What What (In The Butt)

This video really made my day. As in really. I was so bummed out when I woke up this afternoon. I almost kicked Sweetie, our great shih tzu pet, down the stairs. Someone really pissed me off last night. And guess what, I didn't like it. What a surprise.

Go read the comments on this video on YouTube. It's really hilarious. Someone even said the video gave him AIDS. How pathetic. I bet that person already HAS AIDS. So unrealistic, so pathetic.

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I'm afraid I'll meet new friends next week.

GAH! Review classes. Next Week. Wednesday. Never-Ending Algebra.

I thought that my classmates in the review classes are all Paulinians, or moreover, my schoolmates. But, ugh, there are also other smurfs from other schools. Not that I'm complaining, but..you know. My Asperger's Syndrome might trigger a deadly attack again.

I've grown so accustomed in being with my friends. Or those people I would see in the corridors of my school. And I'm not used to seeing other people in the same classroom with me. I'll probably suffocate or something. It's either I go to those review classes, or suffer the consequences of studying in a non-existent university.

Truth is, Mariella's right about those review centers. They're just confidence-boosters. Anybody can probably ace that test if they're confident enough. Not overconfident, (remember my Geometry exam? AHH! The horror.) or not confident. Just plain, old, confident.

I guess I'm not confident enough. No, really. This blog maybe full of confident shiznits, but I'm squirming in real life.

Squirming? What the..? Squirming are for sissy b*tches!

I'm not a female dog. Just in case.

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"I wish I enrolled in AHEAD instead"

Now I wish I DIDN'T thought of this one. Ever. It just makes me realize how selfish I can get. How whimsy-flimsy I can be.

Expert Guides really wasn't my first choice. Actually, it's on the last slot. Dad told me I'll be reviewing in AHEAD because the probability of me passing on all the universities I would take a test on is higher. Big Deal. I just said whatever, and totally agreed upon it.

"When you feel all alone, it's a lie" (Sorry. Barbie Almalbis is singing at the background. She's wearing a gown, and she's doing a great job pissing my ass off.)

But when I later learned that Monica can't be on the same review center as I was, I became very condescended of myself.

Moreover, look on the bright side. I get to save 7,000 and I get two of these....


Linksys Wireless-G Broadband Router! Yess! Beat that, Starbucks and Robinson's Galleria! Wi-Fi hotspot my butt! My room is definitely and ultimately and conclusively the hottest Wi-fi hotspot on the dot. Ahh, the joys of wireless fidelity. There would be a time when everything would be wireless in my room because of the 2 powerhouse routers.

I bet even my bra would be wireless. Not that I'm complaining or anything. In fact, I'm wearing a bra with an under wire right now. I feel like Dr. Lisa Cuddy on that 'Lines in The Sand' episode in the 3rd season of House M.D..."It's an underwireee!"

I'm not really supposed to say that. But then again, what is not supposed to say these days?

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I'm surprised to know that Jerika Arcadio has been reading this cow manure. Heck, I'm even surprised someone is reading this. I should put back that stupid and old BlogPatrol counter.

jerika.ü arcadio (4/23/2007 paragas 15:34): pnong gets? haha. putek ka, galing mo mgenglish!]
lorainne paragas (4/23/2007 paragas 15:34): mag-english saan?
jerika.ü arcadio (4/23/2007 paragas 15:35): sa blog mo
lorainne paragas (4/23/2007 paragas 15:35): salamat. wala. na-gets ko lang talaga siya. yun lang. sige bye

That is how you should talk to your classmate who has been good to you in your Junior year.

Well, thank you again.

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Is there something with love that makes you laugh a lot? Or am I just tad to crazy and psychotic?

Lover Boy (or so he would be named forever and ever in this blog) did the most mellifluous thing ever, which was to make me a starting layout for my blog.

"I created this one for you.." he said.
"Um. Ok. Thanks." I said
"Are you going to use it?" he asked.
"I don't know yet. I think I have to edit the filter you made, and the meta tags just got screwed..and it takes a dec-"
"Just say you won't use it. It's alright. I'll make you a better one. For votre anniversaire." he interrupted.
"You don't have to." I said before he would interrupt the hell out of me again.
"I want to." he said, then off to work he got.

See, Lover Boy is a friend. Not a quasi-friend, but a close friend of mine whom I've met in a nice way which I'm not going to say because you might use it to revile me or something.

I asked everyone what to do to break a boy's heart. But I guess Pj's idea is the only archetype that really worked.

He's already in Estados Unidos, but he said that he'll be waiting for me there. I told him that I want to study in University of California, San Diego. He said he wants to do the same thing.

But I guess I don't deserve to love and be happy. Look what the hell Bush just made. No more petitions. Goodbye mes rêves américains. :C

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And before I end this hogwash blog entry, I must say that John Locke was right about the happiness.

"It is a natural law that we have the right to pursue our own happiness"

Ergo, we don't have our own happiness. Happiness is something we can only pursue, but not have. It is only what we feel.

So I can now conclude to myself that I should stop searching for it. It's never going to come anyway.

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EVER.

April. Ape-real. Apeereel. Or Just Plain April

God. That new song by Maroon 5 is so stuck on me. The title is Make Me Wonder. And God, all of you, literally ALL OF YOU should add Adam Levine to your "Should Marry" list. The guy is scorching hot, and I know what hot really is. I'm living in Manila, dumbasses.

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" Sometimes the best gift is the gift of never seeing you again."
-Dr. Gregory House

Hear Ye, Hear Ye.

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"You talk to God, you're religious. God talks to you, you're psychotic."
-Dr. Gregory House

Is House my long-lost soul mate, or what?

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There is something weird with April. April, as in the 4th month of every year. April, as in where Aries ends and Taurus starts. April, as in April Fool's day. April. April.

There really is something weird with April.

ZING!

I get it. It sounds boring as May. April and May sounds really boring.

It's unexplainable. You have to get that by now.

I hate boredom.

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I can't accept the fact that it's raining really hard on some regions of this stinky country. I have friends from other regions asking me to hug them because it's like snowing below there. Like hell I can. The only thing I can do is to kick their asses.

After gym last Wierdo Friday, I have to commute my way back into home because Mom can't fetch me. So, as always, I would go to the opposite side of the Wynsum Building and hail a cab. But something really is bizzare on that day. Instead of hailing a cab, I just stared upwards into the sky. I kinda felt that the world I'm in is rotating, and all I wanna do is just feel it.

You can tell I enjoyed feeling the rotation.

It lasted for a good 15 minutes.

Psychotic? NOT. God is obviously not talking to me.

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Sudoku is killing me. It's all I've been doing for the last 24 hours. I've bought 2 more issues of Sudoku Samurai when we went to Shopwise Libis last night to buy some boneless chicken shitznits. And I've finished the first issue already. Without looking at the solution. I swear I didn't look. You can tell I did not. I really swear I didn't. Promise.

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[EDIT] I edited the font of this one for some obvious reasons. Go get a life to know what the hell it is.

Cupid Chokehold.

Don't be surprised if I'm posting much more frequently nowadays. What could be the answer? Well for one, I'm bored, and I'm doing a blog marathon.

As of now, bloggy, this post is my 91st. Hooray. 9 more and we really are going to take over the world. But I'm not going to rush things up. I'm going to make sure that the 100th post would reside on my birthday, which is a month from yesterday. That sure would rock their heads off.

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Yesterday was a very, very, very, very, very, and overly weird day. I don't know if it's because of the fact that I arrived at the gym 3 hours late than my usual routine, which is at 8 am, or the fact that I'm overly nervous that I might see the trainer again.

I sure wasn't in the mood to workout yesterday. The hell. I didn't work out for 3 consecutive weeks. That's what stubborn turds like me gets. Thank God for Jay Leno. If The Tonight Show wasn't on that TV where my favorite treadmill spot is, I would've definitely dozed off in the lounge in an instant.

And so, when Tobey Maguire started praising the Skank Spiderwoman in the audience, I saw some familiar faces in front of me. And I said to myself, "What the hell are they doing here?". Damn, those people suckity suck. Of all Fitness First branches they should go, why (oh God, why) the Ortigas branch? This is my sanctuary already, and they really ruined it BIG TIME.

It's not my fault that I have Asperger's Syndrome, and I'm socially incapable of just saying hi to those skanks.

After that, I took a bath, and while I'm off to towelling my hair till it dries itself, these Koreans start shizniting my way up. While I'm reminded of the recent Virginia Tech murder, they go and start throwing their panties off. Oh God. It's literally thrown off. The panties, I mean. One was even on top of my bag. ON MY BAG. God, she didn't even saw that her wet panties is on my bag when she went for shower. Damn. I have to shake off my bag just for that thing to go off. Uugh.

Then on the way to the elevator, I saw the trainer on his way to the locker room. See, the stupidest thing you can do at that moment is walk really fast so he couldn't get through you. And guess what, I did the stupidest thing ever. Is that great, or what?

After sneaking pass through the trainer, I pushed the button on the wall for the elevator to come and rescue me. Waited for eternity,..then *ting* goes that irritating and crappy elevator sound. I go in, and another poser did.

Let's just say that WE GOT STUCK IN THE ELEVATOR FOR 1.5 HOURS. I'm not going to elaborate it more.

Christ, what a weird day.

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The cupid got me in the chokehold again. And it wasn't oh-so nice.

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I met a new friend today. His name is P.J. Well, whatever. If ever you're reading this now, I just want to say that I really like your voice. It sounds so Disc Jockey-y. Like Chico Garcia from The Morning Rush. I think Chico's gay.

Wouldn't It Be Nice?

