Sunday, February 07, 2010

Well, Hello There

Often times I'd just wonder what the heck happened to that part of my brain where all of my emotional sweat goes. See, back when it existed, I would just easily juice it up and as it flows, I'd write random, if not gobbledygook, stuff here. Well, right now, judging by the date of the previous entry (and its infatuated-driven content), I'd say that it just literally went BOOM because of the emotional outburst being in a relationship had given me. What I do not understand of course is how I was able to write continuously during my first whirlwind of a romance.

Maybe it's because he didn't mean so much to me. Whatever.

Anyways, hello and hi. I'm still alive and fat as hell, just like the way I would usually describe it. You can't really blame me, really, since I've been this way since my mom fought with hell just to push me out of her womb during the crucial seconds of her labor. But you know what? I'm really getting sick of ranting about how I'm getting more and more obese each day. It's like the more I rant about it, the fatter I get. I don't really know why that occurs. Life's weird antics, I guess.

Having Alejandro as my boyfriend always makes me realize that no matter how fat I would get, I will still be that pseudo-successful teenager I am ought to be. Having him makes me grateful for what I've already accomplished through the past 18 years of my existence. My body or grumpy face may not be flashed in a billboard in EDSA or C-5, but to a lot of people, my work has done a lot already. My boyfriend never really does smack that truth to my face every single time I go freaking boohoo about my weight and smudgy piece of an ass, but he makes me realize it all by just loving me, and ignoring the continuous increase of cellulites around my body. (GOD! There I go again with the fat issue. I just couldn't shut up for a sentence, can I? )

Well, aside from being alive, I still am a struggling engineering student with weird hormonal issues, very unlike the typical female teenager. The professor discusses the use of Thevenin and Norton theorems in solving current and voltages across circuits and I think about weird sexual images resistors and voltage sources often form. Nobody knows this, of course, because it's all part of my subconscious mind. I don't tend to tell stuff that I do subconsciously, but this is an exception because it's getting pretty weirder and weirder everytime IT happens.

GAH. I wish I was normal.

Not to brag or anything, but often times I think that I'm too special. I mean, who the hell isn't?But too bad that I'm taking that specialness too granted that I've already forgotten the pristine reason why it was all given to us in the first place, which is to nurture our personalities and given talents for the betterment of ourselves. I can take good pictures, but when a good scene is just right in front of me and my camera is on top of a high deck, I'd slack off, thinking that the same scene would appear tomorrow or something. I can design great posters and edit pictures, but when an opportunity is licking me right in the ear, I'd easily push it away. I used to be really good in math and circuits, but because of extreme procrastination and that burning desire to just take the rest of the day off, I've lost that bagenius touch.

Sigh. I miss my uncolleged self sometimes.

But God, I love college so damn much. I love my college friends who, amid the wide gender gap, still make me feel as if I have a penis of my own and thus respect my ideas, no matter how stupid those ideas often get. We laugh at each other's jokes, and make fun of each other's stupidity. These people are the kind that is always up for everything, and will always take your words for the things they do. Generally, you would think that boys don't like listening per se, but take my friends differently. We may not graduate at the same time, but I'm really happy that we'll all be working in the same industry soon.

I love the freedom college has given me right on that very first day in Andrew building. My high school has been a mere chokehold, which of course without the presence of my friends would never be bearable. Freedom doesn't always mean being able to do things you've constantly wanted to all your life, it also means taking responsibility in things you usually don't mind. Money, for example, doesn't always come handy for a full-time college student who's appetite grows larger every minute. If money used to mean just buying a scrumptious lunch or snack, money now means handling and organizing your finances well for other stuff like photocopying readings, printing reports, and other mundane school things.

And of course, I love my boyfriend whom I met in college, just not in the same university. Cheesiness aside, he made me more mature, therefore being able to act as an adult who still knows how to have fun.

Haaaay. Well, whatever. F the emoness and sudden hibernation. I'm back.