds, then went "You don't hang out with boys anyway.". I told you people would agree.
It sucks being fat. I've never stared in front of mirror without thinking how big I truly am. I've never realized how fat I've gotten until mom had the doors of our cabinet replaced with sliding mirrors, much to my dismay. Everytime I would just stand there and fix my hair, my eyes, would always avert downwards, going to the direction of my thighs, going up to the sides to my arms, then back to my fugly face. When this would occur (which is like, incessantly), I would think of dieting, and/or skipping meals by throwing my wallet and other valuable stuffs out of the window so as to not spend them for food. I would think of exercising my butt off by paying my long-overdue gym bills and seriously get back at the treadmills and the machines. I would think of how morbidly obese I am, and wonder why I even have friends with this ever-gigantic body I'm in.
You know sometimes, I feel like I'm a lost soul in a wrong body(Jesus. It's about time.). It makes me wonder what would happen if I was trapped in a normal-sized body instead of this pig-like physique. I'll probably have a spanking social life. I'll probably have more clothes. I'll probably be better at Physics and Math. I've probably passed all the universities I've applied into. I'll probably be...divirginized?(WTF)
Oh hell no.
Maybe that's the brighter side of being fat. You can keep your virginity until someone who's eccentric enough to have sex with an ant will come.
But still, being fat just really fucking sucks.
---------------------
I've never loathed school this much.
Actually, it's not really the school per se which is bugging me, but the people in it.
You know, people you thought you will never hate because they seem to have entered your personal life; people called..friends.
Yet again, I still don't know what the hell is wrong with me. As you have probably read in my previous post, I wanted to ignore somebody who betrayed me in an obscure way. She talked me out of it (Well, not exactly. I told my plans to her after realizing how I was being all juvenile.), and for quite a few days, I kinda pretended that everything was definitely okay between us.
Shit happens.
From now on, I will try to not communicate with her in any other way. I guess I have to go on my own way, like that kid from High School Musical said (more like sang, but the song was so crappy I don't even want to mention it.).
I know I'm being superlatively puerile and insensitive and all, but I know I'm doing the right thing for myself for ONCE in my whole fucking life. She doesn't need me, I'm trying my best to not need her (which has been very hard for the past few high school years). That's basically it. Sketch a story out of it and voila! There you have a crappy and busted conflict that's been bugging me since last year.
Note: This is not a lesbo fantasy or whatsoever.
--------------------
Ache was talking about how excited she is to graduate and go to college already. Even my other classmates are fantasizing about our next major step for our education, which is college life. Well, I can't help but feel the same way. I mean duh. A day wouldn't pass by without somebody asking where you'll go and study after graduation. Not that its annoying, but..oh well, it IS getting kinda annoying. If you're in my case (you only passed two universities; one is your fall-back school, one is some school you'll be using to get into somewhere you weren't able to get into, like heaven, or UP.)
I am very much excited myself too. Hello college! I don't have to wear a damn uniform anymore. I don't have to follow unbelievably authoritarian rules anymore. I don't have to stay in school for the whole damn day anymore.
I don't have to be that obese and push-over girl anymore. Oh, what a joy. Time to get back at them high school gee-dee-bees.
I sure can't wait.
No comments:
Post a Comment