Wouldn't it be nice if:

1. I stop blogging, because nobody's reading and putting comments on everything I blab about?
2. Literally and figuratively, stop eating anything?
3. I'm like everybody else, normal-sized and cringes over her social life?
4. I'm not fat?
5. I'm smart and not a smart-ass?
6. I can have smaller thighs?
7. I can wear skinny jeans?
8. I can wear shorts?
9. I can wear skirts?
10. I would stop blabbing how people can be so smart and how I can be so dumb just because I can't go past through level 54.3 of Weffriddles?
11. I die?
12. I would sell all my gadgets or just give 'em off to the Philippine version of the Salvation Army?
13. I would have a rich and cool and good and nice and really really good and really really nice social life?
14. I can have a crush besides my swimming coach and my personal trainer?
15. I would stop getting so nervous about my last high school year?
16. I would perhaps live my last high school year?
17. I would pass UPCAT and study Civil Engineering or History like my busmate did?
18. I wouldn't think Boracay is too overrated and is becoming a very cheap image?
19. I would stop being too selfish?
20. I would stop being too sarcastic?
21. I would stop taking over people's lives just because mine is a living hell?
22. I would stop pretending to be someone else?
23. I would, perhaps, show the real me?
24. People would accept your mistakes?
25. People would be more realistic?
26. PGMA steps down FINALLY?
27. We would all know why the hell Campbell died?
28. Philippines would stop being such a Third World country?
29. We can all just pretend to be dumb?
30. I would have somebody to love...again?
31. I would stop rasing questions?

Nah. That wouldn't be really nice. Unreality is not nice. Things now are good the way they are.

See, if I change any of my bad traits above to something that would be nice to all people, then that wouldn't be me.

Thanks to Dr. Gregory House M.D. and Dr. Chase, I'm suicidal no more. *smiles contently*

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Remember The Holy Grail ? Oh yes. My swimming coach I actually had a crush on last year.

Mayday! Mayday!

He's back. And no, not with a sexy back.

Monica was actually the first one to get to see him the first time this year. But nevertheless, I wasn't far as amused.

Let's review the reasons WHY.

Number one on the list, HE WAS THE REASON WHY I LOST IN THAT STUPID COMPETITION. My body's in good condition, and God, I've trained for 2 weeks restlessly! No way it's going to be MY fault.

Number two, HE MADE ME LOOK CHEAP. By falling for him, I guess.

Number three, I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHY I HATE HIM SO MUCH. That's what dumb people like me who fall for swimming coaches gets, I guess.

I saw him lately when Monica and I went to the clubhouse to wait for my mom to fetch us to go to our review center. What's new? His hair follicles on his head existed, the mole seems to be lost somewhere, and he's just a lifeguard now, not the goody-goody ol' macho-papa swimming coach that he was last year.

I hate the fact that I'm ignoring him just because he....did something wrong last year. LAST YEAR is the big word here. I can't forgive the guy and forget all of it. Well, that's the irony of everything.

He muttered hi, I ignored him.

The trainer said hi, I replied.

That's what papansin people gets. Die! Die! Die!

Never-Ending Psycho Problems

Note to self:

NEVER EVER MAKE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE WHOM YOU'VE JUST MET THROUGH
SHORT MESSAGE SERVICE (SMS). GOD IT SUCKS.

It sucks more than knowing how 'pa-cool' your dad is getting everyday by spelling 'cool' as 'kewl'. How Skiboy will that be. Okay, okay, gobbledygook. But whatever your opinion would be on the upper-cased header and hard starter, I don't care. And no, I 'm not XXX's new asset.

It suckity suck like ass. One minute the person's friends with you, another minute he's not, and for another minute he's unbearable. That's like 3 minutes of hell. Divine Comedy in a box, ain't it?

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Someone. Must. Punish. Me. I've totally eaten like, a thousand calories yesterday and the other night. I'm losing it. Oh hell yeah I'm losing it.

I was probably shaken by the fact that crash dieting all ends to a yo-yo effect. In other words, if I lose fat today, I would definitely have it back tomorrow. Or worse - later.

And so, I'm eating. Not a good news, but I don't really want to gain all that weight I was able to lose this week. I don't know how to do that, but one thing's for sure. Our neighbor should stop selling Halo-Halo to an affordable price of 15 pesos. Crapity. And I'll probably cough out my brain and lungs later. Damn those crunchy pinipigs!

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I can't wait to have my ticket out of this God-forsaken country. I hate my school, NOW I hate my country. How patriotic.

I mean, is there even a reason to like this ill and rotten land? Nothing, I tell you. I don't get it why we even had to have elections on May if democracy clearly left the country since the Marcos' regime.

It's all their fault why I can't get to America on a quicker basis. We're all wasting our minds here while we can all study and be smarter and be richer in other countries. It's too late to reform it; everything is just crapped up.

Is being a Filipino a benefit? Nah, don't think so. The crappiness our government is doing is making foreigners believe that we're all cheaters. Our reputation is merely ruined by the fact that they are enjoying themselves there in the palace while there are people crying and asking for money in a daily noontime show. It all just proves that..I dunno...They suck? Oh no, that's not to much. They suckity suck.

I wish my dad could read this. Dad, I want to go and live to any European country for my birthday.

So what if any of you patriots and loyalists read this? I bet you couldn't agree more.


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As of now, I've re-read all of my books. As in book-books, not textbooks. Just leave 'em all in the dust.

Anyways, I've come to a hasty understatement. I. Don't. Have. Enough. Good. Things. To. Write. In. My. College. Application.

Like for example, an extra-curricular activity. Do I have any? None. Nien. Na-da.

Do I write for the school paper? Nope. I wish I have enough guts to.

Have I been an officer? Yes, but I think being a Property Custodian isn't really all that good.

Well, good luck to me. See you guys in Ateneo. I'll be studyiung in Pamantasan. No offense, but my parents are surely expecting more.

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I have a new celebrity crush.

HUGH GRANT.

Blame Music and Lyrics. His tight pants and sexy moves are just too hot to handle. And the British accent! Oh God, I just want to hump him like a horny dog.

Of course, that wouldn't be more than impossible, because my thighs weigh more than him probably.

But oh men, I bet Drew Barrymore didn't ask for her paycheck on the movie. I mean, she slept with the guy under his piano. Isn't that enough? I'm gonna add that to my "Things to do before I die" list. Oh yessir I can see it now..."Sleep with Hugh Grant..Literally and Figuratively." Oooh yummy. Har-dee-har.

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Yah-dee-Yah-Yah

I don't know why I'm in the mood to write. It's either Jessica Darling's fault, or I'm just tad too happy to not to. Why shouldn't I, anyway?

This holy week was really something...something really weird. For the first 3 holy days, I would always lie on the bed or on a couch or just somewhere with a flat surface to think about my purpose in life. I would raise these inevitable but bogus questions on my own, and it's answered by a process called "suicide attempt".

Some questions are:

1. Why are we living?
2. Does God really exist?
3. If so, where is He? I can't seem to find Him somewhere.
4. Is there even a reason to NOT to die? Isn't it that if we die, we would just eventually go somewhere and live again?
5. Why wouldn't we all just die, anyway?

I was manually channel surfing the other day when I came across this superficial and religious channel.

"It's easy to love God and love life when your problems seems to surpass you. But how about when your life seems to be a living curse? Would you still love God?"

I, for one, currently do not have 'real problems' - as my mom puts it. The only problem that I have is my weight, and how to look good not in the eyes of those beholders, but unto the eyes if God.

I caught 'The Island" on HBO last night. And it probably helped me to conclude that my inner human curiosity and boredom is making me try to kill myself. I'm a cat, and so I will be until that faithful day that I would finally die.

It was a great surprise that a great wave of miracle came my way yesterday. Let me tell you the whole story.

If you have been reading my blog last year, you would know that we did some station of the cross-ing last year. And so, we also did that yesterday. But this time, I know better than to rant about how many churches we should go in order to gain...I don't know. Enlightenment probably.

And guess what, after 5 months of doubting God and doubting my faith and doubting everything, it all ended with just a simple prayer to 14 churches.

Although there is no way that I would quit this slow death I'm going through, I would definitely be back on the track in kissing God's holy ass.

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For some reason, my upcoming birthday does not excite me.

How about now?
No.
Now?
No.
Nu?
Nr.
Maintenant?
Non.
Jetzt?
Nien.
Ora?
Seriamente, No.

Dad asked me the other day what I want for my birthday. I was about to say 'death', but that would just give him an impression that I'm turning pre-morbid and emo at the same time.

I was about to measure how long my eye bags are when Derek the dog sent me a message so grotesque. He was, indeed, asking my big, fat, dirty, and smelly hand in marriage. I replied, "R U Serious?" How text-nationed. Frankly, he said yes. And quite frankly, I replied, "Oh. Yeah well I'll chop it off for you." I don't even know when I got my sense of humor back. Turns out everyone likes joking about hands and marriages now.

Derek is a quasifriend of mine I met in an elevator on the way to the gym. I don't want to elaborate much about that for someone might be reading this entry and blab it to any of my relatives. "Oh! The horrors of meeting someone in an elevator! Shame, shame, shame!" I can imagine everyone's capillaries and veins bursting in my face now.

So, what's he got to do with my birthday dilemma? I don't even have an idea. All I know is that I want to skip the 20th of May. I wish God would do that, you know? Like, suck your life out and give you a tour of what would happen to you after death on your 16th birthday. How happy would that be.

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Sometime I wish I could be Jessica Darling.

I'll elaborate later.

Starving

I know, I know. The blog design sucks like Care Bears on hell. But who are you to blame me anyway? Panic! At The Disco died like, a year ago? And I'm off to designing a new one again.

Ever since my personal trainer 'trained' me, I had created this BIG furball of emotions. I know I had severe weight issues back then. but heck, this is really killing me this time.

