Saturday, February 28, 2009

Temporary Closure.

Did you ever had that moment when no matter how much you want to do something, you just can't anymore? It's as if something's holding you back, or you just kind of lost the touch of it and it's like everything's all German and alien again.

I wish that's what I'm feeling right now. I wish that writing here is just all German and alien so I can easily revive it with just a whip of a magic wand called knowledge. But sadly, it's not.

I know I'll be disappointing a lot of my non-existent readers with this, but I think that the time has come for me to stop blogging for a couple of months. You see, I've been doing this for quite a while... and by a while, I mean four years. I thought before that I won't get sick of writing and writing and writing, because through writing, I've learned a ton of things. Writing nonsensical things greatly improved my English, thus making me a better person that I am right now. It made my life less stressful, because I had an outlet where I can just shove all my burden in it. And surprisingly enough, people loved my burdens. I don't know how the fuck that happened.

But now, I'm starting to feel that INTROVERSION is starting to grow out of me. 

It's like a mere childhood toy that I do not enjoy playing anymore. It's like a book that I've read a bazillion times and now, I'm sick of it. It's like a clown, of whose antics I do not find funny anymore. 

It's not that I'm quitting; I'm just going to try to slow it down. It seems that writing here is something I wish I can do again, but I obviously can't anymore. College life has been more stressful than I have imagined, and I can't believe that I'm about to eat my words in saying that I just can't do this anymore. 

It's just a phase. Maybe I'll come back one day, ready to spill everything again.

I hope. 

Friday, February 06, 2009

Recessive

Yesterday, I went to school dressed like a girl. I mean, not that I wore a flamboyant dress like the one my friend Ayu would always wear to school, but yesterday, I wore my silver flats. Those silver flats are just so freaking girly, I don't think there's enough drops of hyperbole in this world to explain how girly they really are. And goddamn it, the pair attracts eyes of people like crazy, and consequently, people would look at my feet instead of my face. I can't believe my flats are prettier than me.

But of course, there's a reason why I wore those flats. My mom recently bought me this black skinny jeans that's probably two inches smaller than my waist. Well, for certain reasons that I have yet to find out, it was a perfect fit. It wasn't like my any other jeans; it didn't squeeze my waist and leave ugly marks all over, nor did it need a belt because it wasn't loose or something. Considering the fact that I really have big thighs, it looked good on me. For the first time, I think I found something that is meant for me.

I paired the jeans and the flats with my checkered polo and voila! I looked like a very presentable student for the very first time. For a student from the university's college of engineering, I guess I was overdressed. But it sure is a good thing that I only had AutoCAD for my class yesterday, because as evident as it seemed to be that I enjoyed what I wore, I did not. Dressing in that way made me feel really discrepant like hell. Maybe it's because I don't usually dress in friggin girly tops and bottoms.

And maybe I don't need to, because those type of clothing aren't just...oh I don't know... me?

But then again, I don't really know what got into me yesterday to be all girly and not like it. I guess you can blame our housemaid for all of this peculiarity. Apparently, she grabbed all of my jeans and placed them all inside the washing machine Thursday night. The only pair of of jeans that she left is the black one I'm telling you all about.

Why the hell am I not surprised?

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Last Monday, I was lounging outside of my classroom for SPEECOM, waiting for the INTECAL class to finish already so I can doze off for ten minutes inside. I guess I finished my long exam for my previous class (general chemistry) for that morning too early, and now I have to suffer the sheer boredom extra time gave to me. Amidst the fact that I have quizzes for algebra and physics later that day, I didn't feel like studying. Instead, I just did our assignment on Cramer's Rule just to kill time. By the time I was solving for the value of Dy, my eyes suddenly diverted to my classmate's hands. He's holding a yellow paper, a one-half crosswise yellow paper, to be exact. Oh shit. I forgot an assignment. Not again.

So I hurriedly asked Krissy for a paper and forced my mediocre brain to think of plausible yet ironically downright banal topis for my informative and persuasive speech. I quickly jotted everything that popped into my mind: the wonders of Poland, the different malls in the metro, food, music, and the global economic recession which, of course, seemed to be so far-out for engineering majors. And just by looking at the aforementioned topics, you can pretty much tell that there is no way that our professor could possibly find this interesting for the class. As for the persuasive topics, I wrote topics of my interest(photography, blogging...etc.) and ripped off Krissy's topics just to complete the list of five.

As it sourly turns out, the topics were due two days after that meeting. My face lost all of its color when I heard that the list of topics are to be passed on Wednesday instead. I pounded my fist on Cj's arm as he laughed crazily at my reaction. But well, being the pride-driven bitch that I truly am, I passed the paper hastily anyway, obviously not keeping in mind that I'm about to risk my capabilities.

Wednesday came, and our professor returned the list of topics to see for ourselves what shall we use for our informative and persuasive speeches. Amidst the fact that I scored a 10/10 for this highly-unprepapred homework, the topics my professor have chosen among the list I passed disappointed me to bits. I mean, yeah improving study habits for a topic for my persuasive speech is okay, but global economic recession for informative? I don't think so.

As interesting as it seems to be to me, I cannot, for the love of God, explain how ridiculously technical my topic sounds. People would come up to me and ask what is my topic for my informative speech, and when I would blurt out 'how the global economic recession started', they would have this weird grimace on their faces and would pretend that what I said made sense.

Well, I don't know. Just good luck to me, I guess.