I know that there would be only 1 solution to my midnight bawlings and rants about how big I am and how the others doesn't have to think how big they are and have to run 2 hours on the treadmill just to lose a pound.

CRASH DIET.

I started it last Friday. Since then, I haven't eaten 'real food'. Now I understand why Lindsay Lohan anorex-ized herself. Now I truly understand Nicole Richie's eating disorder. And now my friend Ana is knocking at the door.

I started visiting pro-ana/pro-anorexia websites last Saturday for encouragement. And since I have the full-right to be anorexic since I'm morbidly obese anyway, I chose to take crash dieting to the highest level. My diet is called 360. It means that I can only eat a maximum number of 360 calories a day. For example, for today, I can only eat 2 glasses of Nai Cha tea and 2 crackers.
A glass of the tea is already 110 calories. A cracker is a full 70 calorie thing. Just do the math.

It was really a bad idea to go to GreenHills yesterday. Guess what, I bawled at the car again after seeing those girls with normal body shapes who can dress up all they want. And then I realized, why am I even living this stupid life anyway? We can all just get die and live in harmony in hell.

I am now experiencing slow death. I'm starving myself just so everybody can appreciate me. I know for a fact that you can't please everybody, but guess what. I also can't please myself.

The possibility of me to die in this diet is merely .001%. I'm big anyway, as if I'll run out of food.

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3500 calories = 1 lbs.

58.20 hours on the treadmil on 6 km/h speed = 1 lbs.

Being fat sucks.

Trapped in The Past, I Just Can't Move On

"All I wanna do is find a waaay back into looveeee"

God, this song is STILL stuck in my head until now.

Anyways, school ended the way I wanted it to be yesterday. I mean, I wanted to cry. My class this year was truly unbelievable. 3-6 is probably the coolest class I've been into. I had so many friends, and it's like I can talk about anything to anyone. There maybe groups in the class, but nevertheless, communication is still evident.

I don't know to any of my classmates, but I surely DO love them ALL. I was waiting outside room 10 yesterday because Raia sort of prepared a video for us, when Charisse stopped in front of me and asked me, "Lorainne, ma-mimiss mo ba ko?" I was so touched and said "Oo naman" without any hesitation.

To Bach, Fides, Kate, Anne, Jassie, Frances, Larissa, Jam, and Kim...

Even though we guys aren't close, I want to say a BIG thank you for being a part of my junior year of my high school life. You guys will always have this space in my heart even though we don't really communicate. Love you guys!

To Ysabel..

Thank you for being my seatmate last 1st quarter (as if you have a choice). Even though we aren't close, I would like to say that I enjoyed your company during our seatmate days because you are awfully quiet that you really made me concentrate on my studies more.

To Darlene..

Thank you for being a good seatmate for 2 quarters. Sorry if I sometimes backstab you or something, but that's just because I can't accept the fact you're my seatmate back then. And now, I've learned my lesson. Counting Crows was right. "You don't know what you got, till it's gone." You wanna know why? You made my grades soar up. That is really beneficial to me. So, thanks again.

To Pat, Chesca, Louise, Jerika, Danica, and Ellen..

Thank you guys for being my friends, and understanding who I really am. Thank you for studying with me, and showing me what's right and what's wrong. Because of your guidance towards me, I learned to step up on my own every now and then.

To Rielle, and Mariella...

Wala talagang tatalo sa inyo. You guys always made my day when I'm down or just simply HB-ed by how the life goes. Sana classmates ko kayo ulet next year. And then we'll have our unwinding place again..haha.

To Charlene..

Every now and then, we have to separate ways. We just can't stay as classmates, and enjoy each other's company forever. We have to know other people and share beautiful experiences with them. But one thing's for sure: I hope you'll always stay the same. Even though we'll probably part ways next year, I just want to say that I wouldn't be able to complete this year without you. You helped me in everything, even in the most ups and downs of our school days. Tangrams, Vid Prod, and Noli..you name it. You wanna know why this year went so fast? It's because we had so much fun thinking of our bazillion problems that we weren't able to observe that time flew THAT fast.


I WILL MISS YOU GUYS. :'c

To Monica..

Thank you for always being there for me. I told mom that you are a potential best friend, but you just can't be one because best friends became best enemies. Wanna be my sister instead? You can have my brothers if you want. hahaha.

I WILL NOT MISS YOU MONICA. Haha. Kase naman andyan lang bahay mo eh. hahah.

Goodbye 3rd year life!

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I have a new gadget.

Oh yessir! It's an iPod Video!

1 more week

I shall call this week "mid-hiatus".

Alas! There will be only 3 things I shall accomplish to therefore complete my Junior year in school. And those are:

-my clearance (I need my missing ID to be replaced, and my GIFT teacher's sign still.)
-Chemistry IP (Ok. So this isn't really a problem compared to other rooms, I mean, we're just testing colors, for chrissakes.)
-Final exams (This would rather embark the period that would end the very very very long sentence that I've been going through in my Junior year.)

This quarter isn't going to be good. All of my quiz scores are extremely going down (except for Trigo and CL..haha), and I've been cramming almost everyday. I've been so stressed that dandruffs are now officially back on my scalp, and I now have this big bald spot on the right side of my head. Damn this poknat.

Well, whatever. As of now, I can say that I don't care anymore about my grades, except for my grades in History. SOME people are making me feel bad about my dumb personality, and they're making me have habitual suicidal thoughts. I don't know about YOU PEOPLE, but I am a tough nut to break. Try using your fangs to break me out instead.

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50% of the population of our household consists of animals(including my brothers). And you can now definitely call it a zoo.

We have a new pair of lovebirds, 2 dogs, 2 aquariums of fishes, and 6 evil hamsters. Oh they're evil all right.

And now, I'll tell you the lovebird story. It's pretty connected to real life, actually.

December last year, my mom brought 2 pairs of lovebirds. And then they were seperated into cages because the other pair are african lovebirds, which are known to be super disturbances among lovebirds.

Now the african girl lovebird escaped, and all was left in the cage was the male one. My mom really made the mistake to put the male one in the other cage were the other pair was staying in.

And so, the african bird wanted the girl lovebird in the new cage he was in. But because that girl lovebird already has a relationship with the male one, the african male just can't flirt easily with the female bird.

And everyday, as I go outside to get into the car to go to school, I would always see the 2 male birds fighting and pecking and biting themselves. It is pretty distracting, as I have experienced it.

But one day, as I arrived from school, I saw the two male lovebirds lifeless in the cage, and the female one in the birdhouse. I gaped at the scene, trying to figure out what happened. I called my mom and we all wondered what happened.

What happened? go figure.

And after 2 days, the female bird committed suicide.

Tragic, isn't it?

Talk and Talk.

Ayu and I were talking about our very big GIFT problem last Thursday night. The big surprise was when we actually talked to our GIFT moderator and said sorry for not attending GIFT.

Ayu's excuse:

Her stepmom always uses the car every thursday. And to conclude it, she doesn't have any other car to use as transporation to go back home on Thursday.

My lame-ass excuse:

THIS IS ACTUALLY TRUE.
RIght before GIFT time, I have a swimming class. And by swimming, we mean bad-ass cramps going on my legs. I think that's soo bad.


well, we managed to talk to the moderator. And by golly! She understood every word we said! Hallelujah!



I'm actually happy now.

I am terribly happy. Except for one thing,,,,

This day is probably the only day I was able to figuratively breath amidst the nose-wrenching stench that I can smell right now. But the point is, there are only two things on my mind right now that can hinder me from being free and happy as I want myself to be. And those are: our Filipino Chamber Theatre and and the final examination. God I want this year to end. And then I can choose to either go to the BARCODE party or go to Davao on the 16th.

I have nothing good to tell you right now besides the fact that I'm really happy. So, let's reminisce!

When I was in grade school in which I studied in this particular co-ed school, I was known as a pathetic BUT good kickball player. From 4th grade to 5th grade, I was definitely up for MVP. But I was so pathetic that they decided that to let me enter the team was probably the only good idea you can squeeze out.

But when 6th grade came, something went wrong. Before the intrams, my mom bought me new shoes for my sport. It was good, aside from the fact that it's so NOT for girls, and it was 3 sizes bigger than my humongous foot. I was an 8 back then, so my mom therefore got me a schmighty 11.

And so, the game day came. I was nervous as hell.

And when it was my turn, I walked back to gain force as the server served the damn ball.

3....

2....

1....

Up up and away my shoe went. It flew 12 feet above me, and it even smashed me in the head. As part of the scene, everybody laughed. I was terribly ashamed as ever, most especially to my crush who was our team captain. After that strikeout, I tied my shoe VERY tightly that my foot became numb.

As I was given my 2nd chance, it happened again.

You wanna know the ending? We actually won 3rd place.

nyahaha.

I Wanna Rock The World

This week is the most HECTIC as far as schoolwork history goes. Well, you can blame that dipshit video production in History. And all I learn from this crap is to NEVER EVER CRAM AGAIN. Or you'll suffer as much as Charlene and I do.

It's like I'm alive again, with no bars or anything that would hinder me from having my "me" time. That stupid video production trapped me from my usual doings in life, and all I could do was to make my life problematic because of it. But now it's gooone, HALLELUJAH to the LORD.

Let's make a video production again, shall we? *BLEECH*

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Lately, I've been thinking too much of next school year. I guess I'm overhearing too much of my upperclassmen busmates' conversations. They're all talking about being wait-listed, letter of appeals, recommendations, theses, and much much more college stuffs. Yeah well I guess I'm not up and ready for the next challenge. I'm not as bad-assed as any nerdy high schooler would be, but I know that least I would pass in ONE college.

Here's my course of choice:

If I pass in ADMU
I would take up European Studies in Business and International Relations track, History, Applied Computer Systems, or Electronics and Communication Engineering

If I pass in DLSU
I would take up B.S. Computer Science with specialization in Software Technology (ST), AB major in History, AB International Studies, major in European, American and Japanese Studies, BS Electronic and Communications Engineering, BS Civil Engineering, BS Industrial Management Engineering minor in Information Technology (BS IME-IT), BS Computer Engineering (CPE), or BSE major in Mathematics with specialization in Computer Application.

If I pass in UP-D
I would take up nothing because the chances of me, passing UPCAT, is .00000000000000001%. I'd die if I pass UPCAT.

If I pass in UST
I would only take up AB in Asian Studies.

If I pass in UA&P
I would take up Civilization programs and Asia-Pacific Studies Program


Yeah well that's up for now.

I Guess I'm Dumped After All

The worst thing that you can probably get before Valentine's Day is rejection. I know, I know. cliche. Again.

Whatever.

Love is a big WHATEVER.

Along with the Siberian wind had my chances of a Valentine gone. Now I know the great feeling of rejection and emptiness. It totally sucks.

Right now I'm hating very much every TWO-TIMERS in this hellhole. They should be executed now. Like, right now.

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This post-prom week was very crucial and tiring. People kept asking.........



I'm not in the mood. I'll just continue this tomorrow.



yadeedadeedaaaaa....I just hope that the RAIN would go away so I could really play..

Prom Escapade.......................not.

Yesterday was the day I've waited since last year to happen and finish off quickly. I haven't been studying because of it. I haven't been thinking anything besides it. It was my arch enemy.

Prom.

I don't really know the stinkin' purpose of this event. I can barely figure out why we have to do this, since this is just like a big gimmick with people in formal wears. We don't even have to practice formality NOT prior to what my T.H.E. teacher said.

Let's see... I bought my dress on the very same day. Everything was just soo hectic because I can't find the perfect dress for my unperfect body. It took me 4 hours to roam around the mall and cry myself out to find a dress. A FUCKING DRESS is all it takes to make me cry.

On a scale of 1-10, I'd rate it 7. 7 for being a little boring and not stag-friendly.

Oh wait. I forgot. I HAD a date. But due to misconnections, he wasn't able to come. And the extra 1000 was really nothing.

I didn't really liked it. But it was okay.
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I'm getting a new haircut later. I spankin' new hairstyle, that is.

Tons of Boring and Excruciating Days

I am extremely sad today. Aside from the fact that Someday by Nina is the song playing on iTunes right now, but also I'm reminded by the fact that we moved to a different room yesterday.

To make the short story shorter, we were apparently forced to move to room 8's room, which is in the main building, because our teacher in Chemistry has a very sensitive pregnancy at the moment and you know.....pregnant women thingy.

Demo rooms are really considered one of those significant rooms in our school, aside from the hell hole e-class, which I was unluckily in last school year. Primarily because these rooms aren't really classrooms in the 1st place. These are used for demonstrating purposes.

At the start of the school year, we were angered by the fact we were in the other half of the demo room. We hated the temporary wall that's separating us from room 7. We hated the very cold climate in our classroom, because it caused our hands to numb until we can't write anymore. We hated the fact that we can hear the other teacher's voice in the other room. We hated every feature of it, except for the sink which came in really handy.

But as we grew inside it, we have learned to love it, and appreciate it. We had learned to love the aircon, because we can open it earlier than other rooms because the biggie is not connected to the school breaker. We had learned to love it because it's totally soundproofed, except when you're in the other half of the demo room. We had learned to love our chairs, which is really good because we have this exceptional space for a pen. We had learned to love our usual tambayan, the jacuzzi, where we usually do our homeworks and a lot of other stuffs.

And now that we've moved, it's totally a different atmosphere. If all of us was driven by our angst like room 7, then we wouldn't move in the 1st place anyway.

But we, 3-6, have to really accept this change we went through. Although it was a great sacrifice, we should keep in mind that we are doing this for the safety of Mrs. Gavino's baby.

but damn! the aircon! please! just give it to us!

------------------------------------------------------------------

This week has been exceptionally good. No assignments nor projects...no anything!

Yes, I know. It's like a miracle that God sent us after a bunch of prayers or something. Yet I know something is fishy.

Aha. Ok. To go with our traumatic move to another room, our teachers took their revenge and splashed us with a homework tsunami. God, it's awful. It's a wonder I even have time to write here, because I have tons of homeworks to do. Damn I hate revenge!

So there. I gotta go.

Prom dress: check
Prom date: check
Prom payment: remains unchecked FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS
Prom table: remains unsure

Eerie.

Oh goody. I haven't shared anything that would make sense about my life for this year. So let's

Going back to school ain't good. I was very drowsy last Wednesday PROBABLY because I wasn't able to sleep the night or even the early morning before.

But here's the stupid catch. My dad would be arriving on the very same day and all I don't want to do anything but go to the airport to see him. He's my freakin' dad for chrissakes. I haven't seen him for a year.

But then I chose to go to school for fear that Mrs. Gavino would give out something important for Chemistry..or we would at least check those Trigo test papers I'm waiting to see since I've finished it last year. But nooooo. Mrs. Gavino wasn't around, and Mrs. Cruz didn't want us to see our test results for fear that our hearts might break or something. Oh, and instead, we saw the gob smacked results of our Geom exam. Not good.

I badly wanted to go home and fetch my dad. So after the last bell rang, I hurriedly left the classroom, fetched Monica, then rushed down to our bus. And so, I still have to wait for an hour for us to start moving around.

And all went well. When I finally saw my dad, there was this twitchy feeling. Like I'm super anxious and stuff like that. And he was good. I mean I dunno. He's not your typical father. He's not even a father-figure. I mean, how many dads has muscles and dragon tattoos in their body? He's more like a macho dancer or a prosti-dude for me.

When we talk, it's like we're colleagues. We don't talk about school, home or boring stuffs. All we talk about are technical things. Like softwares, hardwares, processors, laptop peripherals, and many more.

And there. Mom says he has lots of money with him, so we have the right to cash him out. But then I thought I didn't have the authority to do so. Why? Duh. MacBook.

Speaking of MacBook, I received the sexy bitch last Thursday and all I can say right now is WOW. I won't go back to using Windows again. Ever. Except for using the internet because I haven't configured the internet setup in my baby. But when it's all finished, it's bye-bye to Bill Gates and hello to Jozniak from now on.

But a very life-threatening problem occured first. My sister and I was gleaming at the laptop when sudddenly she pushed the switch button of the mean machine to ON. I got angry because it says in the booklet that came with it that you weren't supposed to turn it on first, but instead charge it with the MagSafe Power Adapter. Another bad thing led to another, and the next thing I knew, I clicked on the wrong language usage! It was all Japanese shiznits and I panicked like crazy that I cried.

I didn't go to school the next day PARTLY because of it but mainly because of the fever I have(saved!). I googled stuff that would at least make me change the language to English, but it all went to nothing. And so, something pushed me to open it and try to reverse things up. And what do you know? A simple click on that button with an arrow facing on the left had solved it all! Dumbass me.

I'll post the pictures on Multiply tomorrow, and hopefully, you'll see the beauty of it. Seriously.

The Ultimate Year-Ender Post

Well. Here I am, typing my thoughts.

Last thoughts for this year, perhaps.

Anyways, 2006 was a very good year for me. Although it was not for those victims of natural calamities, we have to accept the fact that more or less, this year was a killer for each and every one of us in one way or another.

2006 made me realize that life is shorter than we all thought it was. God probably made it short for us to realize our mistakes, and make up for it in the best way that we could.

But that doesn't really mean that we just have to sit down and unwind for the rest of our lives, and watch Koreanovelas. Yep. Just like what I am doing these past few vacation days. You guessed it right. I made the incumbrate mistake of buying a boxed set of Princess Hours and It Started with A Kiss. And now, I'm hooked like a fish.

Anyways, I liked 2006 a lot. This year made me a lot smarter in much more ways, and made me realize a lot of stuffs that I need to know about. My self-esteem also grew, thanks for this blog that's making me a new and improved person each and everytime I post something here. It's like I removed something from my non-existent brain, and then digitized it for the world to see. That's helluva great.

I am wishing that 2007 would be a much better year. This year would be a total roller coaster. I'm soon gonna be a senior, then off I go to review centers, then to college entrance exams, then finally and hopefully off to college next next year. I'm also wishing that 2007 would finally bring out the competitive person in me, and would finally make me a much more better person because I know that THAt would be nifty in times today.

LORAINNE'S NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION FOR 2007

1. Forget Coke. Forget Sprite. Forget Royal. Forget 7UP. FORGET SODAS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, DAMMIT. I've been making this as a new year's resolution for 5 stinkin' years!

2. Study HARDER. Forget boys, gays, and homos, for that matter. YOU WON'T NEED THEM.

3. Try to meet other friends. (SUPER REDUNDANT.)

4. Lose weight.

5. Lose cellulites.

6. Talk to the long-forgotten swimming coach about swimming again.

7. Talk to those long-forgotten friends I've been checking out on Friendster and laughing out loud to their grammatically wrong sentences. Ex: Busog na me, gutom pa ba you? As if I don't make mistakes.

8. Be a GIRL for a change.

And..that's it. Happy New Year to all of you guys!

And Before Christmas Technically Ends...

I'm gonna post something that would make sense because I'm too happy to not to.


Anyways, I gotta keep this short, because I have to debug all of my browsers because all of them keeps crashing and crashing. It's spyware, I'm afraid. But what can be a solution to it? Even Mr. Norton can't seem to kill the bugs.

This is not really my problem. My dad called lately and told me that my MacBook already arrived and I just have to wait for him to arrive with it on Sunday. SUPER Bummer, I'm tellin 'ya. I won't get to spend much time with it anyway, because 2 days after that and I'm back to hellhole again.

This has got to be the warmest Christmas I've felt in 4 years. I mean, ever since dad scored himself a job in Poland, he wasn't there for us to celebrate the birth of Jesus. He just gets to arrive after Christmas, then off to work again. God, me, and the Grim knows why.

I considered it warm because somehow, I felt the joy of everyone. Like, even though Mom's gifts were a total prank, and the maid refused to open her gift because she seriously thought it was a bomb, all was happy. Everybody smilin', even our dog who was humped really hard by that little chihuahua/dark gremlin. Ahh, the wonders of Christmas.

Thank you for everybody who wished me and my family a Happy Christmas. Sorry if I wasn't able to wish you guys back. I didn't have load, and we went out for Christmas Eve. And my fever was a top hit at 41 degrees. I really thought I was gonna die today.

Well, it's not 26th yet. So if I die later, then what?

The Wonders of Google

After experimenting with Googles' amazing querie-finding ability, I just found out that someone wrote a song for me. Who would even thought that I'm human enough to have this..this song?

Lorainne
Lorainne
Lorainne
Lorainne
Lorainne

Your silhouette through half-closed curtains
Moves like flame, Lorainne I'm certain
No other boy could love you like I do
Lorainne, the pain I feel for you

Lorainne
Lorainne
Lorainne
Lorainne

Destiny has brought me up this tree to see
The beauty of the rest of me
Lorainne, until your pressed to meI'll never come down
I'd stop but I'm so dirty dirty

Lorainne
Lorainne
Lorainne
Lorainne

(source:http://www.thingsthatgopop.com/lyrics.php?lyrics_id=39)

HA! And you thought your name was popular.

Ok, so maybe it wasn't really intended for me. But hello! I'm probably the only Lorainne who spells her name in a weird way by doubling the 'n'. As you all know, the real spelling of my name is Lorraine. But whatever. Who cares anyway.

This is a song from a band called TTGP. I don't know a lot about them, but they create songs with such .... sense. I'll save it for that day when I'll blow up because of anger.

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I'm out.

at last,

Oh men. You don't know how happy I am that every school stuff is over temporarily. And yes, what I'm waiting for since my birthday is finally here. CHRISTMAS.

The exams were kinda ok, but some weren't like the 'friggin Computer exam. But anyways, I'm glad it's all over. And now I'm gonna go spend my Christmas vacation this week wrapping up gifts while watching Spanish telenovelas. HA. Fun fun fun.

Let's see my to-do list.

1. tell dad to not go back here on Christmas day. bummer shit.
2. PE Practical test (swing)
3. PE Practical Periodical test (l.a. walk and swing combined)
4. buy gifts for people
5. attend at least one Christmas party.
6. stop denying and questioning my own religion.
7. try to attend at least one Misa de Gallo.
8. go back to God.
9. clean the house.
10. buy a planner and plan my year ahead.

Huh. I think I can only do one thing from this list, which is to clean the house. But whatever. At least I get to do something.

-------------------------------------------------------------

I think you get prizes when you're like, questioning your religion. I mean, these past weeks, I've been getting quite a load of things that I want, which I'm not really expecting.

But I really do wanna return to God. I'm missing him these days because of the stupid curiosity in me. I kept denying his presence even during the highest form of prayer, the mass. Since then, I stopped attending Sunday masses, praying to Him, praying the Rosary, praying everything. I thought that I can make it on my own without praying to Him, or even believing in Him.

I know this sounds soooooooo clichè or something, like it's some religious blah blah. But I kinda remembered what Ms. Alon told us last year. As someone who is entirely different from us in terms of stuffs we believe in, she was scared, as in scared of everything, because she has the knowledge that there is no God or someone who could protect her from bad things. I felt sorry for her, and now, I'm being redundant by being just like her. Oh men.

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I forgot how I used to love being in Toy Kingdom. My sister went there last Thursday to buy gifts for people and check out the Holiday hassle. And there never will be such joy compared to the feeling of being in a toy shop. I swear.

I don't remember the last time I went into a toy shop. As a partly grown-up person, I then considered gadgets as my toys. Instead of going into toy shops and stuffs like that, I go to Cyberzone or Digital Exchange. I know I should act like my age, but duh. That's like, too much.

Wow. No wonder everyone thinks I'm too shallow.

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I watched Real Women Have Curves again yesterday on HBO. I thing these are a series of signs that fat people like me should be contented with our bodies. Like what I heard on ETC last night. People were discriminating us fat people, but are they happy with their bodies? Nu-uh they're not. It's just like what this fashion editor person told on ETC. "I've never met a happy and thin woman in my whole life. There is completely no such thing."

I'm happy to be a fatso. Discriminate me all your life and I wouldn't cry to such thing. :)

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Ok. wait. He-Who-Should-Be-Named spotted me. And he told me I'm big. I told him he's also big to not ruin my repertoire. And THEN he asked for THAT. What a sweet Christmas I'm gonna have. REALLY soooo-weet.

there.

Hey, do you know it's 1 AM right now? haha. baliw na.

Eternal Happiness(Will Be Granted)

And now, I can finally write about things that had been happening to me these days.

First off, Immersion.

It was good, you know, like any other immersions. But ours made its way to significance. See, we were supposed to stay in the white house and enjoy the presence of cool air and the non-existence of mosquitoes and those goddamn rats. But the whole promise turned the other way around and we ended up staying in this convent which to me in that time was a convent for mosquitoes and rats. But now, you just can't measure how happy I am that we stayed there.

The first thing we did was to go to the sanitarium and visit these lepers who are already healed, but their families won't visit them or something. That thing we did, which was to make them happy, was probably the most enjoyable thing we did throughout the immersion for me. I was touched by their stories, and cursed silently their families who abandoned them.

Then, we went to the public school to teach the kids. And apparently, I was really amazed because the kids we handled(note: grade 4 kids) were really really smart-asses. I mean, even without the necessary things they have to bring to school, they really do know what the hell we are teaching them. I was shocked to pieces when one kid answered one mathematical question quickly. I mean, I can't even answer that these days because of all the sin's cos's and stupid tan's that's filling up everyone's brains.

Then we went to the pavillion, where there are lots of cool lolos who used to have leprosy, but were living there in the pavillion because their families won't accept them anymore because they think they can still get the disease in them. I know, ok? Dumbasses. I went talking to this lolo whom I've been obeserving since we got there because he kept scrubbing this sort of dirty face towel to his face, and he's just sitting in his bed, unlike those others who are singing their hearts out. As he was telling me his life story, he started to cry as he reminisces his dreams, and family, and how he still loves his family even if they don't visit or even remember him anymore. I cried to the part where he told me how much happiness I gave to him because I talked to him or something, because he's already sensing that he'll die soon. I promised him that I'll pray for him, and try to write to him on Christmas.

The next day was the most bummer for me. I didn't like the purok my partner and I was dumped on. I didn't like the people there because they kept teasing me. I thought before that they were at least nicer than anybody here in Manila, but no. They really did discriminated me and I hate hate hated it to pieces.

We went back to the convent at 3pm to practice for our cultural night, but we were bombarded by the news that a super typhoon is on its way that night and signal no. 2 is raised on Camarines Sur, where were. Actually, all of us already knew it before because our foster families told us that news already. Then one thing led to another, and the grown-ups decided we should leave at 10pm instead of 5 am of the next day to ensure safety to us, because duuh. We, like, can be stranded or something. We might even spend our Christmas there if we're so unlucky.

But as we get more further information about the storm, the more panics we get. As we were all watching the Bicol-ed version of Tv Patrol, it seemed that the storm really is a killer one, and they decided to cut our cultural night short and leave at 8 because the storm might get in our way earlier than we all expected.

As we walk our way to the social hall for our cultural night, I got so nervous that I gave my pack of pili nuts to a kid who was introduced to me by Agatha as her student. Not because I was the emcee or something, but because our trip might go the other way around. I'm not optimistic, you know. So I kept thinking that we could get killed or something because we would be travelling on super-typhoon filled night.

After the wasted cultural night, we hurried off to the washrooms for our own businesses. And, as I was about to climb my way inside the bus, a kid came to me and said: "Ate, isama nyo na po ako sa Maynila. Ayoko pa po mamatay". I was about to cry but then that would not really encourage the kid. He might even cry too if he saw the ugliness in me when I cry. So I just told him that he'll be okay and I'll be praying for him. Probably the last word I said to him was "Pakabait ka ha. Wag mong bibigyan ng problema mga magulang mo.", then I waved him goodbye and brushed the early tears off. I want to hug him, but he might suffocate or his bones might crush or something if I do. You guys know how big I am and how little the kid was. He's like mini me or something.

Even if I was criticizing my own religion for the past few days, I prayed the rosary whole-heartedly for the safety of our trip and those people we met in Sipocot. Thank God we arrived ahead of time and safely.

I woke up the next day to find out the storm was already in Camarines Sur and I was thinking about the kid again.

And I woke up again on Friday that there are already lots of people who got killed in the stupid typhoon. It really made me very sad as I realize that one of those who got killed might be the kid, or the members of the purok we went to. Oh, damn Reming.

And until now, I'm still worrying about them.

Thank you for the lepers and the students and the people there for teaching us that simple things in life are not only for free, but were also the only things that's keeping us happy. We might not now it, but we're forgetting that there is still that sadness amidst the things we have that poor people don't have. So let's all try to be simple, because if we all try to climb that stair of power, we wouldn't really achieve eternal happiness.

I'm soo grateful that I joined that immersion. Now I am appreciating my snatch-unworthy phone and my fake stuffs to pieces.

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Second thing, Gruesome week.

Oh men. This week was more stressful than September last year. Stupid projects and editorials were to be passed on a same day basis, and they were blaming our immersion for it. Tss.

I never hated Geometry as much as I did yesterday. I never hated ANY SUBJECT for that matter as much as I did this week. And I am very thankful to O.L. of Immaculate Concepcion for celebrating her feast day today. We really do deserve an academic break.

And next week, we would be squeezing our brains again for the quarterly exams. And after that, happiness for me. Total H-A-P-P-I-N-E-S-S.


I gotta run. My fever's killing me.

NOTE: Sorry if the reflex tester on the right side ain't working in IE. Try Netscape or Firefox.

*angry*

I'm gonna go write about our immersion WHEN IE 
STARTS NOT CRASHING AROUND MY PC. It's like everytime 
I'm in the 
mood to write about something, 
it crashes like crazy. 
So sorry for those who are waiting for "cheesemax's" about 
our not-so-normal immersion. Go sue Bill Gates instead.

I can't write now, because I'm using Opera as my current 
browser. 
And with 
Opera, as you can see, alignment ain't good. 
I have to hit Enter everytime I reach 
the peak of the right side because it would overlap 
my whole layout, and it's not nice. 
So there. Sorry. 

Lorainne = Schmuck

I am beginning to morph myself into a dumbass. Or maybe SOMEONE had just been sucking my brain cells for too long. And I think this would probably be the right time to ask Ms. Malvas to change the uhh...******* arrangements. It's getting on my nerves.

But hoop-dee-doo! It's a Saturday. No Ms. Malvas and killer classmate here! No siree!

Oh God. I gotta stop taking Tylenol on a daily basis.

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I'm gonna be lost for a week. I mean school-lost. The first 4 days of next week will be for my immersion, and the Friday would be my breathing day.

I think the sudden splash of vacation and free days is not doing any good to my non-conformist brain. I mean, ever since the day after sembreak, I've been hating school. Remember my last post about me having that academe spirit? Oh no. It like, went somewhere after that. I don't know where. But I'm praying to God that it didn't go to THAT PERSON IN MY CLASSROOM that's been sucking my brain cells since 2nd quarter. Oh fuck that person.

And what I've feared since this year started had come my way. My love for Geometry suddenly died. I've discovered this when I was yawning yesterday at our last period, which was Geometry. It's like I don't want to raise my hand up anymore, because I don't have any clue what the hell the answer is.

And I'm not that confident in going to that class anymore. It's not like 2nd quarter, where I studied everything in advance. But now, I'm lazy. Lazy as a donkey. Or lazy as your usual beer-belly dad around the corner. Tss.

Please pray for me. Haha, akala may sakit.

---------------------------------------------------

Oh Gooooooooooooooooooooooood. I'm soo excited for the immersion. But not THAT excited that I've already packed my bags, but you know, excited excited. Everytime I'm reminded of that 10+-hour trip, my bones start to shake and shiver to pieces. Oh how I just looooooove road tripping.

And the fun part was all throughout the trip, I'm gonna be with my beloved family in school, tri-siks. Although 26 out 37 of us would only come, it wouldn't really make much difference, aside from the fact that some of my peers like Charlene and Crissa won't be around to make it more interesting. Aww, mehn.

And to my partner, Paula, I hope we would make it through. I also hope that the unlucky purok we would be visiting isn't as bad as we've thought. It's gonna be a canned-good fest all throughout the immersion, I betcha it would. Ha.

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I've made a terrible mistake.

Like, soooo terrible I bet my dad would kil me.

I soo don't want that MacBook anymore. I mean, in terms of portability, it sucks. It's not like a digital camera or a snazzy camera phone that I can stuff inside my anus or something.

Q: Then why did I even beg for it in the first place?
A: Because I don't want to use this uber-big and slow PC anymore. And Photoshop works excellent with Macs. And I want to bring that notebook in school so I can use the internet for reasearch while waiting for Monica to finish her GIFT session or something. Or when I'm bored during recess or lunch time, I would just open that sexy notebook with a sexy back and I'm off to information super highway. And I want my own notebook where I can store EVERYTHING I digitally have, like money or HIS picture, perhaps.

Q: Why do I want instead of the MacBook?
A: I now have an official christmas list of portable gadgets I really want. It's very long, so I'll post it in a seperate mode.

So there.

Emotional Dilemmas.

I am so pissed off. I'm having so much problems right now, and none of them ain't academic nor anything to do with my family. But first, let's start with the good news.

1. I am really gonna get that Black/White MacBook this Christmas. Or even earlier or something. My dad told me that he already ordered online, and he asked for our right address and zip code. I am so happy.

2. The hard work my batch had been doing has totally paid off yesterday. Ok, so I was really expecting that we would champion in cheering and overall, but still. We were, again, 1st runner-up in both fields. But there was a tinge of that expectation that we would NOT even land on the 2nd place, because something fishy was going on between the whole high school.

Apparently, 2 other batches started to form an alliance called the "S" team. And their technique of pissing us off is so nasty. One batch would cheer for another and so forth and so on. It was so driving mad all the way that after that volleyball game last Thursday ended unfairly, the whole batch started to show their shattered emotions by crying. I hate it when people cry, and so I consoled some of them.

The sad thing was we were being sandwiched. Those 2 batches are hating us to pieces because we are very good in one way or another. They are scared that we might tip them off as the highest batch if we won, so those 2 batches sandwiched their way into beating us. But the good thing was they didn't suceeded in any of what they did. In my own opinion, the seniors just used the sophomores in an old-fashioned way of winning. You should just see the look on their faces when the sophomores just won 1st in cheering. Mouths were hanging open, and just staring at the whole scene.

I decided that we should just be contented in placing as 2nd in both fields I started to look deeper into the seniors' cheer "One last cheer, One last year" . I thought that we were being selfish in planning to beat them off in the 1st place. Why just can't we let them have it this time? It was, in fact, their last year. So hooray for everyone who showed the spirit of sportmanship during the intramurals. Burn in hell for those who didn't. Seriously.

CONGRATS JUNIORS TEAM! OLA CHICA VIVA JUNIORS!! God, I want to go cheering again.

3. No GIFT classes last week, no siree!

And now, let me turn into a sad and homeless girl. And by homeless, I mean friendless.

Of course I'm happy that we won 2nd in the intramurals, but that doesn't mean that the whole event itself was so pleasing. People are starting to get selfish and bitchy. I don't know what's with the Sportsfest season, but it's making people get selfish in terms of friendship.

I used to be so happy that I belong to a certain group of friends that I would really be proud of that I have. But now that they're gone, all I have is just 3 friends(one is a classmate) in the whole high school to truly be worthy to be called friends. At least they're my true friends. I wouldn't backstab them even if I would die or anything, and I'm sure they would do the same because they all know I'm the true-est friend you'll ever had. I'm never gonna backstab you guys in exchange for liposuction, or a lifetime membership in Fitness First or any other thing. Becaue then I wouldn't call you guys my family.

Okay, one more bad news. Ellen's birthday cake was stolen by.....someone. I'm sorry that your cake was lost, Ellen. Baka sa Monday andun na yun.

Ok. I'm off. I gots to do sooo many things. Damn this post-intrams feeling.

Currently reading: Nothing.
Currently listening to: The Suffering-Coheed and Cambria
Currently feeling: Homeless. Really homeless.

Hit it.

As you can read in my last sembreak post, I was definitely not having the back-to-school spirit. But now, it's back. And I like, like, like it. I'm back on that studying mood again, being a total freak by bringing home as much needed books and notebooks as I can. I know it's sportesfest next week, and I totally need to slow down on this studying thing. But I can't help it. I missed cramming for a quiz, quickly scanning and flipping pages in my notebooks, and having really really sore eyes because of staying up late studying. Oh you gotta love school. *yawns*

Anyways, I succeeded in persuading my mom into buying some new PC peripherals. We obviously needed a new webcam, so my mom bought this new Genius VideoCAM. It's the best. I mean, our last webcam stinks like ass. Logitech is not really all that good, but their wireless keyboards and mouses are pretty darn nasty as hell.

And, because I umm..sort of became jealous at Monica's mic. I also want to try that call service in YM Monica executed days ago. It was so cool for me because I don't have landline telephone here. Ahh, the joy of perception. And now I have this really big headphones with a mic sticking out at the left side. just like the one in school and call centers.

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Mom bought me a new Nike school bag. She has been itching to buy me a new one probably because she's one of those people whom I've succesfully irritated due to the lack of cleanliness of my backpack. Well I so totally loved that bag. That one proved that I have this good aura/sense in choosing bags. I bought that as an end-of-the-school-year gift for myself. And the best part was when I learned that I was the only one who has that bag. That made me that non-confomity is kinda cool, when it comes to bag that is.

But the main point here is, I don't even want a new bag! I'm contented with my old non-conformist bag that has scribbles and dirt engraved in it, and I don't need a new one. Because, I want something else.

An iHome.

Oh yakity yes. But it's not for me only, it's for myself and I. And I'm hopefully gonna go bring it to our immersion in Sipocot, Bicol on the last week as a source of entertainment. Along with it, I think I'm gonna bring my PSP, and probably a Final Fantasy X-2 off the rack with it. I would totally survive without my useless phone. I need not to text anyone, not even my mom.

I know that immersing(huh?) is all about being simple, living the unpolluted life, and living the Radio Star's legacy. But then, how am I gonna entertain myself anyway? I can't just play tic tac toe or SOS forever. I get so bored easily, like all of you probably know by now. It's a disorder that's keeping me mad for some reasons, because I can't contain myself in a good way. I need to do something fun and entertaining for me every minute, or else I'll die. Seriously. I tried not doing anything for half an hour, and I just freaked out.

I'm excited for the immersion. Really, really excited.

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WARNING: This is the most hardcore part of the post. DO NOT read if you hate mushy stuffs. Go away. NOW.


I've been crying myself to sleep everytime I remember Railey's phone call a few days ago. Not that I'm jealous or can't get over the fact that he took my advice so seriously that he moved on so easily, but because of the question that bugs me to death; "What about me?"

I've been moving on since he left. But it's hard. People just can't get over a relationship that they enjoyed so much so easily.

I'm officially moving on starting......................................NOW.

Someday you’re gonna realize
One day you’ll see this through my eyes
By then I won’t even be there
I’ll be happy somewhere
Even if I cared

Forgive me. I just seriously need a prom date.

And it all ends tomorrow.

I remember having thoughts of not wanting to go to a short-lived vacation even before the break began. I would definetely get bored, get stubborn, and most of all, get more irresponsible when I'm just sitting my big ass of at home. And to top it all off, I was incredibly right.

I was supposed to submit my GIFT project, but I didn't get to, because I was irresponsible. I was supposed to start my book report and sonnet for english, but I didn't get to, because I was irreponsible. I was supposed to finish Noli Me Tangere, but I didn't get to(like anyone could.), because I was getting bored in reading stuffs about what happened to people such as Crisostomo Ibarra, Kapitang Tiyago, Pari Damaso, Maria Clara, and Tenyente Gueverra all day and night long.

See the effects of irresponsibility on me when you get to see me go back to school tomorrow, and when I would see the deadly results of everything I did last quarter on Monday.

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Last night was actually the 'real' last night of our vacation. As you guys can see, we're gonna do school stuffs again tomorrow. I don't want to study. I just want to breathe some Christmas air.

Anyways, after watching ANTM last night, I caught 13 Going on 30 on HBO. It was my first time to watch the movie, and I just love love loved it. I think it was really intended for me, really. See, I've always been eager to grow up and be the grown-up I'm supposed to be. I wanna go to work, I wanna move, I wanna drive my F150(like I have one), I wanna do grown-up things. But then I realized that I'm lucky I'm still a kid. I'm lucky that I can go and do good stuffs that grown-up people today were supposed to do when they were my age.

Although it was very predictable, the movie made my hair stand up and have goose-acnes all over me. Jenna and Matt's best-friends-that-ended-up-together story is really cool. I don't want to elaborate it anymore. Reflect it yourself.

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Out of boredom last night, I memorized the names of the characters in The Simpsons. While doing that, I got a call from Railey, saying that he learned something recently.

Me: Ano yun.
R: Moving on is quite good.
Me: May bago ka na no. Wow. Good job!
R: Ikaw rin cguro. Tsk Tsk. Di makapag-hintay. 5 taon na lang, hoy!

And okay I don't wanna talk about it because I'm not a mushy person. I hate sonnets. I hate love stories because they're pointless. I hate public dsplays of affection because it's disgusting. I hate stupid love quotes, because they never do work for me.

I hate love because love itself is turning away from me. In short, I'm the most hopeless romantic you'll ever see. I've loved, and instead of being loved back, I've been hurted. But I'm not angry nor mad at those people. Because they helped me moved on, and made me realize that there is more to life than finding your soul mate. Okay, life really IS too short, but not that short for you to not be able to find someone who would love you completely.

I gotta stop blurting out these 'love' thoughts that's stored in the deepest part of my brain and heart. It's not really helping anybody. It's just there to...bore me.

I gotta stop taking crack. It's really disturbing everybody, including my conscience.

Waking Up Really is The Hardest Part.

We're halfway to the completion of this semestral break. It's like being in the last leg of this freaking individual study thingy. I haven't done my sonnet and my book report. But everything else is polished right off the rack.

Now, every semestral break, I get this goddamn curse everytime. Like for my first 3 sembreaks, I experienced hardcore UTI's. And for the rest of the sembreaks I had and having, I get this very very very very very VE-RY heavy flow of blood during my period. I now literally change into a maternity pad every 2 hours not only because of sanity reasons, but because the maternity pad's already full. Tch. I've never hated being a girl this much.

But then again, I should be thanking for it. I mean, if those curses happen on school days, I'm dead.

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Things I haven't done:

1. English book report
2. English sonnet
3. English powerpoint
4. GIFT project, which is like due last Friday. (I'm sooo dead.)
5. Workout. Period.
6. Commit Suicide

Things I had done:

1. De-stress my self.
2. Change my layout.
3. Have a humongous writer's block
4. Geometry homework
5. Read the first 10 chapters of Noli Me Tangere
6. Play 50 Cent Bulletproof
7. Mesmerize at the Black MacBook I'm gonna have on Christmas
8. Relax
9. Plan a swimming 'party' for my busmates.
10. Write a list of the things I had and haven't done this sembreak

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This is probably the shortest and most senseless blog entry I've made since forever.

Schmalloween.

I've been kinda deranged for a while. And for a while means for the days the had past since semestral break started. I WANNA GO BACK TO SCHOOL. Is that such a hard thing to understand?

Although I'm not a writer, I'm having a hardcore writer's block right now. I don't know what I want to write about. I'm clueless about stuffs right now.

We were watching Project Runway last night on ETC. I was flabbergasted at this episode because not only was Andrae Gonzalo gone, but the makeover dress Daniel designed for Chloe sucked so hard I bet my grandma would vomit of she saw it. I think Daniel kinda missed Andrae and he really used his immunity to be dismissed from the competition. But whatever. I still love him anyway. I mean, converting Daniel Vosovic to his original masculinity is still on top of my things-to-do-before-I-die list. I still want to marry him, and have kids with him, and let him design EVERY clothing I would wear, even my undies and socks.


Daniel. Daniel. DANIEL!

And right after watching Project Runway, I watched Queer Eye for The Straight Guy. The episode was a total replay. It featured Chris Lim, a Filipino who apparently migrated in Canada but moved in New Jersey with his new wife, Michelle Bacani. It was really a total laughtrip for me and my sister every time Michelle's dad would speak. His dad has this very Filipino accent, and even spoke Filipino once. But the sad part of it all was every Filipino in the Reception thingy didn't really spoke Filipino. I mean, I expected some 'Salamat' and 'Kamusta', but I heard none of these. Sadly, even the Reception thingy is not very Filipino-oriented. Everything is, as I see it.

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I hate Halloween. I used to like it, but now I come to hate it as every Halloween passes by.

It is a tradition for me to go to our province(Dagupan City, Pangasinan) every Halloween. And since then, I enjoyed the thrill of road trippin' in the wee hours of the morning. And sooner on, the only reason I go there every Halloween/Family Reunion thing is just because of the road-crashing trip, not the event itself.

I asked my grandpa if I could just stay in the car the whole occasion. I mean, I can survive with just a bag of chips and a soda and something I can fix, like a broken motherboard or a broken PSP. I don't really mind the sweat, nor the heat. And when the call of nature comes, I would sneak in to a washroom in one of the houses there. My mom used to let us do that whenever we go to Quiapo. We would have to wait in the car for her to buy her stuffs there. See? Effective, right?

The sole reason is because all my relatives who are living in the Paragas Compund are soooo discriminating. Ok, I'm fucking big, so what? They are all giving me these sad comments that are making me more depressed on my weight issues. I don't know if they're jealous of me because I don't look like them. They look like milk fishes and prawns. And I do not look like any of those creatures. I look like my mom, which is half a creature.

But just like Jack Black, I won't let those people come my way.

Tomika: "Why won't you go on a diet?"
Mr. Schneebly: "Bee-cause, I like to eat. Is that such a sin?"

Word.

It's all goooood.

I think I gained 100 pounds this morning. All of that sweaty shiznit walk in Divisoria and Quiapo yesterday didn't really make a physical effect on me, besides the fact that I was as dirty as everyone there.

But anyways, I kinda did enjoy the thing we did yesterday. I think my mom's been avoiding malls because of the bomb threats that are freaking every one of us every hour. Like yesterday, for example. We were supposed to go to Cyberzone in Megamall to buy some iPod needs(read: black earphones because somebody sat on my very cheap and plasticky Apple earphones), but the Abu Sayyaf-bombing-Megamall thing kinda made my mom hysterical for a split second. And that split second made us NOT go to the cheapo mall.

So there. We ended up going to places that you won't see in any other countries except here. Manila's best, I'm tellin' ya. My mom was the only who shopped. Really. Me and our 2 maids just waited outside every shop my mom walks into. A vendor of nuts had almost mistaken me for a store representative, if hadn't look her in the eye. Screw her. But not her nuts. Oh God. Her spicy nuts are the most delicious thing you'll ever taste when you're there.

The twist of it was when we ate at a carinderia in the Divisoria market. At first I was pissed of, because why do we have to eat here anyway when Jolibee's like..10 steps away? But then hunger made that pissing of moment, and I just digged in to that delicious Pancit Malabon, drank the cold softdrink, and enjoyed the native style Halo-Halo. It was Buwan ng Wika all over again. Ha. And at the end, I was pissed of again to find out that our bill was 259 pesos. I sorta expected 50-100 pesos....but..at least I'm full.

---------------------------------

Hmm. Let's see. What can I talk about? I ran out of stupid....

Oh wait. I remembered something.

Oh yes. Last Sunday. YES.

My sister and I went to mass 20 minutes early for us to have a seat inside the church. When the mass had already started, it had hit me that my sister and I was the only ones in the seat we had chosen. Thinking that there was something wrong with our faces, I just ignored it. And after a couple of minutes, 2 animals walked in. Thinking that they would choose the seat opposite to us, I sighed. And then the giraffe asked us if the empty space in our seat was taken. I said no. Thinking that the giraffe would be the only one giving me a headache, I sighed heavily again.

And THEN he walked in. HE, who should be named, but I'm not really sure what's his name was. HE who have been my church crush for the past year.

And HE, who sat beside me asked if the empty space is not really reserved for someone. What a compliment.

I remained nervous and really conscious throughout the mass. I kept moving away from him, for fear that he might do something discriminating for me. But he did something else.

In fact, HE's...nice. He was supposed to hold my hand during Ama Namin. He was already motioning to grab it, but then my sister did something wrong. Really wrong. Really. Wrong. He thought that his hand was dirty and just wiped it to his pocket or something instead.

And the Peace Be with You part. Oh mehn. He uhm. Smiled. He. Smiled. At. Me. Kinda a sarcastic smile which came with a...wink. A Candy wink. haha.

But at least I'm not invisible anymore. At least HE knows I exist.

I'm gonna go hear mass now.

And the ugly results are in.

And it was sort of good.. except for the Geom and Trigo part. And later on, the T.H.E. part will also be ugly, but let's just save that for Monday when it finally comes.

And all of it was history. I mean, generally, not just World History(corny enough), but all of it improved. I failed the History test last quarter by 2 points, and now..it's more than passing. Oh yeah, even my Chemistry exam. Who would've thought that I would get a high score in that? Even my parents think I stink. At everything, to be exact.

Bleech. These week was like a fat man's ass. It stinks like hell. Test results popping out here and there, just like my pubic hair when doing the math. But hey, unlike my pubes, those results are affecting me all the time.

I didn't get to attend my GIFT class again because my asthma attacked me once more. For once in my life I just couldn't breathe normally, just like normal people do.

I got so nerdy this week. I was reading my ass of every single day in Geom and Chem, and it's not really good, believe me. My busmates are starting to think that I'm possessed, because I'm usually the one freaking out those who are studying. Well, it's not my fault I wasn't able to understand Monoatomic and Polyatomic Ions in the past days. Maybe it was someone else's fault, like dhslahdsajdg perhaps.

I'm getting tired of studying. No, really. I've been staying up late almost everyday of this week, and things just can't stuff themselves into my non-existent brain. Instead of having suicidal thoughts, my thoughts are now put into either Chemistry or Geom, which is in fact, a good thing. But I can't just stop studying and take a break. My parents don't pay my humongous school tution just for me to relax my ass off. But anyways, I'll get over it. When I'm not stressed.

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All of my classmates know by now that I'm really, really afraid of fires. I got over my fear of heights when I went to Enchanted Kingdom and sat my ass off in the Space Shuttle, went to Victoria's Peak 2 times, and rode the tram going there without having to sweat so much.

But the real reason why I super hate fires is that when I was a kid, we used to live in my Granparent's house, which was wood and cement combined. What would you get? A home very much inclined to be set on fire, and a castle to termites everywhere.

So there, my mom told me to put the refrigerator's wire thingy into the socket. And then BAM! It just exploded. And I never ever want to put a wire into any socket ever again. And with that, I don't want to touch or even go near a fire. Yes. I suck.

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I've been deciphering the codes given to me by God on what course and path I would take in college and to my future. And it seems that from Civil Engineering, I suddenly wanted International Studies instead.

It's kinda weird, to be true. I mean, all I'm interested right now is studying Geom, Chem, or Trigo and all of them has absolutely no relationship with Foreign Service or whatsoever. It's like I've been wasting my time all this time studying my butt of in these subjects and yet I won't be needing them anyway. I do suck after all.

and the exams are finally over.

Yet I want to study again. and again. and again. and again. and again. I miss my Geometry book. I miss ALL my books. Too bad I left them ALL in my locker to be 'normal' for once.

So there.

a. English exam
-This sucks. The test is full of sequencing stuffs. The bad part in sequencing is when you even start to take the correct step, you'll still end up wrong if you go bumpy along the way. And there's this Bananas in Pajamas thing. Who would've known that THAT is the english version of turon? I mean, how many of us dips his/her turon in a chocolatey substance after cooking it, huh? Oooh. Maybe it's not even chocolate. Maybe it's crude oil. Dumbass.

b. Trigo exam
-Ahh. The only one I studied for the day before. Because you cannot always be sure that the angle you are drawing is an angle of elevation...or depression for that matter. I like Geom better. No math stuffs. Just plain proving. But Trigo is easier. I mean...wait till I talk about the Geom exam.

c. CL exam
-It's obvious that Sir Emman made that exam. It's too easy. The question you see in Test 1 will also be seen in Test 3. The question you see in Test 2, will also be seen in Test 4. So if you fail this exam..you're a...*sighs heavily*....

d. Computer exam
-I was kinda nervous for this one. I didn't study anything. Except for those logical operators that Mrs. Dupet warned us about. But the test was okay. Sort of.

e. Chemistry exam
-Now this I wasn't expecting. How many easy Chemistry exams do you see in your whole life? Just one, right? Well, thank Dmitri Mendeleev. The test didn't made me sweat, unlike the first one did. I even had extra time to doze off!

f. T.H.E. exam
-Aww mehn! This exam was full of........ Yes. haha. I invented half of all my answers in this exam. It's just soo...yes. haha

g. History exam
-It was sort of easy. Except for the manor part. I just doodled a castle and some farmlands and all sort of stuffs. I was even planning to draw a Comprachico, but I'll just save that for something else. I can't even add humor to anything because I was too nervous for the Geometry exam.

h. Geometry exam
-Okay. Here are few rituals I did before the day even started.
-prayed the rosary two times.
-sang Taking Back Sunday's MakeDamnSure and RHCP's Tell Me Baby while studying inequalities
-danced a little bit of Jamiroquai's Canned Heat while studying a bunch of theorems.

It's because I want to make up for the GREAT mistake I did in the first exam for Geometry. I don't want to be in that passing line anymore. I want to go beee-yond that line and start proving to people that I can do it. Even if it would take me to dance the whole Canned Heat in front of my parents, I goddamn will.

I was shaking like my grandma when I received the test paper. Oh yeah. How pathetic. And when Mrs. Miraflor told us to check if we have 6 pages, oh meeehn. I saw the last page with the two bold letters, STATEMENTS and REASONS. 2 pairs of 'em for 15 points. I want to bang my head in my desk, but I'm afraid people would really think that I'm a total freak.

So there. I began to answer stuffs. True...False...A...B...C..D...blah. And for the first time ever, I finished my proof with my pubes sticking out of my hair proudly.

And I would just have to wait for Tuesday or Wednesday or whatever day when I get to see the ugly result of it. Ack.

i. Filipino exam
-I just hated the poem part. I hate poems to death.


And God, I was a total loser. Monica and I just went to Ira's house and watched Eurotrip and watched some more TV shows. Nice celebration. But still. Thank you Ira and Monica for bringing my voice back. I can now sing. Like Tomika. Haha.

bleech. throwing up is heaven.

This week has been a VERY big struggle. I've been dizzy like a mad pregnant woman who is about to do labor in the next hour. It seems that God was more like telling me that going to school with your panged head will never be a good idea. Never. Except on times when you really really do need it. Like on the day of your demo or something. Whatever.

Tuesday was the HATE DAY.

It all began when we were all instructed to go down for the Morning Rites..and good Lord! I was sweating like a nympho who just had his casual sex with 67 and a half men. My head was spinning like crazy, and all I want to do is just sleep, sleep, sleep.

I mean, hello?! I was supposed to be happy on that day. I mean, we'll have Geometry as first period, and...there. Ok, so what if Geometry is the only reason I go to school? As a matter of fact, it's not only Geometry. It's Chem..or Trigo..or even History.

And it lasted ALL damn day. I even thought that I would end throwing up those chunks of food I ate yesterday(because I didn't eat anything on that day because of hardcore bullimia).

And the irony of it was Geometry made it all worse by giving me a quiz on something I can't remember, on which I ended up flunking it. 7/10 will never be good. NEVERR!

And here I present to you another pile of dilemmas..

a. I lost my I.D.. And the ID replacement Form and the principal's secretary will never be the same.

b. And exams are next week. And I still don't get that angle of depression and elevation thingy. How about me getting depressed because I can't eat? That's a 360-degree to you.

c. My mild tuberculosis is killing me like crazy. And I'm not happy that I lost my voice. I sound very much like Sir Al. In fact, I can make a good impression of him right now. Like you can hear it.

d. Bullimia. Bullimia. Bullimia.

e. To swim or not to swim? This applies to both going back to the clubhouse and doing it again but this time with Coach Rudy/Philip, or to join the Juniors Swimming Team. Okay, so the Juniors Swimming Team part may not really be all that real..but hey. It still could.

f. To be a lifter or to not be a lifter? So I'll get this really cool jacket with the word "LIFTER" on it, but I won't get to mingle with someone I know there. In fact, I would probably be a hardcore loner if I decide to be a lifter. But the jacket!! Oh no!

g. I'll surely flunk History to pieces. AAARGGH!

h. I'm still on the height of my suicidal thoughts. But the thought of the exams next week is making me throw up instead of wanting to kill myself.


And now. I have an embarassing moment to tell.

I was supposed to wait for Monica lately, but it all ended when I decided to pass by the canteen to buy a bottle of Tropicana so I can swallow up my pills(not pregnancy. like someone would even hook up on me. Nobody won't even touch me, for God's sake.). And oh-my-god. When I turned left and saw that curled up turon that's looking as if it swam in a sea of fat oil, the vomit that I've been storing up all week in my tummy had suddenly risen up to the throat level, and I have to rush to the washroom to empty my mouth up. That's so like..eew.


So there. Sorry Monica. It was a real burden to spend my way home with an artificial dinosaur and a human-ized pubic hair. At least M.S. wasn't there. If she was, 'our' parents would send us out again because we're too noisy. And still haven't got my training schedule. UNTIL NOW. haha..